Hi johnp, I really sympathize with what you have been through and fully understand , I am so glad you have come back to jesus. I personally was brought up in Christian family , but during my adult life I have been up and down as a Christian, it is only recently I came back to Jesus or rather he pulled me out of a situation where I was on a huge downward slope. I was deeply in love with a man over 5 years , although I knew he was using me as and when he wanted I refused to acknowledge it. This relationship led me into all sorts of bad things including sexual immorality and seeing fortune tellers, on top of that I was idolising this man before God , in the end the man broke my heart , Jesus was there to pick up the pieces and since I have felt closer to him than ever before. during my renewal of my relationship with Jesus , Satan also tried putting awful blasphemous thoughts in my head it broke my heart but in the end I rebuked him over and over again in Jesus name and instead of listening to Satan I just thought of a Christian song in my head and sang that in my head over and over again. I am sure since I have joined this site ans spoke to people like I am speaking to you, Satan will try his best to distract me , but I refuse to let him win. God bless you lots and I hope your life continues to improve and your relationship with Jesus stays strong .