God, I don't even know where to begin. I had such a good relationship with you, then I went to college and it all fell apart. I used to see you everywhere, now all I see is me kidding myself into thinking you're here. As soon as I started typing this the song "Over My Head" came on and that's exactly how I feel - over my head. I'm sick of wanting to believe you exist and that you care for me without ever making the leap of faith. I'm scared that I'm going to take that step, give myself to you completely, and it'll all turn out to be some sick joke and everything I've given myself to is a farse. All of these people around me are saying "yes, believe in Him" but all I see are some people who are more in love with the ritual of believing than you. These people act as though because they publicly know you that they are somehow above me and the rest of the people who are like me. This dissonance in my heart is painful, I wish I had the strength to figure out the truth. I heard this song today and it reminded me of where I wish I was in my life :
But I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours
I'm Yours - Jason Mraz
Please, if you're there, help me get there.
But I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours
I'm Yours - Jason Mraz
Please, if you're there, help me get there.
