Ordained, Married, Angry and Lust

[revpeterpaulch]

Brothers (even sisters), I am looking for no-nonsense straight forward answers/advice. I won't be offended by any words of yours.

I am ordained. I just got ordained this year. I do not know a time in my life after my salvation/conversion experience when I did not felt called to the ministry. Even when I backslid, I knew in my heart that I would end up in ministry. When I rededicated/repented I knew in the back of my mind that I would end up in ministry. I went to seminary and am serving with my denomination. With my wife, we are missionaries/church planters.

I am married. I got married a few years ago. I met my wife at the seminary. She is very industrious. And she is continuing her education in counselling. We have no children yet (maybe never).

I am angry. Most of the time (not every time), I make a mistake my wife tears me down. Like today, we took a cab from our place to go to the doctor's clinic (for her). But driver misheard me and took us the other direction. I thought he would take a detour but he wasn't. He told us that he must have misheard me (Maybe because of the mask I was wearing). I got angry at him, I told him off. We ended up walking back towards our home and caught another cab and went to the doctor. My wife starts accusing me of not ever being audible when I talk, for swallowing my words when I talk, for being incompetent (maybe I am), for not caring, for always planning to spoil her plans, what is the reason for us always not ending up in some trouble... So, I got angry at her too. So we went to the doctor's angry. When we get back home she tells everyone how dumb I am.

But when she makes a mistake, she laughs it off like it does not matter. For example, once on a holiday, we went shopping and paid by my debit card. I handed the debit card back to her as I was handling the shopping bag. When we went back to the hotel she asked me for the debit card. She thought that the card was with me. I also thought that I had the card with me because she was asking for it. Of course, it was not in my wallet or anywhere else. She's angry at me and started saying all the similar words as above. I even called the store and they said that they did not have it. While I was talking with the store on the phone she took the card out of her purse and showed it to me. Imagine my relief and anger (more relief than anger). But she just smiled and even told me not to tell anyone about the incident. So I was just relieved that the card was not lost.

On top of my anger, I have lust in my heart/mind/thoughts. I am so frustrated with porn and masturbation. I feel like a wolf in sheep's clothing. And the judgment of God will be extremely severe on me. I am angry and frustrated because of this. Since my wife has joined her studies again (her decision - not ours - which is another story) we are not having sex. Sometimes I can't even touch her or kiss her. This too makes me turn to porn, not just the anger.

Somebody talk to me. I don't have a mentor or an accountability partner. Pray for me.

 

[PloughBoy]

I could help, you in understanding this , but it would have to be in private forum. I have assisted Ministers and Pastors in this "capacity" in such matters. In such of a way that you will understand that you know what is wrong through Jesus Christ and not my advice. For i have no advice for you but can point you to the way of "understanding". with no distractions and confusions of men. your call.
or you can choose the "counseling forum" in "Talk Jesus". Skill leaders in Christ who has this gift, through out the years. and experience.

 

[Hekuran]

Sounds like you're in deep trouble. You need to find someone to journey alongside you, who can listen, pray, share wisdom and help take the load of your burdens. It will take time and proper pastoral skill. Internet forums are great for discussion and sharing ideas with many people in different places, but not very good at all for pastoral ministry. Seek help close to home.

 

[Fragrant Grace]

Greetings @revpeterpaulch

The truth in the Bible never fails.

There are two verses that really help me in difficult situations

Set a watch, O Lord, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips.
Psalm 141:3

Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Thee: because he trusteth in Thee.
Isaiah 26:3

Commit these verses to your heart and ask the Lord to make them very real to you in everyday life especially with regard to communication with your wife.

Do you trust in the Lord to keep you on the right path?
Ask Him to make lust and porn repulsive to you. Ask Him to make you never feel comfortable or aroused by it but instead disgusted.


Now unto Him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy,
To the only wise God our Saviour, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and ever. Amen.
Jude 1 24-25

You have been advised to seek some help from professionals. That is good....however, you can trust the Lord to get you through this and know that He will.

 

[Brad Huber]

Rarely is relationship trouble all one sided, so perhaps it would be wiser to ask your wife if you both could attend marital counseling from a pastor from another church that you have some respect for. Glad to pray for you.

