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Please can you help me understand this

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I just realised that i've been carrying a lot of hurt and anger toward the people at the church i've been to which has affected my relationship with God. I've left the church, and this is what i'm struggling with at the moment:-

About two to three years ago I was being 'discipled' by a woman at church who was going to go through Neil Anderson's Steps to Freedom with me. We started it and she related how she had been through it with someone else quite intensively and how great it had been. However, with me she was going through it an hour or so at a time on a weekly basis and it didn't seem to be working (it's meant to be done in a block). With hindsight, I can see I was hurt that she didn't seem to be valuing me as much as the other person and confused that she was telling me how great it was with the other person. I didn't speak to her about this at the time and I left the church as I was struggling in this relationship. Then I rejoined the church and was put in another group with a woman as a mentor, and she said that she really felt that Steps to Freedom would help and that even though I was struggling at church to hold on for that. I held on for over a year of waiting (whilst I knew that other people had had Steps to Freedom).

I now realise that having to wait while I was struggling so much while other people seemed to being favoured triggered feelings of being worthless, which I had had since childhood because of issues in my upbringing. I realise that God allowed this to happen - but because it happened was it His Will for it to happen. Did God favour the other people who had it first? How can I separate what happened at church, where I thought things happened that were God's will, that hurt so much - with what God wants for me and what God thinks of me?

I do choose to forgive them, but will God forgive me for sulking and struggling with feelings such as rage/hatred/anger. Does God still love me?
 
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Member
God has no favourites, you are His child just like all of us, even great Christians fall, you are so valuable to God, He choose you to follow Him, He called you and you answered. How come He doesn't love you as much as everyone else? God doesn't have a "bad-list" like Sanata.

He died for you, yes you, He chose you to be one of those He dies for. People will always prefer some people above others, so what is the big deal really? It might hurt, but really think of it, would it make you any less if they didn't prefer you more? would it add any thing to you if they liked you more? in both scenarios, NO!

You might be over reacting and being sensetive towards it, but just remember what really matters, that is those who love you, and above all, God.

You must pray about your bitterness, doesn't help much if you hold a resentment to someone and don't move on, anger and hatred is the cancer of the soul, it kills you slowly.
 
Least amongst the Best
Staff Member
Greetings Yeshualives,

Yes, God forgives you.... if you repent and turn from those feelings.... and,

He will ALWAYS love you.... always!

As far as the thing from Neil Anderson.... well, if it is a benefit from God in Jesus Christ the Lord, see it like this... the other people needed it more than you, so pray for them that they have may have been helped. Otherwise, It is Jesus you and I need, and His comfort, not a steps to freedom study.... it is the Lord Himself who set us free, by His spirit and with His love and grace.

The Lord thinks very much of you sister.... and to get an idea of how much, think about the value of His life, and that He gave it for you... that's how much you are worth to Him and therefore also to me and all others who love the Lord.

There are always trials to endure, and always the flesh will attempt to rule our hearts and minds.... but we have Jesus and the peace of God in Jesus.... so, rejoice in Him, and put the last year, in fact every day as it passes, put it behind you and look forward to that blessed hope of His appearing....

doing so will keep you free, in Jesus our Lord.

Bless you ...><>

Br. Bear
 
Member
I do choose to forgive them, but will God forgive me for sulking and struggling with feelings such as rage/hatred/anger. Does God still love me?

The answer to both of these questions is a resounding "Yes!" I don't know why God allowed this stuff to happen to you. The answer to that may not come for awhile. But this I do know - There are quite a number of scriptures that you need to decide to believe no matter what your emotions are telling you. Three of them come to mind as I write this: Proverbs 3:5-6, Psalm 23, and Ephesians 6:10-18.

SLE
 
Member
God has no favourites, you are His child just like all of us, even great Christians fall, you are so valuable to God, He choose you to follow Him, He called you and you answered. How come He doesn't love you as much as everyone else? God doesn't have a "bad-list" like Sanata.

He died for you, yes you, He chose you to be one of those He dies for. People will always prefer some people above others, so what is the big deal really? It might hurt, but really think of it, would it make you any less if they didn't prefer you more? would it add any thing to you if they liked you more? in both scenarios, NO!

You might be over reacting and being sensetive towards it, but just remember what really matters, that is those who love you, and above all, God.

You must pray about your bitterness, doesn't help much if you hold a resentment to someone and don't move on, anger and hatred is the cancer of the soul, it kills you slowly.
Thank you Nermeen - I have taken your advice and prayed about my bitterness.

