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Whats wrong with me?

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Ok, well some of you know that i use to chat here, and i had issues with cutting. Well, use to isnt exactly true anymore. I seem to be constantly letting people hurt me. Also, i know i am far from God, but i have no desire to do anything about it. I just put it off and kick myself in the butt later for it. I use to have crying fits and panic attacks, but they seem to have gone away. Now usually i would say thats a good thing, but i am stuck in a state of "Depression" i guess and cant get the idea of cutting or running away or killing myself out of my head. Now please know, i would never kill myself. Even tho it is a thought i have, i couldnt do it, because i couldnt do that to my parents. That and i am selfish and dont want to go to hell. I dont konw whats going on with me..... i feel like i have no heart. The only emotions i seem to feel are anger and numbness.... if thats an emotion. I know that Jesus is coming back soon, and that i will probably not go to heaven since i feel this way, but i need one last attempt to try and fix this. If anyone knows what i could do, i would appriciate hearing from you. Not to sound rude, but i need advice, not friendship, so if all you intend to do is pray for me, i rather you not say anything.Sorry if that sounded rude.... that wasnt my intention
 
Member
Reba, I've been there, too.

A few years ago, I lost my faith completely. I took a class in Bible Prophesy at my university. The class put prophesy in context of what was happening at the time it was believed to have been written. Specifically, I was told that the statement in Isaiah 40:3, "A voice cries out: In the desert prepare the way of the LORD! Make straight in the wasteland a highway for our God" was written as a protest by the "Bob Dylan" of the day.

Well, this was quite a blow to the faith I'd been raised in. This verse of the Bible was a core tenet of the prophesy of the coming of Christ -- at least in my religious education. Was my whole faith a sham?

Within a week of this, I received my grade for my senior thesis. This was a year-long effort that consisted of one class across two semesters. I had to complete this to graduate. I arrived at the professor's door on a Friday afternoon and found that the grades had been posted (but the professor had left for the weekend). I scanned for my student ID number, found it and noticed the "F" next to my name.

I was feeling pretty down. I was scheduled to be commissioned as an active-duty military officer. I had tons of student loans. Not graduating would mean no commisison, no paycheck and no way to continue on. But I did have a decent life insurance policy through SGLI...

I thought about suicide. I thought about just jumping off a bridge and ending it all. I had hit rock bottom.

God acted to keep me from harming myself. I don't know how He did it. He kept me from giving up completely. Again, I don't know how He did it. He can do some pretty amazing things, though.

Monday came and I returned - without thinking about it - to the professor's office. She'd made an error on the grade sheet, apparently having the grades one line off from the student ID numbers. My life could continue, but my doubts about my faith persisted.

I immersed myself in a life of debauchery. Booze, sex and nightlife became my "religion." I wantonly abandoned women who fell in love with me for who I was (deep down inside). I cared not for God or for the Christian community of which I'd been a part. This road lasted about two years.

Again, though, God does amazing things...and He works at His own pace. I think He wanted to really teach me a lesson. And, just as things were really starting to get out of hand in my life, He placed a wonderful woman -- and her wonderful family -- into it. I allowed (how, I do not know) myself to love and be loved. I submitted entirely to the plan that I did not know was being written for my life.

I found God through the woman who was to become my wife. We have two wonderful children and we're now a part of a wonderful church. I have given up attempting to rush, ignore or fight the things that God wants me to do in my life. There are things that I do not like right now in my life (I hate my job and I work an overnight schedule...for one thing).

But, I do know that God hears my prayers and will ensure that what's right for me will happen. I just have to keep my eyes and ears open to see and hear His message.

Reba, God loves you. He is looking out for you. He may allow you to be in places or situations that are terrible. You may grow angry, sad or frustrated. One of the things I've learned is that God is the supreme teacher...a true father. You'll get where you want to be...even if you don't know where that place is right now.

