Welcome to TJ.
If your still searching for answers, especially to things like, Who, What, Why, I'll share something I think God has put in my heart that helped me with this type of wondering:
When I finally realized that "I" couldn't be a Christian, many things came into focus. Does that strike you odd, that I believe in something like that?
I know in my heart that many "Christians' across this world struggle with their faith because they work so hard at "Being A Christian" and turn around feeling empty, that they have, for some reason, failed.
I certainly struggled, until I stopped trying to figure out Who, What, Why, and, especially I stopped trying to be a Christian.
I finally realized that I couldn't be a Christian myself but, what I could do was to, ever increasingly, let Jesus Christ live His life through me. The more that I do that, the more I let God be God, the more I have the peace that he promises. There are many verses that continually remind me of this but, none more than the following:
Ephesians 2
For by grace are ye saved through FAITH; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God:
9 Not of works, lest any man should boast.
John 15
5 I am the VINE, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.
God wants us to be a vessel, a vine and let His Son do His works through us. If one will just let go and let God, they will see Him working His master plan through them!