 

[twcstp111]

Friend,

being angry with the cab driver is no different than your wife being angry with you for mistakes.


I suggest you throw away the pornography, immediately, and keep sexual relations explicitly between you and your wife. I also suggest abstinence for a length of time, as long is it takes for you to have no inclination towards any other than your wife. I have suggested abstinence because sexual matters only frustrate the actual problem and obscure it--you and your wife need to develop a relationship with understanding of one another and it doesn't seem to me that your relationship is operating out of the bond between you and her.

Peace, joy, appreciation, gratitude, compassion, mercy, recognition, friendship.. there's many words, many more than these, but these are those virtues that you and her ought to seek together, no?

 

[revpeterpaulch]

I could help, you in understanding this , but it would have to be in private forum. I have assisted Ministers and Pastors in this "capacity" in such matters. In such of a way that you will understand that you know what is wrong through Jesus Christ and not my advice. For i have no advice for you but can point you to the way of "understanding". with no distractions and confusions of men. your call.
or you can choose the "counseling forum" in "Talk Jesus". Skill leaders in Christ who has this gift, through out the years. and experience.

@PloughBoy
Thank you, how do we do this in a private forum?

 

[revpeterpaulch]

Sounds like you're in deep trouble. You need to find someone to journey alongside you, who can listen, pray, share wisdom and help take the load of your burdens. It will take time and proper pastoral skill. Internet forums are great for discussion and sharing ideas with many people in different places, but not very good at all for pastoral ministry. Seek help close to home.

Thank you @Hekuran. I will try to seek help close to home as you have put it. I am aware that an internet forum is not really the right way. I think I am just looking for a place to vent my feelings. I can't call my family or friends because I don't want to keep her in a bad light in front of them. Being from an Asian culture, if I do this, I know that it will create other issues. There may be professionals, I will look them up and make a suggestion to my wife. Thank you.

 

[revpeterpaulch]

Greetings @revpeterpaulch

The truth in the Bible never fails.

There are two verses that really help me in difficult situations

Set a watch, O Lord, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips.
Psalm 141:3

Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Thee: because he trusteth in Thee.
Isaiah 26:3

Commit these verses to your heart and ask the Lord to make them very real to you in everyday life especially with regard to communication with your wife.

Do you trust in the Lord to keep you on the right path?
Ask Him to make lust and porn repulsive to you. Ask Him to make you never feel comfortable or aroused by it but instead disgusted.


Now unto Him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy,
To the only wise God our Saviour, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and ever. Amen.
Jude 1 24-25

You have been advised to seek some help from professionals. That is good....however, you can trust the Lord to get you through this and know that He will.

Thank you @Fragrant Grace, for reminding me of the word of God and for reminding me to trust in the Lord.

 

[revpeterpaulch]

Rarely is relationship trouble all one sided, so perhaps it would be wiser to ask your wife if you both could attend marital counseling from a pastor from another church that you have some respect for. Glad to pray for you.

Thank you @Brad Huber for your kind words and prayers. I know I am not perfect. I have my faults. I am a sinner. I will be saved only by God's grace. Keep praying for me. I will find a professional/marital counsellor or pastor, who we both respect. Thank you.

 

[revpeterpaulch]

Friend,

being angry with the cab driver is no different than your wife being angry with you for mistakes.


I suggest you throw away the pornography, immediately, and keep sexual relations explicitly between you and your wife. I also suggest abstinence for a length of time, as long is it takes for you to have no inclination towards any other than your wife. I have suggested abstinence because sexual matters only frustrate the actual problem and obscure it--you and your wife need to develop a relationship with understanding of one another and it doesn't seem to me that your relationship is operating out of the bond between you and her.

Peace, joy, appreciation, gratitude, compassion, mercy, recognition, friendship.. there's many words, many more than these, but these are those virtues that you and her ought to seek together, no?

Thank you @twcstp111 for your kind words. I will take these words to heart. I will do my best to encourage in action and words to seek and develop these virtues in us (even Abstinence). Thank you.

 

[Andyindauk]

Brothers (even sisters), I am looking for no-nonsense straight forward answers/advice. I won't be offended by any words of yours.

