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A Bible commentary fit for Twitter

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Loyal
Australian writer and theologian, Ben Myers, started tweeting summaries of each book of the Bible. What emerged was ‘the world’s smallest’ Bible commentary.


Old Testament
Genesis
Under numberless stars an old man stands amazed; his wife cries out in the pain of childbirth, laughing.

Exodus
Barefoot on the hot sand, he stares into the flame and haggles with a god whose name he cannot say.

Leviticus
At the mountain they wait in love and terror, while holy words pass through them like a sword.

Numbers
Count the murmuring tribes, count their slain, count the wandering long years.

Deuteronomy
I love you, I love you. Not because you are so good or great, but because you are so lost and little.

Joshua
In the walled city a prostitute undresses to the music of trumpets and the sound of many feet.

Judges
As soothing as a therapist, she runs her fingers through his hair and says, "Now lie back and tell me everything."

Ruth
He wakes in the night to find a woman, a foreigner, touching his feet. He rubs his eyes. He had been dreaming of kings.

1 Samuel
Grief + God = Samuel
Israel - Eli + Samuel = Monarchy
Monarchy - Saul = David
David - Jonathan = 0

2 Samuel
Victory! A riot of joy! The victor covers his face: O Absalom, my son, my son.

1 Kings
So, you really want a monarchy huh? Don't say I didn't warn you.

2 Kings
I told you so.

1 Chronicles
And behold, in those days all the begetting was done by the menfolk.

2 Chronicles
If we build it, he will come.

Ezra
When we saw the Temple we thought we must be dreaming, or that all our lives had been a dream from which we had awoken.

Nehemiah
When he read the scroll it was as if, after a long dementia, I remembered my name and wept to hear it spoken.

Esther
The orphan queen is glorious at her feast. In her glittering eyes are sex and armies.

Job
He scrapes himself with broken pots, cursing his mother's womb. In the distance, Leviathan circles silently in the deep.

Psalms
The invention of antiphony: when my heart broke in two, I taught both parts to sing.

Proverbs
What a fabulous woman! I'll marry her! (She left her fingerprints all over me.)

Ecclesiastes
Life is an empty sink. Someone has pulled the plug and all the meaning has drained out of it. So enjoy yourself!

Song of Songs
With the turtledove singing above them in the apple tree, the lovers took off their clothes and made beautiful poems together.

Isaiah
When the four corners of creation are picked up like a tablecloth, all the crumbs will slide into the middle, into Zion.

Jeremiah
The Word is at the bottom of the well, burning like a naked flame in the mouth of the weeping prophet.

Lamentations
A Bear Crouches. Destruction Envelops. Flee God's Holy Implacable Judgment! Killed! Lament! Mourn Nakedly! O Pray!

Ezekiel
Four flashing creatures, four wheels rimmed with eyes, one scroll, one Spirit, one Temple, one million creeping bones.

Daniel
I pray (each day) towards the city of the Son of Man; to him all kings (all things) shall bend like grass in the wind.

Hosea
She has given birth. Another son! Tenderly her humiliated husband gathers the little prophecy into his arms.

Joel
Through the cracks in our broken hearts the grasshoppers have come swarming in.

Amos
Hallelujah! The Lord is here! Run for your lives!

Obadiah
I made you as numerous as the stars. Watch now while I rub out every star and wrap the world in darkness.

Jonah
When the prophet disobeys, even the fish of the sea are against him. When Nineveh repents, even the animals fast and pray.

Micah
We call you a minor prophet. But you are mountains rising behind mountains; all the world's wealth is minor next to you.

Nahum
Grinning from ear to ear, he sings a lament for the fall of Nineveh.

Habakkuk
He sings of joy in God's salvation, his face wet with indignant tears.

Zephaniah
Cry out with horror, for I will sweep you from the earth. Cry out with joy, for I will sweep you into my arms.

Haggai
After the return from exile, the prophets spoke in prose. It took captivity to wring the poetry from their souls.

Zechariah
If only you could have lived to see the day he read your scroll, and loved it, and told his friends to fetch a donkey.

Malachi
You've got a new temple; now get new hearts to go with it, before the temple's Lord appears and turns the tables on you.

Deutero-canonical writings
Tobit
In godless Nineveh one man keeps the faith alive, one cold grave at a time.

