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- Apr 25, 2006
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Avoid Triangles
'...mind your own business...earn your own living...' 1 Thessalonians 4:11 GNT
We're not very good at knowing the difference between helpfulness and interference! Suppose two people we care about are in conflict. We think we can be the Red Cross and salvage things. Ultimately, with our good intentions in ruins, we're in over our heads. Looking back, we say, 'I'll never do that again' - until the next time!
Here are some healthy relationship boundaries. Sometimes when two people are at odds with each other they 'triangle in' a third person to focus on, attempting to lower their stress.
Whoever they triangle in gets caught in the middle, becomes entangled in their unresolved issue, and ultimately becomes their shock absorber. Unfortunately, when that person's rescue attempt backfires they become part of the problem, keeping the issues and themselves stuck.
So what should you do?
(1) Unless God puts you in the middle, stay out! The Bible says, '...mind your own business...' (1 Thessalonians 4:11 GNT) If your name's not on it, don't pick it up! Try saying, 'I care about you both too much to complicate things with unqualified advice. I'll pray that God gives you the wisdom to do what's right for each other.'
(2) Maintain a caring relationship with both people. Relationship specialist, Edwin Friedman, says, 'The way to bring change to the relationship of two others is to maintain a well-defined relationship with each, and avoid taking responsibility for their relationship.' Don't take sides. Don't let them pull you in. If they try, remind them that you're praying and trusting God to help them resolve the problem, and that you're confident He will do it.
written by Bob Gass
'...mind your own business...earn your own living...' 1 Thessalonians 4:11 GNT
We're not very good at knowing the difference between helpfulness and interference! Suppose two people we care about are in conflict. We think we can be the Red Cross and salvage things. Ultimately, with our good intentions in ruins, we're in over our heads. Looking back, we say, 'I'll never do that again' - until the next time!
Here are some healthy relationship boundaries. Sometimes when two people are at odds with each other they 'triangle in' a third person to focus on, attempting to lower their stress.
Whoever they triangle in gets caught in the middle, becomes entangled in their unresolved issue, and ultimately becomes their shock absorber. Unfortunately, when that person's rescue attempt backfires they become part of the problem, keeping the issues and themselves stuck.
So what should you do?
(1) Unless God puts you in the middle, stay out! The Bible says, '...mind your own business...' (1 Thessalonians 4:11 GNT) If your name's not on it, don't pick it up! Try saying, 'I care about you both too much to complicate things with unqualified advice. I'll pray that God gives you the wisdom to do what's right for each other.'
(2) Maintain a caring relationship with both people. Relationship specialist, Edwin Friedman, says, 'The way to bring change to the relationship of two others is to maintain a well-defined relationship with each, and avoid taking responsibility for their relationship.' Don't take sides. Don't let them pull you in. If they try, remind them that you're praying and trusting God to help them resolve the problem, and that you're confident He will do it.
written by Bob Gass
