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Where Have I Gone Wrong?

First and foremost, let me say hello to all of you. I am new here. I really enjoy the looks of this community, and I would like to thank all of you, certainly the website owner, for allowing something good like this to be available for all of us. In respect to the following questions, I can only hope that I've chosen the right room to put this one in, so please forgive me if I've put this in the wrong place. I must also apologize if the grammar is going to be a bit hit and miss here, have to try to make this quick based on the great length of what I plan to write (I'll only do this one time-ie, one this long).

Before I begin, I want to make it very clear to everyone that I WANT TO BELIEVE IN GOD. God is my obsession in life, as is the case for most here, I suspect. Thankfully, I still do, but I have managed to confuse myself so deeply in certain areas that I just don't know how to get myself out of this.

I love the Jesus Christ that I've always known in life. I love my Father dearly. Today, there tends to be so much focus on "Good vs. evil," "Right vs. wrong," etc, which is all justified, I know. However, I've always believed that when one takes the time to truly focus on Christ and His message of love, its very power defeats the temptation of evil in its tracks.

When you stand in the light with Jesus, there is nothing more beautiful, nothing more perfect. In other words, I have a hard time believing that anyone that honestly loves Jesus and accepts the fact that He's always there for the Christian, I just have a hard time believing that there warrants much consideration for the world "Evil" under such circumstances, you know. I don't see how the devil's power could ever sneak in when a person stands so strongly beside Christ, and believes in His love. Unfortunately, I also know that the devil is lying in hiding waiting to pounce every chance he gets.

I WANT JESUS TO BE THERE, there's absolutely nothing more important to me than to know that He's really there, and that His message of love and hope is exactly what I've always believed it to be.

Last night, I watched an older, well, a middle aged West Virginia man speak about some of the events surrounding the mining tragedy. At first, it was my human nature to sit back in shock a little bit due to some of the poor vocabulary that he was using, etc. By the end of the interview, however, I thought more of that man than I probably have just about any other person I've come across lately outside of my family, etc, whether it be on TV or in person, and that is because of the fact that His loving, peaceful Christian manor stood out strongly. He was upset about what had happened, obviously, but the little guy just seemed to be such a humble Christian, a true servant. I've always admired people like him.

That interview reminded me of the Bible verse that mom has referenced on several different occassions through the years, the verse that involves the requirement to maintain a childlike faith in Him.

My mom was the only person in my family to have not graduated from college, even though her wisdom surpasses everyone else's in my family. Furthermore, she went on to have a successful professional career, despite not having a degree. And that's the funny thing about life, that always seems to be the way things work. Her heart is bigger than anyone else's I know of, too, and therefore she has been the biggest blessing that He's given me in life.

In 2001, I graduated from a four year liberal university system with a degree in Business. Unfortunately, I continue to be plagued by so much of what I was "Told" back than, and let me specify that word, because being told something doesn't mean it's the truth. Specifically, it was the wording of one professor in particular that caused so much of the trouble for me.

And it's at this point that "Good ole' wisdom" enters in, one of the "esteemed benefits" of having attended a university system, you know~. Compare the following "Wisdom" to that I described up above, and you'll see that "Wisdom" isn't always what it's cracked up to be.

The professor I mention told us either John or Mark had attended Plato or Aristotle's school some 2000 years ago (Alledging that they were merely poets more than anything else). Also, it was two years ago now that I rented the "Gospel of John," which, to my surprise, mentioned that John wrote his chapter some 40 years or more after the days Christ walked the earth. At that point, I found myself asking how anybody would have the ability to quote Christ some 40 years after the accounts of His life had taken place.

And than there's Hippocrates, another of the greek figures. "The father of medicine," staunch supporter back in the day of using apple cider vinegar to cure a variety of ailments. As a matter of fact, the Bible is filled with several different areas that seem to support this or that herbal remedy for curing this or that condition. Other parts seem to almost be "Coded" (IE-12000x12000=144000-what's that supposed to mean, you know)? Than there's the knowledge that the process of fermentation dates back to the beginning of time, etc, and you begin to get really scared about things.

Furthermore, there are some of those that alledge that the Bible is the works of the ever famous "Secret Society," a project designed to leave the greater population focused on what they must do at a personal level while other elitists take advantage of such through the centuries for economic gain, power, etc.

