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OK I took this differently and I didn't mean to step on your perceptions or sentiments. I misconstrued the points and the place where they were coming from. You have my apology my post must seem silly to you at this point, sorry.
So men indeed choose ******* over decent women
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Perhaps, but in one thing they did do right, in keeping chastity. That at least is honorable.
Just because I will never marry a non-virgin doesn’t mean they aren’t forgiven by God. The Gospel said those who commit sexual sins have committed sins against themselves, so it is not even my place to forgive them for anything. They can only be forgiven by God.
But to marry a non-virgin would bring
me a lot of mental distress and struggle, something I don’t need in my life seeing how much I have already been through - I still haven’t fully recovered. I haven’t married anyone and already I can’t bear emotionally with the possibility that my future husband might not be a virgin.
I know my own emotional limits and no way will I be able to bear with any of this. So I have to give up on marriage most likely, even if I hold marriage very dear to my heart.
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No, you have been polite at the very least. My frustration wasn’t directed at you per se, you don’t have to apologise for stating your views.
Member
I am actually apologizing for the error in not seeing your view. I will state this at the risk of offending you. If the positions were reversed and it was you who slept around in your former life I would surely hold you both blameless and clean not for my sake but for yours. I would feel guilty of soiling your image myself with my own perceptions. I sort of see that is not a position that would inspire you much at the moment, but when I look at anyone and try to relate to them I have to have them standing both free and equal or I can't be right myself when I am standing in front of them. I see you are someone who is considerate and I hope I'm not being taken as rude or calloused by you. I am just stating an important component of trust and equality I personally adhere to for the sake of His Spirit and Word. I love being kind. God Bless You Enxu.
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Well I can only seek a Christian who loves Jesus more than me. Maybe, there are many there, but I do not think many of them will also give me the benefit of the doubt, if they knew my past, and surely I have to tell them the things I struggle with, or I am not being honest. Most Christians do not want to be with women who may hinder them in their walk with God, so yeah I do not know if I will find my knight because I know I need someone who can live with emotionally troubled person, but I am open for those who also struggled in previous relationships. I can never live alone. It is just not who I am but we are all different.
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I see your point, but regarding your situation, a good portion of your burden is not the result of your own actions. You are not accountable when you haven’t done anything to cause the issue, so it is totally different from the situation of a non-virgin.
Unless it is a rape situation, most non-virgins are that way by their choice, so they are accountable. I have no obligation to share a burden with a man who had laid that burden of sexual sin upon himself by his own wilful choice, especially when I am already burdened by other sins committed against me in times past. Sharing a burden is done out of love, not out of obligation.
When I was still a young girl, I dreamed about being in a loving bond with a man, loyal to each other both soul and body. This pleasure seeking generation has smashed that dream into pieces.
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There is already nothing equal about a relationship between a virgin and a non-virgin, because of what was violated by the non-virgin for the sexual sins done. Do you not know that the act of sexual intercourse goes deep into the spiritual realm and God considers this act alone the act of marriage? Do you not know what problems can be brought into the life of the virgin just by the kind of relationship mess the non-virgin had engaged in previously?
Let me give you a glimpse of reality. Sexual disease is just one of the many problems that a non-virgin can bring into the life of a virgin. How many virgins have contracted HIVs for no fault of theirs? Other problems include more infidelity and sexual sin inside marriage and a constant struggle by the non-virgin against these things - all of this adds unnecessary pain and burden to the life of the virgin. Some non-virgins even have financial entanglements with their exes so they bring a financial burden into their marriage with their virgin spouses. I’m sure this is not the full scope of problems the non-virgin will create for their virgin spouses. So where is the equality you talk about?
I can tell you what I would do if it was me who was the non-virgin. I would accept all consequences of my own actions because that’s what a decent person does. Of course the consequences do not include eternal death provided that I repent truly, but there are temporary consequences like facing constant grief and guilt for bringing pain into my partner’s life, losing a true love who can’t accept my past etc etc.
