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How to deal with freeloaders

Discussion in 'Counseling' started by Lanolin, May 3, 2017.

  1. Sounds like a plan!
     
  2. I dont think I will join mensa, but maybe there is a test or quiz I can give the people I know and if they pass with flying colours they can be my friend.

    I will give them scenarios like, if you were a true friend whould you dump all your problems on the other person and expect them to listen all the time even if they were busy? Yes or no.
     
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  3. OH! I decided not to join Mensa because I make them look dumb...LOLOL I let people pay me to be their friend....LOLOL Sorry. I'm sleepy...I get that way.
     
  4. I dont know about paying someone to be friends have you ever done that?

    Another question is for the freeloader..a if you were a true friend you would do all their work for them yes or no?

    Well looks like God has put a quash on the freeloaders writing ambitions cos I may not be doing what shes writing about anymore so she cant rope me into to correcting her writing (that she wanted me to type) this is what people get for reporting old news and taking months to write something.

    I have thought that when some people write, they are like vultures of other people, which is why some writers who are journos are called hacks. I dont know, its an odd profession, writing. She may be a freelancer, but acts like a freeloader.

    Jesus did rebuke not just the Pharisees but the scribes.

    It looks like i have found a decent full time job which means anyone trying to rope me into doing something for nothing has to get me on the weekend. This is the privelige of a full time employee. Sorry I am busy working, and so when anyone tries to call me at home during working hours will have noone will answer.

    I was given ecclesiastes 6:2. I really need wisdom, why does everything have to be all or nothing.
     
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  5. Lol told the freeloader I was offered this job which I will accept and she wasnt happy. I wonder why?

    Lord teach her, I know shes hard case but thankfully I wont be having much to do with her anymore since I dont plan on going back to the group and going to be too busy.

    Im not even going to bother writing another assignment since she keeps taking them home without asking me.
     
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  6. Hi Lanolin;

    I'm touching on two posts and I hope I don't miss the mark. Regarding your previous post on Jesus dealing with the Scribes and Pharisees, he had nothing against their position as he was not a rebel encouraging others to rebel against them. Instead, he took them to task for abusing their privileges and becoming self-indulgent. This observation didn't apply to all as a blanket statement, but I'm sure it prevailed enough to make it worth mentioning.

    Ecc 6:2 can be understood to mean that we're not here forever. We can build great things, but we ultimately give away everything we build up because we do not live forever and we take nothing with us. Those remaining behind get it for free and are free to use it for their own purposes. This ties in with the wisdom of Jesus who instructed his disciples to build up treasure in Heaven by building on the Kingdom IAW the Father's will rather than their own amibition.

    Congratulations on your new job. Being a good friend is a two way relationship. You could do all those things requested of you, but is there nothing else in it for you other than being treated as a servant? I'm not suggesting you put yourself first in your relationships, but they are not meant to be one way avenues without checks and balances.

    The reason I mentioned the RMS Titanic in another thread was not about the vessel itself or its outcome. It was about the pervasive attitude of arrogance by some who knew better. This was the same attitude that Jesus found overall in the Pharisees. When the serpent told Eve that she and Adam would be as gods, its words meant that they could do things independent of others which make them happy. That's my take on it. Cheers, John
     
  7. Thanks I appreciate you perspective. Yes well the job I have (gardening) is for not just for me but for others to enjoy too..even after I am gone.

    Yes unfortunately I know many people who abuse their priveliges, and many who think being a friend means you can just use people.

    When you encounter these people in your life you have to be really tough and that's hard for a lot of people who aren't naturally tough. it's called tough love and I'm learning how to do that. People that are older will tend to pick on those who are younger I've noticed.
     
  8. She did ring the other night and again as usual it was something to ask me.
    But I headed her off by saying NO it's a full time job. She was trying to convince me to ask them to let me have time off - well I already raised it with them and decided to take the full time job. I have already arranged replacements for my other commitments.

    The other thing was about some retreat which I told her I wasn't going to go to. I know she only wants me to come so she can get a ride. I'm going to drop this group. It will be a shame because none of the other members are like this but I've noticed many of the other members have now left since. Just got busy with other things.

    God is leading me in the path He wants me to go and she can't divert me.
     