It was a year ago now that I made a very genuine prayer to the Lord. I asked Him to come back into my heart, my life and guide me, I have repented for my sins, and I thank Him everytime that I pray for the wonderful life that He's given to my family.

Over this time period, however, I have become someone that I'm not comfortable being. Before, it was my goal to go out in life and do Christ's work for Him, I wanted to do what was inside my heart that I felt was in line with His wishes for me.

Today, however, I find myself spending nearly every waking hour suddently jumping into constant "Forgive me's" over the slightest possible wrong image or idea that may surface in my mind from time to time. I have, undoubtedly, become a better person, I think, at least in terms of something in line with being more of a moral person at an individual level, but now I find myself spending the vast majority of my time consumed in deep thought about whether or not the Father that I've always loved deep down so dearly truly exists, or might have been an image of invention for those with sinister personal motives. And to ask yourself that type of question everday absolutely breaks your heart. You can't imagine how difficult it is to believe in His message so clearly, yet have that type of thought on your conscious. It just eats you up.

The guilt that comes with the onset of that type of disloyalty eats away at the soul more than anything else ever could. You stop and wonder what you have become, you ask yourself what kind of mess you've gotten yourself into, and worst of all, you don't know how to get yourself out of the trap. It's as if you have created your own personal hell, one that you cannot escape from, regardless of the positive past that you've had in respect to the personal relationship with Him.

The belief and peace of His love has vanished, somehow, someway, and what has entered is everything that I never would've imagined I'd become-relentless fear of what may come tomorrow, or the next day, an obsessive compulsive mindset that tends to be focusing solely on the repentance of individual sins in short form prayers that really serve no purpose at all (We are asked to be completely honest and sincere in our prayers. Bursting into a quick, "Forgive me, forgive me" seems a bit self centered to me, greedy, but that's exactly what I find myself doing now.)

I still do have hope, I haven't given up. I've had three or four experiences take place in my life (Miracles) that I will never doubt were brought about by His hand, His love. The bottomline, I guess, is that if I could just ever return to the life I once had, back when the ideology was far more simple, yet had so much more meaning, than this would all be over with.

Before, the mission was to love your enemies, embrace the fallen, care for the poor and broken hearted. Personal sin had to be recognized, but not dwelled upon day and night like this. The worse thing that anybody could've told someone like me came from some guy a while back that said a person was making a big mistake if we were to believe that we were all not supposed to do exactly as Christ did, in reference to his ability to fight off all of the devil's temptations over the 40 day period in the woods.

I must admit that I am happier now that I've managed to improve on my sinful human nature. Again, however, I have to question what's gone wrong if that's the only thing I'm doing now day and night (Between that and trying to determine the true intentions of one or two of the Bible's authors, all of which was brought about by a self indulged professor and quacks on the internet-but it's my test of faith, my duty to overcome these things, I understand that).

"Read the Scripture, and find your peace." I can't. I want to, in more ways than one, but right now I can't.

I'm telling you, if you pick up on a story on the national news in the coming days about some crazy guy in MN hanging out of a tree in a park in the nude decked out in a Batman outfit, that'll be me. That's how close I am to a nervous breakdown with this.

I've read from Exodus, John, Matthew, and Revelations recently, and that caused a panic attack on the spot, you know. It's good to fear God, we have to fear God. But that's about the only part I focus on now with all of this, and I'm obviously doing something wrong, given what I've become.

Part of the soul dies when any type of question like this surfaces, you know. The pain that comes with this type of questioning nails you in two different ways-the personal guilt, being one, the obvious pain of considering alternative theories being the other.

The sad part about it is that I never would've had any of these types of questions pop up if it wasn't for the world we live in today. On the one end we have those that mock Him, on the end we find certain individuals that I've become very dissapointed with, those that call out His name in public but than reduce medicare payments to poor senior citizens, etc.

I lost consciousness a couple of years ago, of all things, and sometimes I swear that none of this is real, this life. There are times I honestly believe that I wound up in hell, that I did something wrong along the way before in life.

We finally get a Christian movement going in this country, but I just don't like what I see about it in certain capacities, and I think a lot of people feel that way whether they admit it or not, and that's probably my biggest issue. "You're going to hell!" "Death to the homosexuals."

