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I have been through so much in my life. As a child I was sexually abused. Soon after my parents went through a horrible divorce. My siblings and I were caught in the middle. And I'm so ashamed to say this, but my father is a drug addict. I wish he had been there for me. I resent him and I resent my mother for choosing him of all people. Yesterday I found out that he used to hit her, and THAT MAKES ME SICK TO MY STOMACH. I'm just so furious. I've never told my mother or anyone about my feelings, or the sexual abuse. I just keep it all inside. It's so hard for me to let people in because I'm afraid of being hurt.

As if that's not enough, I have an eating disorder. I eat to fill the pain and emptiness and I purge in an attempt to cleanse and purify my soul. I also cut myself. I once wrote SINNER backwards in blood, across my stomach so I could read it from the mirror. So I could see what I am. I've practiced these behaviors for so many years, that they give me comfort. But it doesn't last. I'm always left feeling lonely and wishing that someone would just hold me.

I am and always have been a believer of Christ and I know He loves me. And I know I have to come back to Him so He can heal my hurt and pain, but sometimes I feel like I have strayed too far to go back. I'm just all messed up right now, so any advice/encouragement is welcome.
 
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Member
Dear Sister in Christ

Dear Sister in Christ,

You have a devastating story, nevertheless it is one that is unfortunately too common in our world. My past history of work in the social service arena suggests that you may find a support group helpful with your feelings of isolation. Often it helps to share with others who are dealing with the same situation or feelings. It may be good to consider a form of therapy or counseling to discuss the dynamics of your tendencies of self mutilation.

The most important thing I believe that will help you is to wrap yourself up in the word of God. Read chapters in the new testament everyday, and whenever anger and despair infiltrate your mind (carry it around with you for quick reference). Remember that anger and despair are not emotions that are encouraged by God, but instead we are urged to be strong, and with God's power to overcome, and subdue all the evil in the world. But this takes knowledge and understanding that comes from true study of God's word.

We all need to refresh ourselves with the scriptures to guide our thoughts and actions, increase our knowledge, gain understanding, and strenthen our faith in the present power of God, and all that He promises us.

I pray that you will find the peace of God, that passes all understanding.

Sincerely,

CQ
 
Administrator
Staff Member
Damaged, God bless you and thank you for joining this site. My first encouragement to you is to remind you, or show you that you came here because GOD led you here. Why? You will find peace, harmony, healing and comforting advice/wisdom from believers on this board, where they will preach to you the Word of GOD - about Jesus Christ's payment on the cross for our sins. GOD does not forget you if you stray away. GOD clearly led you here, and I assure you Talk Jesus is no lame game. It is a powerhouse of GOD's and a great place to spread your faith, strengthen for faith, fellowship and more.

I believe by the time you read my post, cranguar's post and anyone else who replies you will feel much better already and in fact, encouraged to pray more and read the Bible more often. The Bible is a true gem for our lives. No wonder GOD considers it His book of life to us. What a great gift (of many infinite ones from GOD) :)

Amen
 
Member
Damaged:

Your post absolutely wrenches my heart. I have told someone else at this forum about my bout with panic attacks and depression. This was a result of divorce. It was horrible. If you truly gave yourself to Jesus, he never left. He promised to never leave or forsake us. Sometimes it seems he is far away. I will rebuke the devil in the name of Jesus and tell him to shut his filthy sewer. You don't listen to his lies. If everyone in this forum were there with you in person, you would have a lot of shoulders to cry on. In the meantime, cry on the Lord's.

You are loved,
Jeff
 
Member
Damaged

My sister in Jesus, you are not alone.
I agree with Jeff that God led you here to Talk Jesus.
Trust in God and remember , Faith in God is pleasing to him.
God loves you and he will take care of you.
Jesus is your best freind and you can depend on him in all things.

We love you here in Talk Jesus

Your sister in Christ Jesus
Gerlene
 
Member
Damaged...my heart aches for you sweetie. I can so relate to what you wrote & because of that I thank God for bringing you here. I was sexually abused as a child also & would have given anything to know someone was praying for me. My family was not a Christian family & we were not allowed to go to church except for Easter & Christmas. I was saved at a young age & God put His Hand on me & kept me from far worse things than what did happen. I did not acknowledge God for a long time - mainly because I didn't know to - but when I did, I felt I was blossoming.

I've still had difficult times as an adult (abusive relationship, depression, straying from God), but I KNOW He loves me & it doesn't matter where I came from or who my parents were (I only know who my mother was). Because of my relationship with God & because of staying in His Word...I decided long ago to not become a victim. It's exactly what satan wants you to do...feel like a victim. Then it's as if he wins. My strength comes from God. Memories plague me at times, but I stay with God.

God has blessed me with a loving husband & happy, healthy children. There is light at the end of the tunnel, but it doesn't even have to be dark along the way. Let Jesus be your dance partner in life - take His Hand each & every day & know that you are loved beyond measure.

Pm me if you would like to talk more...I will be happy to be here for you if you want to talk privately.
 
Member
Damaged:

In the Bible it says to treat your body like a temple, by cutting yourself, your not treating your body like a temple.You said the fact that your dad abused your mom made you sick at your stomache, well you're doing the same to yourself in a different way. Know that you dont need to cut yourself to feel good, you just have to talk to Jesus and that he's always there for you!! i will pray for you!

