Needing Prayer for Sexual Abuxe

[Moriah_Ruth]

I don't even know where to start. I suffered sexual abuse by my brother from the ages of 6 - 19 yrs old. This has really affected me emotionally, psychologically and affects my image of myself. It has also affected my intimacy with my husband. I love my husband however I find that he does not understand what I went through or what I am struggling with. Fear and mistrust is partly on my end.

I know all about the affects of the sexual abuse and the feelings and emotions that go along with it. What I am looking for is to overcome those feelings and how to overcome the obstacles that are in my way. I cannot do this alone. My trust in God could be better. I don't even trust people or myself at times.

Not sure what else to say.

Moriah Ruth

 

[Fragrant Grace]

I don't even know where to start. I suffered sexual abuse by my brother from the ages of 6 - 19 yrs old. This has really affected me emotionally, psychologically and affects my image of myself. It has also affected my intimacy with my husband. I love my husband however I find that he does not understand what I went through or what I am struggling with. Fear and mistrust is partly on my end.

I know all about the affects of the sexual abuse and the feelings and emotions that go along with it. What I am looking for is to overcome those feelings and how to overcome the obstacles that are in my way. I cannot do this alone. My trust in God could be better. I don't even trust people or myself at times.

Not sure what else to say.

Moriah Ruth

@Moriah_Ruth

You are not alone.....the Lord is with you and members here will be praying for you.

Thank You Lord for Your great love for Moriah Ruth
Thank You that Your love overcomes all fears and past pains
Encompass our sister with that great love now dear Lord
Sweep all painful feelings and hurts from the past away
Thank You Lord

Dear sister, you have been through such a lot but the Lord will carry you through this
Focus on the never failing promises found in His word

Cast thy burden upon the LORD, and He shall sustain thee.
Psalm 55:22

Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed upon Thee because He trusteth in Thee.
Isaiah 26:3

He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.
He telleth the number of the stars; He calleth them all by their names.
Great is our Lord, and of great power: His understanding is infinite.
The LORD lifteth up the meek:
Psalm 147:3-6

 

[Brad Huber]

Praying for you sister. Trust in God must become your most important goal, and close behind it would be trust in your husband.

 

[revbrad]

Moriah_Ruth

My wife was also sexually abused. It was hard for me to understand a lot of what she was dealing with emotionaly, mentaly and spiritualy. But, because of her prayers and patience God has worked and she is doing much better now and I have achieved a degree of understanding that enables us to flourish. It was not easy, there was a lot of hard times, it was not quick, it took many years but God was there through it all.

Trust God, pray for yourself and your husband, develop a CLOSE relationship with Christ. GOD IS ABLE!

 

[Rev T.S.Perkins]

My dear child how cruel and heartless some can be and the ones use most by the devil are those closest to us , Our family and our church family .! Let me tell you whatever some one else places on you you can either except it or not ...you have the choice ! Know that The Lord of Heaven and earth has a much higher regard for you than that..Child He not only knew you from you're mothers womb He made great plans for you...let me likin This to Joseph ! Just as he was you have been thrown in to a pit by those that should have loved you and not sought evil against you..And you keep finding things better only for you to be thrown in that terrible pit of despair and worthlessness ...It's a lie ! Gods word says He not only knows you're trials but as I type is preparing a way out and you will bring Healing to you're self and others around you .! You're Husband must love you ,Pray with Him for understanding for you both .hold hands don't be distant but come togather in body and Heart as one flesh before God ,give give Him. the opportunity to prove His love for you and you're marriage .look to God it's not easy but you will be shed of this as soon as you Do ....I pray this finds you in due season .praying for you sister .....Rev

 

[Moriah_Ruth]

Rev Perkins,

I had tried to PM you and send you a message however it stated that you had did your quotas of PMs and that you needed to get rid of some in order to receive other PMs from other people. So I am putting my message here. Others will also see and hopefully they will get the gest of what I am actually going through.

Hi Rev Perkins,

Thank you so much for your kind encouragment regarding the sexual abuse. There were also other abuses by my parents at a very young age. It all ended when I was 19 yrs old. I couldn't take anymore and had went for help. I told the people that I went to, that if they sent me back home that I would die. Maybe not by my parents own hands but by my own hands. However I wanted to live. I wanted to be free. I was free physically from there on but I was in emotional, psychological and spiritual bondage. God has made a way for me be free in a lot of areas. However with this sexual abuse it just wants me to stop completely.

I hate everything about sex and with my husband. Everything about it sickens me. I hate talking about this but I want freedom also. Whenever the Lord has put a book or situation in front of me to face it, I go for maybe a step and than I just completely shut down. I push it away like it is something foreign to me.