"The ultimate thing you can do to honor me is to love your enemy."
I believe that a pretty Special Person once said that, but I find almost none of that in the current movement.

Though we certainly cannot approve of sin, it seems that just about everybody on the face of the earth has forgotten that we were merely put here to serve Him and His cause. I never heard Christ say that we had the right to judge others. I always thought that was God's job.

Today, it almost seems that it's more important for me to worry about not looking at the girl walking into the gas station, something that I hadn't necessarily made a habbit of before, mind you, but now I consciously am "On guard" for sin at all times.

Somebody help me, please. Somebody help me figure this out. Where have I gone wrong? Or was it God's intention for me to simply sit here and do nothing for the needy or the meek, and worry only about my own goodwill by locking myself up in the basement, you know?

After reading from the Bible and comparing it to the relationship I at one time had with Christ, I sometimes ponder whether or not some of it might have been meant as a test for us, in and of itself, the Bible I mean. Afterall, why do so many walk away with its message of love and hope, while others focus more on the "Right vs wrong, good vs evil" quality?

I still love Jesus Christ as much as I ever did, and I will always love Him that way. That's my Dad, that's the Father I love, you know, and I honestly think that's where I have to leave it. I don't think that I have the personal power to dive into the rest of the Bible. I can't handle the contradictory nature of certain passages; I"m tired of asking myself fifty questions everyday like this.

Furthermore, I miss certain aspects of my old life. They'll be no porno orders or anything like that, but you know, I loved "There's Something About Mary." They could've cut out a couple of scenes, certainly, but I laughed pretty good at that one, in the former life. "Plains, Trains, and Autos," "Father of the Bride," etc. They're good movies, they're funny. I'm not going to be able to make it through life watching PBS and the Sound of Music every week, I know that much, you know?

I can only pray that some of you might be able to help me figure some of this out. As you can see, I'm at a complete loss. I have never, ever been so confused about anything in my life. I've spent the past year wondering whether or not I'm doing good or wrong with nearly every action or thought I take/have, and I've continually beat myself up and down throughout the process for having these types of questions in the first place. For my sins, etc. It's getting to the point where I don't know what planet I'm even on anymore half the time.

Quite clearly, I dearly thank any of those that might be able to help me, in advance. Thank you so, so much for taking the time to read this. I look forward to any of the responses I might be able to get back. Take care, may His love be with you.
hi mccarty :love: Welcome to TalkJesus :love: I havent read it all yet, I will read over it again :love: . . .but I really really wanted to *hug* you HI & WELCOME :love: you seem to want to do so much right . . .and the more you do, the more confused you get. . .i look at you and see a mouse in a wheel . . .not able to stand still and breathe :love: God loves you and waits for your free time and your heart :love: may all here at TJ and ppl around you will be of help and guidance to you :love: May your stressed out body and soul find the refreshing water of life here at TalkJesus :love: I pray for Gods blessing hand on you right now and praise Jesus for leading you here :love: Enjoy your stay :love: Welcome home :love:
Brother, I think that was one of the most refreshingly honest and soul wrenching letters I have ever read. It might surprise you to learn that some of us do know exactly how it is to live with the pain of these questions eating you up inside, and I only hope that you do find some comfort in knowing that. There are some, perhaps many, that I have no doubt will read this, who will be greatly encouraged in knowing they are not alone in this experience, so I tell you God is going to use the very thing you are going thru to help others overcome!

Others here may be able to address your emotional anguish better than I, but I want you to know that all that you have shared can be summed up as a long hard trial of your faith. Faith is the one, singular most important thing to us in this world, and the thing the the enemy of our souls attacks the most ferosiously! Satan, the one who opposes anything and all that God Is, can try to wreck havoc in many areas of our lives, and never defeat us, but he knows we are defeated if he can destroy our faith.

There is only one way to overcome him in this, and it is by "Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;" 2Co 10:5

We do this thru the power of prayer. Thats it, you give this battle to God in prayer, and then He goes to battle for you. Give up thinking theres anything you can do besides that. Gods has told us, that it is not by our own might that we overcome the enemy, but by His Spirit! Then He has given you this sure word of promise,( one I would stake my life, and my own personal testimony on) that He will win you the victory.

Eph 6:10 Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand...Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication ;

1Co 15:57 But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

1Jo 5:4 For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world: and this is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith.

