Wait on GOD or Pursue?

[Chad]

Question:

What do you think is the right choice as for finding a spouse?

1. Wait on GOD
2. Pursue an equally yoked believer?

Option 1
Asking GOD for a spouse and faithfully waiting and trusting Him

Mark 11:24
Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive [them], and ye shall have [them].

Philippians 4:19
And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.

Option 2
Pursue someone who's a genuine believer and of course, still trusting Him

Proverbs 18:22
He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.

1 Corinthians 7:8-9
Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do.But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

 

[Travis]

hmmm…

I'm going to go with:

Yes.

 

[rizen1]

My reaction to this hard question.

lol

If in pursue you mean initiate some sort of friendship with the person before, " Operation Marry Me." I say yes, how else would you get to know the person, the real person, not the self they present to the world to save face.
Most importantly if the person is not in your life how do you evaluate their fruits, allow God to show you the red flags.

Hollywood gave us this love at first sight, or God sent illusion of instant love that is false. Love is cultivated, based on the principles of giving and receiving.

 

[Brad Huber]

I know a guy who married a lady who he knew for only about 6 months, but he was sure she was a christian, not perfect but a believer. It ended in divorce 6 1/2 years later, the lady turned out to be bi-polar (never shared this), constantly getting in financial trouble due her manic moods and spending on credit while so. Plus she would lie about things to hide her manic behavior, and she was barren, but never shared that prior to marriage. She divorced him due to his arguing about her how to properly handle money. She didnt like hearing anything negative about her behavior.

The point is, you need time with the person to get to really know them better before sharing your life with them. I would recommend 2 years with regular time together, and both spending time together in the word and in prayer and perhaps even bible study. Dont avoid personal questions with your partner to be, to avoid embarrassment, knowing them better is CRITICAL before you accept the responsibility that comes with marriage. Now just me, I think you can look for a marriage partner if you are lonely, or have strong feelings of desire that you want to placate for the listed verses reasoning. But you have to be really careful and know your partner well through thorough time spent.

 

[Fragrant Grace]

Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and He shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.
Psalm 27:14

I think singleness can be a beautiful blessing. A time to learn trust and patience. A time to become selfless and more Christlike.
Some say “Its terrible being single, I hate my single life " but thats a bit like saying “I don’t trust that God has my whole life mapped out"

Rejoice and praise the Lord knowing that if marriage is in His plan then it will happen!,

If you start pursuing single Christians who you are attracted to then you must first ask yourself..... Is this just a self orientated effort to deal with your loneliness and dissatisfaction with being single .Have you taken time to pray first?
Are you pursuing the physical attraction or the Christlike qualities of the person?

Devote yourself to the Lord, share His selfless love with all around you, your neighbours, your family and wait patiently on Him.
This will equip you with selfless patience you will need when that spouse finally comes along comes

Keep praying, keep trusting.
Your life is in His hands

Wait for the LORD, my soul doth wait, and in His word do I hope.
My soul waiteth for the Lord more than they that watch for the morning: I say, more than they that watch for the morning.
Psalm 130:5-6

 

[rizen1]

I know a guy who married a lady who he knew for only about 6 months, but he was sure she was a christian, not perfect but a believer. It ended in divorce 6 1/2 years later

How about a couple married after 7days and married over 20years....Gold medal award of some sort is needed. Not sure what they did.

 

[Brighthouse]

This question would have been tough to answer,but I saw an example of a brother in our church with the same problem.( 1 kings 11:1-13) I saw what happened to him! So I am sure going with Wait on God!!

 

[Brad Huber]

How about a couple married after 7days and married over 20years....Gold medal award of some sort is needed. Not sure what they did.

Either the Holy Spirit was deeply involved in them both, or they were lucky. Gone for the most part are the days when either partner submits to the other and lets them run things financially and spiritually, trusting them to do things right. Even my wife, whom I love dearly, a believer, doesnt trust me with many things financial even though I have never given her reason to distrust me. She still sees her income as hers and mine as mine. She wants me to keep track of it and pay bills, but she doesnt trust me on investments and she spends as she wills. But fortunately, she is rarely extravagant with her spending, so until she truly trusts me, its best she does it her way. I am glad for the 20 years of marriage with your couple, me and my wife have been married 10 good years.

