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Can someone help me with Divorce and Remarriage?

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Active Member
I am trying to figure out what is being said in some verses, some churches say it is okay to divorce and remarry, but some churches say that it is not okay, so I am just wondering what stance is actually correct Biblically.

Here are some of the verses I have looked into and that have been passed along onto me.

Matthew 5:31-32
"31 It has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce'. 32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery."
Matthew 19:6-9
"6 'So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let no man separate.' 7 'Why then', they asked, 'did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?' 8 Jesus replied 'Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.'"


1 Corinthians 7:8-13
"8 Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. 9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. 10 To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11 If she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife. 12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him."

These verses make me think that divorce shouldn't be a thing, unless there is cheating, but even then Jesus teaches about forgiveness, so shouldn't we forgive our spouse? I am curious as to what others think because I am trying to figure out if it is correct to divorce and remarry or if it is wrong in God's eyes.

Again, I am leaning more towards its wrong. But there are churches who say it is not wrong.

I would appreciate your thoughts!
 
Moderator
Staff member
@Lily Miller
Dear Sister,
Actually you have covered it in a nut shell. The issue becomes that man (humanity) is going to do and justify what it wants to. However, Jesus is about forgiveness. Yet, I won't use His forgiveness as a catch all for going against what God in setting His Word before us to know, wants for us.

However, many churches have a myriad of reasons for doing so. How many of us would tell a woman or a man for that matter, not to divorce if they are being abused (emotionally/physically)? In my honest opinion the determination must be between the husband & wife and not necessarily the church. Marriage is a covenant between two individuals who become one and God. The church is but the facilitator.

So, who am I to judge and tell someone what they should do? I would guide them to the Covenant Holder seeking guidance if the Word of God convicts them so. Personally, I have found myself on my knees over the 35 years (just celebrated number 35) of being married, with tears rolling down my cheeks not knowing what to do, but divorce weighting heavenly upon my mind as an option. Outside of Christ there seems much that appears impossible to happen as it pertains to the relationship between man and woman in marriage. Yet, in Christ the impossible does and can happen.

I've seen very similar situations happen where even the unevenly yoked individuals either went their separate ways, or came to the Lord through the one who was Saved. So, I could say, and not be wrong as you have shown by God's Word. Guide that persons to know what Scripture says, but also letting them know that ultimately it must be for them, man & woman who have become one to decide between them and God what is best.

To the remarriage part. It still stands on the same Word of God. Still if they did get married. I would pray for the guidance, joy, love and success that was missing from their previous one to be found in this one.

With the Love of Christ Jesus.
YBIC
Nick
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Loyal Member
1 Cor 7:15; which you missed by two verses above, gives a second way out.

1 Cor 7:15; Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace.
 
Loyal Member
Years ago when my younger daughter got married -- they were both believers -- a lot of age difference. They were told by their pastor -- once a couple says "I Do" to each other -- the word 'divorce' should Never enter their vocabulary.

The marriage relationship Needs to be protected. And submission really means that both spouses are in submission to God first and then to each other.

Now days divorce is much too simple / convenient. Which is possibly why couples opt to live together without getting married. Then if 'things' don't work out -- they simply move out. But I question -- What 'things' are being considered to either 'work out' or they Move out.

Okay -- so the divorce has taken place. Now what. Counseling -- but , hopefully, there Had been counseling that simply didn't help. I'd probably decided to get "me" the help / guidance I need. My own relationship to God. That's most important.

"Until death do we part" -- so you're both still alive -- are there kids in the picture? Those relationships can get complicated. Custody issues and all.

What does Scripture say?! I've known older couples who're on their 2nd marriages. Lots of them. Both believers. But they divorced Before they Were believers. So they both meet other believers with the same situation.

Some good questions - - God's leading.
 
