maddkitty77
Member
- Joined
- Oct 6, 2011
- Messages
- 8
I don't know where to begin, my husband left me and my 4 children again, its been almost every year for the past 4 years that he leaves us, for one reason or the other. We would fight a lot, I would struggle to go to church and stay true to God, he would criticize me and make me angry and in turn i wouldn't go to church for a while. I tried to come to terms with his pot smoking, I tried to accept that, that's what he liked to do, but deep down I knew it was wrong.
He came back last year in June, he came and asked if he could come home because he realized that this is where he wanted to be, here with me and the children. With in a months time he moved back in and i made a decision to really make this the last time he would ever leave. I was done with all the nonsense i just wanted a happy marriage and to enjoy our lives together.
A few months later my father was battling the last stages of lung cancer and slipped into a coma, as the oldest child i had a tough choice to make, Chris my husband was supportive in watching the children and getting them off to school and working during this tough time in my life, but when my father left this world for heaven i was very sad and not prepared for the emotions that came next. I laid and cried i slacked on my house duties and just needed some time before i was forced back into regular life. He did not comfort me, instead he would tell me to get up and shake it off, he would ask me why am i still crying, that its time to move on.
Thanksgiving was just a few weeks away from the day my father passed, and that holiday was his most favorite. I did not want to cook or really celebrate it. It was just too soon for me, But he argued with me and told me that it wasn't fair that him and the kids would have to not celebrate it just because it was too hard for me. I was deeply hurt by the comments he was making, so i pulled myself together and to keep from making more waves in our relationship i made thanksgiving dinner. when i sat down i looked around to see everyone eating and watching t.v. and the empty chair to my left, i tried to eat and ignore the chair,my father would have been sitting right there. I couldn't hold in my tears anymore, i removed myself from the table and locked myself in the bathroom and just cried. He knocked on the door and in his way he tried to comfort me by saying i don't know what your problem is but your mom wants to know if your okay.
On that day I figured out that if I didn't want to get hurt anymore, I would have to mourn my fathers death alone and when he wasn't around. Soon after Christmas came around and then the new year and the distance that Chris was putting between us i was starting to feel. I would try to be more loving and he would push me away, i tried to lean in for kisses and he would act as if he didn't want them, he was starting to make arguments for no reason, find little things to fight about, and tell me that he never wanted to marry me and he didn't love me and that we were two different people and we just don't mix. I was feeling desperate I didn't want to lose my marriage again, so i tried to relax with him and try smoking weed with him and having a few beers much like when we first met.
But even trying what he liked didn't help, he was lying about little things and i was finding out later i would confront him and he would make it my fault, i told him i can't trust him when he lies he said he doesn't lie about anything big, but i didn't trust him anymore in the end.
What made him walk out was, I asked him when did he buy the pack of cigarettes and he told me 3 different stories, i asked him a couple of times because something wasn't adding up, i slammed my hand on the counter and said why do you keep lying to me, and as i did that he reached back and backhanded me in the mouth, He said i am tired of you questioning me about my money! I pushed him off of me and took my son upstairs, when i came back down he was apologizing and saying that he had to go.
He said i have angered him to the point of violence and that the marriage was done! I told him that i can forgive him for hitting me and move past it if he was wiling to stop lying to me. All i want is for him to stop lying. He said no its too late he had already called his mom when he went outside to smoke, and now his family was involved, and now he has to leave. I said Chris please listen to me, all i want is for you to stop lying to me and we can move on from this, he said how many times do i have to tell you Danielle we are two different people and we will never work!
So after 2 years of marriage and 5 years of being girlfriend and boyfriend and 4 children in the middle 2 are his, i said then if you cant stop lying to me then you have to leave right now! he said fine and walked out the front door and to this day its been almost 4 months. 3 weeks after he left i discovered i was pregnant then 3 weeks after that i miscarried that baby, I thank God for the good and the bad, I have gotten closer to God since he left, I still haven't talked with him about anything, if there is a call or text its about the 2 children we share I dont want to talk with him because the couple of times i did he is very rude and very hurtful still. He will constantly remind me that we had problems and we were gonna work out.
Honestly our problems were minor, we didn't understand each other and communication needed work, small things that needed God and a little work but he just didnt want to do it!
So now my heart is just completely broken and hurt but most of all I am disappointed in him for giving up on us and the family. When he came back he said he was never gonna leave this is where he wants to be, he said there was no reason he would leave, he secured me when he said that, being that he was leaving every year i needed to hear him say that, i felt loved when he did say that. But here I am confused in my heart I know how God feels about divorce but I dont want to pray for my marriage because this man never truly loved me, but I dont want to lose another marriage.