I am ordained. I just got ordained this year. I do not know a time in my life after my salvation/conversion experience when I did not felt called to the ministry. Even when I backslid, I knew in my heart that I would end up in ministry. When I rededicated/repented I knew in the back of my mind that I would end up in ministry. I went to seminary and am serving with my denomination. With my wife, we are missionaries/church planters.

I am married. I got married a few years ago. I met my wife at the seminary. She is very industrious. And she is continuing her education in counselling. We have no children yet (maybe never).

I am angry. Most of the time (not every time), I make a mistake my wife tears me down. Like today, we took a cab from our place to go to the doctor's clinic (for her). But driver misheard me and took us the other direction. I thought he would take a detour but he wasn't. He told us that he must have misheard me (Maybe because of the mask I was wearing). I got angry at him, I told him off. We ended up walking back towards our home and caught another cab and went to the doctor. My wife starts accusing me of not ever being audible when I talk, for swallowing my words when I talk, for being incompetent (maybe I am), for not caring, for always planning to spoil her plans, what is the reason for us always not ending up in some trouble... So, I got angry at her too. So we went to the doctor's angry. When we get back home she tells everyone how dumb I am.

But when she makes a mistake, she laughs it off like it does not matter. For example, once on a holiday, we went shopping and paid by my debit card. I handed the debit card back to her as I was handling the shopping bag. When we went back to the hotel she asked me for the debit card. She thought that the card was with me. I also thought that I had the card with me because she was asking for it. Of course, it was not in my wallet or anywhere else. She's angry at me and started saying all the similar words as above. I even called the store and they said that they did not have it. While I was talking with the store on the phone she took the card out of her purse and showed it to me. Imagine my relief and anger (more relief than anger). But she just smiled and even told me not to tell anyone about the incident. So I was just relieved that the card was not lost.

On top of my anger, I have lust in my heart/mind/thoughts. I am so frustrated with porn and masturbation. I feel like a wolf in sheep's clothing. And the judgment of God will be extremely severe on me. I am angry and frustrated because of this. Since my wife has joined her studies again (her decision - not ours - which is another story) we are not having sex. Sometimes I can't even touch her or kiss her. This too makes me turn to porn, not just the anger.

Somebody talk to me. I don't have a mentor or an accountability partner. Pray for me.

Hi Peter,

What a lot of issues, problems and hassles are going on in your life at multiple levels and coming at you from every different direction !! We hear from beleaguered politicians that are out of their depth, explanations and excuses that, 'There's no silver bullet here.' Well actually there is, and it's called Jesus.

From your post, reading between the lines (and maybe I've got it all wrong) but Jesus seems to be your career path rather than your personal best friend, counsellor, confidante, love, helper and motivator. It's working on that relationship that will sort all of these problems out. Please, please, take time out and pray. Work on that salvation with fear and trembling. God loves praise and adoration, He's with you all the time and so you can praise Him and tell Him you love Him because He is .... long list .... He's done ... long list ... Tell Him your fears, issues, ambitions, trepidations, what pleases you and what upsets and annoys you. Keep keep keep keep talking to Him like He's your best mate because actually He is 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 .

Stop trying to sort this out, it's beyond you, you're not up to it and anyway it's not your problem, it's God's. If you get closer and closer to Him with a rejuvenated prayer life, ask for the wisdom of the Holy Spirit, asking Him to get started on a transformation that He promises, making you a beacon on a hill rather than a flickering candle. He can do that in a miraculous and unexplainable way, that's the power of the Holy Spirit. Your anger issues will melt away; that's that problem solved.

Your marriage is not in a good place. Once again you need to get back to God and this time via the Bible. Read Ephesians 5:22-33. Question: is this an accurate picture of your marriage? Do you truly love her like Christ loves His church? I think you need to work on this aspect. A marriage needs to be a three way thing with God as closely involved with you both as you are to each other. Pray together, share anecdotes and encouragement with thoughts and blessings. If a Bible passage speaks to you, share it and ask her if she has a take on it or further thoughts. It has to be a three-way team effort.

If you take a look at your marriage and it looks nothing like this, maybe you both need to take time out and a weekend away and open up to each other. From what you say, I'm wondering if maybe you're a bit dizzy and forgetful, which maybe was an aspect that your wife thought was sweet and loved but now it irritates her. There may well be equivalent aspects her personality that have had the same effect on you. What I'm saying is, it would be good for you both to open up and have a heart to heart, put cards on the table and between you try and rediscover that first love.