Active Member
I think the biggest thing that is making me believe that it is wrong is what Jesus touched on when he was talking to the pharisees about divorce and remarriage, he says that God never wanted there to be divorce, you get one spouse; That's it. Why do we ignore that Jesus says that is the way it is supposed to be. Was Jesus just talking to talk or was he trying to actually get us to see God's point of view. I don't believe the Bible contradicts itself so everything that was written along with it, lines up with what Jesus said, so with that, I believe divorce shouldn't exist, but like Jesus said, Moses gave that to us out of the hardness of our hearts, we want to get married and then remarry as much as we want; but God does not want it that way. Unless someone else could give me scripture that says "divorce and remarriage is okay and Moses gave it to us because that's what God wanted" I will believe that what Jesus says goes, especially because we will be Judged by what Jesus says.

I would love to hear your thoughts!
 
Loyal Member
@Lily Miller -- marriage was created by God and it's Meant to show the relationship between Christ and His Bride / the Church. There's a great deal of symbolism. God intended marriage to be a life-long commitment between one man and one woman. Unfortunately -- 'we' tend to sometimes get married too young -- maybe in our teens -- before we really know who we are as an individual. Or we get married because we got pregnant and wanted to do the 'honorable thing' like a shot-gun wedding of the olden days. And, Society has gotten so far away from Biblical morality / ethics its' really beyond 'sad'.

Biblically -- there Are reasons for justifiabilly leaving a marriage. Adultery on the part of either / both spouses -- maybe two unbelievers get together , one of them accepts Christ as Savior and the other doesn't. If the non-believer does Not want to stay in the marriage, then the believing spouse is supposed to let him/ her go. Not force them to stay if they want to leave. If both are believers and one deserts the other. And if there's abusiveness taking place , a woman would be advised to leave for her personal safety and that of her children. The Leaving a marriage is one thing. It's the Next step that is highly questioned.

The marriage vows -- at least Used to include -- not until death do we part. And upon the death of a spouse the remaining spouse was free to remarry if desired. When I was growing up there was a missionary woman who out-lived three husbands. Her husbands had died of one thing or another while on the field.

There are those who might have a serious relationship with another person, but won't remarry until their first spouse does die. And That did happen some years ago. A lady and her husband had a child. She saw fit to divorce him and did, after a while get to know another man who knew she would not marry him while her husband was still alive. Her husband had some serious problems and Did end up dying in a snow-mobile accident. So -- she was then free to marry the other man.

Biblically, remarrying , even after divorce, means that the remarrying spouse is committing adultery by remarrying. Because the person is Still Biblically married to the first spouse.

But - I learned that even in the big church I'd used to go to -- there were Lots of remarried Christian couples. The few that I knew myself -- married their 1st spouse and then divorce happened. Their second marriage was to a believer and they were Now active in the church. As far as my husband was concerned , they were all committing adultery. At one time --Many years ago, he'd been a pastor -- I'd been a pastor's wife. He's now deceased. My older daughter is twice divorced.

My counselor from a few years ago was Also divorced from many years ago. He said that this is a fallen world -- sometimes 'junk' happens. We move on in life -- their kids - now older - had wanted them to get back together. But they both had separate lives in different part of the country. They've both been in and out of relationships but won't get remarried to teach other Or other people.

So - does a divorced person Ever get remarried?! Would depend on the individual circumstances. IF after a number of years have gone by -- counseling -- and the person feels God leading them to another person AND getting lots more counseling -- it would be between them and God.

Marriage is a very serious commitment and now days people don't take it very seriously. Lots don't even bother getting married.
 
The scripture to me sounds pretty simple.

What God has yoked together, then let no man put asunder. That should be the basis of our belief towards marriage (i.e., we should see it as a one shot thing). If not, then divorces increase because we are conned to believe that we can just go and look for another.

If we, however, went into the mindset that after I marry this person, unless they die, then I can never re-marry; then it would cause a lot of people to think more deeply about whether or not they want to use this one shot on this person.

For this reason, I think Jesus is clear on what His stance is on marriage: We only get one shot, and if they divorce (because of adultery or whatever other reason) then they ought to either be reconciled with their husband/wife or remain celibate for the rest of their lives.

