Divorce and Remarriage?

[jculver]

This issue is one I have studied for so long now as it is a part of every Christians life here in America. I can not even convey how depressed and just down this topic gets me. I am having trouble getting up in the morning, and I think there was a couple days this week where I was only awake a few hours of both days to eat and finish my work and then go back to sleep. I am so burnt out on trying to figure out what the Word really says on the issue that I just don't even want to be awake. Every time that I feel like I get to the answer, later I am confused by another. It is such an important issue, why would God not clarify more clearly?

The fact that it is so uncommon for a denomination to agree with another on the issue is terrifying. Many say that if you have ever been divorced and remarried the only way to repent is to divorce and stay single the rest of your life regardless of whether your divorce was before or after your salvation. I have read just about every view out there and studied it in-depth. I have asked God for clarity, but it has been denied no matter how many times I ask. The answer here obviously has to come from God, but if he doesn't answer any way but his word, and people disagree on interpretation, how can we ever know? How wild it would be to see my parents, who faithfully serve God, to end up in hell because their marriage wasn't their first. I can't even imagine, but I could see it possible based on many interpretations of scripture, many interpretations.

Obviously Divorce and Remarriage isn't the unforgivable sin, but some argue that living in sin is proof a person was never saved, which I at least somewhat agree with. Anyone out there who can give me peace of mind? All views welcome, scripture references are a big plus.

 

[GetSaved!!]

Here is an opinion I found on this,

Later in this chapter Paul discusses the state in which one is found when they came to Christ. Paul encourages the believers "to remain with God in that state in which" they were called (1 Corinthians 7:17-24). In this context Paul writes,

Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed. Are you loosed from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But even if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Nevertheless such will have trouble in the flesh, but I would spare you. (1 Corinthians 7:27-28)
​

 

[jculver]

Here is an opinion I found on this,

Later in this chapter Paul discusses the state in which one is found when they came to Christ. Paul encourages the believers "to remain with God in that state in which" they were called (1 Corinthians 7:17-24). In this context Paul writes,

Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed. Are you loosed from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But even if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Nevertheless such will have trouble in the flesh, but I would spare you. (1 Corinthians 7:27-28)
​

I tend to agree with that "The state in which you were called", it seems to indicate that God allows the circumstances in which people find themselves when he calls them. However, taking it in view of other scriptures, such as those in MATT and Mark that appear like :

`Whoever may put away his wife, and may marry another, doth commit adultery against her;

It seems that then the circumstances they might find themselves in might not be so simple.

I studied the word agamos a bit, and there is a good case there that the term "unmarried" refers to divorced persons, but I just don't know if that is convincing enough :\

I do appreciate your post I will definitely keep that verse in my mind today, and see if God does not show me exactly what it means.

 

[abigya]

Dear brother
I tried to look this matter in different angle

Jesus paid the price once and for all; we have the blood of Jesus to cleans us from our sins and transgressions. (There is no sin which can not be cleans by the blood of Christ BIG or SMALL)

Hebrews 9:14
How much more, then, will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself unblemished to God, cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death, so that we may serve the living God!

Hebrews 2:17
For this reason he had to be made like his brothers in every way, in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that he might make atonement for the sins of the people.

Romans 3:25
God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood. He did this to demonstrate his justice, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished

God gives second chance

I am not encouraging some one to continue falling on sins but

2 Timothy 2:21
If a man cleanses himself from the latter, he will be an instrument for noble purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work.

Hebrews 10:2
If it could, would they not have stopped being offered? For the worshipers would have been cleansed once for all, and would no longer have felt guilty for their sins.

Romans 6:1
1 What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase?
2 By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?
3 Or don't you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death?
4 We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.

blessings

 

[Dreamer]

Amen, abigya! I looked at jculver's post twice yesterday, and thought, "I just don't know what to say."

You said what I would have liked to say had I taken the time to pray and look up scriptures.

jculver, you are letting yourself become depressed over an issue that....God has given to you as a blessing. If...God has brought a blessing into your life and He is giving you the opportunity to marry again....then take it as a blessing. Perhaps that is not why you are depressed. Perhaps I misunderstand. I just know...that God loves you. He's a God of love. Love is his first and best characteristic. He's a God of forgiveness. He washes our sins in a sea of forgetfulness. Why I am saying these things, I do not know.

Abigya, thank you for your good and thoughtful posts. When I saw you had posted here, I jumped right in to read, and I wasn't disappointed.

jculver....God loves you....Ask Him...what to do. His answers will come to you through His Word.

