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Dictator, Doormat or Diplomat? (1)
'...Don't be hard on your children...' Ephesians 6:4 CEV
Parenting children between puberty and young adulthood draws on every bit of grace and wisdom you can muster. Your effort to train them - and their drive for independence - is a tug of war that frustrates you both. The outcome depends largely on which of three classic parenting styles you follow. Though parents want the best for their kids, some styles work well and some don't. Let's examine each.
The authoritarian style:in its extreme form these parents announce, 'I make the rules. You follow them! Don't question me, obey me.' Compliance at all times, respect for authority, traditional values and hard work are demanded. 'There's only one opinion here: mine. All other opinions are considered mutiny!'
Authoritarians typically don't tolerate losing face, don't apologise or admit fault. They are blame-oriented, legalistic, judgmental, shaming and belittling; expecting, yet exposing the worst in their kids. By coming down hard they provoke confrontations; punishment can be harsh and unreasonable.
But there are also pluses with this style: the rules are clear; it establishes chain of command, speeds up the child's response, is effective with very young and insecure kids and can be useful in crisis times.
However it may inhibit a child's healthy individuation process, retard mature communication, promote social dependence and incompetence, discourage decision-making and initiative-taking skills; it may also elevate social anxiety and depression, increase the likelihood of your child being intimidated and bullied. Authoritarians may maintain military-style discipline, but they seldom rear happy, healthy, creative kids!
written by Bob Gass
'...Don't be hard on your children...' Ephesians 6:4 CEV
Parenting children between puberty and young adulthood draws on every bit of grace and wisdom you can muster. Your effort to train them - and their drive for independence - is a tug of war that frustrates you both. The outcome depends largely on which of three classic parenting styles you follow. Though parents want the best for their kids, some styles work well and some don't. Let's examine each.
The authoritarian style:in its extreme form these parents announce, 'I make the rules. You follow them! Don't question me, obey me.' Compliance at all times, respect for authority, traditional values and hard work are demanded. 'There's only one opinion here: mine. All other opinions are considered mutiny!'
Authoritarians typically don't tolerate losing face, don't apologise or admit fault. They are blame-oriented, legalistic, judgmental, shaming and belittling; expecting, yet exposing the worst in their kids. By coming down hard they provoke confrontations; punishment can be harsh and unreasonable.
But there are also pluses with this style: the rules are clear; it establishes chain of command, speeds up the child's response, is effective with very young and insecure kids and can be useful in crisis times.
However it may inhibit a child's healthy individuation process, retard mature communication, promote social dependence and incompetence, discourage decision-making and initiative-taking skills; it may also elevate social anxiety and depression, increase the likelihood of your child being intimidated and bullied. Authoritarians may maintain military-style discipline, but they seldom rear happy, healthy, creative kids!
written by Bob Gass
