• Welcome to Talk Jesus Christian Forums

    Celebrating 20 Years!

    A bible based, Jesus Christ centered community.

    Register Log In

Desperate Housewife Seeks Help! WWYD?

I will try to make this very short, although it's hard. I used to be a very strong Christian. I married a guy in 1994 that believed in God and would go to church with me, we even helped with the youth group a lot. He said he was a christian and he was just an all around good guy. 5 Years later, we had our first child and I became a stay at home mom. 19 months later, I had another baby. After that, I found him chatting online with women. It really upset me. I asked him to stop but he just did it behind my back. So I started going to chat rooms too. In 2002, we celebrated our 8th anniversary and talked about how we never got to date or sleep with anyone other than each other. Then we talked about 'Open relationships' and allowing ourselves to date other people while still being married. So, we did. He was excited about it and I was excited to meet the guy I chatted with online. It was so fun being able to date again, while returning to a safe marriage. Well, I fell in love with this guy, despite him being VERY wrong for me. We have been dating on and off for 2 years now. A very toxic relationship that Im trying to leave. What made me stay, is the intense passion. I asked about going to church again and a counselor and you know what he says? "I dont think I believe in God". I would have NEVER married him had I known this 10 years ago! Also, what I liked about the toxic relationship, is that he never wanted to share me. We were exclusive and only wanted each other. Thats what I want!!!! I feel like satan came into my marriage and destroyed it!!! I feel I am STUCK! I have a 3 and 5 year old and I want to focus on whats best for them. I dug myself a hole I cannot get out of. God hates divorce, so what do I do? He cant possibly like this any more! I haven't worked in 6 years. I have no way to support myself, I am depressed and very lazy because of it. I dont know if Id even be able to get out of bed for a job. I just dont know what to do. Leave my husband because he doesnt believe in God (and a monogamous marriage)? Then everyone would look at me like a giant hypocrite! I mean, my husband and I get along, we rarely fight, he's a good man and other than the internet chats 2 years ago, he's 100% honest with me. He's just being very selfish and only thinking of what he wants to do. We do family things a lot, but I always feel like im pulling teeth, getting him to go to these things. It just disgusts me! Ive asked him to stop but he wont. If I leave, I will have no way to support myself. Id be breaking my family up, sharing my kids, Im just so afraid of leaving!!! This isnt the marriage I wanted but I feel there is no way out and its never going to get better!! I feel I made my bed and now I have to sleep in it. Is this God's punishment? I have prayed for help a million times and although I know God hasnt cut me off, I feel like he has. I am very lost. The people in my church 10 years ago would have a heart attack if they knew we turned out like this. We havent been to church in 4 years...

What would you do? I tried counselling by myself, no help. Husband wont go to one either. I was just hoping I could get advice from people who love God, who have a good walk with God, unlike me. I feel I went so far off the path I cant get back! :(

Please help me????????????
Last edited by a moderator:
Hi there. Marriage is a beautiful thing, and I am glad that you were able to find someone you love and got married to him. God is all for marriage (eventhough paul preferred us to stay single in order to pursue a religious life) because He knows we live in a depraved world, and indeed, Satan is using sexual immorality so much to keep us away from God. I praise Him because He is our strength and our safe tower in times of war.

I'm sorry to say this, but it seems that the devil managed to blind your eyes regarding your marriage. The lust he planted on your hearts should have been rooted out with the word of God. Nowhere in the bible says that it is ok to have open relationships but this is a very wordly practice. I would suggest you read Romans 1 and how God detests orgies and sexual immorality. In disobeying God, his protection is automatically removed from people's lives. Marriage is the legal grounds God has given us to have sex with that person EXCLUSIVELy with whom we have a covenant with. No sex before it and it should be made of two people only.

However, it is fine to have friendships outside marriage but God tells us to be careful who we are friends with (Psalms 1) and who we associate ourselves with.

I'm glad you rejected what was going on in your life concerning the other man in your life, but as you are saying, you are desperate to get your husband out of what he has become involved in. Now you have a choice: you can get divorced if you like as adultery is the only grounds God gives us to get divorced because the initial convenat has been broken by the other party. or you can fight for your husband. I would suggest you find a living where the true word is preached with the power of the holy spirit and expose the situation to the Pastor. Also be quick to repent from your sins, otherwise how could you lead the blind if you cannot see either?

God is a loving God, and he loves you sooo much!!! Marriage is so very important to Him. If you decide you want to leave, I'm sure he will bless you greatly if you walk in his ways. If you decide to fight for him, you will see how mighty our Lord is and im sure you will thank him everyday of your life!!

God bless you in all your ways

oh and go to church. God speaks primarily to his children in church. Don't be ashamed of your sins and what people think!!! For the sin that is covered will always be ground for the Devil to come after you. The light of God uncovers everythign and doesnt leave any stone unmoved!! Go forth, confess them and be free!!!

God loves you and he wants you to be close to Him!! where He is there is freedom, healing, peace of mind and VICTORY!!!