God bless.
 
Member
Greetings Yeshualives,

Yes, God forgives you.... if you repent and turn from those feelings.... and,

He will ALWAYS love you.... always!

As far as the thing from Neil Anderson.... well, if it is a benefit from God in Jesus Christ the Lord, see it like this... the other people needed it more than you, so pray for them that they have may have been helped. Otherwise, It is Jesus you and I need, and His comfort, not a steps to freedom study.... it is the Lord Himself who set us free, by His spirit and with His love and grace.

The Lord thinks very much of you sister.... and to get an idea of how much, think about the value of His life, and that He gave it for you... that's how much you are worth to Him and therefore also to me and all others who love the Lord.

There are always trials to endure, and always the flesh will attempt to rule our hearts and minds.... but we have Jesus and the peace of God in Jesus.... so, rejoice in Him, and put the last year, in fact every day as it passes, put it behind you and look forward to that blessed hope of His appearing....

doing so will keep you free, in Jesus our Lord.

Bless you ...><>

Br. Bear
thank you Br.Bear for kindly replying to my post. I agree that I need Jesus very much, much more than any course.
 
Member
The answer to both of these questions is a resounding "Yes!" I don't know why God allowed this stuff to happen to you. The answer to that may not come for awhile. But this I do know - There are quite a number of scriptures that you need to decide to believe no matter what your emotions are telling you. Three of them come to mind as I write this: Proverbs 3:5-6, Psalm 23, and Ephesians 6:10-18.

SLE
Thank you SLE. To be honest my emotions are all over the place. One minute i'm up, the next i'm depressed verging on suicidal. I think its because my thoughts are all over the place. Thank you for directing me to scripture. I know I need to come back to God's Word. I'm just scared that i've been so self-destructive that i've blown it. When I read my bible it just seems so difficult to understand. I can't seem to understand how to take steps forward.
 
Member
hiiiii!!!!!yes God forgives you! but of course try to understand what God really wants for you! maybe he has tested you! and of course take away youre hatred but instead with understanding,be a nice companion with them! do it for youre good and esp. for God! God bless .........

:smile:
 
Member
Thanks Charrott551 for your encouraging post.

God has been showing me that i've been feeling hurt right back since I was little because I've felt valued less in my family, by other family members including my parents. This happened when my mum and dad split up and both went on to new relationships and had more children. Things have happened like them favouring the other children financially, and emotionally and I got left out. This hurt a great deal and still hurts because I think my parents favour and perhaps value their other children more even now. My dad openly admitted that his favourite was another sibling when I questioned him about it. My mum doesn't speak about it but sometimes when i've struggled and looked for support it hasn't been there and there seems to have been so much resentment when I have had needs which have had to be addressed nevermind wants. I think she's tried over the past years to try and redress the balance, but part of the issue has been that my stepfather obviously favours his natural children over me and, for example, has made a Will leaving nothing to me.

I knew I was hurt and angry about this but I didn't realise that I was carrying it around so much into my relationships now. I don't know how to deal with this now. I can forgive for the past - and pray and ask the Lord to help me forgive. But it doesn't feel very nice being part of a family that seems to value you the least - for example, I know that my siblings will spend more on each other at birthdays and Christmas than they do on me - perhaps because they know each other better, but it hurts nonetheless. Also, i've gotten to the point where I don't want to spend money on a lot of my family partly because i'm quite poor and they are better off, and partly because I don't see why I should if they have more than I do yet do not want to spend so much on me or my child.

God has given me insight to see that i've been carrying around this belief of being worthless or not valued so that I expect people to leave me out, and also leave myself out because that's what I expect.

I'm just not sure how to move on with my family - it's not just one relationship where this pattern has been going on, it's six or seven or so. I'm not sure how to establish new boundaries that are healthy.
 
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Member
just understand what God really wants for you dont replaced it with anger but instead be patient and take time to make it easy,dont worry if what you've think is they not valued you and dont judge them and dont think they do not really valued you,try to open yourself with them but always do remember that God do really cares for you and valued you a lot !!! just dont give up,,,no matter whats the situation just take take it easy dont make it hard for youreself! we dont know what God's really plan for you,but we knew all that God knows best!!!just trust him and take the situation easy be glad! and be nice to them!!! God knows best for the situation!

God bless you brother!!!

:smile:
 
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