Angel's Love
Member
- Joined
- Feb 9, 2009
- Messages
- 24
Hi, I'm new to these forums and to be honest do not wish to give my real name or anything but everyone seems to call me angel sooo... To be honest, I joined these forums because Im looking for purpose and direction in my life right now. I have neither. As a matter of fact, recently Ive done some things that are not considered to be "good things" in the eyes of the Lord. Actually a lot of things... But Ive lost all of my faith, my morality, myself, everything. I dont know who I am or what I want out of life and nowadays it seems I just stay depressed and am always looking for a reason to consider myself a good person. Ive tried suicide and that didnt work out, and to be honest ive been reading a lot of angel stories online and now that I look back it seems there was an angel watching over me a LOT. Why? Does God really exist? Why am I here? I used to be certain without question in my faith and now I'm just completely stumpped about everything. I also suffer from depression and anxiety issues that dont come on occasionally but that are with me all the time. Something about something being imbalanced.
I also just got out of a bad relationship and the person I was with was an alcholic and abusive phisically as well as mentaly. That being said I HAVE NEVER HIT A WOMAN NO MATTER THE CIRCUMSTANCES!! I gave her everything and she tossed it aside. Does true love even exist. Im 24 and just recently broke my virginity. I thought I was in love and she was a different person when I first met her. I used to consider myself a good person but I dont even think of myself like that anymore. To be honest the relationship I had was an affair until she got divorced. I refuse to explain any further just incase this is ever found but... Im a horrible person and it does me no good to breath anymore I feel. Im in such a bad place right now and Ive lost my faith so long ago I cant even remember a shred of time when I picked up a bible. I have no purpose, no direction, no faith, Im a sinking boat floating in my own misery.
That all being said there is no reason for a normal person to be this miserable in my position right now. I have a great job, few but loyal friends, a great family my health, well, most of it, a vehicle. I mean, what is going on in my life? I can think of more than 1 situation to be honest where I might have even been dead but something stopped it and I feel that might have even been an angel. But why are they wasting time with me? Shouldnt they be out helping good people? Im so lost right now I dont even know where to begin everything. I feel empty and alone.
I also just got out of a bad relationship and the person I was with was an alcholic and abusive phisically as well as mentaly. That being said I HAVE NEVER HIT A WOMAN NO MATTER THE CIRCUMSTANCES!! I gave her everything and she tossed it aside. Does true love even exist. Im 24 and just recently broke my virginity. I thought I was in love and she was a different person when I first met her. I used to consider myself a good person but I dont even think of myself like that anymore. To be honest the relationship I had was an affair until she got divorced. I refuse to explain any further just incase this is ever found but... Im a horrible person and it does me no good to breath anymore I feel. Im in such a bad place right now and Ive lost my faith so long ago I cant even remember a shred of time when I picked up a bible. I have no purpose, no direction, no faith, Im a sinking boat floating in my own misery.
That all being said there is no reason for a normal person to be this miserable in my position right now. I have a great job, few but loyal friends, a great family my health, well, most of it, a vehicle. I mean, what is going on in my life? I can think of more than 1 situation to be honest where I might have even been dead but something stopped it and I feel that might have even been an angel. But why are they wasting time with me? Shouldnt they be out helping good people? Im so lost right now I dont even know where to begin everything. I feel empty and alone.
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