Also forgive your husband, he doesn't know what he is doing, but you must show him the way and start being the example!! Rise and shine in the name of Jesus. God loves you

Bye now
I don't have a whole lot to add to what has already been suggested. Unfortunately, you have invited santan into something he just loves to get his hands on, Marriage. Good news, as you mentioned marriage is very sacred to the Lord and if you surrender to Him anything thing is possible for Him. The best thing that you can do is confess your sins, go to church, and start praying, hold on tight though cause it is gonna get rough and you may even have to rebuke santan eye to eye. Remember though the battle has already been won!! Wooo Hooo!!! Praise the Lord on that ! Amen! It definately won't be easy, however you will need to get yourself fired up for God and the relationship that you are gonna build with Him will be absolutely remarkable. God has all power. and if you as in James 4:7 "submitt youselves, then, to God. Resist the Devil, and he will flee from you. Also definately get in to God's word and find out all that He has to say on Marriage and know that you have the armour Ephesians 6:10. God loves you and He Loves Marriage, you alone cannot do do anything about this except surrender yourself to God and also surrender your husband as well.
Just so that you know I have been in a battle with the Lord on my side for my husaband and I know that there is victory. a book that I did get loaned to me and really gives you some great outlines for prayers for your husband is 'The power of a praying Wife', by Stormie Omartian. You also will certainly find out that to be a Christian it is no boring journey it is quite remarkable !! So stand firm and know that the battle belongs to the Lord you need only to pray and study God's word and confess your sins and make your relationship right with Him. He will do the rest!! A bible study wouldn't hurt either, fellowship with other christian women is a great start and you do not have to devouldge exact details of your and your husbands life only what you feel comfortable to share with someone even only in a general sense. Honey the deeper down in the hole we are that is were God loves to show His stuff !! He is the Almighty and as I said earlier The battle has already been won!
Yours in Him!:rose: and many prayers said for you both,

GOD Bless, Love Peace and Prayers,
Dear Seattlegirl, You have discovered like many of us that sin is not an uncomplicated thing. It's like a spiderweb and the longer we stay in the trap of it, the harder it is to get out. In fact, the ONLY way to get out is through radical obedience to God and His word. There are many issues are having to deal with. Your sin, your husband's sin and, sadly, the others who have been dragged into these sins (your man and his women).

First off, I think that only God can change a heart and we need to deal with ourselves and our God before trying to get the board out of someone else's eye. You've taken the first step by admitting you sinned in having a relationship with this other guy. There is no blaming your husband for this, you are responsible for your responses to his sin just as each of us is responsible for our responses to those that sin against us. Using their sin as an excuse to sin ourselves is no excuse at all, it is only a coverup. I would recommend going through a good Bible study that will help you get to know God better and savor Him as you should such as is available on www.settingcaptivesfree.com They have Bible studies for men and women who are caught in various addictions, traps of the devil, etc.

Secondly even if your husband isn't in favor of it right now, find a good Bible believing church and take your kids with you! Just in a kind way tell your husband that you apologize and repent for being unfaithful to him (this is hard when you know he has been too, but allow God to work on him to cause his repentance, don't play Holy Spirit) and that you want to get to know God better and you know that Hebrews 10:24-25 says we aren't to forsake the gathering of ourselves together as believers. It is a protection for us and a help to keep us from these very traps Satan wants to destroy us in.

Once you seek God's help in overcoming and staying away from the sinful habits you've developed, including laziness, which is one of the devil's best tools to get us into things that aren't best for us, THEN you will be in a position to see how God is working or not in your husband's life. Then you will see clearly enough to get the wood out of his eye. If he continues in ongoing, willful adultery, God does allow for divorce in that case because it is damaging not only to you but for the children to have a father who lives in this way.

But as you realize, that doesn't end the consequences as you will likely have to work and show that you deserve custody of the children.

The best option is that you allow God to change you and show your husband through your changed behavior what God can do in a life and that he can have that too. The Bible talks about when we are married to a non-believer, our good behavior (and even submitting to your husband as long as he isn't telling you to do something against the Bible, like open-marriage) can win such a person over to Christ!

So take heart. I know it's not easy. The sad thing is that the kids get hurt by this too and when we 'come to our senses', we see what our sin has done to them as well as to ourselves and how we have grieved the Holy Spirit.

Hope it is helpful. Find a good Bible teaching church in your area and study the Bible and see what God has to teach you. It's amazing how much we THINK we know and how little wisdom we really have.

I include myself in this because I have come to realize that I know nothing apart from what Christ has allowed me to know and to boast of it would be like lungs boasting they can breath the air God gives them! Silly to say the least.

So I no longer want to boast in any knowledge except the knowledge of Christ and that my sins put Him on the cross and He loved me enough to take that punishment and to redeem me so I can live as a testimony to others, not as someone seeking my own selfish pleasures from broken cisterns and empty wells....when He offers the water of life, eternal life, once we drink of Him, we will never thirst again!

Praying for you.
Bind The Strongman

Jesus Said That When A Person Has Sexual Sin They Sin Against Their Own Bodies . Although Your Spirit Is Free , Your Soul Has Been Violated . Your Body Is The Temple Of The Holy Spirit , And Is Considered A Dwelling Place For God . Jesus Said You Must Bind The Stronghold First , Than You Will Be Able To Break Loose From These Soul Ties . In The Name Of Jesus , And In The Authority Given Through Faith In Christ ... I Bind The Stronghold Of Sexual Sin In My Sister ... And In The Same Way I Loose The Spirit Of God In Her Life And In Her Mind . I Thak You Father For Hearing This Prayer , And I Rejoice In Her Freedom From Any Demonic Influence Right Now In The Name Of Jesus . Sister Speak This Same Prayer Over Your Husband And Your Marriage Everyday . I Will Stand In Agreement With You In The Mighty Name Of Jesus Christ Our Risen Lord !!! Amen Mike... Brothersinarmst4g