Ok so here's the basic situation....
I am 19, i have been on a massive emotional and spiritual rollercoaster ride the last few years...im gonna stay on topic and only mention the relevant happenings though...
Back in 2006, I had a girlfriend, but that has all fallen apart. More to the point, I knew all along it was not the will of God for me, but i kept going anyway, blinded by lust. I broke that relationship off because God told me to, and I finally listened. For a few months after that, me and my now ex-girlfriend, tried to at least maintain a friendship, but it just didnt work out. Nothing ever really seems as simple as we'd like it to be when it comes to love...
So then a few months after that, I became very good friends with another girl (im the kind of guy who gets along a lot better with girls than guys. Its just the way God has made me.). We became best friends, and things were great for a few months, but then we started to fall in love with each other, because we were so close on an emotional level. Everything went pretty well down hill from there, because we knew that we were not supposed to be together (it was not God's will at that time), and that we were both not ready to be in a relationship. The feelings we had for each other just complicated everything, and because we lived so far away (2.5hours drive), most of our communication was through text messaging, and so along with that came misunderstandings and misinterpretations, and well we both got very hurt through it all. Everything just fell apart, and we lost such a blessed friendship!
So then another few months later, I fell in love again, with another close friend, and also found out that this girl had liked me for a number of years. She was so in love with me, it honestly scared me, but also in a way excited me. I was in love with her too. But unlike my previous best friend (in the previous paragraph), this girl is not a christian. She respects peoples opinions, so long as they don't try to force her into believing what they believe. She also suffers greatly from depression and is a bisexual.
But anyway, we fell in love, and then the closeness of our friendship gradually got ripped to shreds, and now we barely ever talk at all, and there isn't even really a friendship there anymore.
After all of that had happened, I told myself that enough was enough. I had lost too many close friends through this. It had to stop. So i told myself that I would not fall in love again, or if I happened to fall in love with someone, that I would repress or block out my feelings for the sake of me not getting hurt, and for the sake of preserving a great friendship.
Now things have gotten complicated again, because there is a girl who I work with who has fallen in love with me, and well, to be totally honest, I've been falling in love with her too. She is not a christian, but i can see great potential in her to accept Christ. I pray that the Lord will draw her to Him, and that I will be a good witness and godly example to her.
We've talked a fair bit about everything, and I've told her how I feel and what has happened to me before, and that I am not at the stage of being able to be in a relationship, and don't know if I ever will be. So basically, the whole friendship between me and her is getting complicated by romantic feelings, and I am scared that I will lose her too.
Every time this happens it breaks my heart, and I don't know how i'm gonna handle it if it happens again. I have a strong faith and I know God will be with me through it all, but it doesn't just affect me, it affects her too. It's not me hurting that is the problem, coz I can deal with that, but rather the fact that she could get hurt too, and she will if things fall apart here too
I am at the point now where when I fall in love with someone, it really really scares me, coz i'm terribly afraid of hurting someone else. I don't know if God doesn't want me to be with anyone, or if this is all just a big learning experience for me, or what?!! People say love is such a great thing, and I believe it is, but every time I fall "in love" with someone, this happens, and even the original friendship gets destroyed along with it. I don't understand any of this, and it's breaking my heart more and more every time.
I am hoping someone can give me some advice, or suggest possible reasons or explanations for what is going on, or even just comfort me and help me out a bit, coz I feel like I'm fighting all of this alone, and that no-one really understands any of it.
At the moment, the only thing holding me is my faith in Jesus. I have a strong faith and a strong spirit, and so I'm always holding on to Jesus, and I know He is always with me, and will look after me. I am praying that someone, maybe even multiple someones will be able to help me out with this, that God will speak to me through someone here, help me to shift my thinking, break down a paradigm, so i can break through this and hopefully not lose this friendship too.
Please pray before replying to this thread.
Thanks for taking the time to read all of this.
-Eshy
ps i dont know if i've explained this all terribly well, coz I'm writing this at after 2am...hope you have still understood everything....
