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When to leave a church (IFB)

Discussion in 'Ethics & Morality' started by of_the_rose, Feb 15, 2017.


Should I leave or stay at this church?

  1. Stay

    1 vote(s)
  2. Leave

    4 vote(s)
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  1. Isnt there any other local church fellowship you can be oart of. Just go there and mention you now belong there. If they want to make a big fuss about dismissing you just say they dont need to do that, that your time there is up and its a new season for you and your husband and God wants you to go elsewhere.

    They seem to me just being bureaucratic and petty about it.
    The bible does say dont hang round those that have a different doctrine or teach a false gospel dont even say to them Godspeed.
    Sent from a mobile device
  2. The church, of which all Christians are a part, is the body of Christ. It is not a building. It is not an institution of human-making. It is not a denomination, and it is not a corporation (business). Christ Jesus is the head of this church. When we believe in Jesus, we are church members. We need no other church membership. Yes, he gives us leaders, and we are to submit to those leaders, but if they require of us something sinful or something leglistic or out of their realm of biblical authority, we don't have to obey them. Read the book of Galatians, for it speaks of how the Judaizers tried to get the Christians to follow legalistic customs and practices which God does not require. Jesus set us free from slavery to sin and from slavery to man-made rules and regulations, and he wants us to remain free. His yoke is easy, and his burden is light. Amen! And, it is because he carries our burdens for us. But, he does not put yokes on us which God delivered us from. So, obey God. Do what his word teaches you. If your spiritual leaders teach what is in accord with scripture, obey them. If they do not, you are not bound to follow them. We are to flee from false doctrine and hypocritical liars and bondage to legalism and idolatry, which can include the blind following of leaders who lead people astray. If they are teaching a Jesus or a gospel other than the one the NT apostles taught, then we are not to put up with them.
  3. Hi Rose. I suppose the only question that needs to be addressed is that of whose spirit or Spirit is leading your church; and, is it growing in accordance with the leading of said Spirit? Rules are necessary for guidance, but our salvation is not solely based on following rules. It is our attitude, our heart, and the grace of God which determines that. Is the grace of God evident in your life, does your walk with God bear the fragrance of Christ, and do others desire what you have shown them? Why has your church not grown? Is it not its mission to seek the lost and bring them to Christ through the leading of the Holy Spirit, and be the fragrance of Christ?

    My opinion on being alone (and I spend much time alone) is either one exists in a social desert, or, one has poorly developed social skills through either poor leadership or a selfish attitude. A good question for your pastor is if the membership has grown as expected. Was it expected to grow, or was it meant to fulfill someone's personal issue never expecting any significant gains? You may find your pastor has realized that despite fruitful potential based on good intentions, his flock has not increased other than replacing that which has gone on. Seriously, is this what Jesus instructed his apostles to accomplish? You gotta be kidding me if the answer is "Yes" as that really puts a new meaning on the harvest is great, but the workers are few.

    Whether you choose to remain or leave is your decision. Either way, a change must be made and staying means a greater fight than leaving because you are literally telling the Old Guard they were wrong. And, that is likely why they belong to an independent church in the first place. If you to wish to effect a change, this is one time when spending time in prayer seeking the leading of the Holy Spirit is much advised. And it's difficult to type with an 18 lb cat in my arms. I wish you all the best in your spiritual endeavours. Keep looking to Jesus and never look back. Cheers, John
  4. @of_the_rose
    The best choice any one can make in these types of situations is to Not seek people's advice but Rather Seek The Lord and See What He Wants.

    No one else can direct you unto the path the Lord wants you on.

    We must All learn to be Spirit Led in all we do and not by people, sight or feelings.
    Sent from a mobile device
    Lanolin and Sue J Love like this.
  5. Good advice wired.
    I don't usually cast votes when people ask because, its really God you should be asking when you need to make a decision. Its good to get counsel, but it shouldn't depend on how many people on here say 'yes' or 'no'. If ten of us said 'yes' and none of us says 'no' but God says 'no' I would go with God!
    pookiejr and Wired 4 Fishen like this.
  6. Thank You Lanolin,
    What many Believers fail to understand is there is so much to gain when we seek God in anything and then do what He says.

    When we seek God and He directs us.
    Even if we miss it or fowl it up BUT did our best with the Light that we have, God will give us the credit.

    What I mean is.....we can miss the mark or make a mess of it BUT since we listened and did our best....God will Fix it, make it turn out the way He wanted.
    God will move Heaven and Earth if need be to make it right, simply because you OBEYED and did your best.

    Now on the other hand when we seek others advice or trust in our selves and do it any other way then what He would have told us then......
    We reap from our actions
    Stuck with the results from our actions.

    Then we have to find out where we missed it and find out what we need to do to get back where God wanted us.

