I don't mean to be insensitive to others that struggle with this. My reason for posting this is to tell someone...anyone of how i feel as i always keep these intimate things to myself... I have identified myself as a christian for 7 years....In those 7 years i have not accomplished anything for God and His Kingdom, nor have i accomplished anything in the world. As a "Christian" I have failed more ways than i can count. I sin sooo much and yes I know that as long as humans are living in this world and as long as we have these bodies we will sin to some degree or another, so there is sinning to this extent and then there is where i am which is on a whole other level. I have truly failed God and I know that i have disappointed Him and have even brought shame to His Holy name countless of times. I have never been able to be consistant with anything in this life, be it spiritual and secular. I never finished high school, i'm not academically smart, i've never succeeded and reached a high position in a job, i have no talents, i cant draw, sing, dance, or any kind of physical talent. At 27 i suffer from short term memory loss, with-in the past 4 years i've noticed that i'm slowly developing speech impediment issues, i try so hard to be what i'm not and i fail. I've always been a loner and so i don't have friends, i've had the opportunity to develop friend ship but because of my insecurities i've pushed them away. I am the true embodiment of a failure. I'm no good in this world nor am i good in God's Kingdom. I'm so far away from God, i can feel the distance between us. My sins have fixed a barrier between us. I know satan and his demons have defeated me more times and ways than i can count. I feel completely and totally trapped, i feel sooo lonely because i feel like i have no one to talk to. I've talked to God but talking to Him feels so empty and like if i'm talking to nothing though i know He exists.Talking to a fellow human feels more satisfying as i can get a physical, audible response (it's the ONLY kind of communication i know). As i stated in the title I want to die, i wish i would commit suicide but i know that this life is not it and that there is a Heaven and Hell and in my current condition i would just be sending myself to hell quicker. I truly do feel lonely though. I've grown sad, bitter, and distant. No one in my family knows of how i feel. I can't tell them. I can't even tell my Mother, it would break her to know that i feel like this, she already worries too much (as all mothers lovingly do for there children). In all this I don't blame God for any of this, He's beautiful and blameless in my eyes. This is a result of my sins and the result of sin entering and corrupting this world. I also know that God loves me unconditionally. I did nothing to receive his Love nor can i ever do anything to cause Him to stop loving me. He truly is perfect. I just don't know how to not be where i am at right now in my life. Prayer has not worked for me and my faith is sooo low that i can't even imagine me not being in this state as it's the state i've always been in. I've posted similar threads here before, this is the first time i post here in a very long time. God bless you all!