I will accept these consequences no matter how painful and not lay unnecessary burdens on others when I am the one who brought all the troubles upon myself.
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You raised a good point though about sharing burdens. I am willing to share the burdens of others when they are truly victims. For instance, assume my future husband was raped as a child. He may no longer be a virgin but I will still regard him as virgin. It would be grossly unjust to hold him accountable and judge him for that when it’s not even his fault. This is what I believe is fair.
Member
These are perfectly correct perceptions in terms of consequences every one of them, but that is not the equality I was referring to. What kind of EQUAL do you want to go ahead of you in your life journey. The image that defines you in the eyes of others. Your position is a downward look, condescending in tone not that that is your intention. My instincts are telling me the injury here is greater than you are letting on. To be sure that is not my business, it is a sacred place, but you should be able to say this to every person alive that they are free and equal as they stand in front of you and you must choose from inside of yourself a place to relate to them from. That is the equal I was referring to. For me not to live up to it would be in my heart the same as violence against them.
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Sister. There are those men and women who are also not virgin, because they were not Christian in the past and have no idea what the bible says about this. It is not possible for them to feel they did any immoral act by having sex. They think it is normal. My ex left me because he could not understand how I can go from that person to this person instantly after surrendering to God.
In my situation, I knew it was a sin, but I was not also a born again Christian yet, but I totally understand. It is for this reason why I am ok to be with a man who also have children like me, because we both can relate, but we should focus on Jesus more than anything.
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so I'm done with marriage. I will die a virgin FOR JESUS.
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DO NOT sacrifice yourself for the law. In this sin damaged world unfortunately compromises have to be made, this is why Jesus died on the cross for our sins and to be victorious over death. Who knows how many men the lord has sent to you, for you to reject them. Just be careful here, just because people made bad marriage decisions previously should not preclude them from trying again with a Godly woman. Our God is merciful and understanding.
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DO NOT sacrifice yourself for the law. In this sin damaged world unfortunately compromises have to be made, this is why Jesus died on the cross for our sins and to be victorious over death. Who knows how many men the lord has sent to you, for you to reject them. Just be careful here, just because people made bad marriage decisions previously should not preclude them from trying again with a Godly woman. Our God is merciful and understanding.
Member
DO NOT sacrifice yourself for the law. In this sin damaged world unfortunately compromises have to be made, this is why Jesus died on the cross for our sins and to be victorious over death. Who knows how many men the lord has sent to you, for you to reject them. Just be careful here, just because people made bad marriage decisions previously should not preclude them from trying again with a Godly woman. Our God is merciful and understanding.
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so I'm done with marriage. I will die a virgin FOR JESUS.
I can sympathize with that feeling but when I review myself I don't like at all the deeply reserved place it puts me in. Somehow I know it is not right. Marriage is serious serious business it takes you to a place no matter what, you can not return from, it changes you and alters your destiny, and no one really knows a person unless they live with them at close quarters with no way out. If you want my out in left field opinion this person did you a favor. You should thank God for the outcome. I still believe my original statement was true ( birds of a feather flock together ) The two you referenced will have trouble in the flesh. That is a Paulian statement but I don't recall where. I think you got the good deal, and you have a future. Don't be down or indignant I think you are the winner here.
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My image in the eyes of others matter very little to me. My heart now only yearns to be right with God. I have treated every man I came across irl with decency and respect even though I will never consider them as partners.
This is a matter of personal choice. It is not sin for me to give up on marriage for my own reasons. Even apostle Paul said it is better to remain single to avoid the many troubles of marriage and this was uttered almost two thousand years ago.
