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Retirement villages - yea or nay

Discussion in 'Ethics & Morality' started by Lanolin, Jun 2, 2017.

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  1. We for the most part do not like to lose our independence. But, sometimes we may reach a point where we simply cannot make it alone anymore.

    I am fortunate in having a wife who cares for me and I also care for her. We work together to support each other to help each other and we are not lonely. People may think they need a partner when they are young but the real test for most of them will come when they get older and get lonely or need help. For some they will then understand why God provided men and women to support each other as one.
  2. Yea I think the test comes when you are older if you havent driven everyone away by then.....

    I always thought people divorced as a preventative measure to stop them from killing each other. Because marriage is such a bond not easily broken and the man cannot be alone usually its the woman or wife who ends up outliving the husband.

    No reflection on your situation amadeus but in general observe that it is so. Women seem to cope much better on their own because they have not needed a 'helper' like a man needs a personal one because by nature a man doesnt like being alone.

    Although many women whove depended on a husband can also find they cannot even do basic things when the husband dies. Isnt just grieving but on a practical day to day basis.

    Which is why its good to have parents...and brothers and sisters....independence is not always a good thing. Provided they dont drive you crazy (bible says do not vex your children).
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  3. When I was working for the Social Security Administration here in U.S. I was often coming up against a spouse, in most cases a woman, coming to me to file a claim for a surviving spouse's payment. Too many of them had never learned to do many basic things just to survive out of her home. Now alone she did not know how to cope. Often I would shortly see the death notice arrive for the one who had survived. It was too much for them too late. Getting an education and learning to work yourself before becoming someone else's dependent is not a bad thing.

    I have an aunt about 5 years my senior who depended too much on her husband. He was good enough to her, but he was a manipulator and a thief and that is apparently how he "earned" their living. Even though they always lived well, but when he died a number of years ago, he left her nothing. She had no real education or work experience outside of the home. She had a small child to care for and went to work at a minimum wage job when she was already in her 40's. It should not have happened, but it did.
  4. Oh dear.

    Yes that stuff happens in the world unfortunately. Very common.

    I came across a great proverb today to encourage oldies. Proverbs 17:6
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  5. I was thinking of social security or the welfare system as its often called in my country and wondering if its a good or bad thing cos some people do abuse it but then what if we never had it in the first place.

    Many children and elderly would not be able to make it or survive? Orphans and widows would be hit hard. james wrote in his letter that true religion is looking after orphans and widows. Countries with good welfare systems set in place because of christian values or principles or is that just doing the work the church ought to be doing everyday.

    I mean families are meant to look after their own, but what I see is when people get older nobody has time to care for them, but if they can afford it they will pay someone who isnt family to. Is this good or bad.
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  6. Two retirement village managers quit at one village I work in.
    I was sworn at the other week by a retired lady for accidently watering her deck.

    While grandchildren can be a handful, i think parents do need a break every now and then and its a blessing for the grandparents to have grandchildren. Maybe its only one day out of the whole week they get to see you. The parents may have been looking after the children all the other six days of the week 24/7, driving each other nuts lol. All children really need is food, love and something to do. You cant expect them to just sit there and be quiet unless they got a book to read or something...i remember visiting my grandparents every weekend when I was growing up and there was just nothing to do at their place. Was so bored I just remember reading the junk mail as there was nothing to do.
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  7. And eating crackers. I dont know what they talked about maybe they just were always talking about the olden days when everything was better. My paternal granparents never seemed to do anything, it seemed like they just retired and that was it. Then they got older and frail, grandma broke her hip and stayed in a rest home where she just stayed in bed all day. Then when my grandpa got old he went into one and all he did was play mahjong.

    I liked my maternal grandma cos she would make nice food for us and teach me how to crochet, do tai chi and cook other traditional chinese foods. Even though she couldnt understand any english. She was always active I remember and interested in me. Till she had a stroke and her children did put her in rest home. But the time she spent with me was precious.

    I think grandparents need to cultivate relationships with their grandchildren and not see them as a nuisance. As long as childrn arent hyper on sugar generally it shouldnt be exhausting to spend time with them. Just dont feed them junk food!
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  8. How much can a person handle and for how long? While I was still working, my wife took on three young grandchildren all week long while mama and daddy went to work. The little ones came early and stayed late. I got home from work and tired as I was I took over much for my exhausted wired for the 1-2 hours until someone arrived to pick them up. Come Saturday and or Sunday and the parents come over to visit and both get buried in TV or whatever got hold of them. The older ones OK, but the baby needed food and clean diapers, etc. Each weekend this happened until my wife exploded. She let them know in no uncertain terms while these were her grandchildren and she loved them, she was not mama and I, her husband, was not daddy. Either take care of them here or take them home. Things improved considerably after that. After all we were operating a free babysitting service... Now my son is a grandfather and the youngest granddaughter is going to be turning 17 soon.

    Give God the glory!
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  9. Why was the mother out working while the children were still young, was the dad not earning enough?
    Its good to have a nanny, but not everyone has. But there should be two nannas, one on each side of the family. Were there no aunties or uncles?

    I dont understand parents who both work and then leave their young children at home to fend for themselves. Thats no good. Then expect the grandparents to take up their slack.

