Property Of God
Member
- Joined
- Oct 13, 2007
- Messages
- 786
Actual label instructions on consumer products:
On a blanket from Taiwan -
NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.
On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists -
REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.
On a Taiwanese shampoo -
USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.
On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink -
AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.
On a New Zealand insect spray -
THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.
In a US guide to setting up a new computer -
TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)
On a Japanese product used to relieve painful haemorrhoids -
LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FOR APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES, KEEP QUIET.
In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles -
OPEN OTHER END.
On a packet of Sunmaid raisins -
WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?
On a Sears hairdryer -
DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.
On a bag of Fritos -
YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE.
On a bar of Dial soap -
DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP.
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box) -
DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN.
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -
PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING.
On a Korean kitchen knife -
WARNING KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights -
FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY.
On a Japanese food processor -
NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE.
On Sainsbury's peanuts -
WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS.
On an American Airlines packet of nuts -
INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS.
On a Swedish chainsaw -
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS.
On a child's superman costume -
WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY.
On some frozen dinners -
SERVING SUGGESTION DEFROST.
On a hotel provided shower cap in a box -
FITS ONE HEAD.
On packaging for a Rowenta iron -
DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY.
On Boot's "Children's" cough medicine -
DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY.
On Nytol sleep aid -
WARNING MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS.
On a Casio calculator -
ACCURACY NOT GUARANTEED.
On a Chrysler boot lock -
DO NOT LEAVE KEYS BEHIND.
On a Jensen car stereo -
WARNING: Loud music can cause deafness
On Jenkyl's Children Multivitamins -
NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN.
On a blanket from Taiwan -
NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.
On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists -
REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.
On a Taiwanese shampoo -
USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.
On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink -
AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.
On a New Zealand insect spray -
THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.
In a US guide to setting up a new computer -
TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)
On a Japanese product used to relieve painful haemorrhoids -
LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FOR APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES, KEEP QUIET.
In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles -
OPEN OTHER END.
On a packet of Sunmaid raisins -
WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?
On a Sears hairdryer -
DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.
On a bag of Fritos -
YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE.
On a bar of Dial soap -
DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP.
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box) -
DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN.
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -
PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING.
On a Korean kitchen knife -
WARNING KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights -
FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY.
On a Japanese food processor -
NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE.
On Sainsbury's peanuts -
WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS.
On an American Airlines packet of nuts -
INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS.
On a Swedish chainsaw -
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS.
On a child's superman costume -
WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY.
On some frozen dinners -
SERVING SUGGESTION DEFROST.
On a hotel provided shower cap in a box -
FITS ONE HEAD.
On packaging for a Rowenta iron -
DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY.
On Boot's "Children's" cough medicine -
DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY.
On Nytol sleep aid -
WARNING MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS.
On a Casio calculator -
ACCURACY NOT GUARANTEED.
On a Chrysler boot lock -
DO NOT LEAVE KEYS BEHIND.
On a Jensen car stereo -
WARNING: Loud music can cause deafness
On Jenkyl's Children Multivitamins -
NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN.