1Pe 1:5 Who are kept by the power of God through faith unto salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.
1Pe 1:6 Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations:
1Pe 1:7 That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:

1Pe 5:9 Whom resist stedfast in the faith, knowing that the same afflictions are accomplished in your brethren that are in the world.
1Pe 5:10 But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you.

You said that you were past university, but I think theres a book that will still greatly help answer some questions that plague you, or perhaps someone else who reads this that is struggling with their faith because of secular teaching. This book comes highly recommended and you should be able to find it at your favorite bookstore, or even on the authors website.
Robert Morey is one of the worlds most renowed Bible Scholars and Christian faith defenders, having refuted many of those same 'wise professors' you mention, many times over! God bless you and keep you.

"How to Keep Your Faith While in College" A survival guide for Christians while in college or university. It lays out the Christian world and lifeview on many subjects.

"I'm telling you, if you pick up on a story on the national news in the coming days about some crazy guy in MN hanging out of a tree in a park in the nude decked out in a Batman outfit, that'll be me."

"I'm not going to be able to make it through life watching PBS and the Sound of Music every week, I know that much, you know? "

You see man you aint crazy the insane don't have that much of a sense of humor

"I can't handle the contradictory nature of certain passages; I"m tired of asking myself fifty questions everyday like this. "

If say your mother,brother and best friend each wrote a book about your life would each tell the same story? They would most likely be different but true as they relate to you.May I suggest a study Bible or a Bible study group.

Like Coco said you have expressed what many feel or have felt at one time or another in their walk. Relax man God loves you and wants the best for you his child.He isn't up there with a giant magnifying glass ready to draw a bead on you and melt ya like a plastic army man.
Your thoughts remind me of the turmoil Martin Luther was in while studying to be a priest. He would walk around rambling at God and talking about his own sin as he constantly sins. I would suggest you begin reading some of his writings on grace and rightieousness.
Where have you gone right

:rose: Hey Mccarty: Peace be to you. You write with such elegance. Your mother sounds beautiful and inspirational. Doubting is okay and normal, in our growth to love our Lord Jesus Christ.
I think that what Jesus was trying to tell us, is that when we put our faith in Him, we are dead to sin. What does that mean Mccarty. We still sin and all fall short of the glory of God. It means that sin has no control over us.
Jesus had a strong prayer to His Father, before He died and He asked that we not be taken from this world, but rather keep the evil one from us. Remind the Lord of this when you pray. We still have to function in this world, but I pray for both you and I that the evil one does not interfere.
Put your faith in Jesus. Treat Him as your greatest Brother. He is a gentle man, the Son of God and all that both Him and the Father ask from us, is that we believe in Him and follow two commandments. 1. Love your neighbour as yourself and 2. Love our Father with all of our hearts and souls.
Keep praying, keep perservering and gosh darnit, what else can you do but keep loving our Father.
Love the Lord and read His word. I love God and sometimes I suffer because I do, but I still know that I am so much better off loving God, than to be empty and without Him. I can tell by the flavour of your letter, that you really can't doubt too much either. You are blessed by knowing Him. I would never give up, I couldn't.
It is going to be a world full of persecution for Christians, I have already seen how terribly they can be treated. I pray that the Holy Spirit comes into you and strengthens you, so that you can pass this strength on to your very own family. What an empty world it would be without God.
This is a really nice Christian site. When you need spiritual guidance, folks here will be willing to help you. Take care and keep yourself in the strength of your faith. Amen:pixie
"I pray that the Holy Spirit comes into you and strengthens you, so that you can pass this strength on to your very own family. What an empty world it would be without God." Amen and amen!
I completely relate to this. Nearly every word.
Grace is all that gives me peace.

At the start of each day I try to pray to be more christlike and thank God for the new day. At the end of each day I say "Sorry In messed up" And try to remember Grace. I cannot be perfect!!

On a practical level I feel I love time alone but actually think I crack up with too much thinking time. Live and Love, get out there and while you do thank God for each happy moment and ask for help when the fear begins to consume you. I loved studying philosophy and think it's so good to think and question even if it is just to hold more conviction when talking to others about your beliefs but don't let it consume you.

1. Live life with focus on Love, Peace, Joy and Hope .
2. When it's hard accepting yourself/ God remember Grace.
3. And when no-one else has answers when the darkest hour hits you
heart. God's right there for you.
4. Remember though human contact - love ... that's where God is present the most.

