The Loneliness Of The Christian
- Thread starter jiggyfly
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fightngwrmwood
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lazurus friends
Amen, (I heard that!), yeah... I can relate to what's been posted. And I know the valleys are so that we will be closer to Him. I also really liked what Tozer said and Jiggerfly noted about being labelled overserious.
(CSLewis counter to that I love "Does Christianity encouage morbid introspection? The alternative is much more morbid. Those who do not think about their own sins make up for it by thinking incessantly about the sins of others.")
And I am agreement that the road is narrow and the Gospel says so too.
But as a little ray of hope - let's not forget those few and far between deeply committed, real, and wonderful Jesus loving people that give us joy in fellowship and make all other relationships pale in comparison. There are a few on that narrow road with us.
I really really miss my best friend now that I have moved - she was my prayer partner too. We used to talk about this issue, made us even more grateful for each other. So many good times. One of my favorite memories is when we met at a bookshop, sat on the floor trying not to block the aisle and she read me "Toot and Puddle." We laughed and cried together. We were sisters from the first day we met.
I feel priliveged to know such an amazing lady. And there are a few people I know in my life like that. I have given it some thought and it seems that when I meet these amazing people has no bearing on anything I am doing, they are a total gift. And it seems the longer I walk with Him, the richer the love in friendships gets. Where I get tears with thankfulness for them.
I hope I didn't make anyone nauseous.
:wink:
I am also very grateful for this site and for people so serious about their faith and that love the word so much. It is a such a gift for me after moving and... just some struggles I have had with the new job, working at a Catholic school. This is a treasure. Thank you everyone!
Amen, (I heard that!), yeah... I can relate to what's been posted. And I know the valleys are so that we will be closer to Him. I also really liked what Tozer said and Jiggerfly noted about being labelled overserious.
(CSLewis counter to that I love "Does Christianity encouage morbid introspection? The alternative is much more morbid. Those who do not think about their own sins make up for it by thinking incessantly about the sins of others.")
And I am agreement that the road is narrow and the Gospel says so too.
But as a little ray of hope - let's not forget those few and far between deeply committed, real, and wonderful Jesus loving people that give us joy in fellowship and make all other relationships pale in comparison. There are a few on that narrow road with us.
I really really miss my best friend now that I have moved - she was my prayer partner too. We used to talk about this issue, made us even more grateful for each other. So many good times. One of my favorite memories is when we met at a bookshop, sat on the floor trying not to block the aisle and she read me "Toot and Puddle." We laughed and cried together. We were sisters from the first day we met.
I feel priliveged to know such an amazing lady. And there are a few people I know in my life like that. I have given it some thought and it seems that when I meet these amazing people has no bearing on anything I am doing, they are a total gift. And it seems the longer I walk with Him, the richer the love in friendships gets. Where I get tears with thankfulness for them.
I hope I didn't make anyone nauseous.
:wink:
I am also very grateful for this site and for people so serious about their faith and that love the word so much. It is a such a gift for me after moving and... just some struggles I have had with the new job, working at a Catholic school. This is a treasure. Thank you everyone!
Awesome quote Jiggy. A W Tozer Is definiatly good reading. As I read through the qoute I was reminded of something the Lord showed me, which I was in desperate need to remember. Psalms 37:4 Delight thyself also in the Lord; and He shall give the the desires of thine heart. When we forget about our own loneliness and desires for human companionship and set our Delight in the Lord, as the true lover of our soul He looks upon our desires and is delighted to fullfill them, as any Lover is toward his or her beloved.
Your brother
brokenman
Your brother
brokenman
Coconut
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The quote from Tozer, "Loneliness of the Christian", brings to mind the tract by G.D. Watson, a turn-of- the-20th-century Wesleyan minister,
"Others May, You Cannot". (1845-1924)
"If God has called you to be really like Jesus, He will draw you to a life of crucifixion and humility, and put upon you such demands of obedience, that you will not be able to follow other people, or measure yourself by other Christians, and in many ways He will seem to let other good people do things which He will not let you do.
"Other Christians and ministers who seem very religious and useful may push themselves, pull wires, and work schemes to carry out their plans, but you cannot do it; and if you attempt it, you will meet with such failure and rebuke from the Lord as to make you sorely penitent.
"Others may boast of themselves, of their work, of their success, of their writings, but the Holy Spirit will not allow you to do any such thing, and if you begin it, He will lead you into some deep mortification that will make you despise yourself and all your good works.
"Others may be allowed to succeed in making money, or may have a legacy left to them, but it is likely God will keep you poor, because He wants you to have something far better than gold, namely, a helpless dependence on Him, that He may have the privilege of supplying your needs day by day out of an unseen treasury.