Your brother in Christ,
Mike
 
Member
hi reba :love: we have never met and im not sure of how old you are and what kinda help you have already tried and what ideas you have heard so far . . .

so if you could pm me a little more info . . .saves time and misunderstandings :love: God bless your heart :love:
 
Member
hey reba....

i dont know where to start....and i dont know if that what im gonna write is going to be any
help for you at all...
i kinda understand what your feeling at the moment...i´ve been there too...
i think i cut myself like almost a year...and im not proud of it but i think that if i always keep it to myself i wont be able to help other people who are going through this...

i dont think there is anything wrong with you....i mean yeah of course its really not right and you have to stop.....i dont know the reasons for your depressions and i mean i dont have to know them.....but have you ever talked to your parents about your problem...
you know they can really be a help....

like my mom...she knows why i cut myself and all that...and she is helping my to stop...
and she looks at my arms and to prove her that i can make it without cutting i dont do it....just so that i wont dissapoint her....cause i mean if i had a daughter i wouldnt want her doing it...so yeah and my mom prays for me....and im really thankful for having a mom like that cause i mean she really cares heaps about me and loves me heaps....
but yeah....so mybe you should talk to your parents about it,.....i mean yeah its hard...but they usally know what to do....and they usally always have an advise....

and then....i know i should mybe be doing this....TALK TO GOD!!
that always helps...and always will..cause god is always there and understands everything...i mean he knows everything about you so you shouldnt be scared to talk to him!!!

well yeah i really hope that what i wrote kinda helps you....
god bless
kara
 
Member
My parents know... i had to tell them twice. the first time because my friend made me, and the second time cause i lied the first time when i said i was done. My mom only spoke to me about it once each time i told her. I am 19 by the way.
 
Member
Reba...I do not know very much about the "cutting" thing, but I'm sure many do it for various reasons. If causes harm to the the "temple" in which the Holy Spirit indwells. "Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you?" 1 Corinthians 3:16. You may struggle with a low self-esteem problem, but may I tell you that you are inferior to no one, but God. You are His creation...He knows all about you and loves you very much, in spite of yourself or what you think others think about you.

Many of us allow the devil to feed lies into our minds...we listen and agree with him, but his lies are against what God says about us. Depression is difficult to get out of, because we add to it by dwelling on the bad things (doom and gloom) of/in/around us. We have our "pity parties" and forget God and His power in the midst. He is always there...He doesn't leave us. He is waiting for us to talk to Him, fellowship with Him. Isaiah 59:1 says, "Behold, the LORD'S hand is not shortened, that it cannot save; neither his ear heavy, that it cannot hear:"

Peer pressure is the guideline that we put before ourselves...we do not "measure up" to the expectations of others, but we aren't supposed to. We are to live for God and not according to the ways of the world or mankind. Our examples are to be the Godly followers of Jesus portrayed in His word. Many will be praying for you, from near and far...it may just be a simple prayer whispered in haste, but nonetheless God will hear them all and I'm sure He can/will intervene on your behalf.

The "trying" to do/not do things, for most part, never works...it is/becomes self-effort. May I challenge you to begin "trusting" again...begin with God and branch out to those who love you. Find an accountibility partner. Be open and honest with yourself, your parents, your church, but most of all God. If necessary, seek professional Christian counseling. You can be strong. Please know you are loved by the family here and are being prayed for.

If I can be of help, please email me here. May God bless you!!!
 
Member
The Answer is simple but do you have the will?

Your problem is, that you let your natural emotions drive you nuts.

If you have the will, JESUS is the way.

JESUS is the Word of God. Will you obey God's word? Will you seek the righteousness of God?


Are you ready to be healed or do you just want your ears tickled? Let me know here and we can start.....:boy_hug: :girl: Now continue praying for God's help and I will get back to you when you are sure you are ready to start the healing process.


reba said:
Ok, well some of you know that i use to chat here, and i had issues with cutting. Well, use to isnt exactly true anymore. I seem to be constantly letting people hurt me. Also, i know i am far from God, but i have no desire to do anything about it. I just put it off and kick myself in the butt later for it. I use to have crying fits and panic attacks, but they seem to have gone away. Now usually i would say thats a good thing, but i am stuck in a state of "Depression" i guess and cant get the idea of cutting or running away or killing myself out of my head. Now please know, i would never kill myself. Even tho it is a thought i have, i couldnt do it, because i couldnt do that to my parents. That and i am selfish and dont want to go to hell. I dont konw whats going on with me..... i feel like i have no heart. The only emotions i seem to feel are anger and numbness.... if thats an emotion. I know that Jesus is coming back soon, and that i will probably not go to heaven since i feel this way, but i need one last attempt to try and fix this. If anyone knows what i could do, i would appriciate hearing from you. Not to sound rude, but i need advice, not friendship, so if all you intend to do is pray for me, i rather you not say anything.Sorry if that sounded rude.... that wasnt my intention
 