I’ve also made my point clear, my refusal to marry a non-virgin has nothing to do with God’s forgiveness. If they truly repent they are just as worthy to be forgiven as I am
If stating the unpleasant truth about their sin and its consequences is considered condescending then nobody can recognise just what they are getting themselves into - if you’ve seen my posts on here you know I don’t ever sugarcoat the truth to make people feel better. If God be willing, my post should be a discouragement for those who are about to fall into sexual sins rather than perceived as merely a condescending message. If they knew what they are getting themselves into why would they not flee from sexual immorality?
King David fell into sexual sin with Bathsheba and even plotted the death of her husband in battle. God’s prophet Nathan confronted him about his sin not long after. Did God forgive him? Yes when he repented, he was spared from eternal death but God never took away all the consequences of what he did. His first child with Bathsheba died and Nathan told David that there will be trouble in his own house, and there was later on. David’s sin brought about grief not only for himself but also for Bathsheba. This is how damaging sin is, and David accepted all those consequences without grumbling. It is a pity that most non-virgins don’t even have the humble attitude of David. They just want God to remove all consequences the moment they repent.
I have never actually showed a condescending attitude towards any non-virgins I’ve came across irl so I don’t know what’s the concern here. I treat them with the same respect I show to anyone else, so I’ve treated them equal and fair. The only thing is I simply don’t consider them as potential partners.
If anything they are more likely to show condescending attitude towards me for being reserved about this matter. Just look at the posts on here, I am being questioned on whether I’m overweight as the reason for not finding a spouse. Does that not tell you who is the side with the condescending attitude?
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You are right that many non-virgins are not even Christians so they go with the flow of society and commit sexual sin. But it is still a matter of personal choice and we must be accountable for that choice. The only difference now is that God’s Grace has abounded because of the increase of wicked influences so people have more chances to truly repent of what they did. I truly hope all people who have sinned sexually will repent with the heart of David.
I was an atheist for 14 years from birth, and yet I have chosen not to go into sexual sin. Why? Because I detest sleeping with anyone who I don’t go into marriage with - ie. I need to really love someone to be so intimate with them. And my view back then and now was that if I really love someone I will definitely marry them.
I faced many different temptations even at a young age. At the age of 9 there was a boy in my class who wanted to kiss me - I rejected him at the get go because I felt uncomfortable about that. There was also a boy who tried to hug me in class in front of others at that age - barely talked to him since then. Then in junior high I was in a prestigious girls’ school and there were girls who showed clear homosexual interests in me - I felt very uncomfortable and kept my distance. Later on in high school I had a bad boy who wanted to sleep with me - when I found out what kind of person he was I steered clear from him. All this happened before I had any idea what the Christian faith is. In university, I had professors who showed interest in me - I kept things at a professional level because I believe they were married. In church, I had a guy who already had a gf tried to chase me - I steered clear of him the moment I found out he wasn’t single. Even at work I was tempted by a married man who showed romantic interest in me - I cut off all contact with him the moment I left the company. Despite all this temptations thrown in my face and my ignorance of God, my standards about not engaging in premarital sex and my boundaries in relationships never changed.
I am not stating the above to boast, but to make my point across that being a non-Christian doesn’t mean one has to become a non-virgin. I have female friends who also were atheists but rejected premarital sex - one is now married as a virgin. I also saw women in my country who were atheists but remained virgins and opposed premarital sex - they even have a discussion board about staying pure. I respect those ladies a great deal for that kind of tenacity. God gave us a conscience for a reason. I am pretty sure that whether a person knows about God or not, they know somewhere deep inside their conscience that having sex outside of a marital commitment is wrong. Their conscience will tell them.
So when they make a wilful choice to go against their conscience they are accountable for their actions - the Gospel said clearly that those who don’t have the law (ie. don’t know about God) will be judged apart from the law. Just because they never had the chance to know God doesn’t mean they aren’t accountable for doing what they did.
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This is a matter of personal choice and has nothing to do with sacrificing myself for the law. That particular post you replied to was a retaliation of the mockery directed at me for why I remained single. I had to defend myself against false statements.