  9. Hi Lanolin. Friendships come and go for a variety of reasons and fall into the proverbial Bell Curve thing: some you want to keep and some you wish you had never begun with the remainder falling somewhere in between. I work at a job that doesn't really encourage friendships outside of it due the hours I work. And, I don't hang around with co-workers after work for the same reason. While it has existed throughout history, we live in a world that wants to be catered to 24/7/365 making for increasingly difficult friendships and family life in some cases.

    Gardening can be fun and I never ceased to be amazed at the way the Good Lord designed things to work. I have a Robin abiding in a nest outside my back door which I discovered when it exploded out of the nest while I was approaching the door. I had swallows in a bird house which is mounted on the front of my shed for a couple of years, but it has been empty possibly due to hornets also wanting to use it.

    The other members are still around, but topics tend to be short lived although oft repeated. I wish you all the best in your future endeavours. If you can say as Polycarp did at his execution, "eighty-six years I have lived and served my God has He never failed me", you are in good company. May you grow in grace both within and without so others can see first hand what being a good role model is really about. Phil 4:8. Cheers, John
     
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  10. Lol the symptom of modern world- quote from carrie fisher who observed 'instant gratification takes too long'

    I have also noticed freeloaders want everything right away they are not willing to wait and be rewarded. Patience is one of the hardest fruits to cultivate. But you will know it when someone is trying yours.
     
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  11. The freeloading ladies typist sent me the draft of her article, which still needs corrections, but i am over it. She took so long writing it that im no longer doing what shes reporting on.

    I emailed back to her typist..I hope she rewards you for your time and efforts. He did send me one document I couldnt even open..and said Im sorry for insulting your computer skills..well Im not insulted so I dont know what he means.

    If someone is writing for a magazine or paper they have to be much quicker than she is and not expect others to do their work for them.

    I came across some magazines saying they need articles but they actually dont pay people to write them. They want people to do all their work for nothing and then take the credit. One time i entered a competition, came third, it was published but no payment or prize was ever given..? My dad had his photo published in the paper, it promised a restaurant voucher but it never arrived, so Im thinking what is with that? Do people think they can get away with not rewarding people for their work that takes time and effort to do.
     
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  12. Hmm stop me if I am being a hypocrite here. But even the bible says if someone does a days work for you, you reward them on that day dont keep back their wages.
     
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  13. A hypocrite is someone who imposes a set of rules on others and then fails to abide by them because the rules are too restrictive. The person would have to make a deliberate effort to abide. In the words of Jesus, treat others as you would have them treat you.
     
  14. Well people talk about boundaries all the time but its hard to impose boundaries on someone else who doesnt care for them. Especially if they are older than you.

    I learned if you treat others as you would have them treat you doesnt work with some people when THEY are the ones treating you really badly.

    If I was treating this lady how shes treated me I would be calling her for favours all the time and treating her like shes my personal maid who will jump at any chance to serve me. But I dont do that to people. Perhaps this is how she is treated by others and shes just trying it on me?! Maybe its something shes learned all her life to keep a roof over her head, I dont know.

    People dont think slavery still exists in the modern world but I can assure you its alive and well.

    However I am not called to bondage and refuse any attempts by others to make me their slave.
     
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  15. Question..was reading in the bible today about judging and how we not meant to do it unless we judge ourselves first lest we be hypocrites..and thats fine, we remove our own planks from our own eyes first...but then Jesus says if we are seeing clearly..to remove the speck from the other persons eyes.

    Well how do i do that with this lady? How do I make her see the way she treats others isnt right? What can I do to remove her speck?
    Or do I just avoid her.

    I dont think avoiding the issue helps and not just because for my own sanity but everyone else she comes into contact with.
     
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  16. We all make judgements and we all use some discrimination in our daily lives whether we like to admit it or not. An example would be that you're a manager who has to hire someone to fill a position. The applicants are four Caucasian men and women, four African men and women, and four Muslim men and women. Consider the dynamics in that you can only hire one. Demographics and politics is a consideration as are skills and personality. In the end, the person hired is the one who will be considered to be the best fit in the organization. In doing so, judgements are made and the rest are eliminated through discrimination of anything negative (items which may work against them). Yet, the process remains fair.

    Fully understanding what is involved is a big one. If we put ourselves first in all things, we become self-important and we employ self-entitlement. The Good Lord knows best and timing is every thing. Some times we need time, too. I say that because if you decide to shut out your friend, she and you will understand that it is her behaviour and not her personally. Make sense?
     
