I am cruel, help

[Rikachu]

Hello, I'm new to the forum, after searching other Christian forums for something like the "counseling" category.

I've been feeling tormented for two days now and can barely eat. It stared on the 26th, the day after my Birthday. I went out drinking and ended up smoking too much cigarettes, more than usual. I only got two hours of sleep before I woke up feeling horrible. Basically I three up three times during the whole day but still felt pretty sick. I told myself that it wasn't worth it, that I won't drink or smoke anymore. I have only started drinking 'seriously' after new years, only blacked out once which wasn't fun. Before that it was only one or two coolers. I have been smoking for four years but quit for a month and a half before my birthday before giving into temptation.

Then on the 28th I smoked up with my friend, even though I told myself I wouldn't do that anymore when I came down. If no one has touched the stuff before, let me explain: It makes you think. DEEPLY. I've been smoking up every 3-4 months for over a year now.

I was thinking "Why did I do this? I told myself I wouldn't do this? Only a few days ago I said I would try to be better. Did I sin again? Am I unforgiven? What do I do? Wait, I'll pray and everything will be alright, because God loves me and he will forgive if I ask." I would then feel relieved... but then think "What if this feeling of calm is just in my head and I am not forgiven? How can I really know if I am forgiven or not? No, it's just the devil planting doubts in my head, it's okay." And I went in that circle for over an hour before I was finally able to sleep.

The next day I felt completely horrible all day. I have never felt this way before. Before when I know I've done something bad, I'd pray for God to forgive me and be about my merry way. But yesterday was the first time I felt so horrible for doing what I did. I felt as if I truly betrayed God. So I looked up on the internet "Christians and weed" and read that it says somewhere in the bible "not to consume anything mind or mood alternating", which made me feel so much more worse.

I have always believed in God since I was young. My parents always took me to church but as I got older I wanted to stop going, 'cause all I wanted to do was play, be a kid. Eventually they stopped forcing me to go but I still believed in God and know that he died on the cross for my sins. A year or two ago I bought my first bible, but it was a "womens bible", so it was different. It had verses in one paragraph and in the next it told me what it meant, which I like because I'm not exactly smart. But I would only read two pages on Sunday and put it away. I thought "I'll do my thing here for ten minutes then be about my business.", thinking it was all fine. I did learn a few things for that bible though. One some Sunday mornings I'll tell myself "I'll go to church with my mom in the afternoon" but when the time got closer, I'd change my mind and say "Nah, just going to stay on the computer".

Yesterday I went out and bought a proper bible to start reading. I want to start being better, I don't want to drink or smoke anymore, I don't want to have this cruel sense of humor or dirty thoughts, I want to stop swearing. I want to confess to my parents about the things that happened on this trip but I'm too scared because I dislike disappointing them but I still feel this awful guilt, even asking Jesus for forgiveness. Have I gone to far to be saved? I want to start to truly get to know Jesus. Even if I believe in him and know he died for my sins I wanted to have a better relationship than that.

I need to know if it's too late for me. Please, help.

 

[caddisman]

Hello Rickachu,In Romans 7:21 Paul said "When i want to do good evil is right there with me"Saying you want to change and changing are two different things,i try to take up my Cross daily but i stumble a bunch,sometimes i think its hopeless,then i remember our hope is in Christ Jesus and the completion at the Cross and i continue the race.What i found to really help is to pray constantly,keep God at the forefront,seek his face,cry out to him.Take baby steps and trust God to give you an out when teptation arises.If you really seek him no worries he will find you.Now rejoice that you have a Savior and leave your guilt at the cross and don't pick it back up!
Karl

 

[Brad Huber]

Its never too late for true repentence sister. The Lord can overcome anything if you are willing to let Him help you. Ask Him for forgiveness of your sins, and ask Him to come into your life full time and make order of the life you live.

 

[faithfulservant]

I need to know if it's too late for me. Please, help.