With regards to the porn, rhetorical question, is it straight run of the mill stuff or is it deviant perverted stuff? The former could be sexual frustration, in which case chat to the wife and share that with her, asking her for you not to deny each other 1 Corinthians 7:5. That verse basically says never say no without a good reason and when that reason's passed, you ask your spouse; 'Now where were we?' The bedroom should be a place of excitement, each seeking the other's pleasure, expressing that deep, deep love for each other. If the porn is more hardcore then that is a sin issue. It will take bucket fulls of the Holy Spirit and personal discipline to stop that. If you truly truly love God you'll stop it because you know it upsets Him, and you don't want that. If you slip up, confess, apologise and ask forgiveness, and then get back on the wagon.

A reading plan for you. John chapter 3. You'll have read that hundreds not dozens of times. It's about transformation and change, and that's what needs to happen in your life. Transformation isn't an event, its a process. I also recommend reading once a month the sermon on the mount. A lot of it's not practical, more theoretical, but it's an amazing insight into how God wants you to be and the less sin and more God that's in your life than this sermon will naturally become more practical and less theoretical.

God bless you bro. You know you've got problems, I hope the above is a helpful route map to overcoming them and enjoying the wonderful, amazing and spectacular life that God's desperate to give to you because he loves and adores you and is just dying to pour out blessings in abundance.

========================================

Dear Lord God,

I want to pray for my dear brother Peter. There's so much in his post that rings so true in my life, so as you know I can relate to and sympathise with him. It's so easy to forget the amazing all powerful, in control God that you are and try and sort all our problems out ourselves and make an almighty hash of it, and wonder why! Dear Lord, thank you for your limitless patience which is a product of your limitless love for us. Your care and adoration is something we take for granted, we need to look to you and your Holy Spirit as an amazing all powerful, in control resource that you are.

I pray for your guiding and leading of my dear lovely brother. You are the only one that can do this, you have more wisdom than a thousand life coaches and psychologists all working together, so these little issues that are causing so much grief in his relationships with others, his Mrs and most importantly with you are so easily solveable if we just take a step back and say to you, Lord help!!

Thank you God for that love, adoration and care that we're so so dependent upon, more dependent than the air we breathe.

We love you God, you truly are amazing.

Amen.

 

[PloughBoy]

Hi Peter,

What a lot of issues, problems and hassles are going on in your life at multiple levels and coming at you from every different direction !! We hear from beleaguered politicians that are out of their depth, explanations and excuses that, 'There's no silver bullet here.' Well actually there is, and it's called Jesus.

From your post, reading between the lines (and maybe I've got it all wrong) but Jesus seems to be your career path rather than your personal best friend, counsellor, confidante, love, helper and motivator. It's working on that relationship that will sort all of these problems out. Please, please, take time out and pray. Work on that salvation with fear and trembling. God loves praise and adoration, He's with you all the time and so you can praise Him and tell Him you love Him because He is .... long list .... He's done ... long list ... Tell Him your fears, issues, ambitions, trepidations, what pleases you and what upsets and annoys you. Keep keep keep keep talking to Him like He's your best mate because actually He is 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 .

Stop trying to sort this out, it's beyond you, you're not up to it and anyway it's not your problem, it's God's. If you get closer and closer to Him with a rejuvenated prayer life, ask for the wisdom of the Holy Spirit, asking Him to get started on a transformation that He promises, making you a beacon on a hill rather than a flickering candle. He can do that in a miraculous and unexplainable way, that's the power of the Holy Spirit. Your anger issues will melt away; that's that problem solved.

Your marriage is not in a good place. Once again you need to get back to God and this time via the Bible. Read Ephesians 5:22-33. Question: is this an accurate picture of your marriage? Do you truly love her like Christ loves His church? I think you need to work on this aspect. A marriage needs to be a three way thing with God as closely involved with you both as you are to each other. Pray together, share anecdotes and encouragement with thoughts and blessings. If a Bible passage speaks to you, share it and ask her if she has a take on it or further thoughts. It has to be a three-way team effort.