"The Lord may let others be honored and put forward, and keep you hidden in obscurity, because He wants you to produce some choice, fragrant fruit for His coming glory, which can only be produced in the shade. He may let others be great, but keep you small.
"He may let others do a work for Him and get the credit of it, but He will make you work and toil on without knowing how much you are doing; and then to make your work still more precious, He may let others get the credit for the work which you have done, and thus make your reward ten times greater when Jesus comes.
"The Holy Spirit will put a strict watch over you, with a jealous love, and will rebuke you for little words and feelings, or for wasting your time, which other Christians never seem distressed over. So make up your mind that God is an infinite Sovereign, and has a right to do as He pleases with His own.
"He may not explain to you a thousand things which puzzle your reason in His dealings with you. But if you absolutely sell yourself to be His...slave, He will wrap you up in a jealous love, and bestow upon you many blessings which come only to those who are in the inner circle.
"Settle it forever, then, that you are to deal directly with the Holy Spirit, and that He is to have the privilege of tying your tongue, or chaining your hand, or closing your eyes, in ways that He does not seem to use with others.
"Now when you are so possessed with the living God that you are, in your secret heart, pleased and delighted over this peculiar, personal, private, jealous guardianship and management of the Holy Spirit over your life, you will have found the vestibule of Heaven."
"Others May, You Cannot". (1845-1924)
"If God has called you to be really like Jesus, He will draw you to a life of crucifixion and humility, and put upon you such demands of obedience, that you will not be able to follow other people, or measure yourself by other Christians, and in many ways He will seem to let other good people do things which He will not let you do.
"Other Christians and ministers who seem very religious and useful may push themselves, pull wires, and work schemes to carry out their plans, but you cannot do it; and if you attempt it, you will meet with such failure and rebuke from the Lord as to make you sorely penitent.
"Others may boast of themselves, of their work, of their success, of their writings, but the Holy Spirit will not allow you to do any such thing, and if you begin it, He will lead you into some deep mortification that will make you despise yourself and all your good works.
"Others may be allowed to succeed in making money, or may have a legacy left to them, but it is likely God will keep you poor, because He wants you to have something far better than gold, namely, a helpless dependence on Him, that He may have the privilege of supplying your needs day by day out of an unseen treasury.
"The Lord may let others be honored and put forward, and keep you hidden in obscurity, because He wants you to produce some choice, fragrant fruit for His coming glory, which can only be produced in the shade. He may let others be great, but keep you small.
"He may let others do a work for Him and get the credit of it, but He will make you work and toil on without knowing how much you are doing; and then to make your work still more precious, He may let others get the credit for the work which you have done, and thus make your reward ten times greater when Jesus comes.
"The Holy Spirit will put a strict watch over you, with a jealous love, and will rebuke you for little words and feelings, or for wasting your time, which other Christians never seem distressed over. So make up your mind that God is an infinite Sovereign, and has a right to do as He pleases with His own.
"He may not explain to you a thousand things which puzzle your reason in His dealings with you. But if you absolutely sell yourself to be His...slave, He will wrap you up in a jealous love, and bestow upon you many blessings which come only to those who are in the inner circle.
"Settle it forever, then, that you are to deal directly with the Holy Spirit, and that He is to have the privilege of tying your tongue, or chaining your hand, or closing your eyes, in ways that He does not seem to use with others.
"Now when you are so possessed with the living God that you are, in your secret heart, pleased and delighted over this peculiar, personal, private, jealous guardianship and management of the Holy Spirit over your life, you will have found the vestibule of Heaven."
sunshine307
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Others may, you cannot
Excellent quote Coconut, from the pen of G.D. Watson. Thank you.
Excellent quote Coconut, from the pen of G.D. Watson. Thank you.
This is so..
This is so true but I don't think about it so much as I keep my FOCUS on God and know that there are many who seek him as well as I. If anything I realize our family in Christ is Huge and filled with all the right people by God's own hand picked choices.
How Warm Tender and Loving it is to be in God's Family for all eternity. As Paul would say in so many words. I wouldn't miss it for the world.
jiggyfly said:
This is so true but I don't think about it so much as I keep my FOCUS on God and know that there are many who seek him as well as I. If anything I realize our family in Christ is Huge and filled with all the right people by God's own hand picked choices.
How Warm Tender and Loving it is to be in God's Family for all eternity. As Paul would say in so many words. I wouldn't miss it for the world.
sunshine307
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- Joined
- Aug 4, 2005
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Yeshua, I don't think many of us think much about these things as our focus is on our Father. However, it is good to have encouragement through writings such as these, there is much truth in these writings. 
