Hello everyone,
I came to this site a year or so back, when I was having a very hard time getting over a relationship, It was hard but it was something I came to FINALLY realize is normal in life, and some people, no matter how perfect it may have seemed just arent for each other.
I am starting to apply for Civil Service Exams to hopefully become a Police Officer, I feel it is almost my calling, I really do love to help others, and I guess its just one of those things I have a passion for.
I am nervous, I am nervous because when I transferred colleges, the college I ended up going to I met friends, who were good, nice friends, but were into some....bad habits...I was introduced to Weed. Now, I never bought it myself, or sold it, or became a regular smoker, or was ever toked out of my mind every day (like some of my roommates were, I was roomed with them by the school) but i did smoke probably 10-15ish times.....Last time probably about a year ago.....Now, I have no excuse for this, it WAS wrong, and I know it was. I honestly regret ever messing with the stuff, and to think now it may play a factor in me not being able to do what I want in life almost makes me sick...I have disassociated myself from these people, as much as I liked them, I have realized they only looked out for their own best interest and arent really going anywhere in life (spiritually, or professionally) It saddens me, but I cant do anything about it.
To make it simple, I messed up, for me that was rock bottom....permanent mark on my record as far as Law enforcement goes, I will have to answer yes to smoking to every agency, It has me worried, What will make me stand out over 200-300 other applicants?
I think about it at night and i worry so much.....I started reading my Bible nightly, it seems to take my worries away, to read Gods word. "With God all things are possible." and I want to say, if God wants me to become a cop, he will allow it, but what if he doesnt? I feel as though I want it so bad.....I know its wrong to have something like this, Finally bring me closer to God, but it has, and I now ENJOY reading my Bible and look forward to it, heck im looking forward to start attending church with my mom now,
But i almost feel as though its wrong, im wrong for wanting to get closer to God for this reason, I feel in the back of my mind, i might be doing this so He may help me out....But then again, I find Peace within when I talk to him, or read His word, I want to become a better person, Ive started to watch the way I talk, as being 21, sometimes we use creative language, I havent gone out and gotten drunk with my friends in awhile, and I feel good, IDK if im ready to be "Born Again" i feel as though, I dont deserve it yet.....IDK.....I feel almost guilty, I feel as though I have lived a pretty good and honest life until now, but then when you reflect its like....****...maybe I havent..:coocoo:..
The other night when I was worrying about what I would say to these Background Investigators about my past, and some of the petty mistakes ive made, along with the Weed.....I read a passage that i felt spoke directly to me.....
"But when they deliver you up, do not worry about how or what you should speak. For it will be given to you in that hour what you should speak." Its really amazing how God can grab your attention, and almost comfort you....Im hoping he gives me the words, when the time comes...
I just hope my mistakes in the past, dont ruin my future.
E.
I came to this site a year or so back, when I was having a very hard time getting over a relationship, It was hard but it was something I came to FINALLY realize is normal in life, and some people, no matter how perfect it may have seemed just arent for each other.
I am starting to apply for Civil Service Exams to hopefully become a Police Officer, I feel it is almost my calling, I really do love to help others, and I guess its just one of those things I have a passion for.
I am nervous, I am nervous because when I transferred colleges, the college I ended up going to I met friends, who were good, nice friends, but were into some....bad habits...I was introduced to Weed. Now, I never bought it myself, or sold it, or became a regular smoker, or was ever toked out of my mind every day (like some of my roommates were, I was roomed with them by the school) but i did smoke probably 10-15ish times.....Last time probably about a year ago.....Now, I have no excuse for this, it WAS wrong, and I know it was. I honestly regret ever messing with the stuff, and to think now it may play a factor in me not being able to do what I want in life almost makes me sick...I have disassociated myself from these people, as much as I liked them, I have realized they only looked out for their own best interest and arent really going anywhere in life (spiritually, or professionally) It saddens me, but I cant do anything about it.
To make it simple, I messed up, for me that was rock bottom....permanent mark on my record as far as Law enforcement goes, I will have to answer yes to smoking to every agency, It has me worried, What will make me stand out over 200-300 other applicants?
I think about it at night and i worry so much.....I started reading my Bible nightly, it seems to take my worries away, to read Gods word. "With God all things are possible." and I want to say, if God wants me to become a cop, he will allow it, but what if he doesnt? I feel as though I want it so bad.....I know its wrong to have something like this, Finally bring me closer to God, but it has, and I now ENJOY reading my Bible and look forward to it, heck im looking forward to start attending church with my mom now,
But i almost feel as though its wrong, im wrong for wanting to get closer to God for this reason, I feel in the back of my mind, i might be doing this so He may help me out....But then again, I find Peace within when I talk to him, or read His word, I want to become a better person, Ive started to watch the way I talk, as being 21, sometimes we use creative language, I havent gone out and gotten drunk with my friends in awhile, and I feel good, IDK if im ready to be "Born Again" i feel as though, I dont deserve it yet.....IDK.....I feel almost guilty, I feel as though I have lived a pretty good and honest life until now, but then when you reflect its like....****...maybe I havent..:coocoo:..
The other night when I was worrying about what I would say to these Background Investigators about my past, and some of the petty mistakes ive made, along with the Weed.....I read a passage that i felt spoke directly to me.....
"But when they deliver you up, do not worry about how or what you should speak. For it will be given to you in that hour what you should speak." Its really amazing how God can grab your attention, and almost comfort you....Im hoping he gives me the words, when the time comes...
I just hope my mistakes in the past, dont ruin my future.
E.