If you take a look at your marriage and it looks nothing like this, maybe you both need to take time out and a weekend away and open up to each other. From what you say, I'm wondering if maybe you're a bit dizzy and forgetful, which maybe was an aspect that your wife thought was sweet and loved but now it irritates her. There may well be equivalent aspects her personality that have had the same effect on you. What I'm saying is, it would be good for you both to open up and have a heart to heart, put cards on the table and between you try and rediscover that first love.

With regards to the porn, rhetorical question, is it straight run of the mill stuff or is it deviant perverted stuff? The former could be sexual frustration, in which case chat to the wife and share that with her, asking her for you not to deny each other 1 Corinthians 7:5. That verse basically says never say no without a good reason and when that reason's passed, you ask your spouse; 'Now where were we?' The bedroom should be a place of excitement, each seeking the other's pleasure, expressing that deep, deep love for each other. If the porn is more hardcore then that is a sin issue. It will take bucket fulls of the Holy Spirit and personal discipline to stop that. If you truly truly love God you'll stop it because you know it upsets Him, and you don't want that. If you slip up, confess, apologise and ask forgiveness, and then get back on the wagon.

A reading plan for you. John chapter 3. You'll have read that hundreds not dozens of times. It's about transformation and change, and that's what needs to happen in your life. Transformation isn't an event, its a process. I also recommend reading once a month the sermon on the mount. A lot of it's not practical, more theoretical, but it's an amazing insight into how God wants you to be and the less sin and more God that's in your life than this sermon will naturally become more practical and less theoretical.

God bless you bro. You know you've got problems, I hope the above is a helpful route map to overcoming them and enjoying the wonderful, amazing and spectacular life that God's desperate to give to you because he loves and adores you and is just dying to pour out blessings in abundance.

========================================

Dear Lord God,

I want to pray for my dear brother Peter. There's so much in his post that rings so true in my life, so as you know I can relate to and sympathise with him. It's so easy to forget the amazing all powerful, in control God that you are and try and sort all our problems out ourselves and make an almighty hash of it, and wonder why! Dear Lord, thank you for your limitless patience which is a product of your limitless love for us. Your care and adoration is something we take for granted, we need to look to you and your Holy Spirit as an amazing all powerful, in control resource that you are.

I pray for your guiding and leading of my dear lovely brother. You are the only one that can do this, you have more wisdom than a thousand life coaches and psychologists all working together, so these little issues that are causing so much grief in his relationships with others, his Mrs and most importantly with you are so easily solveable if we just take a step back and say to you, Lord help!!

Thank you God for that love, adoration and care that we're so so dependent upon, more dependent than the air we breathe.

We love you God, you truly are amazing.

Amen.

Well said!

 

[Trevor]

Brothers (even sisters), I am looking for no-nonsense straight forward answers/advice. I won't be offended by any words of yours.

I am ordained. I just got ordained this year. I do not know a time in my life after my salvation/conversion experience when I did not felt called to the ministry. Even when I backslid, I knew in my heart that I would end up in ministry. When I rededicated/repented I knew in the back of my mind that I would end up in ministry. I went to seminary and am serving with my denomination. With my wife, we are missionaries/church planters.

I am married. I got married a few years ago. I met my wife at the seminary. She is very industrious. And she is continuing her education in counselling. We have no children yet (maybe never).

I am angry. Most of the time (not every time), I make a mistake my wife tears me down. Like today, we took a cab from our place to go to the doctor's clinic (for her). But driver misheard me and took us the other direction. I thought he would take a detour but he wasn't. He told us that he must have misheard me (Maybe because of the mask I was wearing). I got angry at him, I told him off. We ended up walking back towards our home and caught another cab and went to the doctor. My wife starts accusing me of not ever being audible when I talk, for swallowing my words when I talk, for being incompetent (maybe I am), for not caring, for always planning to spoil her plans, what is the reason for us always not ending up in some trouble... So, I got angry at her too. So we went to the doctor's angry. When we get back home she tells everyone how dumb I am.