Thanks
Thanks for sharing these quotes, you two. I appreciate it.
As for this Mr. Dozier, do you know whether or not he publishes books? He sounds like the type of author I would really enjoy reading from if he has some books available.
A lot of these types of areas really hit home for me, especially in regards to what I've been going through over the past year. The transformation, in and of itself, is proof that Christ exists. While certain "Questions" may continue, the fact of the matter is that everyone of us that have gone through this tranformation by His hand knows quite well that it is an experience brought about through no power of our own. Never in my life would I have imagined that I would have become what I am today after saying a single prayer or two so long ago. The power of His spirit took hold, all on its own, and it looks like that's the case for a lot of others here, so I know that I'm in the company of those that feel the same way I do, and that's because we were blessed enough to be called by Him. That's the way I've chosen to look at this overall experience now, anyway.
The only part of it that's been a source of trouble for me is that it feels like I have become a deer blinded by a pair of headlights, unable to move. There seems to be a calling within that tells me that I should be doing more for Him here. That's the inner motive, anyway.
Personally, my heart has always been with our poor, and the way that the devil tends to take such advantage of that segment.
As a Christian, we undoubtedly stand against abortion, pornography, etc. Unfortunately, so many seem to believe that it is a Christian's sole requirement in such cases to check a box on election day, you know.
Imagine the typical Monday morning scene taking place within the viscinity of an abortion clinic out in LA, a few miles from Beverly Hills Blvd.
As is the case each week, I would imagine, envision the type of scene involving a young 15, 16 year old as she approaches the clinic, ready to make one of the biggest mistakes of her life. And she knows that to be the case deep down.
Unfortunately, as is the case with several of those that would ever dream of doing such a thing, I would imagine, this child was likely to have grown up in an environment that was abscent of God's love. Poverty, abuse, of any variety, a child living with a single mom, one that has not seen her father for years, for he was likely to have displayed a pattern of drug use and neglect/abuse years earlier, forcing the mother to leave the father when the child was young.
This type of excuse most certainly cannot be extended to all of those making the choice to have an abortion, but one would have to imagine that the type of elements displayed here are fairly typical to the nature of the decision making process involved in several of these cases.
As the young girl nears the clinic, she is met by a small group of protestors, some standing peacefully in prayer, hoping for a miracle, others holding signs verbally condemning the child to the fires of hell, calling her names, etc, those of which she is certain to already feel from within. Desperate, poor, and alone, and still a child herself, the young woman feels that she has no other place to turn.
As she approaches the streetcorner of the clinic, just imagine, however, envision the scene of a Lexus suddenly flying up right next to the child. Soon, an older gentleman dashes out of the car and quickly approaches the girl, cutting her path off to the clinic's doors.
Startled, the young woman doesn't know what to make of the bold actions of this stranger, and she becomes all the more alarmed as the gentleman's arm reach out and embrace her.
Unlike a handful of the other protestors, however, this older gentleman does not condemn her, he doesn't strike her. Rather, we observe as he leans down to the child's ear, and than whispers, "Everything will be ok."
Two years later, a mile or two off Sunset Strip Blvd, an elderly man and his wife glee with excitement around supper time that Christmas Eve. They hear their doorbell ring, recognizing that their dinner guests have arrived. They both rush to their front door to greet their guests.
There, standing before them, is a young 18 year old woman, her life now fully devoted to Christ's love, and standing beside her is a beautiful little baby girl that reaches up with her tiny arms to give this elderly couple a small present that has been beautifully wrapped. Three adults standing in joy with one another with tears in their eyes, and a tiny little baby girl standing in the middle of them all, so full of life, so full of joy.
At that moment, the 70 year old gentleman realizes that his true accomplishment in life was never the vacation properties that he had managed to buy and sell through the years, he realizes that life's meaning was never about the fancy cars, and his personal achievements as CEO of corporation X stood meaningless in the light of what had just been accomplished here tonight. It was the greatest Christmas of his life, and the celebration has just begun.
I was blessed in that I never had to experience anything like this in my own life. My parents are retired professionals, my brother and sis are successful at what they do, etc. And my family has undoubtedly been the greatest treasure that He's given me in life outside of the personal relationship with Him.
Five years ago, right about when I was wrapping up college, I had it all made, too. I always tried to be a respectful person, pretty clean cut in nature compared to most, I suppose. My acknowledgement of Christ goes back a long way, afterall.