God is love
God is love
God is love
God is love
God is love
:love: :love: :love: :love:

I do tell you this as a hypocrite as I hide away today thinking but as it eats away I already know the answers. It's easier to step outside and answer others than step away from the fear yourself. I hope it provides comfort at the least but I think the answer is LIVE and LOVE.
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one piece...I hope

mccarty said:
I can only pray that some of you might be able to help me figure some of this out.

mccarty, brother,

In genisis 3 there is a promice to Mankind through Adam and Eve, "I will put emnity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed..." yes this has to do with messiah and his death destroying satan, but there is a piece of this that God gave me at a time like you describe above.

When satan comes to us to destroy us there is "emnity" between us. That part is obvious, but the source of it makes a difference. We don't create it and satan doesn't; God places it there. The faith I have in my Lord is not of my oun creation; God gave it to me when I was saved. If it had been of my oun doing, than satan could have destroyed it. When I realised that all of his efforts were in vain, because God had placed the emnity with his faith, and satan could not undo what God had done: Then my fears were redirrected, first from my enemy, then from myself, and then to God,who alone is to be feared. Satan had wanted me first to fear him for that is the beginning of worship. That failing, he wanted me to fear my weaknesses against him, and, oh, I so very was. This stratagy is to fearfully manage my flesh by my flesh to keep positive, think right, and avoid the knock-out blowes. The understanding that God was dirrectly responcible for emnity deeply and greviously felt lifted my eyes up to Him...this was His doing, and the victory assured, and satan defeated not because of me, but because the whole work was Gods, and he does not fail.

I know this is skimpy, just a piece of it, hope it helps some...DGB
figuring it out

Hi Mccarty,

Thank you for your honest post and I hope that what people have posted ministers to you an encourages you. Good stuff from people! I just wanted to tack on something I heard a guy talking about a few days ago that might be helpful to you. But most of all I do think that, and I have to remind myself of this - the peace of the Lord that surpasses all understanding is something that comes when you can just be comfortable being with Him. And I don't think that is something that we control or think ourselves into. As far as anxiety goes and I would suggest some deep breathing and just letting Him come to you in a quiet place. As Sleepy said, He is love and I hope He just loves on you.

Anyway, I guess you must be familiar with the story in Matthew about the rich young ruler who came to Jesus, saying that he obeyed all the commandments and what could he do to become perfect. Jesus tells him that he needs to give away all he owns and then the man goes away sad.

For the first time, I heard a sermon about this that had nothing to do with possessions. The man said he wondered where that rich young ruler went after that and he mediated just on this passage for awhile, trying to place himself back in time, in this ruler's shoes.

He figured that the young man went away, but probably didn't abandon Jesus, probably hung out nearby, on the periphery. Not too close, because Jesus asked too much, but not too far, since he knew Jesus was the way.

He went on to say that he wonders about the Christians on the periphery. They start to get drawn close to God and then when they see the muck of their life - it is too much. So they go away sad. Lingering close but, not asking Him anymore.

Now I am not saying this is what you are doing. Just from what I have read, it reminds me of the difference between dwelling in the negative and sitting still. Like the old saying, if God is operating on you, don't get up from the table.

Somtimes I just gotta be. Be with others, be by myself, but be with Him. Be the imperfect thing He's working with. Allow myself to be a mess so that He can change me. Not all at once. Kinda like when the sun goes down and it isn't a dramatic - lights out - it's dusk and much more beautiful that way. And I don't have to try and change the world around me - just gotta let Him do it.

