Leaving Christianity

[LostButTrying]

I feel like I'm trying to make myself believe, trying to will myself. It just feels like I'm not answered by God, not met, I feel slightly sad and alone in the universe. I've tried hard and I just can't keep trying. There is nothing there.

I'm not angry or bitter, or anything just a bit sad. I just feel it's not true. I'm sad that it's not true.... I thought it was...

I never wanted rainbows to appear, or miracles, nothing, just a sense of being heard, or cared for.

I'm sorry to offend anybody, please keep your faith. It seems to work for you. I'm sending my love to you. Sorry.

I'm no longer a Christian.

 

[Hekuran]

My heart goes out to you. I too feel sad reading this post.

I don't know if you are inviting others to persuade you to stay in the fold? If you are willing to give it a try, read through the Psalms. Every human emotion is recorded there -- from ecstasy to the depths of despair. You might find something that reflects your experience now.

 

[LostButTrying]

Thank you, but I'm not inviting anybody to save me. It's nothing to do with scripture or clever arguments. My faith hasn't gone because I think I've found some new clever answer. No triumph. I don't feel clever.
I don't feel resentful or abandoned.. I feel like my faith was like a small pool of water, no rain came, no spring burst forth, so it has slowly and gently dried up.
I don't feel like I'm numb or my feelings have gone. In fact I feel a lot of love, my own love, for the world. For you.

 

[Andyindauk]

Hi Lost, reading your post I sense that you feel really let down by God; He hasn't lived up to your high expectations. I salute your honesty and I fully sympathise you feel flat and numb. I think if we're all going to be honest, we've all of us have gone through pretty dry patches but somehow managed to get through.

Obviously we don't know each other so I can't really give you an answer as to what's gone wrong. Can I ask though a couple of questions about what you believe?

Do you believe there is no God (Big bang theory, evolution, ya born-ya live-ya die-ya get cremated) or are you thinking well yes there is, but He doesn't want to know me? If there isn't and you're absolutely sure, then you haven't got a problem - unless you're wrong.

Do you believe God loves mankind (or the more PC humankind) and cares for us? If yes, do you believe God's warnings about the consequences of sin and rejection of Him? If yes, why does God love everyone else, but not you?

Somewhere there has to be a no to one of these questions for you to make a drastic decision like you have. If you're absolutely sure, no problem and I hope you enjoy the rest of your life and wish you the very best.

If there's any doubt, I would urge you to have one more try at coming to God. For whatever reason the last time you did, it didn't work. God wants you to accept you're on the wrong highway. He wants you to about-turn and ask Him to take over the wheel. It starts with a one-to-one prayer, it involves frequent prayer, Bible study and it involves church. Throw yourself headlong into Him. Tell Him you accept the death of Jesus and His rescue, ask for His Holy Spirit to work on your doubts and misgivings. Ask Him to enhance your faith by revealing and showing Himself to you. God's up for the challenge and if you honestly give Him your all, He won't disappoint.

Can a recommend an app called YouVersion? It's a Bible on your phone or tablet. You can choose your favourite translation and there's plenty of Bible reading plans on a wide variety of topics, there's quite a few about doubt. I'm guessing there'll be more than a passing mention of the good shepherd John 10:1-18 and the prodigal son Luke 11:15-32. I can promise you that God loves you so much; he sent His son Jesus to die because He couldn't bear to lose you.

In short, please be 100% sure of your decision; there's so much at stake here. God bless you.

===================================

Dear Lord God, I know that you're there with LostButTrying, and you can see his/her emptiness, and I know that you're calling, pleading and urging him/her towards you but sometimes we let other influences and pressures drown out your voice. Please God, don't give up. Through your Holy Spirit please please please reveal to him/her a little bit of yourself and lead him/her back to you. Jesus said that there'll actually a welcome back party in Heaven. Dear God, please - Let's party!! I love you God and I just pray that LostButTrying will experience for him/herself an overwhelming love from you.

Amen.

 

[Hekuran]

Thank you, but I'm not inviting anybody to save me. It's nothing to do with scripture or clever arguments. My faith hasn't gone because I think I've found some new clever answer. No triumph. I don't feel clever.
I don't feel resentful or abandoned.. I feel like my faith was like a small pool of water, no rain came, no spring burst forth, so it has slowly and gently dried up.
I don't feel like I'm numb or my feelings have gone. In fact I feel a lot of love, my own love, for the world. For you.