I dont know what the right thing to do is........do i pray and fight for my marriage or do i let it go and file for divorce. I have good days where i can be happy with this new normal and then there are days where i feel so sad and hurt for my marriage. I need help on how to pray for my confused heart, when i try to pray for my confused heart all that comes out are long hard sobs no words just tears. Do the right thing is all i want to do because all my life i feel like i have done the wrong.
He came back last year in June, he came and asked if he could come home because he realized that this is where he wanted to be, here with me and the children. With in a months time he moved back in and i made a decision to really make this the last time he would ever leave. I was done with all the nonsense i just wanted a happy marriage and to enjoy our lives together.
A few months later my father was battling the last stages of lung cancer and slipped into a coma, as the oldest child i had a tough choice to make, Chris my husband was supportive in watching the children and getting them off to school and working during this tough time in my life, but when my father left this world for heaven i was very sad and not prepared for the emotions that came next. I laid and cried i slacked on my house duties and just needed some time before i was forced back into regular life. He did not comfort me, instead he would tell me to get up and shake it off, he would ask me why am i still crying, that its time to move on.
Thanksgiving was just a few weeks away from the day my father passed, and that holiday was his most favorite. I did not want to cook or really celebrate it. It was just too soon for me, But he argued with me and told me that it wasn't fair that him and the kids would have to not celebrate it just because it was too hard for me. I was deeply hurt by the comments he was making, so i pulled myself together and to keep from making more waves in our relationship i made thanksgiving dinner. when i sat down i looked around to see everyone eating and watching t.v. and the empty chair to my left, i tried to eat and ignore the chair,my father would have been sitting right there. I couldn't hold in my tears anymore, i removed myself from the table and locked myself in the bathroom and just cried. He knocked on the door and in his way he tried to comfort me by saying i don't know what your problem is but your mom wants to know if your okay.
On that day I figured out that if I didn't want to get hurt anymore, I would have to mourn my fathers death alone and when he wasn't around. Soon after Christmas came around and then the new year and the distance that Chris was putting between us i was starting to feel. I would try to be more loving and he would push me away, i tried to lean in for kisses and he would act as if he didn't want them, he was starting to make arguments for no reason, find little things to fight about, and tell me that he never wanted to marry me and he didn't love me and that we were two different people and we just don't mix. I was feeling desperate I didn't want to lose my marriage again, so i tried to relax with him and try smoking weed with him and having a few beers much like when we first met.
But even trying what he liked didn't help, he was lying about little things and i was finding out later i would confront him and he would make it my fault, i told him i can't trust him when he lies he said he doesn't lie about anything big, but i didn't trust him anymore in the end.
What made him walk out was, I asked him when did he buy the pack of cigarettes and he told me 3 different stories, i asked him a couple of times because something wasn't adding up, i slammed my hand on the counter and said why do you keep lying to me, and as i did that he reached back and backhanded me in the mouth, He said i am tired of you questioning me about my money! I pushed him off of me and took my son upstairs, when i came back down he was apologizing and saying that he had to go.
He said i have angered him to the point of violence and that the marriage was done! I told him that i can forgive him for hitting me and move past it if he was wiling to stop lying to me. All i want is for him to stop lying. He said no its too late he had already called his mom when he went outside to smoke, and now his family was involved, and now he has to leave. I said Chris please listen to me, all i want is for you to stop lying to me and we can move on from this, he said how many times do i have to tell you Danielle we are two different people and we will never work!
So after 2 years of marriage and 5 years of being girlfriend and boyfriend and 4 children in the middle 2 are his, i said then if you cant stop lying to me then you have to leave right now! he said fine and walked out the front door and to this day its been almost 4 months. 3 weeks after he left i discovered i was pregnant then 3 weeks after that i miscarried that baby, I thank God for the good and the bad, I have gotten closer to God since he left, I still haven't talked with him about anything, if there is a call or text its about the 2 children we share I dont want to talk with him because the couple of times i did he is very rude and very hurtful still. He will constantly remind me that we had problems and we were gonna work out.
Honestly our problems were minor, we didn't understand each other and communication needed work, small things that needed God and a little work but he just didnt want to do it!
So now my heart is just completely broken and hurt but most of all I am disappointed in him for giving up on us and the family. When he came back he said he was never gonna leave this is where he wants to be, he said there was no reason he would leave, he secured me when he said that, being that he was leaving every year i needed to hear him say that, i felt loved when he did say that. But here I am confused in my heart I know how God feels about divorce but I dont want to pray for my marriage because this man never truly loved me, but I dont want to lose another marriage.
I dont know what the right thing to do is........do i pray and fight for my marriage or do i let it go and file for divorce. I have good days where i can be happy with this new normal and then there are days where i feel so sad and hurt for my marriage. I need help on how to pray for my confused heart, when i try to pray for my confused heart all that comes out are long hard sobs no words just tears. Do the right thing is all i want to do because all my life i feel like i have done the wrong.
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