 

[just-a-servant]

My opinion is:
1) Seek someone of the opposite sex - it works out better this way
2) Stay out of bars - beer doesn't make things better
3) Be yourself - it's a lot easier to keep your story straight.
4) Don't prejudge someone except for obvious reasons - like you're from Kansas and they're from Oklahoma
5) Pray about it, then do something - God doesn't steer a parked car

IMHO
just-a-servant

 

[Travis]

My opinion is:
1) Seek someone of the opposite sex - it works out better this way
2) Stay out of bars - beer doesn't make things better
3) Be yourself - it's a lot easier to keep your story straight.
4) Don't prejudge someone except for obvious reasons - like you're from Kansas and they're from Oklahoma
5) Pray about it, then do something - God doesn't steer a parked car

IMHO
just-a-servant

Haha.... That's pretty straight advice there brother.

I'm from Kansas, and I'd marry an Okie (even from Muskogee) that loves Jesus with all their heart any day of the week =)

That makes me think of a song by Merle Haggard......

Travis

 

[just-a-servant]

I'm from Kansas, and I'd marry an Okie . . .
Travis

Maybe God would forgive you for that . . . do you really want to take that chance?
From one Kansas boy to another, maybe you should seek professional help!

 

[Chad]

Thanks everyone for your responses, and humor

So basically my point of this is not to neglect seeking GOD (especially in big areas like marriage, job changes, buying a home), but whether or not Scripture is telling us in the case of finding a spouse, should be pursue a yoked believer or wait on GOD. I believe it's clear that GOD is giving us that free will to use along with wisdom He provides us. But, I would not say do so without prayer, asking for guidance and clarity.

 

[Brighthouse]

Understand brother Chad! i would go with this scripture then ( 1 cor 10:23-24) which says All things are lawful,but not all things are profitable.All things are lawful, but not all things edify. verse 24 let NO ONE seek his own good,but that of his neighbor. hehe Just had to say it bro!! LOL

 

[Dreamer]

It has to be God-directed. I have clearly found that me-directed or other-in-relationship-directed is the pits and from the pits of hell. You can try to "bring God in" to the relationship, but it's too late. If He didn't want you in the relationship, then He definitely doesn't want you to marry him/her.

 

[RJ]

Question:

What do you think is the right choice as for finding a spouse?

1. Wait on GOD
2. Pursue an equally yoked believer?

Option 1
Asking GOD for a spouse and faithfully waiting and trusting Him

Mark 11:24
Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive [them], and ye shall have [them].

Philippians 4:19
And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.

Option 2
Pursue someone who's a genuine believer and of course, still trusting Him

Proverbs 18:22
He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.

1 Corinthians 7:8-9
Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do.But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

For years, I have heard discussions about yoked, double-yoked and and un-yoked.
My wife (a Christian) and I was married in a Christian church some 45 years ago. I was Born Again, 11 years ago. So, have I lived in a sinful marriage because we were not double-yoked for so long?
When I first became a Christian, though I was immediately at peace with total confidence in God, I was concerned about this question of being yoked.
I ran across this verse:
"For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy."
1 Corinthians 7 :14 , an it all made perfect sense.
Only a God with perfect wisdom could could devise a plan like that!

 

[kvnchrist]

God gave us free will to do what we want and humor to deal with the bruised knees and wounded pride which inadvertently may follow any endeavor that takes us from where we are to where we end up.

To ask God for a mate is miles away from asking God for guidance in picking one. I don't think he wants us to be safe from making mistakes since that is the way most of us learn. If we don't learn then what good is his guidance, unless there is a leach involved and I don't think there is.