Understood. I think there's still plenty of room for you on talkjesus, so please stay around.

 

[LostButTrying]

I will hang around, for me it is a matter of the heart. It's not about what's in my head, it's about my heart... so I don't rule out change.

When God speaks to you, when you feel the Holy Spirit, when you get a message or an intuition, when you feel God's love... what is it like?

 

[Andyindauk]

Hi Lost, hate to but into your chat with Hekuran, just wanted to put my 6 eggs in.

For me it's very rare that God talks to me in an audible voice. More often I get a thought in my head and instinctively I know that I didn't generate that thought, to me that's the Holy Spirit speaking to me. Sometimes when you're going through a bad patch and a calamity, sometimes that voice gets drowned out and you feel all alone and that you're having to deal with it yourself. However, once you're through that situation and you're looking back, you appreciate that you weren't alone and that God was there with you, helping you to cope and also directly intervening.

Have a look at the life of Elijah, a prophet on the run.

Then He said, “Go out, and stand on the mountain before the Lord .” And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the Lord , but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice. I Kings 19:11‭-‬12 NKJV

If you feel that when you pray you can almost hear the echo of the prayer bouncing off the ceiling, unanswered, treat that as an opportunity. God loves us to feel on top of the world, gushing with praise of Him and that's lovely but He loves it even more when we gush praise when we are feeling flat, alone and and a million miles away from Him. That is prayer at a cost and God really appreciates it and will reward you and draw close to you. Just talk to Him, then listen.

Go on, I dare ya !! Let us know how you get on.

 

[Coltsteel]

Lost, what is it that you feel lost about? Is there any specific thing? Or matter?

 

[Hekuran]

I will hang around, for me it is a matter of the heart. It's not about what's in my head, it's about my heart... so I don't rule out change.

When God speaks to you, when you feel the Holy Spirit, when you get a message or an intuition, when you feel God's love... what is it like?

For me, messages, intuition and feeling God's love directly are rare. Knowing God's will in specific situations is through reflecting on the Bible, on the person of Jesus, and through prayer.

Having said that, I am completely assured of God's love and care. It's difficult to describe in writing.

There are times -- often in worship -- when I feel utterly overwhelmed by his love and grace. And there are situations when I respond to people in a way that is completely beyond my natural capacity for compassion and love.

 

[LostButTrying]

Psalm 22:1-2

1 My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
Why are you so far from saving me,
so far from my cries of anguish?
2 My God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer,
by night, but I find no rest.

 

[Coltsteel]

Lost pm me

 

[Dave M]

When God speaks to you, when you feel the Holy Spirit, when you get a message or an intuition, when you feel God's love... what is it like?

when God speaks to me it is through his word the bible we must be in it everyday in order for us to have any understanding of God or to here him speak to us IMO , when God speaks to me it is more of a conviction I have never herd his audible voice that I am aware of. When we seek God with all our heart and mind and thoughts it starts out and finishes with his word, we must learn it and know it and apply it to our life. then we will see change in our hearts and then we know we have God in us, usually for most it is a slow process, but if we continue to seek him through his word we will see changes in out heart.

and also there are time I feel far from God guess who fault that is MINE, reason are always the same chasing after things of this world instead of focusing on God and his Word and obeying them

 

[KingJ]

I feel like I'm trying to make myself believe, trying to will myself. It just feels like I'm not answered by God, not met, I feel slightly sad and alone in the universe. I've tried hard and I just can't keep trying. There is nothing there.

I'm not angry or bitter, or anything just a bit sad. I just feel it's not true. I'm sad that it's not true.... I thought it was...

I never wanted rainbows to appear, or miracles, nothing, just a sense of being heard, or cared for.

I'm sorry to offend anybody, please keep your faith. It seems to work for you. I'm sending my love to you. Sorry.

I'm no longer a Christian.

What faith did you have? What faith are you giving up?

Have you stopped believing there is a God Creator? Have you stopped believing in Jesus being Lord? Both?

You should not be in a position where you need to make yourself believe.