No, it's not too late. May the Lord bath you lovingly, washing away all your shame. Keep trusting Him, and He will give you peace.

 

[Coconut]

Rikachu, I do not think you have described anything cruel at all, but I do think what is eternally cruel is to not offer you the words of the Savior in your distress...

"Listen and understand! It is not what goes into the mouth that makes a person unclean. It is what comes out of the mouth [coming from the heart] that makes a person unclean." - Jesus (Matthew 15:10 ISV)

Keep reading your Bible....but more importantly pray, pray, pray ....and if you have not already, the first thing you MUST do is ask to be filled with the Spirit of Christ...(He freely gives His Spirit to those who ask) The only change that matters to God, and the only thing that changes everything is becoming a new man...(your old man, your carnal nature, is never going to be good enough, no matter what you do or do not do, you do well to learn that right now) You MUST be re-born with His Spirit. Christ living in you is your only hope. It will also help you immensely to remember that Jesus Christ is your Savior, you are not. :`)

Gal 6:15 *What matters is being a new creation.*
Gal 6:16 *Now may peace be on all those who live by this principle;*

 

[TBSteacher]

Dear Rikachu,

While you are living, it is never too late to redeem yourself; and there is no amount of sin you can do to prevent you from being saved.

It took me 22 years to tell my parents every wrong doing I'd ever done, every bad situation I'd gotten into, everything I'd kept secret from them for 22 years. This included amongst other things everything from drinking under age, to having had sex with another woman, to being raped by my biological brother when I was 10. I kept these things from them, because I knew they would be disappointed, and I knew they would be majorly upset. But I went to them one night and spilled every horrifying detail. While many of my close friends and siblings knew some of what happened, and some of what I'd done.... and had helped me to stop the habits they knew I was doing.... My parents still needed to know, in order for me to get the help I needed. Only after I told my parents the absolute truth was my guilt lifted from me, and my path corrected. Now I am co-teaching a bible study for college age students as a means to help others better their walk with God also.

God gave parents the task of raising their children in the way they should go. How can your parents know they need to correct your direction if they do not know you've veared off the path you should be on?

Reading the Bible is the best start you can get. I would reccommend continuing in your reading. But I also suggest praying for the courage to tell your parents the absolute and horrifying truth and with all sincerity seek their guidance. They will be disappointed, they might ask questions. Be honest with them. Chances are they will be more understanding and willing to do all they can to help you. The next thing I suggest, is that you ask your mom to start taking you to church with her even when you don't feel like it. It is amazing how much of a difference it can make when a pastor explains the scripture. Don't be afraid to ask questions about a scriptures meaning either. Ask a pastor, ask your mom, ask the folks here. The amazing thing about the Bible though, is that it always explains itself.

Sincerly,
TBSteacher

 

[Quasicentennium]

Our future-coming new Christ-like minds and bodies when Jesus returns in his Second Coming will experience none of the negative feelings that come from the rotten fruits of sin of Satan's deceit, such as joy and peace instead of depression and anger, health and "wealth" instead of sickness and poverty. Christ's wealth what I am referring to is God's kingdom: the ultra-modern most advanced luxury home accommodation that offers all the health and safety standards of what a modern home should be - better than this 21st century's modern homes, hotels and motels, castles and mansions, rental units or even homes made of trash where all of these man-made homes will return to the soil as we brothers and sisters of Christ live in peace inside his massive kingdom on our new future-coming environmentally disaster-free Earth. I believe there is pain-free relief from the 'water of life' that runs like a stream inside God's kingdom so that drinking this pure water will be like an ultra-peaceful experience better than all the alcohol, cigarettes and medical/illegal drugs combined.
May Jesus be a living positive supernatural energy in your body to choose healthy foods and filtered tapwater to drink, while letting others know your experience with Christ who is constantly fighting every deceiving thought and feeling that causes a spiritual war inside our minds and bodies - a spiritual war that creates disease, crime and war .;*;.