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I want to die...

Discussion in 'Counseling' started by Seeker Of Jesus, Sep 17, 2017.

  1. I don't mean to be insensitive to others that struggle with this. My reason for posting this is to tell someone...anyone of how i feel as i always keep these intimate things to myself...

    I have identified myself as a christian for 7 years....In those 7 years i have not accomplished anything for God and His Kingdom, nor have i accomplished anything in the world. As a "Christian" I have failed more ways than i can count. I sin sooo much and yes I know that as long as humans are living in this world and as long as we have these bodies we will sin to some degree or another, so there is sinning to this extent and then there is where i am which is on a whole other level. I have truly failed God and I know that i have disappointed Him and have even brought shame to His Holy name countless of times. I have never been able to be consistant with anything in this life, be it spiritual and secular. I never finished high school, i'm not academically smart, i've never succeeded and reached a high position in a job, i have no talents, i cant draw, sing, dance, or any kind of physical talent. At 27 i suffer from short term memory loss, with-in the past 4 years i've noticed that i'm slowly developing speech impediment issues, i try so hard to be what i'm not and i fail. I've always been a loner and so i don't have friends, i've had the opportunity to develop friend ship but because of my insecurities i've pushed them away.

    I am the true embodiment of a failure. I'm no good in this world nor am i good in God's Kingdom. I'm so far away from God, i can feel the distance between us. My sins have fixed a barrier between us. I know satan and his demons have defeated me more times and ways than i can count. I feel completely and totally trapped, i feel sooo lonely because i feel like i have no one to talk to. I've talked to God but talking to Him feels so empty and like if i'm talking to nothing though i know He exists.Talking to a fellow human feels more satisfying as i can get a physical, audible response (it's the ONLY kind of communication i know).

    As i stated in the title I want to die, i wish i would commit suicide but i know that this life is not it and that there is a Heaven and Hell and in my current condition i would just be sending myself to hell quicker. I truly do feel lonely though. I've grown sad, bitter, and distant. No one in my family knows of how i feel. I can't tell them. I can't even tell my Mother, it would break her to know that i feel like this, she already worries too much (as all mothers lovingly do for there children).

    In all this I don't blame God for any of this, He's beautiful and blameless in my eyes. This is a result of my sins and the result of sin entering and corrupting this world. I also know that God loves me unconditionally. I did nothing to receive his Love nor can i ever do anything to cause Him to stop loving me. He truly is perfect. I just don't know how to not be where i am at right now in my life. Prayer has not worked for me and my faith is sooo low that i can't even imagine me not being in this state as it's the state i've always been in. I've posted similar threads here before, this is the first time i post here in a very long time.

    God bless you all!
    Peter likes this.
  2. I do understand what it is like to feel like you have failed God. The thing is brother we all fail God in someway if we were perfect God wouldn't have had a need to sacrifice Jesus to save us. What I do know is that feeling of failure and feeling like you are garbage in Gods eyes that is simply not the truth that is from Satan he is attacking you because he sees you as someone that God loves and that you love God as well. First he will try to split you apart from God having you doubt your belive in God then he will swoop in for the kill. Thats how he got me years ago, but even after all of my blasphemy's and even a switching of religions he put it in my heart to come back to him and I tell you brother our relationship has grown tremendously. I will pray that God protect you from the Evil one and that our brothers and sisters on this forum give you inspiration to stop beating yourself up. God is Love and he will never never give up on you. peace be with you brother in Christ
    Br. Bear, Fragrant Grace and Peter like this.
  3. Hey brother..can you name the sin...if you confess what it is, then God is just and righteous to forgive. But we need to admit to it to each other so we can pray you be healed. Please don't hide from God...remember that's what Adam and Eve did, rather than own up to what they did first. He's not going to be angry if you come to Him.

    James 5:16
    Br. Bear and JohnPaul40 like this.
  4. It's good that you know God loves you. Never forget that!
    This is what I do when the going gets tough. I becalm myself. Express my sorrow, gratitude for God's never-ending love, and then I love the Love that loves me.
    In that loving I am home with the Lord, with God. It cannot get better than that.
    Br. Bear and JohnPaul40 like this.
  5. Then you know that He is there!
    He shall never leave you nor forsake you brother!

    Yes, this is true.
    Yet, a barrier that was brought down in Jesus!!!

    You keep getting on your knees brother. Keep asking for the forgiveness and guidance for changing into that man He wants you to be!

    Sin holds unto us and until we turn it over to the one who can help us change it will continue to rear its ugly head in our lives.
    Ephesians 6 is a help in being prepared.
    Because we are to arm ourselves with God's Word!

    Don't go in with the mindset that it will happen again, because its happen that way before.
    That's admitting defeat before the battle has even started!!!!

    There is Victory in Christ Jesus Brother! Not Defeat!!!!

    The outcome has been determined and so the War has been won!!!! Alleluia!!!
    That we have some battles still ahead of us is just the last acts of a defeated foe!
    Always, there is Victory in Jesus! Remember that!

    You know what your sins are and what actions or situations you find yourself in that bring them to mind and the weakened state both of spirit and mind that have you falling.

    Yet there is nothing written that says you can't get back up, brush yourself off, grit your teeth, in prayer, supplication, repentance, and keep moving forward!!! Onward Christian Soldier!!!!

    Continuing to read and grow in His Word; looking for ways to avoid/overcome the situations in the future and instilling the groundwork that will benefit you in the battles to come! Oh, for surely they will come, but like I've said before and don't tire of saying "The War has been Won through the Victory of Jesus Christ"!!!!!

