Sleepy, I see your post is gone from last night where you shared that your mummy has passed away at home. I know you are too busy now to put up another post, so I hope you don't mind me writting this on your behalf. I know you brothers and sisters on here are concerned about you.
My heart aches for you Sleepy because of the relationship with your mummy was so strong, she was your bestfriend. I cried as I wrote my post to you for feeling your pain, today I am feeling content with the knowledge and with prayer, that your mummy is in the arms of Jesus. She is Home. She is no longer in pain. Sleepy, I am confident that you will see her again. I rejoice because she is with her Father in Heaven.
You wrote yesterday that you may wobble but know that your friends here will stand by your side when you wobble, waddle, crawl. We will be lifting you in prayer. We are here for you.
Thank you mmd. I wondered if there was a reason the posts got deleted so I was scared to post again.
Thank you all for helping me through all this. You kept me going through some really tough times and I have been blessed by your words and prayers.
Mum died in my arms. She said all she wanted to say to all of us. She is bouncing around now without struggling physically. She is free from pain but I miss her already and that gives me waves of sadness.
So much to organise and do. So tired. I just want a cuddle from her now.
I thank God for his care and praise him. I see his love.
Thank you brothers and sister in Christ.
Beryl... Died 29.7.05 at 1:15 a.m. UK time (A cherished best friend and mum)
My first entry in this thread marked the beginning of Mum going from someone living with cancer to dying of it. I wanted to mull over this all but found it too painful passing the second entry I made here. Now the prayer requests have ended along with her life. It was a hard time but at least I still had Mum.
I was so exhausted and busy rushing around helping Mum be as happy and comfortable as possible and keeping going at work that when Mum passed on I had peace she was at peace. Also I have been non stop organising until now.
Now I worry the numbness is going, the positivity in me disappearing. I just want my mum. I can't pray very well about it, I want to talk to God but can't, I feel a let down if I get sad because I know nothing can change and should just be getting on in life. I haven't any clean clothes because I just keep busy and don't want to be alone washing, just want to keep being with friends. When I have moments alone I get a bit sad. I don't eat at home as I don't want to stop here long enough to feel a void. I don't want to do practical tasks or give romantic relationships head space but need to as they're at crisis point. I find the thought tiring and decisions exhaust me. I dread returning to work after the long summer break. My head hurts.
I feel a pressure to keep it together but I just feel lonely with this experience and yet I am soooo surrounded by people who care. I feel responsibility to show them I'm doing brilliantly but I just don't know how I'm doing. This is probably a little blip and the day will run on but just lost in it all.
God had been so good to me through all this yet I would just like to drink myself into a stupor at times or do a bungee jump or something just to feel my body is pumping again or maybe numbing the senses again.
Ungrateful and self indulgent... is how I am and think how I wish to be if I'm honest with myself, I feel sort of angry that I have to be strong.... but sad that deep down I'm not, I'm a failing christian on so many counts. I need to give and yet I belly ache about things all the time...
Dear Sister - I submitted my prayer not realising your dear mother had passed to eternal life. You are grieving and none but yourself can understand the very real pain you are enduring. I am glad you have those around you who love and support you. As you go through the process of grief you will experience turmoil, confusion and upset along with the happy memories of a lifetime with your mother. Dont be too hard on yourself. You are not failing.God will reach out and comfort you.We Christians are fortunate to have a real sense of faith to sustain us at these distressing times. I know what it is like to lose a loving parent and in time you will slowly but surely come to terms with life. Dont worry about your responsibility to other people, they care for you and understand what you are feeling more than you think. Just concentrtate on your healing at the moment.
I am very sorry for your loss and I will be praying that the Lord will comfort and protect you at this time.May the Lord grant your dear mother eternal rest safe in His presence always."The Lord is my Shepherd" Amen.
Sleepy, Nicholas gave you a good word. I'd like to add that there are different stages to grief. Can you see if your library has any books on it & familiarize yourself with those stages? Sometimes it just helps knowing you aren't going thru something no one understands.
You are not failing as a Christian. You are in your grief period - God knows how we hurt when we lose those we love. He doesn't expect us to jump back up immediately & forget our pain. Work thru your pain - He will use you to minister to others in due time.