Wow, that's a lot you wrote.
I would suggest you go to your Pastor immediately and talk with him and get counsel. Your wife seems intuative. I think there are other issues at hand here if this is a pattern of behaviour on your part. You seem to be caught up in sexual sin and this is dangerous for you and your wife. You need help fast. This can consume you and destroy your marriage.
you shld be straight with ur self if u are a christian for God know us even b4 we were created so i dont see why u shld hind and feel self pity. am sure it was Gods will that she dreamt of u cheating which basically is true, so confront ur wife for the love that shines from her eyes is enough for her to forgive u. If God can who cant? and who is he/she to judge you went u have an artoney( God Himslef) ask for the forguveness and lead a life full of happiness .
Scott I gotta be honest with you. I have been thinking about your issue for the most part of the day here and I've been thinking about my marriage in the process.
I read Elaine's post about her concern over her salvation and that she has an issue within her marriage and realized how wrong she was. I don't hear that in your message, I hear you are worried that your wife may catch on. To me that is a red flag, tells me that you will keep doing it until you are caught. Having sex with someone other than your wife is making a mockery of your marriage to this woman, you did this 3 times. There is no excuse.
Thinking about my husband; the first time it would be tough to forgive him, everything would be put on hold until we both received counselling. If there was any further sexual sin, personally I would walk away from the marriage because I do not deserve to be treated that way & I won't stand for it, I have too much respect for myself to continue. I would question my husbands salvation whether or not he was truly saved. The Bible is clear about sexual sin/adultery lead to the end result of ending the marriage under God's eyes. That is a step I would take, kids or no kids.
A friend of mine went though that with her husband and she had to go for AIDS tests because of what he did. She was a virgin when they got married and to have to explain why you have to go for AIDS testing is completely unacceptable.
So Scott you need to talk to a Pastor. Sexual sin is not all about you, your wife will face consequences as well.
Sorry if I am blunt but I will speak the truth in love.
You should certainly confront her and ask her for forgiveness, first ask GOD for forgiveness in Jesus' name, for deliverance from evil of lust, for guidance and wisdom in confronting your wife about this
I have read my posting after a day and i can see how some of you think all i care about is getting caught. That is the farthest from the truth. I have sinned and feel like crap. I hurt the most important people in my life, my wife and my daughter. I am a piece of crap for doing this. So i should tell her. If i tell her i know she will divorce me, deservingly so, and my daughter will be from a broken home. The consiquince of telling her is far more damaging than not telling her. I do love her so much. I need her love so much. I hate myself for doing this and i will never let the devil into my marriage again. I see all your points, but i just cant tell her. I can't. But i promise you all and you jesus that i will seek counsel. Maybe even a doctor's help.
As much as I hate talking about this experience, I gotta reply to this thread.
I'm not proud of it at all... but I did consider cheating on my husband once. At that time we hadn't been married for very long, and I was letting Satan convince me that I wasn't worthy of my husband or my marriage. I knew my husband was a very strong and faithful Christian man, and he deserved a woman that was as equally strong in her faith in Christ as he was.
My exboyfriend was not a Christian and during the time I was with him I denied Christ. Then I felt bad about that, and I let Satan convince me that I no longer deserved Jesus' love, either. So in the end I decided that it'd be easier to sell myself short by going back to my exboyfriend rather than trying to live up to the high expectations my husband had for me.
I set up an arrangement to meet with my exboyfriend in another town, to where my husband would know nothing about it. I had a good excuse as to why I was in this other town, and I was sure my husband would never find out about it. I came home at the time I was supposed to, I'd not left any clues as to where I had been... yet as soon as I walked in the door I knew that my husband knew.
How could he have known? The only answer is that God must have told him. He didn't have a clue before I left. Now he knew. And he was very hurt, and heartbroken.
My husband told me about how he'd found out that his first wife was having an affair on him. He said that he was sitting at home one day wondering where she was and then he could see her, in his mind, clear as day. He could see her with a man, in a bar that he'd never seen before, but was sure it existed. So he got into his truck and just started driving. He didn't know to where, but he just kept going, letting the Holy Spirit guide him. Once he got there, his wife was there with the other man that my husband had not met before but saw in the vision that God gave him.
I would not have believed that God tells people about their lies before, but I definitely believe it now. God hasn't showed me anything like that about anyone else, but I suppose He hasn't had reason to. And I also now believe that God does this for our own good. Mark 4:22 reads, "There is nothing hidden that will not be revealed. There is nothing kept secret that will not come to light" (NLB), and I suppose God sometimes uses the Holy Spirit to reveal these secrets to others. So it's not going to do any good to try and keep anything from your spouse. God will make sure that they find out, one way or another. And I believe He does it out of the Love that He has for us.
I myself am personally very happy that God revealed my secret to my husband. I didn't actually do anything with my exboyfriend on that night. Yes I met with him and talked to him and even hugged him, which is all more than what I should have been doing but at least I didn't cheat on my husband and that whole experience of my husband being told by God what I did scared me enough that it straightened me out. It made me realize how much God was a part of our lives, and made me feel worthy again of my love from both God and my husband. So, even though it took time and the relationship between my husband and I did have to go through a healing process, still in the end it all turned out okay because now I no longer have doubts about God's love for me or my husband's love for me and I've learned not to listen to Satan about that kind of stuff anymore.
Remember people only poke into your business when they care about you. That's why parents try and get into their children's business, and that's why God gets into your business.
Oh, before I end this post I should also add that I went through a lot of guilt, and a lot of shame, for even thinking about having an affair... and I can only imagine that Scott here must be feeling the same feelings only to a worse degree. If you've asked for God's forgiveness from your sins, then you received that forgiveness the minute you confessed. You just may not feel that forgiveness yet. I know it took a long time for me to feel that things were finally right between me and God. Finally, I realized that what I needed to do was ask for peace about the situation. I learned that from Rich Mullins and the story that he told about his song Hold Me Jesus. He'd went through a similar experience and had written that song about it. Don't despair, Scott, other Christians have went through the same thing as you. Trust in God to heal and repair your life for you now that you've learned this valuable lesson.