    There are many failures for men in this world, in this society that does nothing to lift you up with. It provides you only those things that will bring you down.
    That is why turning to our Lord on bent knees and turning to the one who knows what you are going through is always the place to start.
    The foot of the Cross dear brother.
    Where it all began for us and a place that is ever a part of us.

    Don't hold on to the things that you're going through, but unto the promises that you can find in scripture and will uplift you.
    His Word accomplishes many things in ones life, and this is one.

    I've prayed for you and will continue to do so. For peace and recovery in this day and those to come.
    The Blood of Jesus was shed so that you may be free from this burden of Sin.
    Just know that the Sacrifice was great and so are the trails and tribulations that we are to face as we await His return! Yet, know that I repeat once again and you hold on to this. There is Victory in Jesus!!!!!!!

    Stay faithful my brother in Christ Jesus!
    Love you and praying for you Brother.
    Br. Bear, Brad Huber and JohnPaul40 like this.
  6. My brother and friend in Christ. It feels like you go through absolute torture.

    I want you to know this, you're abundantly loved by the Lord who chose you before the foundations of this earth. Scripture says that you were predestinated, therefore you are one the elect. You are made in his image and likeness and the One who knows you is more concerned with your inner man than the outer man.

    Consider this, you are made of two men an outer man and an inner man. The outer man which is the physical one you speak of you consider a failure. Scripture says that even when you want to do good you can't because your faculties and institutions are entrenched in sin and they produce sin. However there is an inner man the born again or regenerate - this one is the one that is constantly being shaped to look like Christ. I see the outer man and thereby the worlds attention to support outer accomplishments truly affect you and thereby is not that you have no faith but maybe your faith is little (I'm sorry if I am assuming) however you feel guilt and you are too aware of your wrongs which means the Holy Spirit is stirring within you within the inner man. You aren't dead.

    I love how you can put into selfless perspective Christ loves you nor is he responsible for your doing of sin, that's actually incredibly tall of you to say when wounded.

    Just know you are not alone. You are precious, special, wonderful, beautiful, powerful and amazing because Christ lives in you and died for you. He will give you the hope, strength, ability to do amazing things.

    He will take your nothing and make it into something. Never forget the story of the 5 loaves and 2 fish. The amazing disciples looked at the 5000 in dread knowing they had not enough but Jesus took their little (as he will take your little) and multiplied it for the thousands. You never know what awesome things God can do with you and through you. Your heart is sensitive to sin and the remorse of it, you have to take each day a step at a time and hey feel free to talk to me or any of the cool ppl to have a spiritual buddy to keep check with you.

    I leave you with this:
    Romans 8:36-39 KJV

    [36] As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter. [37] Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. [38] For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, [39] Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
    Br. Bear likes this.
  7. There is an online list of verses and statements, it's called Over 90 Statements from Scripture Describing Who I Am in Christ, you may find that regularly meditating on it helpful.... if you Google title you ought to find it.
    Br. Bear likes this.
  8. this person actually doesn't have to admit anything to you. Instead lets lift this person in prayer shall we?
  9. Hey! I just wanted to say I am praying for you and I hope that you will find some peace soon:) I hope that you will uplifted and given some advice that will be attainable for you. Hope things will get better soon.
  10. Confess to one another your faults so you may be healed. Otherwise we dont know what to pray for. If you not comfortable with that its difficult to be effective in prayer is all.

    We may need to bind the spirit of death, this not normal for a christian to have but if you been opening doorways to the occult we need to know so they can be closed and you can be delivered.

    Then you will know true peace that passes all understanding. Not just 'some peace' but His peace! Do not give up Jesus is mighty to save. He can break any stronghold or addiction. NOTHING is impossible for Him.

    Remember He can forgive anything if you confess it and repent of it. You dont need to do tell us on here but you DO need to be open to someone who can pray with you. If you know the truth it will set you free.

    Keep reading His word and learn the truth. Satan comes to steal kill and destroy but Jesus comes so you can have LIFE and life more abundantly. May Jesus reveal himself to you and manifest himself to you.
  11. @Seeker Of Jesus
    It has been awhile since we have heard from you and pray that you are doing better. That the peace that was foreign to you when you first posted is now yours in Christ Jesus.

    Always remember that you are not without an intercessor and one who knows what you are going through.

    Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:14-16

    With the Love of Christ Jesus.
    Lanolin likes this.
  12. Sounds to me like you have allowed the world and the devil to speak into your ears more then The Holy Spirit.

    You and I do not measure ourselves against those in the world. We are visitors. We are here on earth for two reasons and two reasons only. 1 Serve God where He places us. 2. Grow closer to Him.

    Not, 1. drive nice car, 2. have many friends, 3. have successful high paying job, 4. amazing health and what not else. Not saying we cant have these, but they are not to be our focus.

    We will live for eternity with God. Earth is temporal. Lets focus on God. His amazing love for us. His will for our lives. His eternal plan for us.
  13. yes.
    Resurrection Life
    they did not enter in because of unbelief.
  14. Grace and Peace,

    the wages of sin is death, so without Christ all are already dead, for all have sinned.
    BUT, thanks be to God Who has given us the victory (over death) through His Son, Who gave His life for us.
    The devil is a liar and father of lies. Do not listen to him. Instead, listen to the Son of God, Who is the Way, the Truth and the Life.

    If you start focussing your thoughts on the Resurrection Life which is your through faith, you will at the same time stop focussing on wanting to die.

    Take every thought captive, we are instructed in Scripture. Filter the thoughts that come to your mind as you would filter and desire filtering of other filth that might pollute and poison you, in fact, even more so, for your eternal life is of far greater importance.

    DO it!

    Bless you ....><>
  15. For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh: (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;

    2 Corinthians 10:3-5​

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