Dedsa, I will keep you in my prayers. Yes, you're already a Christian, and that's the good news!! Just know that ALL of us as Christians go through struggles of some sort; it's certainly not easy being a Christian. God has let satan have rule on this earth, thus we have temptations of all sorts all around us. It is only human to follow our human instincts.
Jesus told us to take the road less traveled, the narrow road, the road that leads to Heaven.
"Resist the devil, and he will flee from you" James 4:7
"put on the full armor of God, so that you will resist the devil's schemes". Ephesians
6:11
"Do not give the devil a foothold" Ephesians 4:27
and.."Who can harm you if you are eager to do good?" I Peter 3:13
I memorize verses, about one every week or so, and these verses come to mind when I am tempted in a way that I know is not the right thing to do as a Christian. I hope they will help you too.