Member
TDS52, what you said deffinately made me want to give this whole thing another shot. I appriciate what you said to me. Yeshua, i also like what you said to me, but i dont know if i will ever be on talk Jesus enough for that to work. I do want healed, but as far as that goes, i know God has been telling me to kid my pride to the side and tell my parents, but i dont beieve i can make that step. Not yet..... things will get better. TDS, you seriously gave me a big boost of hope. :smile: Thank you all
 
Member

xr6

reba said:
Ok, well some of you know that i use to chat here, and i had issues with cutting. Well, use to isnt exactly true anymore. I seem to be constantly letting people hurt me. Also, i know i am far from God, but i have no desire to do anything about it. I just put it off and kick myself in the butt later for it. I use to have crying fits and panic attacks, but they seem to have gone away. Now usually i would say thats a good thing, but i am stuck in a state of "Depression" i guess and cant get the idea of cutting or running away or killing myself out of my head. Now please know, i would never kill myself. Even tho it is a thought i have, i couldnt do it, because i couldnt do that to my parents. That and i am selfish and dont want to go to hell. I dont konw whats going on with me..... i feel like i have no heart. The only emotions i seem to feel are anger and numbness.... if thats an emotion. I know that Jesus is coming back soon, and that i will probably not go to heaven since i feel this way, but i need one last attempt to try and fix this. If anyone knows what i could do, i would appriciate hearing from you. Not to sound rude, but i need advice, not friendship, so if all you intend to do is pray for me, i rather you not say anything.Sorry if that sounded rude.... that wasnt my intention

Hi Reba,
well done for posting.

you say.....................That and i am selfish and dont want to go to hell........................I know that Jesus is coming back soon, and that i will probably not go to heaven since i feel this way, but i need one last attempt to try and fix this.

Reba your salvation is not based on what you feel. Your salvation is based on what Jesus has done for you. The question you need to ask your self is "Have I accepted Jesus into my heart" If you have done that you belong to Jesus. No matter how you feel about yourself.

"For God so loved the world he gave his only son so that who ever believes in him shall not perish, but have everlasting life"..
"I tell you the truth, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and will not be condemned; he has crossed over from death to life" John 5:24
Pray on these verses Reba.

Are you going to fellowship??
When you are in fellowship God can work through those around you.

Have a you a friend that you can pray openly with?
open your heart to Jesus in prayer, by yourself and with a trusted friend.

Read your bible
My friend recently had his career come to an end. He turned to the word of God and a promise, a answer was there for him.

One of my best friends was cutting herself around 4 years ago. She was having panic anxiety attacks regularly. That has all stopped.

Reba you are so valuable to God that he sent his son to die for you.

My friend visited her Doctor and told them what was happening. This was a major turning point. If the first doctor cannot help you go to another doctor.
Please visit a trusted Doctor.

Get counselling Find a qualified or experienced Christain counsellor.
Reba, you can get through all of this.

Make sure you are eating well and getting enough sleep.

In summary: Get God involved in this situation,by being involved in fellowship, by praying, praying with others, reading your bible, getting counsel and see a Doctor.

My friend has come through. She does not cut her self anymore. She does not make attempts on her life anymore.

Reba, Our Lord Jesus is for you.

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7
 
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Member
Yeshua, i need to correct what i said... I dont want to dismiss your help, which now i see is what it looks like i was saying. In my head, i was kinda hoping you would say... well we could continue to talk though email or maybe through talk jesus even if it doesnt happen very often. I was just stupid and didnt say that. So if i made it sound like i dont want your help, i apologise
 
Member
To Start.....

1.) You need to get your mind off your problems. This will take practice and diligence.