When we draw near to God, He draws near to us James 4:8 and gives us ''faith that cannot die'' Matt 16:16-17. He makes certain we know Jesus is as real as gravity.

It is good that you not go forward in life faking who you are. Wearing a mask. Pretending to be a Christian.

There is a harsh reality you need to face though. If God has not revealed Jesus to you as He did to Peter, Paul and all those Christians that hear His voice John 10:27, ask yourself why it is.

Paul urges us to truthfully examine ourselves 1 Cor 11:31, 2 Cor 13:5. The problem is never God's side. God is impartial Acts 10:34, eager and willing to reveal Himself to anyone after His heart. His heart hates what is wicked and loves what is good Rom 12:9.

Before you abandon Christianity, deal with this truth.

I speak from experience. I used to think I was a Christian. I wanted to be one. Who wants to be in a camp going to hell. But there is just so much more to it. Nobody can fool God Jer 17:9-11.

 

[KingJ]

Psalm 22:1-2

1 My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
Why are you so far from saving me,
so far from my cries of anguish?
2 My God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer,
by night, but I find no rest.

Do you feel God is not helping you with something? His ''Houdini'' status is just too much?

 

[LostButTrying]

It is good that you not go forward in life faking who you are. Wearing a mask. Pretending to be a Christian.

I didn't fake, I believed, fully. I've waited patiently and expectantly for God to 'draw near to me'... I extended my arms toward God expecting to be met with love... for years. I've done all the things, prayed all the things, believed everything... but now it's dried up... now it feels forced... it didn't feel forced before... but it does now. God didn't turn up.
It's like getting an amazing gift that you unwrap and then... it's empty.
I believe fully that others have had a different experience and I'm not taking that away from anybody, but please don't take this truth away from me... I gave myself, I gave it all to God and have not been met in return.
I haven't gone over to a different belief, it's just that the colour had washed out of the belief that I had until there was nothing left.
I'm not depressed, I'm not numb, I feel and I care. But God has ceased to be a thing for me, believing with all my heart made no difference. Over the last few years a 100% belief has simply dwindled by being confronted by the failure of God to arrive. My belief has dwindled to nothing.
Please don't tell me I didn't really believe or I was fake. I'm not fake. I'm telling you the truth.
This is my true testimony.

 

[KingJ]

I didn't fake, I believed, fully. I've waited patiently and expectantly for God to 'draw near to me'... I extended my arms toward God expecting to be met with love... for years. I've done all the things, prayed all the things, believed everything... but now it's dried up... now it feels forced... it didn't feel forced before... but it does now. God didn't turn up.
It's like getting an amazing gift that you unwrap and then... it's empty.
I believe fully that others have had a different experience and I'm not taking that away from anybody, but please don't take this truth away from me... I gave myself, I gave it all to God and have not been met in return.
I haven't gone over to a different belief, it's just that the colour had washed out of the belief that I had until there was nothing left.
I'm not depressed, I'm not numb, I feel and I care. But God has ceased to be a thing for me, believing with all my heart made no difference. Over the last few years a 100% belief has simply dwindled by being confronted by the failure of God to arrive. My belief has dwindled to nothing.
Please don't tell me I didn't really believe or I was fake. I'm not fake. I'm telling you the truth.
This is my true testimony.

You miss-reading me. I am commending you for being honest. You are not faking a belief you don't have it.

I just want you to ''dig deeper'' into yourself. How did you become a Christian in the first place? What exactly did you believe? What were you expecting God to do for you? Were you baptized in water and the Holy Spirit? Have you prayed in tongues?

I look at Peter, Paul and the young rich man and I see testimonies of what it means to be a Christian.

Peter, He was the disciple with the most faith. The only disciple to walk on water. Yet he needed and received a revelation of Jesus in Matt 16:16-17 that would cause him to never again doubt / lose faith / fall in water.

Young rich man wanted heaven Matt 10:17-31. Asked Jesus what he must do. Jesus says he must sell all he has. Jesus confirms this to all of us in Matt 16:24 ''unless you can lay your life down you cannot be my disciple''.

Paul had a complete life changing experience. Went from mortal sinner to saint in an instant. He explains this in 2 Cor 5:17, how we are new creations in Christ.

So, no offence to you but I don't buy it. I have atheistic family members who were once ''Christians''. I am speaking the truth to you as I do to them.

