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I'm Logan. I've frequented the site for 6 months or so. This will be my first post.

I came to know Jesus and what He did for me about 18 years ago - I was 14.
I have felt very close to the Lord at different times early in my walk.
But the majority of my experience has been living as a defeated Christian.

I have felt the joy of our salvation. And the Lord answered some big prayers when I was young and going through tough times. Those are some of the reasons that no matter how far from God I fall, I can never stop believing in Him.

In my toughest times instead of turning to Him, I turned away from Him. I was stuck in the "try hard - give up - try hard - give up cycle" for most of my twenties. Until a few years ago, tired of the cycle, I stopped trying all together. But a day does not go by when I don't think about God. I know I will never be happy until I come back to Him.

I need to give my life back to Him. I can't keep living separately from what I know is the truth. It eats me up inside - tears me apart - I will never find happiness, contentedness, or peace of heart, until I start living for Him again.

I am determined to stop the cycle of trying and giving up. I have not really been close with or had anyone to turn to for counsel when dealing with what is either just my own negative thoughts or spiritual attacks.

I have turned from my sins about a week ago. This morning was my first time back in church in a few years. During the praise session in church this morning I saw Christians praise and worship the Lord wholeheartedly and from the bottom of their hearts. When I saw this, and felt the presence of the Lord, I remembered and felt a little bit of how sweet it was to drink from those waters.

I did not fully surrender myself during the praise session. I could not sing some of the songs. They were so personal that when I tried I could feel myself breaking up. I could sing the songs "about" the Lord. But the songs "to" the Lord were the songs that were bringing me to tears and making me feel like dropping to my knees. I chose to remain composed in front of my daughters who have been after me to come to church for some months. I felt the evening sunday service would be more appropriate. That may have been a right or wrong decission but I do not feel convicted about that particular decision. I feel it would have been worse to act ingenuinely, which I cannot do.

It is only my first day back at church and the spiritual attacks, the accusations, and the doubts are already coming at me. Today happened to be communion at church. At the end of the service when the bread and wine were given out I didn't know if I should partake or not. They read from 1Corinthians 11, about the significance of communion, and also that one should not eat or drink unworthily, that to eat or drink unworthily was to eat and drink damnation to himself. That warning bothered me. And I was hessitant as to whether I should partake. But it felt wrong to not partake. It felt as though I was not acknowledging that I know and believe that Jesus died for my sins.

I have been suseptible to spiritual attacks all through life as a believer. A weak foundation in the Word, a feable prayer life, tolerence of sin in my life, and inadequate fellowship has kept me from being the person Christ wants me to be for Him.

I think that when I am done writing this post I am going to get on my knees and pray. I am going to explain all my thoughts and feelings to God about what communion meant to me today. And I am going ask that, if I did anything I shouldn't have that He forgive me, even if I don't understand that I did wrong.

I am hoping that I can find some fellowship here. I'm hoping I can find some good counsel here. Can someone who is more mature in Christ and someone with a good foundation in the Word help me with my first battle? This issue of communion has weighed on my heart all day. I need advice...
New Member
Brother David Logan....

A very special greeting to you my dear brother in The Precious Name of Jesus.

I am moved by the honesty of your profile and your forgoing post. God loves honesty!. It is very late evening here in the UK and I have had an exhausing and exciting day with Jesus. I really feel moved to talk more to you. Tomorrow I am going to seek the Lord for you and get back to you after a good night sleep and morning prayer.

God will keep you and protect you under his wing.

Yours in Jesus
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Staff member
Brother David I think it is great that you felt the presence of the Lord again. I understand how you feel about pretty much all you said and I would like to encourage you to just pour out your tears in prayer to GOD in Jesus' Holy name, give it all to Him. Let the presence of the Holy Spirit overwhelm you with great peace and joy in Christ!!! Let your child experience and witness this, it will bless your daughter.