After graduating from college, I was supposed to join my brother in some auto auction work. Eleven years my senior, he's been extremely successful at what he does-earns well over the six figure mark each year, etc. And he's probably the most loving brother a person can have. We never fought growing up like most brothers do, etc-part of that because he was much older than me, but even if that hadn't been the case his heart is far too special for that to have ever been a possibility.
It's been five years now, and I still haven't joined him, however. And he sits back quite perplexed about all of it, and there is still part of me that feels badly for having dissapointed him in the aspects of the wishes that we both had at one time to work together, etc.
After Christ took over my heart, however, I just can't do that. I'm one that would gladly put in 80 hours a week at any job, don't get me wrong. I'm one that's more than motivated by nature.
The problem is that the brundt of the auto auction business, at least within the capacity to which I was going to be part of, deals with repossessions, etc. And while I have to admit that I can't feel too terrible about the prospects of a lender taking back a 2005 Lexus or beamer from somebody, etc, the fact of the matter is that the majority of these circumstances involve those that couldn't make a car payment because they couldn't keep up on the cost of everyday life. Low incomes, medical hardships, etc.
"Well, you could work at a bank." Unfortunately, I can't find it within to do that one, either. It'd be different if I was married and/or had a family, I suppose, but the fact of the matter is that I'm single. And so it is, at least in my experience, that if you talk with Him long enough and you have a relentless drive within to embrace His message, His heart, than not only does the prospects of marriage get placed aside, but so too does any motive whatsoever for centering your life around something as generic and meaningless as the "Business world." In my position that seems to be the case, anyway.
Like much of what was eluded to in the wonderful quotes above, there does come the point when you do feel lonely on this mission. There's no question about it. Beyond the lonliness, there's also periods of depression and anxiety, and there are most certainly those days when you can't help but wonder whether or not you've misinterpreted something. "Have I over done it?" "What on earth is my calling, what's He want me to do for Him?" I've asked those questions every single day of my life for the past couple of years, in particular, and I'm not so sure that they'll ever leave. When the rest of the world is moving around you and you're standing still, it's our nature to to ask ourselves "What are we really doing here?"
Well, perhaps some are meant to go into ministry, be it training for actual ministry, or perhaps counseling, etc. Perhaps others are meant to be writing for Him. It certainly doesn't take much to put up a website these days, or write a book for that matter. Perhaps for others the time has not yet come for the calling. Maybe it's a month away for you, maybe it's a year away, five years away. If we know anything, we know that He truly does work in mysterious ways. There have been so many different times through this journey that I've asked myself what on earth I was doing, what I had become, only to have something revealed to me the following day, the following week. And those things that are revealed are not necessarily always in line with the answer you're looking for, but there are constant signs, nonetheless.
Over Christmas, I had a long talk with my mom about where I had gone with all of this. I told her that I felt lost, that I was starting to lose faith in my instincts, etc. Despite the fact that I've always been one to look down on the $5k Christmas spending spree typical of so many American families, etc, this was the first year I can remember that I actually despised the "Joyous hustle and bustle of the season." I've always thought of the unfortunate, but this year I actually held up our gift opening by about an hour because I was downtown trying desperately to drop off some movies at the Salvation Army with the hopes that they'd still get out to some of the kids.
Even last year when I did this, it felt "Fun to do." A little kid will have a gift! Hooray! You know. A year later, however, despite having spent ten times what I did in the past, there was no fun to any of it to speak of. Though I was very happy to know that some kids would get these gifts (That's human nature), this time around I didn't pull out of there content and "Happy with myself." Rather, I felt sad that there might still have been some children that were going to go without.
So what's changed me? Why does it feel like the closer we get to Him the darker life can be sometimes? We don't know, that's the only rational response I can up with. Despite such feelings, however, despite all of it, I'm convinced that it's through this general sadness that the closer and closer we get to Him. That's a 100% fact in my own experience, I know it. There's not a doubt in my mind that this is all Him. The real Him, not that of an imaginery friend up in my mind.
Why was I out buying up gifts for needy children on Christmas Eve this year with absolutely no expectations or desire for personal recognition, knowing up front that I wouldn't have any inner joy by doing it this year, either (Again, there's always that happiness deep down that they'll be some little kid opening up something, but now it's a self imposed duty, an ambition, rather than a throw in act of goodwill over the Christmas season).
"You've gone mad, you've gone overboard." No, I haven't. That's not what this was about. It literally felt like I was being driven, that's exactly what happened. It was Him doing it in me, through me, however it works. There's not a doubt in my mind looking back at it.