You can probably tell I don’t like giving up on marriage either, if not why would I be showing such conflicting emotions on here? But as apostle Paul said, marriage is not always the wiser choice and he hopes not all Christians will be burdened by it. He himself remained single till his martyrdom.
There will be virgins who are willing to make the compromises, just not me. To be fair, I even tried to go on discussion boards to see how other virgins cope with marrying non-virgins - hoping I can somehow find a motivation to compromise but it wasn’t a pretty picture. There were marriages which worked out fine despite struggles but more often than not, the virgin is in pain for no fault of theirs. Why? Because many non-virgins still don’t truly repent, they don’t want to be held accountable fo what they did so they fight against the virgins.
When the virgins show that they are hurt by the sexual past of non-virgins, they get no understanding or sympathy. All they get is a selfish and unloving attitude from the non-virgins who blame them for being upset about their partners’ past. So somehow virgins are wrong for feeling hurt about the sexual sins committed by their partners. It’s like telling a victim it is their fault to be hurt. I don’t need to tell about how some non-virgins continue to commit sexual sins after being married to virgins do I?
It’s an ugly scene and I don’t know how many virgins are now in misery because of the selfish and irresponsible mindset of their non-virgins spouses. I don’t need to be entangled in that.
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Thats pretty good and I am encouraged by that position. I have lost many relationships for not sleeping with women. They wanted something I would not give them. Every time I crossed the line and it was not oftenat all it cost me dearly. Your choice is wise and your stand of integrity should not be compromised either. I am glad you made it and I support it. Don't drop your guard but don't harden your heart to others it will cause grief just like sin would. It has it's own great price. I think your fine and I will pray for your Peace and Comfort. God Bless.
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If I had it to do over again I would surely have taken your course. I deeply regret the errors I have made. They created victims too, they were not sins alone with only me involved. They deeply scarred.
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I am not the only one with this position, there are a group of atheist Chinese women in my own country who opposes premarital sex by staying chaste and they have a discussion board about it. Their tenacity against the evil tides of this age is nothing less than admirable.
It is not just the matter of sexual sin that caused me to become bitter. As I replied to Gregoryp earlier, many non-virgins still retain their selfish, irresponsible and unloving attitude even after marrying virgins. It's not like I have not tried to soften my heart, I went around reading people's testimonies trying to find some encouragement to do so, but they were more discouraging than anything. Many non-virgins not only demand complete and unconditional forgiveness, they even blame the virgins for feeling hurt. Many abusers in relationships do the same, they demand unconditional forgiveness at the expense of the victims. Such people are just irresponsible and unreliable, they want to escape all consequences of their evil actions without bearing any costs and they don't care a bit about how their actions have hurt others. They don't even have the right heart to begin with, so why should virgins be accepting of them? It angers me to even talk about them.
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I hope at least you will not be selfish and unloving if you do marry a virgin. For that matter, I am not responsible for causing grief to those I reject. Rejection in relationships happen for many reasons, no one should be held responsible for causing grief by rejecting the opposite gender.
The grief of non-virgins comes from their mistakes, not from my rejection.
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Wow. I assure you the father of my daughter has no conscience about this. The other week he came around basically to take his daughter to his mom, and he briefly touched on this subject among other things. He said that he will never stay in any sexless relationship if I still have hope to save our relationship. I tried to reason with him before and he agreed to it, but now he coils like serpent when I try to compromise with him and guess what? He comes from Catholic background, so I assumed this would make sense to him, but it did not. On the contrary, he told me he is very disgusted by these 'stupid' ideas, and how this is not normal or healthy . . .etc. and he also called God a demon, and he puts so much blame on me for it. He said I made him seek these other women, and how his daughter will suffer and hate me for it…etc.. His persecution almost caused me to turn against my God. I am telling you he has no conscience whatsoever. They think we are some sort of freaks that we wait for marriage.
Praise Jesus. God protected you, because that is not how it is with non-Christians.
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