    My dad worked evenings and mum during school hours so there was always someone home. When we were young mum stayed home. Whats the point of being a mother if you not even going to be around to watch your children. They are more interesting and entertaining to watch than the TV!
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  10. You were right to tell them whats what Amadeus. Ideally children ought to be with their own parents 6 days of the week and visit relatives on Sunday. If two sides of the family, one side Saturday, the other Sunday perhaps. So you would have one day with your grandchildren, not 5. That's too much. The children need to live with and know their own parents.
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  11. How much can one person handle..well ideally one baby at a time..although sometimes God throws in twins (as did with my brothers). Babies require 24/7 care, till they are weaned and toilet trained so thats why mothers just have one baby at a time USUALLY.
    I was a neglected two year old when my brothers were born. While toddlers and older dont need so much you still are legally required to supervise or be a guardian of any child under 14 and not leave them alone.

    Class sizes at school can vary but some teachers can handle 30 children all at once. I had 11 the first term and 23 the second, but felt while I could handle 11, 23 is a bit much for me!

    Theres this book called Kisses from Katie and she adopted 13 young girls in Uganda. I dont know what ages they all were but presume all of them were weaned and toilet trained, not babies anymore.
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  12. Things as they are, are seldom ideal, are they? Now it's me and my wife and we are our primary caretakers. Not lots of trips like we had hoped primarily due to being either tired or sic, but sometimes finances are also a limitation. The cost of everything continue to rise, but our income doe not change hardly at all. It's been about 4 year since our last even small cost of living increase. Fortunately with not too much traveling it's a do-able thing.

    My wife's sicknesses are generally worse than mine so I get to be first caretaker most of the time. Our children will respond to help if we call loudly enough, but we try not to push that as they do have their own lives to live... and to be honest, we don't really want them around too much unless both of us are really under the weather.
  13. I know where you're coming from Amadeus. We have kids too...They are for the kids. My Lady and I are totally on our own too. We had our car wrecked for us months ago, and we can't even get our kids to take us shopping for groceries.... I'm having a difficult time not getting bitter... You invest all your life, and being for them, and they forget you exist. I need to move us into a retirement home just so we can get some help when we need it.
    Why is it you teach them to live a Christian life then when the grow up they turn their backs on Jesus?
  14. My wife especially has trouble when their visits or phone calls or help get too infrequent. If it just me I might just forget about them... ah but that's the old man of flesh here talking. I couldn't forget them even though at times I'd almost like to...

    Our daughter attends a church supposedly but their lifestyles don't show me much. Hopefully, she turn back around to the Lord before it's too late. On son went no where for years, but in the last couple of years he's started to remember us more often with a sincere visit or phone call and I've had several really good conversations with him about God.

    You keep mine in prayer and I'll keep yours in prayer.
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  15. Theres and elderly couple in church in their 80s and they must have been coming to this church ever since it was planted, but sadly their children dont ever come and it seems like they turned their back on the Lord too.
    They are still living in their own home but recently the husband had to go into hospital, had some internal trouble. They were looking at some retirement homes but none of them appeal I think they still like their own place and garden.

    Their children, think theres 3 of them, live in another town. It must be lonely to be empty nesters unless you convince your daughters never to marry. I think my mum did a bit of a number on me. I can just picture night..and then mum turns up at altar...dont marry, who am I going to have to look after me in my old age...? My husband to be needs to be warned about having a very clingy mother in law. So am deciding not to risk it.
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  16. Another retired couple I know, well recently retired couple, the husband whos not saved (yet) seemed very good with his money and so they have a home, a campervan, a bach and an apartment overseas.

    All their children left and got married. They have one grandchild, they sit for once a week.
    They have a big home so they host overseas students (who pay them) . But the thing is thry have so much yet Im sure the wife gets exhausted bouncing from home to home and overseas trips they keep having. Ah the dilemmas of the rich. Im sure Ive met some who are bored of their fifth cruise.

    I would rather have a fufilling retirement helping others worse off than indulging myself.

    I think if your own children turrn away from the Lord why not adopt or foster or mentor others who never had christian parents to teach them. If you need help sometimes you actually need to employ someone who might be glad of a pay packet and something to do. If you cant afford to pay anything that then just provide a meal or something, or some sort of thankyou.
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  17. My granduncle just pays someone to cook and clean and do shopping for him, since he had no daughters and the daughters in law are too busy being mums, working and living far away. mum said he paid $25 an hour for work I do for free at home. I'm considering moving to canada and asking him to employ me lol. Its more than Im earning now.

    I said to mum how bout you pay me to look after you, she counters why dont you pay me to be a mum.
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  18. I think the principle of retirement villages is sort of like recreating family once the children have left home, like all the oldies meet up with others the same age and so they become brothers and sisters to each other again instead of being preoccupied as mums and dads or working for a living.

    Maybe? And then living near each other means they not isolated. Really its just like flatting for oldies.
    Without the shared kitchen and bathroom. That would be a nightmare. Back to rosters...whos turn to do dishes again?
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  19. But by the time a person realizes that there is such a case, it is really rather later to consider adopting. Inviting someone from the outside is not necessary as there are quite a few within the apartment complex where we live who love my wife dearly... because when she can she is always there for anyone in need, young or old. My wife has always been a devoted mother and grandmother and now great-grandmother, but she knows she cannot physically provide the necessary care for a young child.

    A couple of weeks ago, I went to a church meeting a couple of hundred miles away without my wife because she knew I really wanted to go and she could not go. We have some close friends who would keep an eye on her when I am too distant to respond effectively to any real emergency. But... as I was on the road driving toward my destination, our youngest granddaughter [to be 17 in December] called me on the cell phone expecting to find both of us at home. I told her to call her grandmother and she did. She drove the 50 miles from her home to ours, bought lunch for the two of them and they spent the day together. That is the kind of thing that thrills me. My wife, needless to say, was overwhelmed with joy. Give God the glory!
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  20. I think you can be adopted at any age. Well God adopts people at any age...
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