This may seem un-fair to many people, but God makes the rules, so I don't see how people can justify God 'leading them into a second marriage' when Jesus is clear that there are no grounds for re-marriage. Sadly, many churches teach that re-marriage is okay, which causes a lot of people getting married to soon, which leads to a lot of divorces in today's world.

If we make Jesus' standard the basis on this, then we will see a increase in successful marriages and a decrease in divorces.

In peace
 
Active Member
I believe that marriage is a pretty simple thing, but people like to make it complicated.

Divorce is a possibility, but only IF there is marital unfaithfulness. In my opinion based on scripture that I have read I believe that you cannot get divorced unless your spouse cheats. You cannot get divorced simply because you are "unequally yoked". The verse that leads so many people to believe that exists is 2 Corinthians 6:14, this verse does not have a clause that says "this is JUST for married people". This does not stand for being married, because Jesus says ONE marriage unless your significant other dies. We should, in reality apply this to everyone that we see. Family, friends, church goers, you, me, anyone. Listen to what Paul said: "And unto the married I command, yet not I, BUT THE LORD, Let not the wife depart from her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath a husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy."


He then goes on to say "But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace."
*these verses are from 1 Corinthians 7: 10-14, 15

This is the only time you can actually leave a spouse, but you CANNOT get remarried. Ever. Unless your spouse has died. That statement is so clearly drawn out, for me at least.

Peace and Blessings
 
Loyal Member
Lady Miller -- I've been married for 46 yrs. both of us had been believers -- and marriage is Not a pretty simple thing. Marriage is a relationship that has to be worked on -- all the time. Protecting that relationship is important. Putting the other person's well-being First.

Believers are told to Not be unequally yoked for marriage. Do Not combine righteousness with unrighteousness.

We live in a broken world -- remarrying Does happen often even amongst believers. Remarriage // blended families Do have problems of their own to work with. And lots of Those don't work either. Problems should be resolved Before any new relationship is considered.

Marriage is meant to be a very serious relationship to enter into.
 
Active Member
Lady Miller -- I've been married for 46 yrs. both of us had been believers -- and marriage is Not a pretty simple thing. Marriage is a relationship that has to be worked on -- all the time. Protecting that relationship is important. Putting the other person's well-being First.

Believers are told to Not be unequally yoked for marriage. Do Not combine righteousness with unrighteousness.

We live in a broken world -- remarrying Does happen often even amongst believers. Remarriage // blended families Do have problems of their own to work with. And lots of Those don't work either. Problems should be resolved Before any new relationship is considered.

Marriage is meant to be a very serious relationship to enter into.
I know that we live in a fallen world, and I am married as well so I know marriage is a struggle. Saying that people have struggles and that not every marriage isn’t perfect is not justification for everyone to just get divorced whenever they want, just because its hard. If you’re not ready for the struggles that go along with Marriage you’re not ready for marriage, you cant just say that you’re “unequally yoked” thats just a justification given so people don’t have to listen to God. If you have problems with your spouse you need to either work out the problems or suck it up. Jesus says no remarriage, but no one wants to listen. I understand we are in a fallen world, and thats the reason that we are in a fallen world, no one wants to listen to God. The sad fact is that it is the truth, thats why God is angry with us. We’re letting the devil take hold on us and were not giving ourselves a chance to get away from him. We should all be doing our best to listen to God, and read what His Son told us to do in the four Gospels. We need to really really ask for his spirit of wisdom and truth, and open our eyes and ears. We always need to think “maybe I’m wrong on this” or “maybe I don’t know the whole truth” it will help us accept the truth when God decides to show us

Peace and Blessings
 
Loyal Member
@ Lily Miller --God has given us more than just the four Gospels -- We have the entire New Testament. Well -- the entire 66 books.
 
