Marriage trouble.

[chelsey_brown5]

Hello,
My name is Chelsey and Im new to this board. Im 22 years old, and only been married 4 months. I wish I could get into detail about how the enemy has brought me down since Ive been married. I dont know why. Im more insecure, more angry, and I take everything out on my husband. We're at the point where he wants to leave next time their is a fight. He has been such a good spiritual leader and all ive done is disrespect him.

Please help me. hes been so good to me. Just 4 months and Im scared of loosing him. How do I forgive myself, start beleving I can be a good wife, and be the wife he deserves?

I love him so much.

 

[Brother Mike]

Marriage

Welcome Sister!!!

I guess the Most obvious thing would be to start acting better...

However, you need to be empowered to do so....

There is power in the Word to change.

Jesus Is Lord.

 

[Plinshree]

Hi Chelsey,
So, you have been married for four months and have been fighting? Your husband is a good spiritual leader but wishes to leave if there is another fight?

First off, if you are both believers and your husband is a great spiritual leader then, rather than being ready to bolt at the next sign of trouble, he should be working with you to try to get to the bottom of the issues that are making you feel attacked by the enemy. The things that are making you feel the way you do when you lash out.Perhaps he could go with you to get pastoral counseling? At the very least, being your spiritual head, he should be praying with/for you.

The best thing for you to do is to stop heaping condemnation on yourself. Berating yourself for mistakes you have made won't get you to progress beyond them. It's clear you feel badly for 'disrespecting' your husband. What you want to do is just repent where you feel you need to and then leave it at Jesus's feet.

In the book of Titus it says:
"Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good.Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children,to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God." (2:2-5)

How does this apply to you? Surround yourself with Godly married women , the longer they have been married the better,and observe them. Learn from them in how they interact with their husbands.
Also, study the bible on what it is to be a woman and what it is to have a godly marriage. My Bible-fu fails me on this particular subject but I'm sure there are others here on talk Jesus that will know where to look in the Bible for these. If worse comes to worse you can always Google .

Always be in prayer. I guess a good thing to be praying would be to have wisdom and discernment where your marriage is concerned.Pray for the ability to put your spouse before yourself. However, I want to caution you: There is balance involved in putting your mate first. Always make sure your own batteries get charged and you take time for you so you can better minister to your husband. A lot of believers will tell you taking time out for you is selfish. But I'm here to tell you, unless your own well hasn't been replenished you're not going to have anything to give anyone else. Let alone your spouse.

I'm a bit concerned about the tenor of your question, though. It comes across as if you take sole responsibility for the problems in the marriage. You speak of being afraid of losing your husband.you speak of being the wife he deserves. This works both ways.

For one thing it takes two to make a marriage to work. It takes two to fight.Just pray about that. I'm not there and I do not see what is happening so..However, God sees everything.That's one of the reasons why it's good to pray for God's wisdom in this situation. You're actually asking God to give you his perspective on things.

Secondly: as I said before , your husband shouldn't be quick to bolt.If he's a believer he needs to be investing in this marriage as well. The best thing I can say, not knowing the situation personally, is pray for your husband. Even if you do not know exactly what to pray for Him, God knows.

Thirdly: You deserve to have a husband worthy of you. It's not just all about you pleasing him. He needs to be going out of his way to be pleasing to you as well.Again , there is a balance.There needs to be a give and take there. Times where you give and times where he gives. Just the fact that you are even concerned about it in the first place shows that your heart is in the right place on this issue.

I hope this helps at least a little bit. I'll be praying.

 

[HisFollower]

The law of Christ is to bear (carry) the other´s burdens (load,cargo); the way you´ve described yourself is opposite. God´s Word tells us to be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and pleadings with thanksgiving, we must let our requests be known to God. Then the peace of God shall keep our heart and mind through Christ Jesus. (Phi 4:6-7)
Moreover God´s Word tells us to forbear (tolerate) one another, and forgive one another; and if one has a quarrel with the other: Even as Christ forgave you, so also do you. (Col 3:13)
As for self forgiveness, I know it is taught by some churches, but (for me) such is contrary to the Word of God, but is beyond that which is written, and can only lead to more self deceit.

 

[Plinshree]

HisFollower,
Forgive me , but, it seems like your response is a bit unnecessarily condemning. Perhaps I misunderstood it?

-Plinshree

 

[AudreyNicole]

Hello,
My name is Chelsey and Im new to this board. Im 22 years old, and only been married 4 months. I wish I could get into detail about how the enemy has brought me down since Ive been married. I dont know why. Im more insecure, more angry, and I take everything out on my husband. We're at the point where he wants to leave next time their is a fight. He has been such a good spiritual leader and all ive done is disrespect him.

Please help me. hes been so good to me. Just 4 months and Im scared of loosing him. How do I forgive myself, start beleving I can be a good wife, and be the wife he deserves?

I love him so much.

Hello!

I am so thankful I found your post because I just went over this in Bible study and I think I really may be able to help you... or at least I hope so.

Read through Proverbs 31:10-31. It's called The Virtuous Wife, and describes God's ideal woman and the wife she is expected to be.

Go through the passage with a pen and paper (use a journal if you have one), and from each verse list the characteristics it describes.

For example, verse 16 says, "She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard." This shows that she is: wise with money, smart with investing, and prepared for the future.

Or verse 20, "She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy." This shows that she is ready to serve, eager to help, and always available to reach more than just her family.

After you have your list, read through all the characteristics and traits of this woman, and use them to become that Virtuous Woman. Whenever you need a hand, turn to the list and find whatever trait appropriately fits your situation, then ask for God to help you demonstrate that. Becoming a better wife doesn't happen without becoming a better person; and becoming a better person starts with Christ. We can never have a good relationship with others until we first have a good relationship with Him^.

Pray for God's Spirit and His guidance through this, and be nothing but grace and forgiveness to your husband. Even those times he is at fault, extend forgiveness to him from the love God provides you. It will be hard, but remember who it is you are working for and through. Its Christ.

I have some notes on dealing with emotions in a Godly way...esp. anger. And I have a lot of great Diva Devo's (studies of women in the Bible) that may be able to help you. So if you think these would be helpful, PM me or I can post them here for you. Also, here is a site you may want to look at:
A Virtuous Woman


Hope this helps. God bless!

In Christ's name,

 

[Property Of God]

Hey sister,

First of all, the first year of marriage is the hardest, I've been married for only 8 months and it's a lot of work, your sins and flaws are multiplied and magnified. I wanna ask you something, how is your walk with God? Do you read the Word, and pray? Do you go to church with your husband? Do you have good Christian friends who give you good counseling?

I find that I'm weakest when my walk with God isn't as it should be and when I stumble and lose my way. How's your heart? The Bible says that the heart is the river where from everything else flows, anything you do or say to your husband isn't because of something he did or said, it's because of something in your heart.

Your husband isn't perfect and you aren't perfect either, that's why God should be the center of your marriage. Keep praying about it, and pray for your husband and pray that God will help you serve your husband better.