Judith
Ever noticed how men can lose their heads over the sight of a pretty woman?

Wisdom of Solomon
Surrounded by a harem of a thousand wives, Solomon yearns for his one true Bride.

Sirach
Adapt your life to Wisdom's discipline, for her yoke is easy and her burden is light.

Baruch
A pocket-size edition of the whole shebang – the Law, the Prophets, and the Writings.

Letter of Jeremiah
Some advice about idols: if it can't clean the birdshit off its own face, don't worship it.

Song of the Three Jews
Inside the fiery furnace, the three boys were so cool that they struck up a tune to keep warm.

Susanna
A side-splitting tale.

Bel and the Dragon
Too much greasy food is really, really bad for you.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 Esdras
It's complicated.

2 Esdras
Our dead children are playing hide and seek. Soon God will find them and they will come out giggling from their graves.

Prayer of Manasseh
This part of our liturgy was written by an idolatrous king. In church, even the gargoyles have a place.

1 Maccabees
The false god's broken altar is soaked in blood, for the Law has wielded a hammer.

2 Maccabees
It was God's wrath that made us feast and sing among strange gods. Now wrath is kindled into an apocalypse of mercy.

New Testament
Matthew
We thought his teaching was a mirror of God's Law, but we were wrong. The Law is the mirror, reflecting him.

Mark
Just as we were killing him, God whispered a secret. No one heard except the soldier who raised his bloodied hands in awe.

Luke
After careful research I have prepared an objective scholarly account of what happened. It all began with an angel...

John
Because we could not find the way to God, he used a spear to open a door in his side, and said, "Look, I am the way!"

Acts
Proof of the resurrection: the powers of this world submit to a handkerchief on which an apostle has blown his nose.

Romans
Adam lost it, Christ found it, the Spirit gives it, faith holds it, creation yearns for it, death yields to it.

1 Corinthians
When the last trump sounded we didn't hear it. We were too busy arguing and bragging about our spirituality.

2 Corinthians
O how I love you, you darling scalawags, you dear sweet blockheaded scoundrels, you infuriating puppies!

Galatians
We felt insecure without our chains so we hired experts to repair them. Then Paul came back, wielding a sledgehammer.

Ephesians
When the human race had split apart, God (who loves to renovate) took wood and nails and fastened it back together.

Philippians
Even in chains, Paul is freer than wild horses. Even in prison, his joy is boundless as the skies.

Colossians
God assembled all the pieces of the universe as one huge jigsaw puzzle, a perfect picture of Christ.

1 Thessalonians
In Christ there is no night but only one eternal morning in which the living and the dead awake and embrace.

2 Thessalonians
When I told you, brothers, that he's coming back soon, what I really meant was soonish.

1 Timothy
Dear Paul, Thanks for your letter & for all the advice. The part about wine: ok! The part about women: huh? Yours, Tim.

2 Timothy
The dying apostle writes his will: "To my dear son Timothy I leave all that I possess: my gospel and these chains."

Titus
Don't adapt the gospel to your life. Adapt your life to the pattern of the gospel.

Philemon
Then one day, for the first time in history, a slave and his master cried out in stunned recognition: "Brother!"

Hebrews
Look in the mirror to see the face; follow a shadow to find the thing; wade through blood to a place where bloodshed ceases.

James
Faith is a picture taken by the beggar at your door, not a selfie.

1 Peter
In the midst of a strange land all the strangers assembled in one place, and called it Home.

2 Peter
"Paul's letters are hard to understand": the calm judgment of a pseudonymous letter full of riddles and obscurities.

1 John
Love is the order of things; hatred is rebellion against reality.

2 John
Pure spiritual love is a delusion. Love has come among us in the flesh. It's with our bodies that we walk in love's way.

3 John
Oh my dear friend, I need to see you face to face to tell you what love means. Love can't be sent by mail.

Jude
If ever the world is burned to ashes in a nuclear holocaust, let the last human being recite the epistle of Jude, and die.

Revelation
When she finally arrived at the wedding, she kissed him and said, "Sorry I'm late. The traffic was hell."
 
Member
Wow! Some of that is rightly profound. Could peek the interest of some of those tweeters.lol
 
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