The only thing that was different this year compared to prior years is that I've been putting in much more meaning during prayer time. As I've said before, I'm not a Biblical expert. I know the general stories of the Bible, but I still haven't managed to dive into it the way I've wanted to because I still panic everytime I read this or that verse that might be a bit frightful. Point being, it wasn't like I read a Bible verse the night before that would've explained for such actions.
After explaining all of this to mom early that morning, she basically just told me to calm down about all of the thoughts in my mind, and to trust in Him, and remember that He loves those that love Him. Mom usually comes through in the clutch for me, you know, but this time it didn't help me out all too much, to be fully honest.
We were in their basement at the time, lights were still dim, etc. Mom has been a big fan of the "Department 56" Christmas village pieces through the years, and has assembled an all out full fledged community downstairs that is just beautiful. She actually keeps it up year round. She has about 60 of them, all kinds of little accessories, truly looks like a real little small town back in the 30's or 40's.
Immediately after we had that talk, we both got up and looked over to the corner and couldn't help but notice that one village piece remained lit. 60 pieces, wires all over the place underneath the table, all plugged into extensions fitting into two or three wall outlets. Evidently, they had done some quick re-arranging before everyone arrived, and somehow she had plugged a lone cord into the wall by accident. It was the church.
There was her "Big little city" all dark, all "Shut down" for the night, with one glowing little piece in the middle of "Main Street." And it happened to be the church. Of course there's probably an athiest mathematics genius out there somewhere that will come up with a mathematic probability co-factor and dismiss the relevancy of this "Little example." But you know what? That put an end to the racing thoughts for the day for me. It brought me my peace. He never said it would be easy, but He has promised to hold us up when we become overburned, too. And whether or not we always take note of all of the times that He does that for us in life, the odds are pretty good that we've missed a lot of His work for us along the way, on the same hand.
Unfortunately, there's never a fairytale ending to the battle. At least not yet.
There will always be the good days, and than they'll be the bad days. I am almost convinced, at times, that the closer and closer we reach out to Him the more the devil makes his effort to bring us back down into the reality of this world we live in.
Just like the pair of sports agents competing for the top talent in this or that year's top talent set to enter the NFL draft, as much as we can find glory in the fact that we are at least trying to make our way to Christ's arms, the devil also lies in hiding, and is ready to pounce at every oppurtunity he gets.
But the devil's hate has no power over the the love of Christ, and that we must never forget. Our Special Friend is always there for us, waiting to rescue us. I know that more than anything else at this point.
Thanks for sharing these quotes, you two. I appreciate it.
As for this Mr. Dozier, do you know whether or not he publishes books? He sounds like the type of author I would really enjoy reading from if he has some books available.
A lot of these types of areas really hit home for me, especially in regards to what I've been going through over the past year. The transformation, in and of itself, is proof that Christ exists. While certain "Questions" may continue, the fact of the matter is that everyone of us that have gone through this tranformation by His hand knows quite well that it is an experience brought about through no power of our own. Never in my life would I have imagined that I would have become what I am today after saying a single prayer or two so long ago. The power of His spirit took hold, all on its own, and it looks like that's the case for a lot of others here, so I know that I'm in the company of those that feel the same way I do, and that's because we were blessed enough to be called by Him. That's the way I've chosen to look at this overall experience now, anyway.
The only part of it that's been a source of trouble for me is that it feels like I have become a deer blinded by a pair of headlights, unable to move. There seems to be a calling within that tells me that I should be doing more for Him here. That's the inner motive, anyway.
Personally, my heart has always been with our poor, and the way that the devil tends to take such advantage of that segment.
As a Christian, we undoubtedly stand against abortion, pornography, etc. Unfortunately, so many seem to believe that it is a Christian's sole requirement in such cases to check a box on election day, you know.
Imagine the typical Monday morning scene taking place within the viscinity of an abortion clinic out in LA, a few miles from Beverly Hills Blvd.
As is the case each week, I would imagine, envision the type of scene involving a young 15, 16 year old as she approaches the clinic, ready to make one of the biggest mistakes of her life. And she knows that to be the case deep down.
Unfortunately, as is the case with several of those that would ever dream of doing such a thing, I would imagine, this child was likely to have grown up in an environment that was abscent of God's love. Poverty, abuse, of any variety, a child living with a single mom, one that has not seen her father for years, for he was likely to have displayed a pattern of drug use and neglect/abuse years earlier, forcing the mother to leave the father when the child was young.
This type of excuse most certainly cannot be extended to all of those making the choice to have an abortion, but one would have to imagine that the type of elements displayed here are fairly typical to the nature of the decision making process involved in several of these cases.