But when she makes a mistake, she laughs it off like it does not matter. For example, once on a holiday, we went shopping and paid by my debit card. I handed the debit card back to her as I was handling the shopping bag. When we went back to the hotel she asked me for the debit card. She thought that the card was with me. I also thought that I had the card with me because she was asking for it. Of course, it was not in my wallet or anywhere else. She's angry at me and started saying all the similar words as above. I even called the store and they said that they did not have it. While I was talking with the store on the phone she took the card out of her purse and showed it to me. Imagine my relief and anger (more relief than anger). But she just smiled and even told me not to tell anyone about the incident. So I was just relieved that the card was not lost.

On top of my anger, I have lust in my heart/mind/thoughts. I am so frustrated with porn and masturbation. I feel like a wolf in sheep's clothing. And the judgment of God will be extremely severe on me. I am angry and frustrated because of this. Since my wife has joined her studies again (her decision - not ours - which is another story) we are not having sex. Sometimes I can't even touch her or kiss her. This too makes me turn to porn, not just the anger.

Somebody talk to me. I don't have a mentor or an accountability partner. Pray for me.

Hi Peter, Seems to me, that with your problems, you should be thinking twice about becoming involved in the problems of others. If your lustful thoughts drive you to pornography, they may well drive you to lust after parishioners and that could destroy families. Secondly, as a pastor, you should be in control of your wife, she should be in obedience to you, not telling everyone how dumb you are. I also noticed that you never mentioned love when referring to your wife, that's very telling. I suggest you read up on what is expected of a pastor and not take ordination as a right just because you passed exams, peoples lives can be destroyed by putting trust into the wrong person. Bless you I pray you find peace.

 

[revpeterpaulch]

Hi Peter,

What a lot of issues, problems and hassles are going on in your life at multiple levels and coming at you from every different direction !! We hear from beleaguered politicians that are out of their depth, explanations and excuses that, 'There's no silver bullet here.' Well actually there is, and it's called Jesus.

From your post, reading between the lines (and maybe I've got it all wrong) but Jesus seems to be your career path rather than your personal best friend, counsellor, confidante, love, helper and motivator. It's working on that relationship that will sort all of these problems out. Please, please, take time out and pray. Work on that salvation with fear and trembling. God loves praise and adoration, He's with you all the time and so you can praise Him and tell Him you love Him because He is .... long list .... He's done ... long list ... Tell Him your fears, issues, ambitions, trepidations, what pleases you and what upsets and annoys you. Keep keep keep keep talking to Him like He's your best mate because actually He is 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 .

Stop trying to sort this out, it's beyond you, you're not up to it and anyway it's not your problem, it's God's. If you get closer and closer to Him with a rejuvenated prayer life, ask for the wisdom of the Holy Spirit, asking Him to get started on a transformation that He promises, making you a beacon on a hill rather than a flickering candle. He can do that in a miraculous and unexplainable way, that's the power of the Holy Spirit. Your anger issues will melt away; that's that problem solved.

Your marriage is not in a good place. Once again you need to get back to God and this time via the Bible. Read Ephesians 5:22-33. Question: is this an accurate picture of your marriage? Do you truly love her like Christ loves His church? I think you need to work on this aspect. A marriage needs to be a three way thing with God as closely involved with you both as you are to each other. Pray together, share anecdotes and encouragement with thoughts and blessings. If a Bible passage speaks to you, share it and ask her if she has a take on it or further thoughts. It has to be a three-way team effort.

If you take a look at your marriage and it looks nothing like this, maybe you both need to take time out and a weekend away and open up to each other. From what you say, I'm wondering if maybe you're a bit dizzy and forgetful, which maybe was an aspect that your wife thought was sweet and loved but now it irritates her. There may well be equivalent aspects her personality that have had the same effect on you. What I'm saying is, it would be good for you both to open up and have a heart to heart, put cards on the table and between you try and rediscover that first love.

With regards to the porn, rhetorical question, is it straight run of the mill stuff or is it deviant perverted stuff? The former could be sexual frustration, in which case chat to the wife and share that with her, asking her for you not to deny each other 1 Corinthians 7:5. That verse basically says never say no without a good reason and when that reason's passed, you ask your spouse; 'Now where were we?' The bedroom should be a place of excitement, each seeking the other's pleasure, expressing that deep, deep love for each other. If the porn is more hardcore then that is a sin issue. It will take bucket fulls of the Holy Spirit and personal discipline to stop that. If you truly truly love God you'll stop it because you know it upsets Him, and you don't want that. If you slip up, confess, apologise and ask forgiveness, and then get back on the wagon.