I will pray for you and hope you will pray constantly. Brother, GOD is there beside you and is going to hear all you say. Jesus is our GOD and Savior, our creator who loves every bit about us!

Praise the Lord
David, welcome to TalkJesus.

Your story reminds me of my own, but more importantly, it reminds me of an awesome teaching I heard years ago regarding God as a fisherman:

When a man (person) first receives Christ, he is taking the spiritual bait that has been thrown to him by the fisherman (God). But, like a normal fish, he runs away from the fisherman, not toward him. And, with the bait in his mouth, he runs and he runs as fast as he can. But the fisherman is patient. As long as the fish does not throw the bait, he will let him run.......until he gets tired and slows down. When the fish slows down, the fisherman knows that now is the time. The line is going slack. Now the fisherman pulls back on his rod, anchoring the hook firmly in the fish's mouth, and begins to reel him in.

This "reeling in" is not a smooth ride. The fish finds himself being dragged over rocks, maybe banging into various items of junk that have fallen into the water, and being eyed by larger fish that would like to swallow him up before the fisherman brings him out of the water.

But our Fisherman has everything under control. The fish is as good as "in the boat." It is a done deal.

The Almighty Fisherman is drawing you to Himself, David, and when you are "in the boat", He will clean you up. You can't do it yourself. Jesus' blood is doing that job.

Welcome to the Family of God.

New Member
Hello DavidLogan,

Welcome to TJ. Again it is a pleasure to meet you.

Funny your story also reminded me of my walk - the "try hard - give up - try hard - give up cycle".

Hey SpiritLedEd - I loved your allegory. I believe I was one of those fishes.

Well, Logan, you and your girls will certainly be in my prayers. He has an awesome plan for you - you just have to learn to let go and trust in Him. Believe me I have been there and I am still learning. Just like SpiritLedEd said quote: "The Almighty Fisherman is drawing you to Himself, David, and when you are "in the boat", He will clean you up. You can't do it yourself. Jesus' blood is doing that job."

See you around - God bless you.
Best wishes,
New Member
Thank you for you words of encouragement.

I am under much distress. Negative thoughts are overwhelming me.

Any prayers for me would be greatly appreciated.
New Member
Hi DavidLogan... welcome to Talk Jesus, as far as communion, were you drunk at Church? were you just going to Church to have a lunch? This is why Paul said that some were not decerning the lords body and blood. So if we read that passage in its context, we see a different meaning than what some use. So if you are decerning it as the lords body and blood and show reverence for this ordinance in faith, then you are ok. Will be praying for you as well brother...:star:

God bless
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DavidLogan said:
Thank you for you words of encouragement.

I am under much distress. Negative thoughts are overwhelming me.

Any prayers for me would be greatly appreciated.

Here is a verse that I've found works in battling negative thoughts:

"....and we take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ Jesus."
(2Cor 10:5c)

When I am being hounded by negative thoughts, I say to myself "I take that thought captive to the obedience of Christ Jesus." It works every time. As soon as I say that to myself and to the devil, the thought goes away. The enemy can't stand being punched in the nose with the Word of God.

New Member
Dear Brother - you reveal the answer in your last few paragraphs - talk with God - passively - just as you would to your best friend.Keep it personal and your own pace. We are all inspired by the humility shown by our Christian brethern at prayer - trusting completely in God and waiting for the next miracle to happen in our lives. Some are ecstatic in prayer, demonstrative and carried by th moment.Others pray quietly in solititude - either way God hears every prayer and He will pick you up each time you fall. Try not to be too hard on yourself - we are but human taking each day as it comes but we are priviliged as we believe.We are Blessed to count ourselves amongst the faithfull, trying to live for Jesus refelecting His glory in our everyday tasks.Jesus was human, he knew what it was to suffer but He was happy to die to set us free and that is a great gift. Start with the little things- those you can control, use the gifts He has given you - your senses, faculties and abilities to enrich the lives of those you meet and may God be present in all who meet you today and always.Nicholas.

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