Active Member
@ Lily Miller --God has given us more than just the four Gospels -- We have the entire New Testament. Well -- the entire 66 books.
Sue, can I ask you who saves you? I'm pretty sure you're following Jesus, not the Mosaic Law, or Paul, or anyone else. So if Jesus saves you and you are a follower of Christ the rest of the Bible should be like nothing compared to what we will be judged by (i.e. the teachings of Jesus, John 12:48). We MUST listen to what Jesus says if we are going to call ourselves Christians. We simply cannot just be like "Yep I'm a Christian, but I don't want to listen to Jesus". If you're a Lutheran, then you will follow and agree with the things that Martin Luther said. If you are a Catholic, then you'll agree with what the Pope says... Do you see where I am going with this?

Now I am not saying that the rest of the Bible (NT & OT) is not important, I think we can learn very valuable lessons from both of these things. I believe that Jesus, who is the Cornerstone (Acts 4: 11-12, Ephesians 2:10, 1 Peter 2:6-8, and if you would like more verses, there are more in Isaiah) is the most important thing because we are going to be judged by Jesus in the last days.

Peace and Blessings
 
Sue, can I ask you who saves you? I'm pretty sure you're following Jesus, not the Mosaic Law, or Paul, or anyone else. So if Jesus saves you and you are a follower of Christ the rest of the Bible should be like nothing compared to what we will be judged by (i.e. the teachings of Jesus, John 12:48). We MUST listen to what Jesus says if we are going to call ourselves Christians. We simply cannot just be like "Yep I'm a Christian, but I don't want to listen to Jesus". If you're a Lutheran, then you will follow and agree with the things that Martin Luther said. If you are a Catholic, then you'll agree with what the Pope says... Do you see where I am going with this?

Now I am not saying that the rest of the Bible (NT & OT) is not important, I think we can learn very valuable lessons from both of these things. I believe that Jesus, who is the Cornerstone (Acts 4: 11-12, Ephesians 2:10, 1 Peter 2:6-8, and if you would like more verses, there are more in Isaiah) is the most important thing because we are going to be judged by Jesus in the last days.

Peace and Blessings
Just something to add to this. What you shared reminded me of what Jesus said in John 5:38-40. I just thought I share this as it is an interesting scripture indeed.

In peace
 
Loyal Member
I believe that marriage is a pretty simple thing, but people like to make it complicated.

Divorce is a possibility, but only IF there is marital unfaithfulness. In my opinion based on scripture that I have read I believe that you cannot get divorced unless your spouse cheats. You cannot get divorced simply because you are "unequally yoked". The verse that leads so many people to believe that exists is 2 Corinthians 6:14, this verse does not have a clause that says "this is JUST for married people". This does not stand for being married, because Jesus says ONE marriage unless your significant other dies. We should, in reality apply this to everyone that we see. Family, friends, church goers, you, me, anyone. Listen to what Paul said: "And unto the married I command, yet not I, BUT THE LORD, Let not the wife depart from her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath a husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy."


He then goes on to say "But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace."
*these verses are from 1 Corinthians 7: 10-14, 15

This is the only time you can actually leave a spouse, but you CANNOT get remarried. Ever. Unless your spouse has died. That statement is so clearly drawn out, for me at least.

Peace and Blessings
Completely agree with you.

We stick at a marriage because it pleases God. If God is first in our lives, we will see it as a service unto Him. Only actual adultery is grounds for divorce Matt 19:9 and Matt 5:32.

What we have to understand is that adultery is a mortal sin. One that got a Jew stoned to death in the OT. It is hence not a candid discussion of whose opinion or view is correct. The bible is crystal clear on mortal sins. It does not beat around the bush. Divorce without adultery is forcing them into adultery making it a mortal sin that God would have had us stoned to death for in the OT. We need to grasp this truth.

Having said this, we should still be willing to reconcile with our adulterous spouse should they sincerely repent and work toward making amends. God does it for us, why not us for them.

I disagree with your last line though. If they left us and they do not want to reconcile we can move on. If we left them, we make right with God and then want to reconcile but they have moved on, we too can move on. Our conscience is clear before God. In situations like this we need to follow a verse like Phil 2:12 ''work our your salvation in fear and trembling''.
 

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