As the young girl nears the clinic, she is met by a small group of protestors, some standing peacefully in prayer, hoping for a miracle, others holding signs verbally condemning the child to the fires of hell, calling her names, etc, those of which she is certain to already feel from within. Desperate, poor, and alone, and still a child herself, the young woman feels that she has no other place to turn.
As she approaches the streetcorner of the clinic, just imagine, however, envision the scene of a Lexus suddenly flying up right next to the child. Soon, an older gentleman dashes out of the car and quickly approaches the girl, cutting her path off to the clinic's doors.
Startled, the young woman doesn't know what to make of the bold actions of this stranger, and she becomes all the more alarmed as the gentleman's arm reach out and embrace her.
Unlike a handful of the other protestors, however, this older gentleman does not condemn her, he doesn't strike her. Rather, we observe as he leans down to the child's ear, and than whispers, "Everything will be ok."
Two years later, a mile or two off Sunset Strip Blvd, an elderly man and his wife glee with excitement around supper time that Christmas Eve. They hear their doorbell ring, recognizing that their dinner guests have arrived. They both rush to their front door to greet their guests.
There, standing before them, is a young 18 year old woman, her life now fully devoted to Christ's love, and standing beside her is a beautiful little baby girl that reaches up with her tiny arms to give this elderly couple a small present that has been beautifully wrapped. Three adults standing in joy with one another with tears in their eyes, and a tiny little baby girl standing in the middle of them all, so full of life, so full of joy.
At that moment, the 70 year old gentleman realizes that his true accomplishment in life was never the vacation properties that he had managed to buy and sell through the years, he realizes that life's meaning was never about the fancy cars, and his personal achievements as CEO of corporation X stood meaningless in the light of what had just been accomplished here tonight. It was the greatest Christmas of his life, and the celebration has just begun.
I was blessed in that I never had to experience anything like this in my own life. My parents are retired professionals, my brother and sis are successful at what they do, etc. And my family has undoubtedly been the greatest treasure that He's given me in life outside of the personal relationship with Him.
Five years ago, right about when I was wrapping up college, I had it all made, too. I always tried to be a respectful person, pretty clean cut in nature compared to most, I suppose. My acknowledgement of Christ goes back a long way, afterall.
After graduating from college, I was supposed to join my brother in some auto auction work. Eleven years my senior, he's been extremely successful at what he does-earns well over the six figure mark each year, etc. And he's probably the most loving brother a person can have. We never fought growing up like most brothers do, etc-part of that because he was much older than me, but even if that hadn't been the case his heart is far too special for that to have ever been a possibility.
It's been five years now, and I still haven't joined him, however. And he sits back quite perplexed about all of it, and there is still part of me that feels badly for having dissapointed him in the aspects of the wishes that we both had at one time to work together, etc.
After Christ took over my heart, however, I just can't do that. I'm one that would gladly put in 80 hours a week at any job, don't get me wrong. I'm one that's more than motivated by nature.
The problem is that the brundt of the auto auction business, at least within the capacity to which I was going to be part of, deals with repossessions, etc. And while I have to admit that I can't feel too terrible about the prospects of a lender taking back a 2005 Lexus or beamer from somebody, etc, the fact of the matter is that the majority of these circumstances involve those that couldn't make a car payment because they couldn't keep up on the cost of everyday life. Low incomes, medical hardships, etc.
"Well, you could work at a bank." Unfortunately, I can't find it within to do that one, either. It'd be different if I was married and/or had a family, I suppose, but the fact of the matter is that I'm single. And so it is, at least in my experience, that if you talk with Him long enough and you have a relentless drive within to embrace His message, His heart, than not only does the prospects of marriage get placed aside, but so too does any motive whatsoever for centering your life around something as generic and meaningless as the "Business world." In my position that seems to be the case, anyway.
Like much of what was eluded to in the wonderful quotes above, there does come the point when you do feel lonely on this mission. There's no question about it. Beyond the lonliness, there's also periods of depression and anxiety, and there are most certainly those days when you can't help but wonder whether or not you've misinterpreted something. "Have I over done it?" "What on earth is my calling, what's He want me to do for Him?" I've asked those questions every single day of my life for the past couple of years, in particular, and I'm not so sure that they'll ever leave. When the rest of the world is moving around you and you're standing still, it's our nature to to ask ourselves "What are we really doing here?"
Well, perhaps some are meant to go into ministry, be it training for actual ministry, or perhaps counseling, etc. Perhaps others are meant to be writing for Him. It certainly doesn't take much to put up a website these days, or write a book for that matter. Perhaps for others the time has not yet come for the calling. Maybe it's a month away for you, maybe it's a year away, five years away. If we know anything, we know that He truly does work in mysterious ways. There have been so many different times through this journey that I've asked myself what on earth I was doing, what I had become, only to have something revealed to me the following day, the following week. And those things that are revealed are not necessarily always in line with the answer you're looking for, but there are constant signs, nonetheless.