In Him ><>
Emily
______________________
After every S T O R M,
There's a R A I N B O W.
 
Administrator
Staff Member
Damaged...everyone's response here is truly excellent each offerred some unique advice.

The best remedy is pray to our Father in Heaven in Jesus precious name. I promise you (above all GOD promises you) that if you continue to pray faithfully, you will be blown away by some great miracles and changes in your life. Read the testimonials and praise reports forums (two forums) for some inspiration and uplifting your spirit.

God bless you sister, in my prayers
 
Formerly Adiaglow
Jesus is always with you, and has never left your side. We are all sinners, and you can never stray far from His love. Please stay strong, and look to His word for guidance. We love you, and I know I will recognize your face when I see you in Heaven.
 
Member
I used to be o.k. until four years ago, when my grandpa died. He meant the world to me. I would go to church with him and I enjoyed it. I was perfectly content with myself, my life, and my faith. I had stopped cutting, and I thought I had put my eating disorder to rest. But when he left me he took my faith with him. I would ask God why He took the only thing that ever meant something to me. My grandpa made me feel like I was somebody. I miss him so much. I want to be with him.
 
Member
damaged!!

I have read all the posts written to you they are all very good, I hope you can feel all the love and compassion that the people at Talk Jesus have for you. First of all I want you to know that Jesus Loves you just the way you are. He gave his life for you and wants you healed. The Word says He came to heal the broken hearted. That means you. The Word say He is a God of restoration, that means He can fix a damaged heart, and make it whole. Please find a local church and don't be afraid to find a support group. I know people who cut, and I've been told for a few brief moments something hurts more than they do inside. The problem is, it only works short term. Jesus is a long term solution. If you own a bible try reading Psalms if not there are sites on the net where you can read the Bible. He is the truth, the light and the way. We have not all walked in your shoes, but some have and God has healed them and made them whole. Know that is my prayer for you. You can pm me any time you need to. I know you miss your grandfather, and I know only Jesus can fill that void in your life, Please give Him the chance to heal you and love you.

Love your sister in Christ

AlabasterBox

:rainbow: A promise comes with every rainbow :rainbow:
 
Member
Dear One,
I have two boys that have been (abused)twice! I can truly relate to your pain and anger.
It is sometimes hard to make sense of it all. But unforgiveness only hurts you not the one who has harmed you. You must ask the Lord for the grace to forgive those who have so violated you. If you do not let go of the anger God cannot heal the pain! I know there is righteous anger, and for your abuse it is a righteous anger, but we must turn it around by praying for those who have abused us. I know this is hard, I have done it!! But only by the grace of Christ! I have been thru much myself with my children, I tell you this from experience. I'm not just an outsider looking in, I have been there.
Be of good courage, God is willing, and very able. He wants to mend your broken heart and out of the rubble make you shine like diamond! May the Lord bless and keep you as you seek his guidance before the throne of grace. Help is on the way! It is as close as a prayer... :rainbow:
 
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Member
Knight1, I am rather concerned that each of your boys have been sexually abused on 2 occastions. Have you contacted the Police? Are your children in counselling? Are the individulas who did this to your boys in jail?
 
Member
I was abused for years too sexually, physically,emotionally and mentally. so much that my memorys of more than three years of my life are recovered memories.
god brought me to a point in my life that he told me i had to give up the pain and the hurt and unforgivness because unless i did i couldnt grow and i could live my life completley for him. And its hard because wehn your so use to pain and hurt you cling to it. lay it all at gods feet and let him take it away
 
Member
Createdto worship, you said it perfectly. For some people, the problem & the victim's mantle is all they know. The familiarity makes it hard to give it up because all else brings more pain....at least in their thoughts at that time. I speak from experience also. And I too, have periods of time when I have no idea what went on in my life. I feel God was protecting me by clouding those memories.

Giving these up takes complete trust & that can be hard to do. But God is gentle where all else was harsh...He is loving where all else was there to abuse....He is giving when all else was there to take. Damaged, just stretch out your hand - close your eyes & drift to the Father - the One who will never hurt, never abuse, never lie.
 
Member
MyMakersDaughter,
The answer to all of your questions is "Yes". The children have already been to counseling, and both of the men who raped and molested my boys are in jail, there was a
trial.
The healing from such abuse does not end when the violater goes to jail. There is a process of healing. It has only been a year and a couple of months since the trial.
My point is that there is only so much that counseling can do. There comes a point when only the Great Healer Himself can mend what no human couselor can, the heart.
People who violate children don't just rape their bodies, they rape there souls! Steal their innocents. Only the Lord Jesus Christ can replace those things...We are living testimonies to this truth!! Be of good comfort my sister in Christ, all that can be done in the physical has been done. The rest of the journey is in the Fathers hands.
We are more than conquers in Christ Jesus! Praise the Lord!!!
 
Member
Ok, I only got to read about 6 post before to waterworks came flowing. I cannot go on.
There are so many wonderfully compassionate responses, and I feel the love from these people. They are why God brought you here!
 

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