 

[calluna]

jculver, it always concerns me if someone is losing sleep and do not have peace about something. I believe abigya's answer to you and scriptures given is good and true.
I hope that it will bring you peace and ends the confusion.
John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid"

I haven't read all your posts, so not sure what your situation is. But please I hope you just give it to the Lord, pray about it to Him, if something needs to be confessed, then confess it and be done with it, even if you are not sure whether what you have done is right or wrong. Just accept God's Grace and Trust and rest in Him and move on and no longer allow satan steal your peace, sleep, blessings, and joy.

I will pray for you, as soon as I post this and I pray that tonight you have a restful, peaceful sleep in Christ Jesus and you wake up the next morning with a renewed fresh spirit full of His abounding love for you.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving and love, cherish and enjoy whoever you are spending it with and May the Lord bless you all.

Calluna

 

[jculver]

Dear brother
I tried to look this matter in different angle

Jesus paid the price once and for all; we have the blood of Jesus to cleans us from our sins and transgressions. (There is no sin which can not be cleans by the blood of Christ BIG or SMALL)

Hebrews 9:14
How much more, then, will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself unblemished to God, cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death, so that we may serve the living God!

Hebrews 2:17
For this reason he had to be made like his brothers in every way, in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that he might make atonement for the sins of the people.

Romans 3:25
God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood. He did this to demonstrate his justice, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished

God gives second chance

I am not encouraging some one to continue falling on sins but

2 Timothy 2:21
If a man cleanses himself from the latter, he will be an instrument for noble purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work.

Hebrews 10:2
If it could, would they not have stopped being offered? For the worshipers would have been cleansed once for all, and would no longer have felt guilty for their sins.

Romans 6:1
1 What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase?
2 By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?
3 Or don't you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death?
4 We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.

blessings

I very much appreciate this post, and all posted after it. Knowing the heart of God is something I don't really understand yet, but you seem to have an idea. I have a link to a study that I have been examining that I really think is the best I have read on this specific aspect of divorce and remarriage, and it has given me at least temporary peace. I am still just waiting for permission to post it Thanks again everyone, and happy thanksgiving.

 

[billyeah]

Here is an interesting thought that might just throw a monkey wrench into everything. I honestly just thought about this. Never thought it before. This quote from Jesus seems to teach that if we don't forgive others there trespasses, he cannot forgive us.

Matthew 6:
14 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:

15 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

It would seem that if a couple got divorced, there would have been a transgression somewhere causing the divorce. However if we should do like Jesus says (and we should if we call ourselves Christians) then we should forgive others their trespasses. And if we forgive others for what they have done to us, why would we get divorced? All is forgiven! But more importantly Jesus warns that if we don't forgive others, God won't forgive us, and isn't that a scary thought?

 

[stevie]

It is clear that marriage is meant to be once only and to last. From the start a married couple were to become "one flesh". That is also the basis of a Christian marriage. Jesus does envisage divorce in exceptional circumstance. His teachings give profound guidance, rather than setting out fixed legalistic rules (see: Dallas Willard's "The Divine Conspiracy" which gives a magnificent exposition of the Sermon on the Mount). The purpose of divorce is not to enable remarriage to occur. Jesus is particularly harsh on this. Paul also demands that married couples fulfil martial duties.

Paul is making a different point when he says we should remain in the state we were when we were called by God. The therefore recommends that a single man remains single as I intend to do. "An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord's work and thinking how to please him. But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife." 1 Corinthians 7:32-33.

 

[abigya]

Jeremiah 31:3
The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.

jculver i pray you will get the revlation of Gods loving kindness

Glory be to our ever lasting God,
God bless you all

 

[GetSaved!!]

Matt. 5:32, "But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery".

So, what about those who divorce for reasons other than sexual immorality? Jesus says that in those circumstances, the man who divorces his wife causes her to commit adultery; and the man who marries a woman who was divorced commits adultery. He doesn't leave any room for justifying a divorce with these words, and thus the only way to be reconciled with God is through repentance. Specifically, if a man divorces his wife for a reason other than her adultery, then he needs to ask for forgiveness for that sin from both his ex-wife and God. If possible (if it would not cause more sin against others), it would be best to remarry her as well, as this would indicate true repentance on his part.

For the man who marries a divorced woman, he should repent as well and ask for forgiveness from his spouse and from God. The repentance in this situation would be to never divorce again, for Jesus explicitly says that the sin of adultery is caused by the act of marrying, while marriage is consummated by the initial sexual union i.e. "whoever marries a woman who is divorced". Thus, he should repent of that and never divorce again, nor never marry a divorced woman again.