The last time that I was intimate with my husband was 5-6 yrs ago. Yes, we are still married. However that last time I was not feeling comfortable and I was crying while my husband was being intimate with me. He did not even show any concern. I vowed that day that I would not have sex with him ever again or be used like that ever. It brought the past sexual abuse back.

And yet I know that I need to deal with it. It has gotten to the point that I am looking elsewhere for love and affection. Last summer I almost had sexual relations with a Muslim man. We did not have intercourse but came close to it. I broke it off because I knew in my heart that I was doing wrong.

I love my husband, however he thinks that I should just give it all up just like that. That I should get over it just like that. He tries to get me to do it his way with no regards to how I feel or am going through.

Several years ago he had given me a book that was dealing with spouses who had a spouse that had went through the abuse. He wanted me to read it. I couldn't get through it. But he read it and yet he never did one thing that was in that book.

Right now as I type this to you I can feel so much anger at the surface with my husband and those who had sexaully abused me.

I have forgiven my brother for the sexual abuse, as he has asked me to forgive him for what he had put me through. His wife does know about the situation between him and I.

My anger is more towards why am I still going through this and why did I have to go through it in the first place. My anger also is toward myself because I am not like everyone else. Or that I can't enjoy one intimate moment with my husband. I just want to forget it all. But I know that is not the answer.

I have guilt and shame written all over me and in my heart. I look for help and there is none. There is no deliverance ministry here in the city. I would have to travel far if I wanted to. I do not have the finances to even get proper couselling. This hurts me that I am like this. And I don't want to be. My heart is screaming for help.

And yes, God is there but again I feel so guilty and ashamed of myself and what has happened to me. And guilty of going behind my husband's back with the Muslim man even though there was no intercourse between us.

Should God love me enough to let me go through all of this? I don't even know why I am even telling you this.

Moriah Ruth

 

[Thiscrosshurts]

What if you suddenly got amnesia and there was no one who could tell you about your past.
You would still have a knowledge of how the world is but you would not have any images or input from anything hurtful in your past.

The Holy Spirit can give you a kind of a third person perspective on your life that totally and completely by passes all human emotion and logic.
That is called the peace that surpasses all understanding.
I would love to explain more but it surpasses understanding so you must experience it.
I would also like to tell you why I personally know God will remove a painful past but I can't remember why my past was painful.

I ask that God would reveal this to you in a tangible way so that his Glory would shine into your past present and future.
Also that the mountain of information of your past be uprooted from you and cast into the sea.
Amen.

 

[Rev T.S.Perkins]

Hi Moriah Ruth,
I am Suzan Perkins I am also a minister and TS Perkins wife. There may e a healing room ministry in your area there are 48 of them in Canada go to healingrooms.com this is an excellent ministry to heal body mind and spirit. Jesus loves you very much and does not want you to suffer. You are a precious jewel, and so is your husband. The healing rooms are free but will take donations if you want to give. If you have difficulty finding a healing room just let us know which town you are near and I will see if we can find one close by. The healing rooms are confidential. May Gods grace and healing be upon you in Jesus name!

Rev here just thought I'd get woman's look on this ,I'm afraid that a man handling this will be difficult for two reasons ..you're guarded against men for that place in you're heart where healing takes place ,and second though I have compassion for the situation I can't begin to understand the hurt and damage done when a woman has been abused ...Holy spirit of God I ask that you send her where healing is, that you will rule in this and show you're Glory.also I pray for you're Husband ,understanding ,grace and wisdom a spirt of decrement and healing for you both.....In Jesus name ....Rev

 

[Chad]

@Moriah_Ruth

I'm sorry to hear what you went through. I do suggest you listen to Suzanne's advice as well.

I'd like to advise you to do a few things:

1. Fully surrender this entirely to God, trusting in faith for sure that you will overcome this. Jesus paid the price for not only all sins but healing

2. Seek a bible based marriage counselor. Your husband is obliged biblically to love you as Christ loves the church. He must be supportive. He needs to be enlightened on your feelings to understand them, truly understand you. Ephesians 5 tells husbands to live with their wives with understanding.

3. Keep praying, stay close to other believers especially women who can lift you up and keep you in prayer and fellowship.

I will be praying for you and your husband. You will overcome this, in Jesus name

 

[Moriah_Ruth]

Sister Perkins,

Thank you for your encouragement. It is greatly appreciated. I am going to go a step further here.

1. My husband is a pastor.
2. We do not have any church.
3. We do not attend church
4. We do ministry from our home
5. I am a pastor, however I have put that on the shelf for the moment so that I can focus on my healing.
6. We used to have a deliverance ministry here in the city, however they gave it up because they were getting to old. There is no other in the city or near me. If I were to get healing and deliverance I would have to travel far in order to get to one.
7. We do not have the finances to get professional counselling.
8. I work every weekend so this prevents me from going to any other church on Sundays. I am the supervisor for the team here in my location. My position requires that I be there on weekends because of the students that come in to work.

