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My Cancer Story

I was having the summer of my life, everything was perfect and I felt like I had everything i ever wanted. Happiness, love, free spirited fun and most of all I was going to be a sophomore in high school. Then that summer turned my life around... I passed out on the floor of my house, I woke up confused, then I drove 20 minutes to find my mom. She rushed me to the ER, I thought it was just dehydration but i was very wrong. I was rushed to a bigger hospital, I didn't know what was going on, i died for 15 seconds before they revived me and kept begging me to hold on. I just remember trying so hard to fight now leaving my younger sister. I woke up in a hospital room and my world caved in. I went from having the summer of my life to having leukemia in a matter of 12 hours. I spent 6 months in that hospital fighting and i came out on top. I wanted to give up because the pain was beginning to be to much, I thought God was punishing me for not going to church as much as I use to, for not praying enough. I decided I wanted to give up that day, i fell asleep and everything changed. My Grandma visited me that night and told me God had a plan and that I needed to do what she asked of me, so i listened, at first i didn't know what any of it meant but I figured it out eventually. But that was because of my Grandma, she passed the year before i got sick on my birthday. She watched over me and came to me periodically and told me I had to fight and that I had to pray, I haven't been very close to God, I often wonder why, why would her help me if I wasn't close to him? Why, do bad things happen? I mean I wasn't ready for what he threw my way, but then again no one is. How can I be close to him again? How can i be sure that God wasn't really punishing me? How do I know?