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An Ode to Motherhood: The Gift of Touch - May 09, 2007
When your babies were tiny, if you were so blessed, it was easy and natural to hold them close and just enjoy the proximity of their skin next to yours. There is nothing softer or more rapturous than touching a baby's silky skin. Soft as velvet? Mink?
But when they grow up, quick "hello" and "goodbye" hugs have to suffice in the intimacy department. Anything much longer than a quick peck or hug is deemed uncomfortable, unnatural, awkward, too overbearing.
That's okay. Times change and they rightfully grow up. But one of the rewards for the tough job of parenting is stroking the downy sweetness of a baby's skin. For some women, nuzzling a nursing infant is another unique joy of the early years.
But in the "intimacy" department, frankly I couldn't wait to get out of the diaper stage! Our children were born fairly close together, all three within five years. I remember how when the last one was born, I carefully calculated: let's see, with potty training being achieved by age two and a half or three at the latest, that makes eight years spent diapering!
It seemed like a very long sentence, one I would never get through. Diapering, and the wiping and smells that entails, is probably one part of parenting that no one minds giving up. But yet, it is part of the intimate, skin-to-skin relationship that healthy moms and dads take in stride without violating.
Then there was bathtime--sometimes with all three girls with slippery bodies playing for an hour together in the tub before bedtime. As mother, I tried to keep a close watch, so no one would drown (at worst), conk their heads on the faucet, slip, fight or grow too cold. Again, without being kinky about it, the innocent play of children at bathtime can be a reminder of the wonderful way God created us.
There was even a time when all the skin contact seemed like sensory overload--children hanging onto you all the time, pawing at your legs, wanting to be held, piling into your bed, bothering you when you were sitting on the toilet--that you ached for some private space. There were times when my daughters were nursing almost non-stop (it seemed like) that I felt like no part of my body belonged to me and I almost recoiled from further intimate contact.
But children grow up and their bodies rightfully become private areas where parents absolutely no longer intrude. And so we lose the intimacy of holding our children while wiping them down after a bath and sniffing the freshly scrubbed skin and shampooed hair.
It is one of the many losses we grieve when children grow up and leave. Perhaps it is part of what is behind the unbidden tears when they get married or go off to college or move to their first apartment. It is not something we often stop and think about, of how little we can touch and caress our children as they get older.
I am told that the elderly, often without really recognizing it either, have this deep need for skin-to-skin contact. This is especially true after a spouse dies, if they have been married. That is why it is important, whenever you visit an older relative, to at least briefly, hold their hand, kiss their cheek, hug them. Especially in this situation, it is okay to linger. Don't be in a hurry or feel embarrassed to give extra tenderness.
God gave us five senses. We all value highly the gifts of vision and hearing. However, the less obvious senses are smelling, taste, and touch. I think we often overlook the role of touch and what it brings to life. What a gift God has given in our ability to enjoy soft velvet, smooth baby skin, the down of a goose, the slipperiness of water.
Contributed by Melodie Davis: [email protected] Melodie is the author of eight books and writes a syndicated newspaper column, Another Way
When your babies were tiny, if you were so blessed, it was easy and natural to hold them close and just enjoy the proximity of their skin next to yours. There is nothing softer or more rapturous than touching a baby's silky skin. Soft as velvet? Mink?
But when they grow up, quick "hello" and "goodbye" hugs have to suffice in the intimacy department. Anything much longer than a quick peck or hug is deemed uncomfortable, unnatural, awkward, too overbearing.
That's okay. Times change and they rightfully grow up. But one of the rewards for the tough job of parenting is stroking the downy sweetness of a baby's skin. For some women, nuzzling a nursing infant is another unique joy of the early years.
But in the "intimacy" department, frankly I couldn't wait to get out of the diaper stage! Our children were born fairly close together, all three within five years. I remember how when the last one was born, I carefully calculated: let's see, with potty training being achieved by age two and a half or three at the latest, that makes eight years spent diapering!
It seemed like a very long sentence, one I would never get through. Diapering, and the wiping and smells that entails, is probably one part of parenting that no one minds giving up. But yet, it is part of the intimate, skin-to-skin relationship that healthy moms and dads take in stride without violating.
Then there was bathtime--sometimes with all three girls with slippery bodies playing for an hour together in the tub before bedtime. As mother, I tried to keep a close watch, so no one would drown (at worst), conk their heads on the faucet, slip, fight or grow too cold. Again, without being kinky about it, the innocent play of children at bathtime can be a reminder of the wonderful way God created us.
There was even a time when all the skin contact seemed like sensory overload--children hanging onto you all the time, pawing at your legs, wanting to be held, piling into your bed, bothering you when you were sitting on the toilet--that you ached for some private space. There were times when my daughters were nursing almost non-stop (it seemed like) that I felt like no part of my body belonged to me and I almost recoiled from further intimate contact.
But children grow up and their bodies rightfully become private areas where parents absolutely no longer intrude. And so we lose the intimacy of holding our children while wiping them down after a bath and sniffing the freshly scrubbed skin and shampooed hair.
It is one of the many losses we grieve when children grow up and leave. Perhaps it is part of what is behind the unbidden tears when they get married or go off to college or move to their first apartment. It is not something we often stop and think about, of how little we can touch and caress our children as they get older.
I am told that the elderly, often without really recognizing it either, have this deep need for skin-to-skin contact. This is especially true after a spouse dies, if they have been married. That is why it is important, whenever you visit an older relative, to at least briefly, hold their hand, kiss their cheek, hug them. Especially in this situation, it is okay to linger. Don't be in a hurry or feel embarrassed to give extra tenderness.
God gave us five senses. We all value highly the gifts of vision and hearing. However, the less obvious senses are smelling, taste, and touch. I think we often overlook the role of touch and what it brings to life. What a gift God has given in our ability to enjoy soft velvet, smooth baby skin, the down of a goose, the slipperiness of water.
Contributed by Melodie Davis: [email protected] Melodie is the author of eight books and writes a syndicated newspaper column, Another Way