It is impossible to have been a Christian and then be truly atheistic. You were never a Christian in the first place. Which means ''you'' need to ask yourself why. WHY is it that God did NOT reach out to you? Why did an IMPARTIAL God not reach out to you Acts 10:34?

There are only two possibilities:

1. You were not truly drawing close to Him. Did not truly repent of your sins. Were going through the ''Christian motions''.
2. You have endured hardships that have made you sour to God and want to adopt an atheistic mindset. ''God ignored me, God did not heal me, God did not bless me''.

If it is the first, only you can help yourself. If it is the second, please read about the sufferings Paul endured in 2 Cor 11:16-33 and how he says we must endure and press on in Phil 3:14.

We are going to spend eternity in heaven. God wants to test us. God being silent or not helping with certain prayer requests is for a reason and may be part of His plan for your life. God does not want someone in heaven who does not actually love Him. Put yourself in God's shoes for a second.

I am glad trials have knocked you of your ''Christian'' boat. Now deal with reality and have a real experience with Jesus. Make a real dedication to God.

I think you were in a religion not a relationship. Who ''jumps'' out of a marriage?

 

[LostButTrying]

If as you say I have never really been a Christian.. perhaps your are right... I thought I was... I believed everything you said I should believe... I did all the things I was supposed to do. Bit the connection didn't happen in the heart.. I did what I could.... I didn't doubt.
God didn't come... I know you don't want to believe that... but that's what happened..
I don't care about prayer requests. My only request was to have a relationship with God. Just to feel he was there. I didn't need him to perform tricks. I just needed him to turn up... He didn't.

 

[LostButTrying]

I have been praying and contemplating and trying to make sense. I think that there has to be a God, deep down I've always found it impossible to think otherwise. But God has always felt unknown to me. I've tried everything, and never felt born again in spirit.
I think now I am edging towards the answer... I think Christianity may be wrong... I had a dream some months ago about a woman pointing at me, she was dressed all in black like the women in Iran. I don't usually remember dreams but I remember that one. I could only see her eyes and they looked so intense.
Maybe I'm being pointed towards the Muslim belief. I heard that they believe in Jesus too and that it is basically the same but more strict. I see women wearing the scarf in my town and I find a sense of curiosity and respect. Maybe that is where I can find a sense of being connected with. Maybe?
Thank you all for your patience and encouragement.

 

[KingJ]

If as you say I have never really been a Christian.. perhaps your are right... I thought I was... I believed everything you said I should believe... I did all the things I was supposed to do. Bit the connection didn't happen in the heart.. I did what I could.... I didn't doubt.
God didn't come... I know you don't want to believe that... but that's what happened..
I don't care about prayer requests. My only request was to have a relationship with God. Just to feel he was there. I didn't need him to perform tricks. I just needed him to turn up... He didn't.

Christian faith is like faith in gravity, not pie in the sky.

We ''know'' Jesus exists, we just can't see Him physically at the moment. If you put me on a lie detector test I would state this with absolute confidence.

How did you expect Him to turn up?

 

[KingJ]

I have been praying and contemplating and trying to make sense. I think that there has to be a God, deep down I've always found it impossible to think otherwise. But God has always felt unknown to me. I've tried everything, and never felt born again in spirit.
I think now I am edging towards the answer... I think Christianity may be wrong... I had a dream some months ago about a woman pointing at me, she was dressed all in black like the women in Iran. I don't usually remember dreams but I remember that one. I could only see her eyes and they looked so intense.
Maybe I'm being pointed towards the Muslim belief. I heard that they believe in Jesus too and that it is basically the same but more strict. I see women wearing the scarf in my town and I find a sense of curiosity and respect. Maybe that is where I can find a sense of being connected with. Maybe?
Thank you all for your patience and encouragement.

You would just be wasting your time / giving more years to the locusts.

Jesus is the truth. Focus on reaching Him. Touching Him.

James 4:8 says that if we draw near to Him He ''WILL'' draw near to us. It then goes on to explain how we are to draw near to Him. ''Cleanse your hands, purify your hearts''.

Can I ask, do you approve of the teachings of Jesus? Turn the left cheek. Love your enemies. Pray for those who spitefully use you. Repenting of and turning from sin.