Over Christmas, I had a long talk with my mom about where I had gone with all of this. I told her that I felt lost, that I was starting to lose faith in my instincts, etc. Despite the fact that I've always been one to look down on the $5k Christmas spending spree typical of so many American families, etc, this was the first year I can remember that I actually despised the "Joyous hustle and bustle of the season." I've always thought of the unfortunate, but this year I actually held up our gift opening by about an hour because I was downtown trying desperately to drop off some movies at the Salvation Army with the hopes that they'd still get out to some of the kids.
Even last year when I did this, it felt "Fun to do." A little kid will have a gift! Hooray! You know. A year later, however, despite having spent ten times what I did in the past, there was no fun to any of it to speak of. Though I was very happy to know that some kids would get these gifts (That's human nature), this time around I didn't pull out of there content and "Happy with myself." Rather, I felt sad that there might still have been some children that were going to go without.
So what's changed me? Why does it feel like the closer we get to Him the darker life can be sometimes? We don't know, that's the only rational response I can up with. Despite such feelings, however, despite all of it, I'm convinced that it's through this general sadness that the closer and closer we get to Him. That's a 100% fact in my own experience, I know it. There's not a doubt in my mind that this is all Him. The real Him, not that of an imaginery friend up in my mind.
Why was I out buying up gifts for needy children on Christmas Eve this year with absolutely no expectations or desire for personal recognition, knowing up front that I wouldn't have any inner joy by doing it this year, either (Again, there's always that happiness deep down that they'll be some little kid opening up something, but now it's a self imposed duty, an ambition, rather than a throw in act of goodwill over the Christmas season).
"You've gone mad, you've gone overboard." No, I haven't. That's not what this was about. It literally felt like I was being driven, that's exactly what happened. It was Him doing it in me, through me, however it works. There's not a doubt in my mind looking back at it.
The only thing that was different this year compared to prior years is that I've been putting in much more meaning during prayer time. As I've said before, I'm not a Biblical expert. I know the general stories of the Bible, but I still haven't managed to dive into it the way I've wanted to because I still panic everytime I read this or that verse that might be a bit frightful. Point being, it wasn't like I read a Bible verse the night before that would've explained for such actions.
After explaining all of this to mom early that morning, she basically just told me to calm down about all of the thoughts in my mind, and to trust in Him, and remember that He loves those that love Him. Mom usually comes through in the clutch for me, you know, but this time it didn't help me out all too much, to be fully honest.
We were in their basement at the time, lights were still dim, etc. Mom has been a big fan of the "Department 56" Christmas village pieces through the years, and has assembled an all out full fledged community downstairs that is just beautiful. She actually keeps it up year round. She has about 60 of them, all kinds of little accessories, truly looks like a real little small town back in the 30's or 40's.
Immediately after we had that talk, we both got up and looked over to the corner and couldn't help but notice that one village piece remained lit. 60 pieces, wires all over the place underneath the table, all plugged into extensions fitting into two or three wall outlets. Evidently, they had done some quick re-arranging before everyone arrived, and somehow she had plugged a lone cord into the wall by accident. It was the church.
There was her "Big little city" all dark, all "Shut down" for the night, with one glowing little piece in the middle of "Main Street." And it happened to be the church. Of course there's probably an athiest mathematics genius out there somewhere that will come up with a mathematic probability co-factor and dismiss the relevancy of this "Little example." But you know what? That put an end to the racing thoughts for the day for me. It brought me my peace. He never said it would be easy, but He has promised to hold us up when we become overburned, too. And whether or not we always take note of all of the times that He does that for us in life, the odds are pretty good that we've missed a lot of His work for us along the way, on the same hand.
Unfortunately, there's never a fairytale ending to the battle. At least not yet.
There will always be the good days, and than they'll be the bad days. I am almost convinced, at times, that the closer and closer we reach out to Him the more the devil makes his effort to bring us back down into the reality of this world we live in.
Just like the pair of sports agents competing for the top talent in this or that year's top talent set to enter the NFL draft, as much as we can find glory in the fact that we are at least trying to make our way to Christ's arms, the devil also lies in hiding, and is ready to pounce at every oppurtunity he gets.
But the devil's hate has no power over the the love of Christ, and that we must never forget. Our Special Friend is always there for us, waiting to rescue us. I know that more than anything else at this point.
