I will be praying for you. I am sad to see that you had to endure such hardships at a young age. Job also endured hardships and in the end he was blessed for it. Joseph faced many hardships and continued to serve and praise God even when things should seem terrifying and horrible. In the end he was blessed magnificently. I would suggest reading about these two men, even Ruth. You may be able to find encouragement.
Something for you to keep in mind:
In Job's and Joseph's stories there was much out of their direct control, these things were not their fault. They only had control of their perspective and actions.
At the age of twelve, how much more is out of your control? These things are not your fault and God will hold those responsible accountable for their actions.
You say you are lost and I pray that you seek out The Lord.
Psalm 119:105
Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.