How to fight so everybody wins (1)

[ladylovesJesus]

How to fight so everybody wins (1)

'...watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.' Galatians 5:15

Mates sometimes fall out. After all, being friends doesn't mean you have to act like cbeebies characters, holding hands and constantly grinning, but how you deal with disagreement makes or breaks friendships. Ever felt like you've won the argument but lost a friend? Here are three ways to that people handle conflict.

1) Avoid them: These are the people who hate to rock the boat, they fear confrontation and don't what to upset everyone; even if THEY have been upset. So they bury their feelings. But like the bad guy in a cheesy action movie, just when you think you've killed off those feelings, they spring back to life. If you try to clam up, the feelings build up and then you blow up - often at the wrong person!

2) Attack them: These are the 'get them before they get you' people; who use words, gossip and maybe fists to wound each other. The Bible says, 'If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.' Attack leads to counterattack, both sides 'dig in' and nothing gets resolved

3) Approach them. These people are sensitive to the feelings of others, yet talk about their feelings to God and their friend. They try to deal with the issues without blaming or scoring points and will try to be the first to say sorry. Which are you?

written by Bob Gass

 

[Rene]

I would like to add two suggestions to point 3.

*Speak the truth in love

"14Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. 15Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. 16From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work." Ephesians 4:14-16 (New International Version)

Sometimes we don't have a problem speaking the truth, but speaking it in love is so much harder. This is usually the reason why we sometimes win the argument but loose the person. All this helps is making you feel better and making the other person feel worse. Two minutes of a loveless conversation can take years to heal!

*The message behind the message
Sometimes we argue a point - in which case you are totally right and the other person totally wrong, but the way you talk to the other person or the "message" you send makes you so wrong. The other person might experience you are saying "you are worthless, stupid, not worth spending time with or talking to, not good enough, etc."
It doesn't matter how "right" you are then - your communication has completely failed! I think especially because women and men perceive things differently, this can cause many hiccups in a marriage.

Fortunately communicating the right message is something you can practice and improve.