TheSilentHero
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I'm learning this too, Jiggyfly. I'm in love with an Atheist and because I will not surrender my faith in God, he's beginning to look at me as unintelligent and "bless your heart, what has religion done to you?" But I've made my commitment to God, and have told God, that no matter what the cost, I will never surrender my faith, even at the cost of my heart. But it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. I fear in the end, our relationship (mine and my friend's) will drift apart because I cannot involve myself with someone who insults God in their belief. And it sucks.
Boanerges
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The office of Pastor is God given.
Blaming the Pastor for the attitudinal problems with the people is like blaming a bowl because the soups hot.:shock:
People can be lonely because the Lord has set them aside for a purpose but more often it is just flat out unfriendliness in the body.
The world seems much more socially oriented to those outside their "circles of friends" whether that be in a church, cell group or what have you.
This is not a condemnation but an observation- most Christians are to wrapped up in themselves and their own issues to look at others in need.
That is the opposite of what Jesus would have them do.
The loneliest people in the world are often surrounded by Christians.
As far as receiving from others or others receiving from me I haven,t really seen any problems.
Blaming the Pastor for the attitudinal problems with the people is like blaming a bowl because the soups hot.:shock:
People can be lonely because the Lord has set them aside for a purpose but more often it is just flat out unfriendliness in the body.
The world seems much more socially oriented to those outside their "circles of friends" whether that be in a church, cell group or what have you.
This is not a condemnation but an observation- most Christians are to wrapped up in themselves and their own issues to look at others in need.
That is the opposite of what Jesus would have them do.
The loneliest people in the world are often surrounded by Christians.
As far as receiving from others or others receiving from me I haven,t really seen any problems.
Boanerges
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Be careful my friend. My daughter married an unbeliever though she knew better, the results are not pretty.
lettheredeemed
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While it is true that we may feel alone, in reality we are never alone. The Holy Spirit is ever present within us. I find those times to be excellent opportunities to praise and worship.
Christianity will bring its distinction. What fellowship hath....2Cor.6:14
Jesus said "I am alone....yet not alone, the Father is with me" Jn 16:32
Elijah was alone as he stood on Mt Carmel, challenging the world of his day.
John Baptist was alone as he preached by the river.
The 'greats' in God found felt themselves to be isolated at times.
The words of Jesus came to mind as I read the O.P. Alone yet not alone.......the Father is with us......
And He is with us....for hath He not promised "I will never leave you........."Heb 13:5
Jesus said "I am alone....yet not alone, the Father is with me" Jn 16:32
Elijah was alone as he stood on Mt Carmel, challenging the world of his day.
John Baptist was alone as he preached by the river.
The 'greats' in God found felt themselves to be isolated at times.
The words of Jesus came to mind as I read the O.P. Alone yet not alone.......the Father is with us......
And He is with us....for hath He not promised "I will never leave you........."Heb 13:5
Greatness4life
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Excellent thread jiggy. I face the loneliness everyday of my life because I have lost all friends due to becoming a Christian. Its a bit rough but no place is better than home with Jesus
To find one who is on the same level, view and love of Christ as you have is not easy. I struggle for that. I have yet to find someone who is mature and truly faithful, obedient in Christ or cares to be to the least. I sit home all day in my home office working the ministry and business. Nothing changes. But faith keeps my peace in Christ and helps me through the days.
Always in Christ, always at peace.
I believed in most of what you guys have shared so far. Just like my friend Chad posted; I believed it wasn't when you try to become a Christian that all this started but when you actually desire to become what God intended you to become which a DISCIPLE.
Christian don't always feel lonely but the Disciples does, because they have moved beyond just being a Christian to becoming Disciple.
So, for all us that have come out of institutional Church(Religion) and felt the need to know Whom we believed more.
"I just imagined it sometimes ago that; If we have been presented to Christ and not Religion maybe the Loneliness will not have been there. That show that we at one stage or other has been presented to religion and thus it has taken hold of us by making us not to depend on our Lord but in something else".
But praise be to our God for rescuing us from the damn of religion and He has given us LIFE instead of Death.
May we know Him the More and more until we become HIM.
To everyone who are still at the stage of becoming Christian, I say: That is not what God has called us for rather to become His Disciple!!.
Disciples don't live in religion rather in Life of Christ. Lets moving beyond been a Christian into Disciples.
And to us who has found favor with God to become His disciple; Let us endeavor to make other Disciple and not Christian, by that we are fulfilling the great commission the Lord committed into our hand;
''Go ye into all nation and Make disciple(not make Christian)of all Nation''
May the Lord bless us
