Member
My husband and I have had a rocky relationship ever since we dated. He seemed ok when we first dated but after a few months things went downhill. I was in college and he was a state away (long distance) and we started to fight a lot. He would always talk about some girl and said he was going to hang out with her. He thought she was cute, etc, etc. We were dating exclusively and whenever we argued he always brought up that girl. I don't know why I continued to stay in the relationship. I think it was due low self-esteem and also the fact that he was the first guy I had intimate relations with (I have felt guilty about this ever since). The relationship was so bad that I started seeking counseling at my college and performing very poorly in my classes. He eventually moved to be with me and we got our own place and lived together. I stopped going to college and just worked. We would get into arguments and he would just go look at porn. I didn't find this out until way later in our relationship. He never came after me or tried to work things out when we argued. He lied to me about being fired from his jobs, he lied about money. I don't know why I thought marrying him would be any better. On the day of our marriage I had the worse feeling in my gut and we argued a few days before. Well my wedding I cried because my parents brought up drama (they dislike his mom). After a few years of being married we had our ups and downs but then things got bad. We argued and he would leave the house and not come home until very late at night. I found out he was looking at porn, not paying the bills (until our electricity got shut off), lied about losing his job. He received texts from several women (he says they were just co-workers and he never cheated on me). I lost some of my trust for him and started questioning him. We ended up having our daughter and whenever we got into arguments I would be left at home with her while he went out and didn't come home until late. We became homeless because I wasn't working at the time and had to stay in a hotel. I later found out he was stealing money from his boss...(I told him to put give it back). I was able to get us into a transition home and they helped us get back on our feet. We moved into our apartment and he lied to me about the tax refund (he had filed it without telling me) and had a separate bank account. He blamed it on the bank and said they were holding the money, he even went as far as to forge documents (make up people), pretend to call. I was upset and believed him and sought a lawyer. He knew this was all a lie and he allowed us to go meet a lawyer. I later called the bank and she said there was no one by that name. I felt like such a FOOL. This wasn't the worse part. His boss found out about the money and threatened to put him in jail. I will never forget that day. HE CRIED because he was so scared to death. That night we prayed and by God's grace he was spared from going to jail. The boss made him pay it back but he was fired. We moved into a different apartment and I was working from home. I also introduced him into working from home. We talked about our marriage and he said he was sorry about how he treated me. He seemed to change but then I found out he was lying to me again. He says that he tries to earn my trust but why would he lie? I started to not trust him about anything because everything he said to me seemed like a lie and usually was. We argued on my birthday and we argued on Mother's day. He doesn't seem to care. I separated from him because he got so angry and called me horrible ungodly names, he got so angry that he smashed my phone with a wrench (so I coldn't work from home). We talked during the separation and had sex a few times because we said we would try it out as if we were dating again. This didn't work so it's been a week since and says he feels that I should apologize. I can't, I can't trust him, I'm hurt, I'm so broken. I am not making an of this up. I feel like he is just doesn't care. He hasn't apologized for my birthday or mother's day or for lying. I feel that it just won't work. He also doesn't seem to care because I lost my job (which was due to a mistake) but he still has his (I introduced him to the job). He is not acting like a husband and more like a bf (if you can even call it that). I feel our marriage is done. We spoke to a counselor and they both say that he maybe depressed. I even contacted a pastor to come pray but for some reason something had to come up. My husband doesn't care about me so what am I supposed to do now? How can a marriage work when only one person is fighting? Please I ask for your prayers. I can barely stand on my own two feet anymore. We have two kids together and I really wish they didn't have to go through this.
