Lately my world has been tumbling down on me emotionally and in certain ways physically. I devote my entire self to my work for GOD on Talk Jesus and my business online literally 24/7 (as much as I can that is). My eyes are red, dry and burn with pain no matter how appropriate I sit on the chair and view at the monitor. I was prescribed some simple eye drops to ease off the years of using Clear Eyes drops (the cause of my red dry eyes). Emotionally, I'm getting wrecked with aggravation, frustration, loneliness and anger. I'm going deaf about 80% or so, I mumble whispers that are barely understandable when I speak and people by their nature of their flesh, look at me with an obvious hint of laughter. My face is like a permanent expression of anger that I seem to not be able to rid of. I feel used even by "friends" who want but do not give, family members who ask but do not give and only call when they need something fixed but nothing else after. They want to satisfy their selfish needs and quench their un quenchable thirst (or so it seems from my years of experience with these so and so people). My mind does not comprehend their shame in their own self centered mentality, their disgraceful selfishness to tend to their needs and not pay back what is due to others. One day, I will invoice their debt. I feel like, in all honesty, to bash people on their heads and literally floor them - for the sake of teaching them an everlasting lesson to learn respect, discipline and respect again. To learn to understand that your ways, your looks and your self centered selfishness just does not bode with me and my impatience that I dare blame on those who "love me" (those around me) for my incurable impatience. To teach them that their lifeless invaluable opinions about what I should do in life and so forth, serve me no good and shows a genuine lack of wisdom and respect once again on their end. Each day this repeats like a burning flame in my soul. I feel forces breaking in me or perhaps dangerous forces trying to break out. One day, as I am a great example of your average 'imperfect human', I will in fact release my anger, fury and undeserved emotional rollercoast of pain, sadness and well anger - to all those who "love me". I wasted my life today almost ignored at an engagement party like I was practically invisble, sitting at a table with none of my own cousins who were plenty selfish enough to not care to invite me to join them, selfish enough to not invite me into a family picture - and selfish as selfish can be. Today was a bad day. GOD is always great, but people are the disgrace that GOD's shines grace on for those who hear. Unfortunately not all can hear. Sorry for the shocking, unexpected "Chad" but although each day is different, each day I am honest nonetheless.