It is absolutely unnecessary to concoct a new idea of God. Every false religion is just that. Any attempt to do that is creating the idol. God reveals himself quite plainly in scripture. But outside of the revelation his Spirit provides, these concepts are completely alien. You cannot receive or understand them unless they are revealed to you. And every serious student of the bible has to undergo this process. I'm not trying to convert you; unless His Spirit draws you, you cannot, you will not come. I'm only trying to detail the scriptural nature of God. You cannot use feelings or even your own understanding to understand God because you'll only arrive at the conclusion you're at; one that many superficial onlookers of the scripture have arrived at: "Why is God so mean? Why can't he just be nice and loving?" I sh all continue to pray for you. This is absolutely the best thing you could ever do. Don't let my explanation turn you away. All you need to know is that God has provided an all sufficient sacrifice for you and that you too can have eternal life.