Member
Hi,
My name is Martha. I grew up in a mentally abusive environment. My mother did her very best to raise us right after my father killed himself on Christmas Day in 1997. I am the second to youngest of the 6 siblings.
Growing up I never had a stable foundation. My mother was always looking for a "new opportunity to better ourselves". She never completed High School and my father mentally and physically abused her. She loves Jesus unconditionally and made sure we knew that He unconditionally loves us. I don't hold her accountable for how I turned out, I'm a grown person. I'm pretty smart and catch on fast. However, I had low self-esteem and no confidence in myself to achieve a better education. I did go to some college.
To speed things up I was 25 when I started working at a gas station as a cashier. I had just ended a highly abusive relationship. Then I met an awesome guy who was a police officer that went to church. What better pick, right? We started dating and I started attending his home church. I loved God and felt his presence at the church but I wasn't born again yet. Our relationship became rocky ultimately leading to a split. I was devastated and to top things off I was now pregnant. (He had a vasectomy 7 years before we met)
Immediately I left the church not trying to cause division or drama. The pastor and his wife of that church reached out to me after they heard the news. Like Jesus would do they took me in. Devoted love, nurture, and the word into my life. In the Fall of 2013 I became a born again believer on fire for Jesus Christ. I received many blessings of different kinds spiritually and materially. I felt the Lord tell me He would bless me with a husband and father to my unborn child if I would follow him. When my son turned 2months old I got a job as a state correctional officer. It is the highest paying job I have ever had.
I didn't realize the harsh reality and affects of the environment I just signed up for. Yeah, I was naive. I went from bubbly, open, and friendly to stern and firm.
Here I met a fellow correctional officer in training who was not on my list at all but eventually became my husband. He left for tour of duty during school. When he came back Christmas day his ex-wife handed him divorce papers to sign. He was hurt devastated but agreed to it. She had another man. 5 months after his split he messaged me for a date. At first I rejected the offer. I was hung up on unequally yoked believers. Finally, I said enough and a month later unsure what he would say I sparked a conversation. He asked me out again I said yes, he was ecstatic. We were inseparable for a whole month so we decided to get married. We were in such a heightened since of awe. We were in love. My pastor who was like a father to me loved him and approved of him. A month after marriage we found out I was pregnant. We were once again so ecstatic. As time went by he lost his job leaving us to one income living an hour away from my job and family. During this period I became very grouchy. This second pregnancy was worse than the first. I'd tell myself everything is ok, this is marriage, we will get through this. I began to neglect reading the word but still attending church. I began to feel like my husband didn't appreciate me and didn't want me anymore. He on the other loved me but lacks communication skills. He was going through a very depressed state. No job, no independence, child support stacking up, new wife, a baby on the way it all started stacking up emotionally. I also had turned into the selfish nagging wife. 3weeks after the birth hormones out of regulation with him neglecting to give me the right kind of attention (I felt like he kept putting his ex-wife needs over mine) i moved in with my mom. I asked him for a divorce hoping he would say heck no come home instead he said "ok I'll get the papers". It's been a rollercoaster since then. I've devoted myself and time to God's word but i can't shake the feeling this divorce is not the answer but he wasn't budging until about a month ago he started showing me affection. He states he still wants the divorce even though his actions sing a different tune.
My name is Martha. I grew up in a mentally abusive environment. My mother did her very best to raise us right after my father killed himself on Christmas Day in 1997. I am the second to youngest of the 6 siblings.
Growing up I never had a stable foundation. My mother was always looking for a "new opportunity to better ourselves". She never completed High School and my father mentally and physically abused her. She loves Jesus unconditionally and made sure we knew that He unconditionally loves us. I don't hold her accountable for how I turned out, I'm a grown person. I'm pretty smart and catch on fast. However, I had low self-esteem and no confidence in myself to achieve a better education. I did go to some college.
To speed things up I was 25 when I started working at a gas station as a cashier. I had just ended a highly abusive relationship. Then I met an awesome guy who was a police officer that went to church. What better pick, right? We started dating and I started attending his home church. I loved God and felt his presence at the church but I wasn't born again yet. Our relationship became rocky ultimately leading to a split. I was devastated and to top things off I was now pregnant. (He had a vasectomy 7 years before we met)
Immediately I left the church not trying to cause division or drama. The pastor and his wife of that church reached out to me after they heard the news. Like Jesus would do they took me in. Devoted love, nurture, and the word into my life. In the Fall of 2013 I became a born again believer on fire for Jesus Christ. I received many blessings of different kinds spiritually and materially. I felt the Lord tell me He would bless me with a husband and father to my unborn child if I would follow him. When my son turned 2months old I got a job as a state correctional officer. It is the highest paying job I have ever had.
I didn't realize the harsh reality and affects of the environment I just signed up for. Yeah, I was naive. I went from bubbly, open, and friendly to stern and firm.
Here I met a fellow correctional officer in training who was not on my list at all but eventually became my husband. He left for tour of duty during school. When he came back Christmas day his ex-wife handed him divorce papers to sign. He was hurt devastated but agreed to it. She had another man. 5 months after his split he messaged me for a date. At first I rejected the offer. I was hung up on unequally yoked believers. Finally, I said enough and a month later unsure what he would say I sparked a conversation. He asked me out again I said yes, he was ecstatic. We were inseparable for a whole month so we decided to get married. We were in such a heightened since of awe. We were in love. My pastor who was like a father to me loved him and approved of him. A month after marriage we found out I was pregnant. We were once again so ecstatic. As time went by he lost his job leaving us to one income living an hour away from my job and family. During this period I became very grouchy. This second pregnancy was worse than the first. I'd tell myself everything is ok, this is marriage, we will get through this. I began to neglect reading the word but still attending church. I began to feel like my husband didn't appreciate me and didn't want me anymore. He on the other loved me but lacks communication skills. He was going through a very depressed state. No job, no independence, child support stacking up, new wife, a baby on the way it all started stacking up emotionally. I also had turned into the selfish nagging wife. 3weeks after the birth hormones out of regulation with him neglecting to give me the right kind of attention (I felt like he kept putting his ex-wife needs over mine) i moved in with my mom. I asked him for a divorce hoping he would say heck no come home instead he said "ok I'll get the papers". It's been a rollercoaster since then. I've devoted myself and time to God's word but i can't shake the feeling this divorce is not the answer but he wasn't budging until about a month ago he started showing me affection. He states he still wants the divorce even though his actions sing a different tune.
