Now that is a normal walk
[thinking] of a "Child of GOD" growing into "maturity". keys words you said:
"but more and more INTENSELY now.", [It is a mix of sadness, confusion, and dread.]
American Standard Version
"For in much wisdom is much grief; and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow."
As you continue to grow in Christ, you will even begin to weep, in private. and public sometime, and you will see the "Great Gulf" in between.
And some may ask you, what is wrong? Your answer: oh, no nothing, I was just thinking, for there is no use, explaining, They are "DEAD" IN Their Trespasses and sins. you know you cannot send them to a church building, for your are "The TEMPLE of GOD" and you know, They do not what to hear the Message of "JESUS CHRIST" who You are to "PROCLAIM" to The WORLD and they do not want to hear it. And you are not supposed to force it on them, But only to those who ask you, about "That HOPE" that lies in you. Those will know that you are a "CHILD of The LIVING GOD" and you do not have to say nothing, For "GOD" will send them to you, you will cross path. That is why you must be ready.
you are beginning to:
New American Standard Bible
that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and
the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death;
New American Standard Bible
but to the degree that you share the sufferings of Christ, keep on rejoicing, so that at the revelation of His glory you may also rejoice and be overjoyed.
Note:
You will come to know why,
"Jesus Wept", Before he raise Lazarus from the tomb. "for GOD will teach you why" 'You have to feel it, what HE felt and this ios how you are being mold into the image of Christ by your "Father" which are in Heaven.
NASB 1977
"He was despised and forsaken of men,
A man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief; And like one from whom men hide their face, He was despised, and we did not esteem Him."
Berean Study Bible
And we,
who with unveiled faces all reflect the glory of the Lord, are being transformed
INTO HIS IMAGE WITH INTENSIFYING GLORY,
WHICH comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.
The world does good deeds. eveyday. In great numbers. But our deeds are different. We Suffer by walking in "SANCTIFICATION and "HOLINESS". and that why we are here. As You suffer and grow as you are now, GOD your Father will SHOW you. This World is only a Shaping FURNACE for us. And that is all it is.

And that is why GOD had The SON to create it. "TEMPORAL" Outside of This, it is "VANITY"
And Humanity cannot except this. But they do not know GOD. They think, HE is like them. Or they are like HIM. No way,
But we will
Imperative Indicative.
American Standard Version
but
sanctify in your hearts
Christ as Lord: being ready always to give answer
TO EVERY MAN THAT ASKETH YOU A REASON CONCERNING THE HOPE THAT IS IN YOU, yet with meekness and fear:
Have a Good day.
You are "The TEMPLE of GOD" now SANCTIFY in your being "CHRIST as LORD".
If
"CHRIST" is in you ,Then, give it to THEM! To those who ask. Just be ready. And know what you are talking about.