Reconciliation vs. Divorce

[redeemed4life]

Hello. I've had a very hard couple of months. In May 2014, my wife of 4 years cheated on me and ran off with another guy. 1 week later after my wife left, my wife said to me that another guy was interested in her and she was going to pursue that relationship. I was absolutely devastated and felt betrayed that she would choose this. I know for a fact that it wasn't just a one time thing, but her relationship with me eventually just deteriorated and went on a downward spiral.

In the first few months since she chose to leave me and chase this other guy, I really wanted to work on things and get the help we needed to rebuild the marriage. However, she was not interested in reconciliation and wanted to live her life by her own rules. I did not want separation and to even think about ending the marriage. I wanted desperately to do anything we could so we could reconcile.

However, in these last few months, my thinking has shifted and now I don't want to reconcile and get back together. I want to rebuild and move on with my life. My wife's decision has still not changed, however, even if she came to repentance and wanted to work on things, I couldn't say that I would want to get back together. My heart and life has been crushed and my world has been shaken, how could I ever trust my wife again if she chose to repent from her sin?

I have read of all what Scripture says about divorce, but I have questions as to if God always wants a couple to reconcile. My wife choosing to commit adultery and leaving me and choosing not to reconcile is not my fault. She has chosen what she wanted, and I cannot change that. Do I really want to reconcile with my wife, who has destroyed my life and my heart?

Would I be sinning if I choose to divorce rather than choosing reconciliation?

 

[Travis]

I'm not incredibly qualified to speak on the subject, and my authority to say one way or other is pretty much nil... But I do have my opinions.

I think that in the case where one spouse is totally unfaithful and does not want to reconcile at all, but the other spouse has done everything in their power to make reconciliation happen, that God honors the spouse who was faithful. I think this issue should be dealt with by the church (a church body/it's elders) and if they deem that the unfaithful spouse has continually rejected every attempt at reconciliation, they should declare that spouse to be considered to be as an unbeliever by the church and the faithful spouse should be declared as free to marry, without condemnation from any in the church. Ultimately it is God's decision though, on what is or isn't justified, cause he knows the hearts.

I would see it as this situation at that point:

1 Corinthians 7:15 But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.​

This scripture is often abused though, methinks.

blessings,

Travis

 

[mecco]

Dear redeemed4life, you have been crushed, and you are not mad at God! I have been crushed, and I, like Naomi after the death of her husband and sons, could only witness that the Lord slapped me down. Now you are afraid that you will have to do the impossible, I.e. forgive her completely if she wants to come back. Do you have to?

Don't turn to us...you need to fall completely on Him for help....pray for her, and for yourself, read the Bible. Realize that He is at work in you to will and to do His good pleasure. Look to Him for help and guidance.

My brother, Jon, had a similar experience. His wife left him after convicing him to take a job transfer to Calif. A new house (he was expecting her income to help) a new position, and she files for divorce because she knows she would get the kids and the child support that went a lot farther in MO, where her boyfriend lived. It was such a tough time for him too. It tested his faith, but he trusted God enough to praise Him through it. No, they never got back together. Jon married again, but it was a miracle how it all turned out. But that's his story; yours will be different. I hope it will be just as good! Remember, a good story has to have a struggle of some sort!

Thank You, Father, for growing our faith through trials. Thank You for Your Spirit to guide.

 

[Strypes]

1 Corinthians 7:15 But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.

The above scripture gave me great peace when I divorced my ex for adultery. I had taken him back three times and when he left the fourth time, the Bible version I was reading at the time said "If the unbelieving partner leaves, let them go". I still remember to this day the emphasis the Holy Spirit placed on the "let them go" and the peace that came with it.

 

[just-a-servant]

In the old days, adultery ended a relationship because the adulterer was stoned. I don't see that happening here.
In 1998, after what I thought was 22 years of being happily married, my now ex-wife started dating again without telling me. Betrayal is one of the worst emotions you can go through and once it happens, you never forget it and are always on guard for it happening again.
Now for the good part. One of my co-workers at the time told me the pain would dissipate over time and a year from then I'd be on to my new life. Although the hurt and anger I felt was still fresh, I found that I could go on and find happiness with another. I NEVER lost faith in my Lord and found His grace to be sufficient for all my needs. My life went on, I found a wonderful partner much better than the one before and have been married to her for almost 13 years. She is my gift from God because of my faith.
Will your situation be the same? Maybe - but you must choose how you will handle it. With God, it's not so much the situations we find ourselves in, it's how we handle them. Find peace, understand grace, and stay away from alcohol, it's the devil! I wish you luck, the first thing you should do after your conversation with Him is to go buy a Harley! (Well, it sounds like a good idea)

 

[TheWidowsOffering]

Hello @redeemed4life ,

Greetings bro,

Kindly answer this question to yourself. Do you still love her despite of what she has done? Because if you choose to be reconciled with her in case she repents and comes back, when your heart has already grown cold for her, where do you think your relationship goes? Unless, you ask the Lord to put His own love in your heart for her, just like when God commanded Hosea to marry an adulterous wife.

Let me just further share this hope it will give you inspiration.

“Divorce started from the heart” I remember this word from a minister almost three years ago, who remarried his ex-wife after almost two years of being separated when he was asked about their divorce. No, there was no third party involved, both of them are faithful partners until the day they “remarried”.

The minister admitted his part of neglecting his wife despite of his great love and obedience to God‘s call in his life. In that time of his grea trial, all he did is to commit his life to His faithful Creator, entrusting to the Lord the decision of his wife to divorce him.

I am so blessed to read his statement. I read one time on their facebook page which goes this way “I can see again ____________ (his wife) as the woman I was first in love before”, oohhh that is so sweet to hear .

My prayer for you bro, may you come to be able to establish first yourself before the Lord, while entrusting to God your wife, whether it be she comes back or not, you are already standing on a solid ground.

God bless you!

TWO

 

[kvnchrist]

This is not a relationship that I would want to hang onto either. Without trust you have nothing at all and someone who would do this to you would do it just as easily to someone else.Charactor is always the key to every one of us and she is no exception to this.

As for Divorce, it is a legal matter, but in action she has already divorced herself from you and you need to protect yourself from her and her exploits. I am sure that if you are by law still married then you share responsibility for what she does and that doesn't bode well with you continuing on as a healthy, whole person.

As for a Biblical standpoint, I am sure that Adultery is one of the sins that the church will grant you a divorce over, but in the meantime I would get a lawyer and see how best to protect you and your assets from this unfaithful person. Remember, she has a new hottie and they might just want to have a holiday on your dime. If she cares so little that she would betray you, then using you for a bank account, in my wisdom would be nothing at all to her.