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Youth Pastor said disurbing things to son

  • My 13 year old son was asked to sing “Barbie Girl”. He never saw the song as “dirty” until tonight. He was told, “(son's name), either you are innocent or I’m perverted!” My son learnt this song at Tap Dance teaching 4 year old girls how to dance with their Barbie dolls. So when the song says, “You can brush my hair, undress me anywhere.” My son saw that this was a doll that little girls could take anywhere and play with. In the car, to grandma’s or at home. After tonight my son will no longer be allowed to sing “Barbie Girl” I looked the song lyrics up on the internet. The song is not something a young boy should be singing. I had to explain to him why…just part of parenting. The biggest disappointment to me was the fact his Youth Pastor knew the song was not nice and requested him to sing it to others and then made a joke out of the fact my son was too innocent to understand the song. Bad seeds were planted in his mind at that time.
  • My son said that the Youth Pastor played a ringer for everyone that was a woman’s voice saying, “It’s my husband, get your pants on!” This upset my son deeply. He asked me why Pastor would think someone having an affair was funny!
  • My son said the conversation then went on about buying condoms and being embarrassed to purchase them in Wal-Mart at a time a girl was our church was a check out girl.

I’m concerned that things of this nature was talked about in front of my son. I called another person to see if what my son told me was true. He said it was but said he was prepared to get my son out of the room if it got any more out of hand.

Tomorrow I am going to have a meeting with our pastor and Youth pastor...how do I handle this? Please note...my son just turned 13 and attends a Christian School. He is immature for his age but not too immature to know this was wrong.

Please advise...it's 2:48 am and I won't sleep untill I get suggestions on what to say tomorrow. I want to handle it as kind as I know how. My husband is away this week on business and I don't have him to lean on
I called another person to see if what my son told me was true. He said it was but said he was prepared to get my son out of the room if it got any more out of hand.

I would seek to get this person to attend the meeting also. So that you have a witness to what was done. I would suggest your keep a very serious but clam state at the meeting. Let them know by your firm words and your serious demeanor that you have been greatly offended. But do not under any circumstance loose your self control and start to shout and get angry. Also do not be brushed aside if they attempt to trivialize the episode. Don't back of stand for your principals and if a genuine apology is not forthcoming then seek to remove your son from that school/church.

All Praise The Ancient Of Days

PS: Say a heart felt prayer before you enter the room for The Spirits guidance and the peace of Jesus.
I completely agree with Adstar. You need to make sure that your son is protected and that something like this doesn't happen again. I will keep you and your son and he other children who heard this in my prayers that no ill growth comes of it. God Bless You
I must admit, he sounds like a very odd Youth pastor. I dont really know where to start, but I agree with you that talking to both him and the Pastor is probably the best way forwards. I think that was a very sensible decision that you've made.

Without knowing the details, its obviously difficult to jump to conclusions. If your son was asked to sing "Barbie Girl", and the Youth Pastor already knew the song, then that episode is all rather curious. Personally, I would have asked that he sing something else and then explained to him myself at a later stage why "Barbie Girl" was perhaps inappropriate. Still, its quite possible that the Youth Pastor had not heard the song before, or had not paid so much attention to it, and was unaware of some of its connotations. I confess that I heard it once or twice on the radio at the time and thought nothing of it at first. However, his sense of humour was nonetheless misplaced.

The second incident that you mentioned is shocking. Misplaced humour or not, I fail to see what explanation he can give.

With regard to the condom-buying, that's a very fraught issue. I can't tell if your Youth Pastor was trying to be funny, or if he was using a light-hearted way to address a serious topic. I assume that you are a Protestant of some description or another, as I cannot imagine a Catholic Youth Pastor addressing the issue of contraception in such a manner.

I have never been a Youth Pastor myself, but I know that a colleague of mine was asked rather awkwardly by a boy about God's view on using contraceptives. The boy in question was seventeen but there were a couple of others of similar and slightly younger ages there too. I think no younger than fourteen or fifteen. He took the very brave decision of explaining to the elder boy a little about why people use them, he made clear God's views on sin, on marriage, and he gave a difficult piece of advice that if the boy was going to sin despite the pastor's advice, then he should use contraceptives. Whilst he tried to talk to the boy alone, I rather gather that in the way of young boys, the others did their level best to eavesdrop on the conversation, hung on every word of his closing advice, and duly passed on to their parents that the Pastor had condoned sinful relationships.