What I would suggest is patience, patience and more patience. Nothing wonderful has ever been found or fully appreciated if not earned and you earn a good relationship from allowing the individual you are seeking to reveal themselves to you in their own time. The divorce courts are packed with people who gave little time for anything more than romantic fantasies about the person they thought they knew.

Pursue the image of your desire but be sure the individual within your cross hairs matches that image and supports your views of living the life you've chosen. If not the fight will not be with Satan. It will be with your spouse and that will leave you little time for anything else.

 

[just-a-servant]

What I would suggest is patience, patience and more patience. Nothing wonderful has ever been found or fully appreciated if not earned and you earn a good relationship from allowing the individual you are seeking to reveal themselves to you in their own time. The divorce courts are packed with people who gave little time for anything more than romantic fantasies about the person they thought they knew.

So true.

I met my wife in prison. I'll let that soak in for a moment.

Yes, we met in prison, but before you judge either one of us, we both worked there. We were working the graveyard shift - it was her regular shift, I was filling in for the regular Captain. We were sitting in the Midway shack with a group of other officers. We were talking exchanging stories and something reminded me of a passage I had been reading in John; I don't remember where, but I told to the group about how the discussion was similar to the passage and how it related to life in general. After a while the conversation lagged and we all went on to our other duties. About a month later, she called and asked me out on a date. She said it was because of the peace she saw in me in the Midway shack. We've been together now for over 13 years going on 50.

My point is I wasn't trolling for a partner, neither was she. We met in prison - an unlikely venue. I was being myself, she was too. We found each other because we were in the right place at the right time. God placed us together because He knows what we need. As I said in a previous post, pray about it, then be yourself. It will come at the time you least expect it.

just-a-servant

 

[Dreamer]

Just-a-servant, that is such an excellent testimony!

I don't have a good record. I mean as in relationships.

I'm in a good relationship right now and we have talked a lot about getting married. This is not a relationship where I was hunting for anyone. He is a friend of a friend. He noticed my facebook posts on his friend's page and asked her about me. We just started talking on facebook as friends, and then on the phone as friends. By the time we actually met, we had a good friendship base. We are both growing and not ready to get married yet. So it is a long distance relationship. We pray together most days. There is no other time that I feel so treasured and protected by him than when he prays for me. It makes me feel something that I've never felt before with any man. As I said, I wasn't looking for anyone. I was satisfied in the Lord. After all the mistakes I've made, I would be just plain silly and ignorant to not know to wait upon God for my mate. Even to wait upon God for our wedding date. Kevin and I both kept pushing the wedding date earlier and it wasn't God's will! God will work out the correct time for Kevin, his sons, my son, my daughter, and me. Praise God

 

[Stickz]

Is God truly first in your life? If so, pray about it every day and be patient. If you meet someone that is a good Christian person or realize that you already know someone that is a good Christian person begin your pursuit. Talk to them. Find out what they believe. Stay in prayer about it everyday, asking the Lord for guidance the whole time. Keep the Lord first.

 

[InChristOnly]

Question:

What do you think is the right choice as for finding a spouse?

1. Wait on GOD
2. Pursue an equally yoked believer?

Option 1
Asking GOD for a spouse and faithfully waiting and trusting Him

Mark 11:24
Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive [them], and ye shall have [them].

Philippians 4:19
And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.

Option 2
Pursue someone who's a genuine believer and of course, still trusting Him

Proverbs 18:22
He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.

1 Corinthians 7:8-9
Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do.But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Interesting topic! Sorry, I'm not sure if I am just supposed to jump in and answer my thoughts on this.

I'm going to wait on the Lord, because I know the God hears my prayers and knows what I want.

I may already have received a confirmation from God about the person He created me for, but since the man doesn't know it yet - or he does and needs to pray about it for confirmation - I can only wait. I can be wrong too, and this person may not be for me but I will trust in the LORD.

If I was a guy though, I think once God shows me it's the right person for me I will be pursuing the lady - since men need to be the leader of the relationship/ marriage/ family I would prefer allowing him to lead, as men are made in the image of God.


In Christ,
Licia