Some insist that the new marriage must be dissolved because every time the new husband and wife come together sexually, they are committing adultery. But this is clearly NOT what Jesus says. Jesus explicitly says the act of adultery is the initial consummating which comprises "the marriage", not sexual unions after that. Listen again, "...whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery" ("commits adultery", not 'becomes an adulterer'). It is the act of marrying in view here, not primarily the sexual union, although the two are related. If Jesus intended to say that any man who marries a divorced woman will be in a constant state of sin every time they come together sexually, then he would have said something like, 'and whomever marries a divorced woman will be an adulterer', or, 'whomever marries a divorced woman, that sin cannot be forgiven unless they separate'. But Jesus does not say that. In fact, he says elsewhere, "Therefore I say to you, any sin and blasphemy shall be forgiven people..."

If the man who married a divorced woman and his current spouse are disciples, then in most instances divorcing each other is not the way to repent, as that would be just more sin, especially if they have children. Breaking up a natural family whose parents are disciples and taking them away from their children with the justification "God requires that in order to grant forgiveness" is a position of the self-righteous who don't understand Jesus' teachings on God's mercy. The repentance from the original consummating act of "marrying" (don't marry again by leaving your present wife and consummating another marriage with another woman) would make both spouses clean again in God's eyes. This is the correct position which takes into account all of Jesus' teachings that have a bearing on this issue.
Hope this helps,and I dont know how to change these big letters,lol.

 

[jculver]

<b><big>Matt. 5:32, "But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery". ​

So, what about those who divorce for reasons other than sexual immorality? Jesus says that in those circumstances, the man who divorces his wife causes her to commit adultery; and the man who marries a woman who was divorced commits adultery. He doesn't leave any room for justifying a divorce with these words, and thus the only way to be reconciled with God is through repentance. Specifically, if a man divorces his wife for a reason other than her adultery, then he needs to ask for forgiveness for that sin from both his ex-wife and God. If possible (if it would not cause more sin against others), it would be best to remarry her as well, as this would indicate true repentance on his part.
For the man who marries a divorced woman, he should repent as well and ask for forgiveness from his spouse and from God. The repentance in this situation would be to never divorce again, for Jesus explicitly says that the sin of adultery is caused by the act of marrying, while marriage is consummated by the initial sexual union i.e. "whoever marries a woman who is divorced". Thus, he should repent of that and never divorce again, nor never marry a divorced woman again.
Some insist that the new marriage must be dissolved because every time the new husband and wife come together sexually, they are committing adultery. But this is clearly NOT what Jesus says. Jesus explicitly says the act of adultery is the initial consummating which comprises "the marriage", not sexual unions after that. Listen again, "...whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery" ("commits adultery", not 'becomes an adulterer'). It is the act of marrying in view here, not primarily the sexual union, although the two are related. If Jesus intended to say that any man who marries a divorced woman will be in a constant state of sin every time they come together sexually, then he would have said something like, 'and whomever marries a divorced woman will be an adulterer', or, 'whomever marries a divorced woman, that sin cannot be forgiven unless they separate'. But Jesus does not say that. In fact, he says elsewhere, "Therefore I say to you, any sin and blasphemy shall be forgiven people..."
If the man who married a divorced woman and his current spouse are disciples, then in most instances divorcing each other is not the way to repent, as that would be just more sin, especially if they have children. Breaking up a natural family whose parents are disciples and taking them away from their children with the justification "God requires that in order to grant forgiveness" is a position of the self-righteous who don't understand Jesus' teachings on God's mercy. The repentance from the original consummating act of "marrying" (don't marry again by leaving your present wife and consummating another marriage with another woman) would make both spouses clean again in God's eyes. This is the correct position which takes into account all of Jesus' teachings that have a bearing on this issue.
<b><big><big>Hope this helps,and I dont know how to change these big letters,lol.
</b>

LOL some good points, and hilarious letter size.

I think the concern of my post was slightly missed, but all posts have been relevant and appreciated. I guess my largest problem on the issue is that almost no one agrees about what the bible says on the subject, or how to properly repent if you have broken God's standard. That is very damaging to my faith because if we are all lead by one spirit why do we not share a common interpretation?

I am still single, never been married, but virtually everyone I know had a divorce before they were Christians. Obviously 2 true Christians should never seek a Divorce and I don't know any who have. The trouble is some people advocate that if you have ever been divorced you should remain single for the rest of your life, even if it was before you were saved, and if you don't then you live in perpetual adultery and will thus go to hell.

I don't agree with them at this point, I think I finally understand God's heart on the issue, but why doesn't a body of believers lead by one spirit agree? It just breaks my heart to see Christians disagree, especially on such a critical issue. I feel slightly resentful that God's word did not cover this in extensive detail, but I shouldn't feel like that and I know it. It's just hard to wonder why he left us so obviously confused on such a tough issue :\

Anyway I am still waiting for permission to post that link... It really is an amazing study, probably the best I have seen on 1 Corinthians 7, and I have seen more than my fair share It is sufficiently scholarly, and very well thought out.

Again thank you all for your posts