The poor pastor was caught between two groups of people - one who thought he had handled himself atrociously, that what he had said was truly sinful - and another who thought he had handled it rather well, and acted not just as a distant preacher, but understanding the boy, and genuinely looking his welfare. Once he had the chance to explain exactly what had been said, and his reasons, most came to agree with him.

There were, and indeed probably still are, a handful of people who have never forgiven him for that, and would only have been satisfied with him telling the young boy that he would go to hell if he so much as laid a finger on a contraceptive.

However, I don't feel that is quite the situation your own pastor is in. Nonetheless, my word of caution would be that sometimes whilst what you hear is true, it is not always the whole story. I think what you need to do is allow the Youth Pastor the chance to explain himself.

From where I sit, it seems that he is probably very well-meaning, just cursed with an inappropriate sense of humour. God will be with you when you meet them later, and He will guide you. Know that Jesus will be with you, and do what you feel is right.
First, let me encourage you to pray before the meeting, pray for wisdom, clarity, calmness and a sensitive spirit. I am a Youth Pastor so this post is very meaningful to me. The Bible is clear about handling an issue with a fellow believer, even if it is a Pastor. In Matthew chapter 5 verse 23-24 it says, “Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.” Therefore, when we have an issue with a fellow believer we are to go to them as soon a possible and reconcile. Later in Matthew, we are instructed in the following way, “Matthew 18:15-17 says, “Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.” In these passage, we see how to handle an issue when we have committed the wrong, and how to handle it when we have been wronged. The first step is always to go to the brother or sister alone, and make it right.
Therefore, as you can see, you should go to the youth Pastor one on one, if He can explain himself to Biblical satisfaction, then you are reconciled, if He refuses to explain, or His explanation is off the wall in some way, then take one or two more witnesses with you. I suggest that the Pastor be one of the witnesses.
As a Youth Pastor myself, I deal with many other Youth Pastors. They tend to be younger, I am 42(old for a youth guy). Some are so eager to impact that they try too hard to fit in, and sadly can compromise the Gospel. This is sometimes because of their youth, and lack of experience. Sometimes this can be because of lack of education. Moreover, one thing you most do is pray for your Youth Pastor. Encourage Him, and stay heavily involved in the youth program at your church. Go to youth class often and help. It will help Him, you and your child. If He is young, it may be that the Pastor just needs to mentor Him a little more, guiding Him and teaching Him. The youth ministry is one of the most difficult ones of our time. Often we are dealing with youth who have no Biblical reinforcement either at school or home. Trying to reach the youth of today is a challenge.
On the surface, what you posted is odd to say the least. However, be a willing listener, stay calm, and do not let emotion cloud your judgment. Use facts when you address the issue. And once again, pray, pray and pray again. It sounds like you and your child have a good relationship. Keep up the good work. And, keep us up to date on what happens.
God Bless you In the Name of Jesus.
Your Pastor T
It seems funny to me that we forget about what the bible says concerning those in leadership when it comes to correction but if its for recognition, well thats a totally different song and dance. Always wanting to take care of correction behind closed doors, no one needs to know. Right? Wrong!

1Timothy 5:19-22
19*Against an elder receive not an accusation, but before two or three witnesses. 20*Them that sin rebuke before all, that others also may fear.
21*I charge thee before God, and the Lord Jesus Christ, and the elect angels, that thou observe these things without preferring one before another, doing nothing by partiality. 22*Lay hands suddenly on no man, neither be partaker of other men’s sins: keep thyself pure.
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djh4him, I realize your meeting is probably already over. You have received many words of wisdom here. I just wanted to add a couple of things. As a parent, you are ALWAYS the parent....even when your child is at church. If there was a situation where someone asked something to trigger a sensitive topic, I can see it being addressed (although this method may not have been entirely appropriate). However, the youth pastor has an obligation to respect the parents & come to you after the fact if he could not before. Neglecting to do so with sensitive topics as this isn't acceptable when the child is as young as your's.

Don't be intimidated - we are to respect the position even if we cannot respect the person. If your gut doesn't feel right about this, hold your own (after prayer of course). I also agree with either removing your son or sitting in on the classes. If sitting in is frowned upon....my suspicions would definitely go up.

Blind trust doesn't work anymore. Just because he is a youth pastor doesn't mean he is incapable of doing wrong.
It sounds to me like this youth pastor has absolutely no business in this role in the Church. I would take this matter to the pastor and let him know what is going on. This man is teaching perversion to children. God bless you and your family. :thumbs_do
Trust no one with you're children until you get to know them !!! This is a sick world , and satan will stop at nothing to influince you're children ! Mike