However, I do agree with you that I need to talk to a female regarding this issue. I know some men may not understand how a woman can suffer so much through sexual abuse as a child. Also to talk with a female who has gone through what I have gone through and would be a mentor so that I can get through this. A prayer warrior and someone who understands, patient and loving. Not judgemental or critical or one who is going to quote scripture at me without a listening heart. This is what I am looking for.

Moriah Ruth

 

[Boanerges]

My dear sister I am sorry for your pain. Pastoral counseling would be of great benefit; if you are having issues talking about this stuff then go to a Pastor who does not knwo you and you can remain basically anonymous. While God convicts us He gives no condemnation to a believer, that is the dark one trying to keep you in bondage.

There is freedom to be found from this, and all the scars the world would impose; that freedom comes in (1) realizing the true source, (2) forgiving,(3) receiving healing from Christ.

Everything that happens in the natural has roots in the spiritual, and we can only yield our souls to the Light or the darkness ; One brings life, the other destruction and the source is easily identifiable. It is important to realize that as terrible as those attacks were they could only be carried out by a soul who was bound in great darkness, torment, and demonic bondage. When we start to look at hurtful people through His eyes, we start to loose the pain- we began to feel the compassion of the Holy Spirit well up in us and we become free to forgive. Jesus gave precious few commands: Love, Forgive, and Love again- It was in those commands that we find life, healing, and freedom.

Please take some time and do this either with just you and the Holy Spirit, or with someone prayerful you can trust:

Take your time, prayerfully ask God to bring all these things to remembrance, starting with your earliest days and moving forward. For each person in your life, go through and pray: Dear Lord Jesus, I can now see that ________ is a soul tormented in darkness. _______ is in great bondage, no one acts that way unless the devil is in control of their life. I choose to forgive _______ now, please save and heal __________ , for if _________'s life was full of Your love then ________ could never act that way. I give You all the hurt, the pain, the shame, and I now ask that You fill that place in my heart with Your Love. I forgive, and I receive your healing in that area of my life now.

Do this for each and every person you can remember, no matter how great or small the transgressions, asking the Holy Spirit to bring all to remembrance; as you release and forgive the healing power of God will flood your soul and you will experience freedom beyond anything you have ever known.

You are in my prayers.

Many blessings in Jesus Name,
your brother in Christ Larry.

 

[Moriah_Ruth]

Father God, this is what I desire in a godly Christian mentor, preferably female.

1. Loves God with all of her heart, soul and mind.
2. Hears God’s voice.
3. Obeys God.
4. Has the gift of discerning of spirits.
5. Is a prayer warrior.
6. One who is not judgemental or critical.
7. Keeps things confidential.
8. Does not gossip, backstab or slander.
9. Has been through the same abuse and struggles.
10. Has overcome many hurts and struggles.
11. Has strong emotions and strong in spirit and walk with God.
12. Loves the Lord Jesus Christ and claims the deity of Jesus Christ as God who came in the flesh and the blood of Jesus.
13. One who stands firm on the word of God.
14. Who is patient and understanding.
15. Listen’s with her heart.
16. Who will listen instead of cramming her own thoughts or beliefs.
17. One who does not quote verses without the leading of the Holy Spirit.
18. Has godly wisdom
19. Will accept me for who I am.
20. Who is herself and loves to have fun.
21. Who can cry with me, laugh with me.
22. Who can affirm me and validate me.
23. Who I can call and talk to, pray with, go out for coffee with.
24. Who will call me and ask if I am okay and pray when necessary.
25. One who is around my age or older.
26. Has the Father’s heart and compassion.
27. Who is positive.
28. Who is not a people pleaser but a God pleaser.
29. Has a pure heart before God.
30. One who has been delivered from bondage, deception, manipulation, control, witchcraft, Satanism, cults and false teachings and Satan’s lies.
31. Has a quiet nature and quiet spirit.
32. It doesn’t matter what skin color she is.

Father God, I ask that the mentor that you send my way is the one that you choose. Not one that I choose, but the one that you have purposed to be in my life. I ask that she would know that you have called her to be my mentor. I ask that she would come to me first instead of me going to her. May you put it within her heart to help me. May she also be from this area where I live.

How will I know if it is her Father? Please show me a sign. Maybe she can approach me first. But if she approaches me first how will I know if it is her or not?

I desire to be free of my past, all the hurt, anger, shame and guilt. I cannot hold unto this any longer. My biggest is the sexual abuse. I really don’t want to go down that path, but I desire my freedom from this bondage. I also desire to be whatever you have purposed for me to be, for you have called me. You created me in your image. You love me with an everlasting love. You desire to show me your grace and mercy. May I be free to receive all that you have for me.