    Sent from a mobile device
  7. Thank you everyone for your responses! To those wondering why I am asking for advice, or just for someone to hear me out, instead of just praying about it, is because I believe that it is wise to seek out "a multitude of counsellors" along side my prayers about this. This is why we have each other!

    Here is another update:

    My husband and the pastor have been speaking about our differences for about a month now. I can definitely say that my husband cares more about our situation now, and is really taking the lead, which is comforting. He keeps on promising that we will be out soon, and wants to do things the proper way, which is a peaceful dismissal. I've been trying really hard to be patient, and have been struggling. Our dismissal would have to take place at the "next regular business meeting"

    My husband suggested that I stop attending this church until we are dismissed, but he also advised that I do not visit any other church on Sundays until then. In the meantime I have started attending conferences and other events at my old church (not on Sundays) just so I can have some worship and prayer time with other Christians.
  8. Patience.
    Its hard to leave some churches I know. Especially if your other half doesnt feel the same way.
    Its ok to seek counselling. Just checking you sought God first thats all.

    Here is something about patience Ive been learning lately. When king saul wanted to kill david..out of jealousy david ran away...but when davids followers advised him to kill saul when he had the chance in the cave David did not...he had patience to wait for his turn to be King.

    How does that apply to us...well, I do notice that the behaviour of some church leaders can only be described as being jealous of other churches or people who are righteous and perhaps showing them up when they have no reason to be. I dont know if that means some leaders had been appointed who dont have a heart for God and just went on outer appearances...but they still need to obey Him nonetheless.
    Sent from a mobile device
  9. ".....Where ever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty" (2 Cor 3:17) If you are not sensing liberty, and freedom in your Church, then the Spirit of God is not there. Condemnation, and guilt is not what God uses, that is what the Devil uses to keep men under their control. Just because it might be called a "Church" with a specific name does not mean God is there. The Devil transforms himself into a angel of light, and even his minister are also disguised as minters of righteousness.

    2Cor 11:13 For such men are false apostles, deceitful workmen, disguising themselves as apostles of Christ.
    2Cor 11:14 And no wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light.
    2Cor 11:15 So it is no surprise if his servants, also, disguise themselves as servants of righteousness. Their end will correspond to their deeds.

    It makes no difference in what they say to you or how nice they seem to be, are they bearing the fruit of the Spirit?
  10. Hi everyone,
    Here is a huge update!
    After a month of discussion between my husband and the pastor, they have finally concluded that it would be wise to resign our membership and to rejoin a community with more compatible doctrine and practices. I have broken the news to my closest friend and her family at the church, and will gradually tell people over the course of this week about our resignation. We have decided to maintain all of our relationships with our brothers and sisters there, and will be emphasizing that when we tell each family. Plus this way we feel as though we can really spend quality time with them without all the formalities!

    It was hard trusting my husband to lead us during this process, but I am very thankful for his leadership. I wish that this was something that was talked about more in Christian circles, so that its not such a foreign and disorienting experience.
    But with that said, I am also thankful for all the advice and listening ears here on this thread/site. Thank you, so much!
    Hekuran likes this.
  11. I belong to a very similar church and love it.

    I prefer smaller churches as there is more interaction with members. Big churches with smaller weekly 'cell' meetings I found terrible as no qualified elders are present at these.

    The only risk / issue I see with small churches is that the main pastor may be a handful. A lot depends on their relationship with God / humility and the presence / appointment of proper / caring elders.

    I don't mind all the judging you mentioned in your OP. Christianity 101 is to judge each other. Meeting often and praying without ceasing. Not sure why so many here have voted for you to leave.

    The only gripe I have with your church is the rule on been kicked out for bad attendance.

    Anyway, good luck with finding a new church, will add you to our prayer list.
  12. I have found most fundamental churches to be this way.....I am a prayer warrior and we are encouraged to pray for those on our prayer lists but not forced . If a church is telling you, If a church is telling you out right that you can't be a member or get involved unless you pray for everything on the list and then some then i would question it.
    Prayer is an essential part of a Christians life....God loves to hear us pray no matter how Generic they may sound or be as long as it comes from out hearts.
    I honestly think if these are the only issues you have with the church then I would caution you about leaving the church so may never find a church that meets a 100% of all your wants and needs.
    I know I spent most of my 18 yrs of marriage going jumping from religion to religion ,church to church with my husband finding nothing but chaos because one of us was looking for the "Perfect Church"
    KingJ likes this.
  13. Very glad that you have a resolution that you are happy with. With prayers that you will be able to keep good relationships with everybody, and that your resignation won't cause any division.

    When you resign, will your pastor publicly pray for God's blessing on you as you depart? It would make future relationships much easier if he does.

    P.S. Well done husband!
    pookiejr likes this.

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