A reading plan for you. John chapter 3. You'll have read that hundreds not dozens of times. It's about transformation and change, and that's what needs to happen in your life. Transformation isn't an event, its a process. I also recommend reading once a month the sermon on the mount. A lot of it's not practical, more theoretical, but it's an amazing insight into how God wants you to be and the less sin and more God that's in your life than this sermon will naturally become more practical and less theoretical.

God bless you bro. You know you've got problems, I hope the above is a helpful route map to overcoming them and enjoying the wonderful, amazing and spectacular life that God's desperate to give to you because he loves and adores you and is just dying to pour out blessings in abundance.

========================================

Dear Lord God,

I want to pray for my dear brother Peter. There's so much in his post that rings so true in my life, so as you know I can relate to and sympathise with him. It's so easy to forget the amazing all powerful, in control God that you are and try and sort all our problems out ourselves and make an almighty hash of it, and wonder why! Dear Lord, thank you for your limitless patience which is a product of your limitless love for us. Your care and adoration is something we take for granted, we need to look to you and your Holy Spirit as an amazing all powerful, in control resource that you are.

I pray for your guiding and leading of my dear lovely brother. You are the only one that can do this, you have more wisdom than a thousand life coaches and psychologists all working together, so these little issues that are causing so much grief in his relationships with others, his Mrs and most importantly with you are so easily solveable if we just take a step back and say to you, Lord help!!

Thank you God for that love, adoration and care that we're so so dependent upon, more dependent than the air we breathe.

We love you God, you truly are amazing.

Amen.

Thank you @Andyindauk. I felt the Lord speak the same things to me while I was waiting on Him about these matters. You have expressed what was in my mind/heart in clearer terms. Wow! Thank you so much for taking the time to write what you have written. I will consider them all seriously. And thank you for your prayer. God bless you!

 

[revpeterpaulch]

Hi Peter, Seems to me, that with your problems, you should be thinking twice about becoming involved in the problems of others. If your lustful thoughts drive you to pornography, they may well drive you to lust after parishioners and that could destroy families. Secondly, as a pastor, you should be in control of your wife, she should be in obedience to you, not telling everyone how dumb you are. I also noticed that you never mentioned love when referring to your wife, that's very telling. I suggest you read up on what is expected of a pastor and not take ordination as a right just because you passed exams, peoples lives can be destroyed by putting trust into the wrong person. Bless you I pray you find peace.

@Trevor Thank you for pointing out these important points. So true, I don't want to be a wolf that destroys other people's lives. I do love my wife but I need to love her more and express it more. Thank you, Thank you. God bless you.

 

[Trevor]

@Trevor Thank you for pointing out these important points. So true, I don't want to be a wolf that destroys other people's lives. I do love my wife but I need to love her more and express it more. Thank you, Thank you. God bless you.

Hi Peter, Your post is of a truthful person and Jesus is the truth, I have prayed the Lord will put a hedge around you and protect you from the enemies wiles, I advise, you find a trusted friend and confess your sins to him and the Lord will heal you. That's his promise. Bless you. PS, We are all prone to the attacks of the enemy, but we are warriors, it's par for the course.

 

[revpeterpaulch]

Hi Peter,

What a lot of issues, problems and hassles are going on in your life at multiple levels and coming at you from every different direction !! We hear from beleaguered politicians that are out of their depth, explanations and excuses that, 'There's no silver bullet here.' Well actually there is, and it's called Jesus.

From your post, reading between the lines (and maybe I've got it all wrong) but Jesus seems to be your career path rather than your personal best friend, counsellor, confidante, love, helper and motivator. It's working on that relationship that will sort all of these problems out. Please, please, take time out and pray. Work on that salvation with fear and trembling. God loves praise and adoration, He's with you all the time and so you can praise Him and tell Him you love Him because He is .... long list .... He's done ... long list ... Tell Him your fears, issues, ambitions, trepidations, what pleases you and what upsets and annoys you. Keep keep keep keep talking to Him like He's your best mate because actually He is 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 .