Break every bondage that holds me back from doing what you have called me to be. Raise me up to be that leader, godly leader. May I lead in godly wisdom and in love, your love. May I see and sense your love for me.

Father God I ask that you forgive me of all sin that I have committed against you. Forgive me for making foolish vows before you and for breaking each one. Forgive me for making vows that would put a curse upon myself and my marriage. I ask that you would forgive me for making a vow that I would never have sex with my husband again. I break this vow and I break the curse that I have brought upon myself and my marriage in Jesus Christ’s name. It is under the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ. Your blood Jesus, that heals, protects us and breaks every bondage and curse.

I give all my past to you. I surrender everything to you. I surrender myself to you. I surrender all my hurt to you. I submit to you and to your holiness. I submit myself under your love, grace, mercy and forgiveness. I accept you totally into my life. I surrender all my shame and guilt to you. I allow you to open doors for my healing.

I surrender my vulnerability to you. You know my weakness. I give my all to you. I know that there will be struggles. That Satan will throw things my way to get me to stay in bondage. But with your help Father God I will fight this even to my death. May my heart be made pure and righteous before you.

You know my heart. Fill my heart with your love and warmth. I know that you stated in your word that you will never leave me nor forsake me. Your love is deeper than a mother’s love, a father’s love or anyone’s love. You have also adopted me as your daughter. I am your princess, you are my Father the King. You reign in my heart.

I love you Father God with my whole being. Even though I may not show it at times, but I truly desire you. May you keep me ever close to your heart. May I find my rest in you. Teach me how to rest in you. May your Holy Spirit lead me, guide and direct me in your healing for me. Show me what books to read. What chapters to read in the bible or what to study. Lead me to where you desire my healing. You know that I love music. May you give me the songs that I need for that moment.

For I ask all these things in Jesus Christ’s name. I give you honor, praise and glory. It is all about you Lord.

 

[revbrad]

Moriah_Ruth

Agreeing with you in prayer......may God move in a mighty way

 

[caddisman]

Please seek GOOD counseling along with fasting and prayer.If i can help a little with money for a counseling session let me know through a private message.
caddisman

 

[Fragrant Grace]

@Moriah_Ruth

Trusting our great Lord and King will answer your prayer
He is the great healer and may His love and peace flow through your heart and be a balm to those emotional wounds
Praying with you that the Lord will lead you to a lovely caring Christian mentor who seeks the Lord before all things putting Him first

Bless you sister

He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.
He telleth the number of the stars; He calleth them all by their names.
Great is our Lord, and of great power: His understanding is infinite.
The LORD lifteth up the meek:
Psalm 147:3-6

 

[Furious_Love]

My dear sister in Christ. From one survivor to another, let me say how brave you are for opening up your heart on these forums. It can be quite scary. Bless you…

For what you are feeling let me assure it is only transitory. The pain will eventually ease and you will be able to get your head around things. My eldest sister bore the brunt of my father’s cruelty and it finished when she was 19 too. The saddest part about this is that whilst the perpetrator is free we still have to deal with the pain and suffering caused by these evil people. In the end my father became an alcoholic and died a lonely man. My dear sister has not been well for years. She turned down help from many people even from her siblings which has been very sad-I pray that does not become you.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel, never lose sight of it. Be strong in the Lord knowing your time will come when you actually feel freedom; free of guilt and shame. I am acutely aware of shame and guilt associated with being abused as much as I hated to confront the lies I held due to the abuse, not once did I ever blame or question my God, though it could have been easy to do. When I confronted my father when I was strong in ‘mind and will’ I confronted him with fear and trembling, yet I knew it had to be done to release the ties that bind. If you have ever seen a person react to truth that is brought out into the open you will see the perpetrator be their real self my father reacted as if he was possessed. God was with me that day giving me strength to confront the enemy.

I shed many tears for what happened to me by my father; yet I never gave up on life. Suicide was not the answer even though I had ideations of it. God would let me know that I was needed. I never wavered in the hunt for freedom. I pray you make it your goal to become well. Can I suggest you make it a priority to seek out help from a female psychologist. Before you go to see her make a private list of how you are at this time in your life.

Never be ashamed or feel guilt for what happened to you. Discard all the what ifs, should ofs, or could ofs.

May the peace of God envelop you and bring peace to your soul. In Jesus name.

 

[Giggles4God]

Hello. I am late coming to this. I was also abused and my testimony is here at TJ. I don't know if I truly qualify to even be a mentor. I mean I still struggle every day. I see or hear something and flashbacks come tumbling down upon me like a train barreling over me, but God is bigger! I will put my URL here so that you can see the work God has done in me and still does in me! God will bring you through this storm, sister! Hold on! It's about to get crazy!

http://www.talkjesus.com/stories/1696-long-version-my-testimony.html

Blessings to you!