I am 19, i have been on a massive emotional and spiritual rollercoaster ride the last few years...im gonna stay on topic and only mention the relevant happenings though...
Back in 2006, I had a girlfriend, but that has all fallen apart. More to the point, I knew all along it was not the will of God for me, but i kept going anyway, blinded by lust. I broke that relationship off because God told me to, and I finally listened. For a few months after that, me and my now ex-girlfriend, tried to at least maintain a friendship, but it just didnt work out. Nothing ever really seems as simple as we'd like it to be when it comes to love...
So then a few months after that, I became very good friends with another girl (im the kind of guy who gets along a lot better with girls than guys. Its just the way God has made me.). We became best friends, and things were great for a few months, but then we started to fall in love with each other, because we were so close on an emotional level. Everything went pretty well down hill from there, because we knew that we were not supposed to be together (it was not God's will at that time), and that we were both not ready to be in a relationship. The feelings we had for each other just complicated everything, and because we lived so far away (2.5hours drive), most of our communication was through text messaging, and so along with that came misunderstandings and misinterpretations, and well we both got very hurt through it all. Everything just fell apart, and we lost such a blessed friendship!
So then another few months later, I fell in love again, with another close friend, and also found out that this girl had liked me for a number of years. She was so in love with me, it honestly scared me, but also in a way excited me. I was in love with her too. But unlike my previous best friend (in the previous paragraph), this girl is not a christian. She respects peoples opinions, so long as they don't try to force her into believing what they believe. She also suffers greatly from depression and is a bisexual.
But anyway, we fell in love, and then the closeness of our friendship gradually got ripped to shreds, and now we barely ever talk at all, and there isn't even really a friendship there anymore.
After all of that had happened, I told myself that enough was enough. I had lost too many close friends through this. It had to stop. So i told myself that I would not fall in love again, or if I happened to fall in love with someone, that I would repress or block out my feelings for the sake of me not getting hurt, and for the sake of preserving a great friendship.
Now things have gotten complicated again, because there is a girl who I work with who has fallen in love with me, and well, to be totally honest, I've been falling in love with her too. She is not a christian, but i can see great potential in her to accept Christ. I pray that the Lord will draw her to Him, and that I will be a good witness and godly example to her.
We've talked a fair bit about everything, and I've told her how I feel and what has happened to me before, and that I am not at the stage of being able to be in a relationship, and don't know if I ever will be. So basically, the whole friendship between me and her is getting complicated by romantic feelings, and I am scared that I will lose her too.
Every time this happens it breaks my heart, and I don't know how i'm gonna handle it if it happens again. I have a strong faith and I know God will be with me through it all, but it doesn't just affect me, it affects her too. It's not me hurting that is the problem, coz I can deal with that, but rather the fact that she could get hurt too, and she will if things fall apart here too
I am at the point now where when I fall in love with someone, it really really scares me, coz i'm terribly afraid of hurting someone else. I don't know if God doesn't want me to be with anyone, or if this is all just a big learning experience for me, or what?!! People say love is such a great thing, and I believe it is, but every time I fall "in love" with someone, this happens, and even the original friendship gets destroyed along with it. I don't understand any of this, and it's breaking my heart more and more every time.
I am hoping someone can give me some advice, or suggest possible reasons or explanations for what is going on, or even just comfort me and help me out a bit, coz I feel like I'm fighting all of this alone, and that no-one really understands any of it.
At the moment, the only thing holding me is my faith in Jesus. I have a strong faith and a strong spirit, and so I'm always holding on to Jesus, and I know He is always with me, and will look after me. I am praying that someone, maybe even multiple someones will be able to help me out with this, that God will speak to me through someone here, help me to shift my thinking, break down a paradigm, so i can break through this and hopefully not lose this friendship too.
Please pray before replying to this thread.
Thanks for taking the time to read all of this.
-Eshy
ps i dont know if i've explained this all terribly well, coz I'm writing this at after 2am...hope you have still understood everything....
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