Stop trying to sort this out, it's beyond you, you're not up to it and anyway it's not your problem, it's God's. If you get closer and closer to Him with a rejuvenated prayer life, ask for the wisdom of the Holy Spirit, asking Him to get started on a transformation that He promises, making you a beacon on a hill rather than a flickering candle. He can do that in a miraculous and unexplainable way, that's the power of the Holy Spirit. Your anger issues will melt away; that's that problem solved.

Your marriage is not in a good place. Once again you need to get back to God and this time via the Bible. Read Ephesians 5:22-33. Question: is this an accurate picture of your marriage? Do you truly love her like Christ loves His church? I think you need to work on this aspect. A marriage needs to be a three way thing with God as closely involved with you both as you are to each other. Pray together, share anecdotes and encouragement with thoughts and blessings. If a Bible passage speaks to you, share it and ask her if she has a take on it or further thoughts. It has to be a three-way team effort.

If you take a look at your marriage and it looks nothing like this, maybe you both need to take time out and a weekend away and open up to each other. From what you say, I'm wondering if maybe you're a bit dizzy and forgetful, which maybe was an aspect that your wife thought was sweet and loved but now it irritates her. There may well be equivalent aspects her personality that have had the same effect on you. What I'm saying is, it would be good for you both to open up and have a heart to heart, put cards on the table and between you try and rediscover that first love.

With regards to the porn, rhetorical question, is it straight run of the mill stuff or is it deviant perverted stuff? The former could be sexual frustration, in which case chat to the wife and share that with her, asking her for you not to deny each other 1 Corinthians 7:5. That verse basically says never say no without a good reason and when that reason's passed, you ask your spouse; 'Now where were we?' The bedroom should be a place of excitement, each seeking the other's pleasure, expressing that deep, deep love for each other. If the porn is more hardcore then that is a sin issue. It will take bucket fulls of the Holy Spirit and personal discipline to stop that. If you truly truly love God you'll stop it because you know it upsets Him, and you don't want that. If you slip up, confess, apologise and ask forgiveness, and then get back on the wagon.

A reading plan for you. John chapter 3. You'll have read that hundreds not dozens of times. It's about transformation and change, and that's what needs to happen in your life. Transformation isn't an event, its a process. I also recommend reading once a month the sermon on the mount. A lot of it's not practical, more theoretical, but it's an amazing insight into how God wants you to be and the less sin and more God that's in your life than this sermon will naturally become more practical and less theoretical.

God bless you bro. You know you've got problems, I hope the above is a helpful route map to overcoming them and enjoying the wonderful, amazing and spectacular life that God's desperate to give to you because he loves and adores you and is just dying to pour out blessings in abundance.

========================================

Dear Lord God,

I want to pray for my dear brother Peter. There's so much in his post that rings so true in my life, so as you know I can relate to and sympathise with him. It's so easy to forget the amazing all powerful, in control God that you are and try and sort all our problems out ourselves and make an almighty hash of it, and wonder why! Dear Lord, thank you for your limitless patience which is a product of your limitless love for us. Your care and adoration is something we take for granted, we need to look to you and your Holy Spirit as an amazing all powerful, in control resource that you are.

I pray for your guiding and leading of my dear lovely brother. You are the only one that can do this, you have more wisdom than a thousand life coaches and psychologists all working together, so these little issues that are causing so much grief in his relationships with others, his Mrs and most importantly with you are so easily solveable if we just take a step back and say to you, Lord help!!

Thank you God for that love, adoration and care that we're so so dependent upon, more dependent than the air we breathe.

We love you God, you truly are amazing.

Amen.

@Andyindauk I've been reading an exposition on the Sermon on the Mount lately. Thank you for pointing to this great sermon of our Lord.

 

[Andyindauk]

Hi Peter,

Been praying for you and the wife. How are things? Have you taken any take steps? Would love an update.

Love and best wishes,


Andy

 

[revpeterpaulch]

Hi Peter,

Been praying for you and the wife. How are things? Have you taken any take steps? Would love an update.

Love and best wishes,


Andy

I will update. The anger has subsided. Thank you for praying for us. Thanks to all for your prayers.