  17. Hmm ok.

    I came across something yesterday that I think fits why she behaves this way...spirits of arrested development, even though she is over 60 she behaves like a child. Actually I have come across lots of people who are like this even when they are adult they behave childishly.
     
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  18. Im not a manager for an organisation so cant truly relate to your analogy. Yes I can choose my friends to an extent but sometimes you dont always know how they will turn out..discernment is needed but in many cases and I didnt think I would need a complete vetting process to choose friends. I think because it was a writers group that was christian and Everyone would be worth getting to know and it would be safe.

    However I notice with needy friends they latch on to you first. They will be super friendly at first and then see how they can use or depend on you. Yes it is the behaviour and not the person.

    But am not talking about discernment..am past the vetting stage...I want to know about the speck. Can it be removed? Because if shes living with this speck in her eye when she doesnt have to, why not remove it. Or does it have to be she removed it herself, even though she cant see it.

    Speaking of arrested development i had one lady..different one confide or tell me she wanted to be 18 again and she was in her 40s. I didnt think much of it but noticed she preferred acting like a teenager so much she would embarass her daughters. I said to her 18? I wouldnt want to be 18 again.
    I dont see her anymore as told her she if she wants help to talk to an elder who has been through more of life, and mature in her spiritual walk not me.

    This freeloading lady thought acting like a teenager..or 'seenager' i.e senior ager, was highly amusing. Well i can tell you that gets pretty old quick!

    When i was a child I spoke like a child...when i became a man (or grown) i put away childish things.
     
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  19. Ok, still dealing with her..I'm sure anybody reading this is weary of this ongoing thing as I am.

    She rang wanting a ride to the group meeting. Like the first thing she asked..after the 'hows it going'. I said I may not go plus am taking someone out in the morning. I wont be home to carpool. I hope she got the message that she has to make her own way there and not turn up at my house expecting me to take her.

    We chat for a while but she quickly forgot that I had other things on and said 'I will ring you later in the week'. I then had to say, well no I may not go.

    It was because she used to be leader of the group and can be quite bossy about getting people to come, I have noticed, even when they have other plans, she said oh just change your plans with the other person..but I'm like NO he would be disappointed. I promised him. arrgh! So self-centred!!! After explaining this to her she then gets it but she seems to have a memory like a fish.

    I hate it when group leaders expect you to go all the time when you actually can't make it or decide not to. It would be like church people expecting you to go every single week and then making a big deal of it if you miss a few. Why do they do this?? We all have free will to decide whether to go or not go to things. Plus she has her own car and can drive herself. It would be different if she had no car, but she still wants to carpool even though it would be quicker for her to go straight to the meeting from her place because she doesn't live near me anymore.

    Anyway. no carpooling. Lord have mercy.

    I have an idea that when the petrol runs out we go back to riding donkeys, one donkey for each person..and no she can't go on mine because my donkey will only carry me.
     
  20. Arrested development: we all rise to the level of our own incompetence; and, some never get past the age of "me". Eighteen for me was 1974. When men hit their 40s, it's the old dogs still wanting to run with the young pups. Women do it, too. We have more stamina, our bodies don't hurt as much, and we have a certain niaveté about life as our best decades are still ahead of us. Is there any way you can share the car pooling? You drive one week, another drives the next, taking turns, etc?

    People come and go in our lives, much as we do in their lives. What defines a good role model is a bit of a judgement call, but it is what the Good Lord expects of us in accordance with his will. Grace. We all need it, and appreciating that is a bonus. You are a better judge of where your friends are spiritually than I am. Returning to our "speck vs log in the eye" topic, can you honestly say your walk with Christ is as good as it gets with nothing further to be gained? Is your character worth emulating? Do others admire your spirit and conduct? Has God placed you in their lives for his glory? I don't say this to be offensive nor should we put ourselves on a pedestal. I have two cats which annoy me to no end on some days, yet they are the only companionship I normally have. I am their whole world as they are dependent on me for food, water, and shelter. My oldest cat always leaves me covered with fur. While holding him, my youngest cat will tap me on the opposite arm wanting attention, too. In the grand scheme of things, minor details. Have a great day, keep a sense of humour, and keep showing others how the Spirit of God has made you a better person for his glory. Cheers.
     
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