Which may mean you can't figure it out. He'll show You. That's my 2 cents.
My dear faithful brother mccarty, I was so blessed to read your honest and heartfelt thread. I have struggled with this same conflict most all of my born again life, and not only me but all who are born again do struggle with the same conflict. Paul talked of this in his letter to the Romans7. 14For we know that the law is spiritual: but I am carnal, sold under sin. 15For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I. 16If then I do that which I would not, I consent unto the law that it is good. 17Now then it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me. The key verse that set me free is 17. I was bound by this conflict that rises up in all born again new believers so many years because I was taught that Paul was not speaking about his New Life experiance in Christ but his old life under the law since he said in verse 1 of Romans7 Know ye not, brethren, (for I speak to them that know the law,) how that the law hath dominion over a man as long as he liveth? Then as the Holy Spirit taught me to rightly devide the word of truth I realized I had to take all of what Paul says in context of the whole message. If he was talking about his old man experiance, then what he said in verse 22 of romans, "For I delight in the law of God after the inward man": would contadict what he says in verse 7 of chapter 8 in romans, "Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be". You see Paul is telling us that we will have this conflict of sin in our members against the New Creature in our Spirit. John tells us in 1 John 1 8If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. 9If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
10If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us. Then He says in 1 John3:9Whosoever is born of God doth not commit sin; for his seed remaineth in him: and he cannot sin, because he is born of God. Seems like a contradiction if we do no rightly devide the word of truth. The Lord has given me this understanding at this time, remember what I said that set me free Pauls statement in Romans 7: 17 Now then it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me. Because He realized that as a carnal man who was born again, being a new creature he had two natures now. One nature delights after the law of God, the new creature ofcourse, and the other is enmity against the law of God. The good news is we the new creature wait faithfuly for the redemtion of our bodys that still harbor sin. Romans 8: 23And not only they, but ourselves also, which have the firstfruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting for the adoption, to wit, the redemption of our body. This understanding that the evil inclinations in us are know longer us (New Creature) but the old sinful nature that is crucified with Christ, does not give the person a liscence to sin, because the New Creature is so thankful for Christs Love that he struggles against this old nature as you have brother mccarty. Keep struggling against it out of love and appreciation for your King and Redeemer because He has finished the work of your Salvation. Never put your faith in your struggling against sin, because Christ finished the work at calvary. Be set free from the condemnation of that old sinful nature which is nolonger you but just a passing away of what once was, and never will be again. The new creature in you that loves Jesus mccarty, Know that, that new creature does not sin, and is protected by the Almighty redeeming Blood of our God and protector, Jesus Christ the Lamb of God. As declared in 1 John3:9Whosoever is born of God doth not commit sin; for his seed remaineth in him: and he cannot sin, because he is born of God.1John2:1My little children, these things write I unto you, that ye sin not. And if any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous: 2And he is the propitiation for our sins: and not for ours only, but also for the sins of the whole world. I hope this helps you as much as it has in my life. Once I understood this then alot of the scriptures that I did not understand and were confusing to my understanding bcame crystal clear. May the God of Peace keep your heart and mind through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Brokenman, It is a joy to read your words. Double so, knowing where you have come from. Praise God for the Spirit of truth who leadeth us into all truth, and the riches of Jesus Christ from which he teaches us. How wise is our Father in heavn? So great salvation! ...DGB
Sleepy said:
I completely relate to this. Nearly every word.
Grace is all that gives me peace.

I must agree totaly with Sleepy.
As others here, I too was touched while reading your post. It really hit home. I have struggled with so many of the same things, with no apperent relief in site. However, when I read it from someone other than myself, suddenly I had wisdom on these matters. It was as if the Lord lifted th wool from my eyes. I believe that the Lord led you to this site in a way only he could understand, so that you could be a blessing for many of us hear. Hopefully, we will also be a blessing to you.

I will re-read and post at a later time, after some thoughful prayer.

God bless,
Thank You

I would really like to thank all of you for your wonderful, heartfelt responses. You all have very special hearts, those I can recognize are most certainly full of God's love.

I sincerely thank you for your responses, for taking the time to read through my lengthy post. I enjoy this place a lot, and look forward to spending more time here in the future.

Thanks again, my friends. God Bless.
Where have I gone wrong

Hi! Mccarty, I am in a learning process that begun thirty years ago.I know that the job that God has for me to do will come.I trust in his wisdom and when the time is right I believe that this job will be thrust toward me leaving me in no doubt that my time to do God`s wo rk has arrived.Looking back now over the years I know why the wait.I was willing and certainly had the heart,but I could never do the job intended for me without the understanding that God has given me through experience.I know the time is almost here that I will do what God has always wanted me to do.I am now just waiting for the day.God in his wisdom will give us our job to do .It may be in a minute,it may be in many years.Be patient and know that your anguish far from destroying you will actually strengthen you .God may have a special job for you or maybe it`s already happening.Your belief and honesty is truly inspiring.

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