For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. Rom. 8:6

That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts; And be renewed in the spirit of your mind; Eph. 4:22-23

And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. Rom. 12:2


Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Phil. 4:8

Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee. Isaiah 26:3

(listening too and or reading the New Testiment is a great help in this.)Most of all stop fellowshiping with your problems by staying focused on them instead of God.)(If you will let JESUS heal you he will)

reba said:
Yeshua, i need to correct what i said... I dont want to dismiss your help, which now i see is what it looks like i was saying. In my head, i was kinda hoping you would say... well we could continue to talk though email or maybe through talk jesus even if it doesnt happen very often. I was just stupid and didnt say that. So if i made it sound like i dont want your help, i apologise
 
Member

Eve

Reba,

I had everything and something was still missing! Until I found God when I was 28. My best advise is to try to fill your life with positive instead of negative. You need positive routines. A fervent church to go regularly to is the first one. Start honouring your body, drink plenty of water to detox your system every day. Eat regularly sensible foods not artificial sugary foods, get your sugar naturally. Have 5 portions of fruit veg. Make sure you sleep well. Exercise will help you to release aggression and negative emotion, I have found that competitive sports help most in this way but each to their own. Apparently, scientists have recently found that if you eat fish a couple of times a week you significantly reduce your likely hood of getting depression (takes several weeks doing this I think to start making a difference). Apparently ginger is also a good anti-depressant (I have a gingerbread man from the local bakers to dunk in my herbal tea, don't know if that counts). Oh avoid caffeine. The other things you will notice more quickly. I have found that joining the church badminton team has released a lot of pent up aggression inside me!!!!Oh and talk it out with people, even if it is just here at TJ, that's a start.

The above sounds a big effort, you may want to adopt other strategies for dealing with things or adopt these ones bit by bit, remember to do what you think would be best suited to you, the motivation for these strategies comes from knowing the alternative is worse!

Hope this helps.

God Bless
 
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Member
Hi reba

I would like to take this opportunity to say that there is nothing wrong with you. You are experiencing enemy bombardment. Basically Im not saying that what you feel isnt from you, we all get depressed from time to time, that is natural, but we recover from it and move on. However, unfortunately Satan has other plans. Your emotions are targeted and when that happens sometimes we leave ourselves open he can Augment or accentuate that particular emotion, ie: if you are depressed he can lock you in that state for an indefinite period if and stir up a whirlwind of emotions within you to such an extent that you literally feel like itsgoingto rip through you. However, this is where you can choose to strike back. Take your rage and aggression and aim it straight at your enemy. First of all if you want to fight and claim back what is yours which is peace of mind and joy etc... you need to accept your salvation as someone above said. That is one of the very first tactics Satan will use to ensnaire you, encourage you to doubt that you are forgiven and that God doesnt love you. This couldnt be more wrong, it is stated 150 times in the New Testament that God views the saved sinner from that instant (accepting him) as united to Christ. From then on he is said to be "in Christ". Viewing the saved sinner "in Christ" simply means that the infinitely holy God from the moment of Salvation, looks upon him as being united to his Son. God see's him therefore, in all the holiness and infinite perfections of His Son, whose very righteousness is imputed, or reckoned, to the believing sinner (Philippians 3:9,2 Corinthians 5:21).
It is at this point that confusion is interjected in the minds of so many believers. They fail to see that this is positional truth - truth that applies to the mind and reckoning of God, and concerns the unchangeable placement of the believer in Christ as the result of Christ's redemptive work on the cross.
In an era of rampant occultism and increased demon activity,great perplexity exists among many christians concerning the extent to which Satan and demonic forces can enter and control the life of a believer. Many christains naively assume that the potential of Satanic power in the life of the regenerated is practically nil. They live in a sort of fools paradise, imagining that becoming christians magically shields them from satanic attack or demonic invasion.
Other believers hold a more realistic view. They are fully convinced that satanic powers may not only tempt and attack but that, if they are not repulsed, they may affect the saint's and do serious harm in his experience. They may influence him, delude him, despoil him. Always however,they attack the saint from without, but never exercising total control him.
To hear many believers speak today of the powers of darkness one would conclude that becoming a christian automatically shields a person, if not from satanic and demonic attack, then certainly from demonic invasion and despoilment. But if satan and demons can do attack,which hardly any instructed and experienced christian can deny, the question must be squarely faced:What happens if satanic and demonic onslaught s are not resisted? Will the powers of evil merely leave the believer alone simply because he is in christ?
A still more pressing problem remains. What happens if not only an attack is not countered but the fortress of the believers position in christ is unguarded and the doors left wide openby flagrant disobedience?
Careful facing of the issues in the light of the Word reveals that the experience of salvation furnishes no magical protection against satan and demons. Salvation, however, does provide miraculous protection (God working supernaturally). And what the difference there is between the two.
This miraculous protection is the result of appropriating the power of God. The Holy Spirit who indwells the believer is the power of God. He is "greater" than Satan and his hosts who are "in the world" (1 John 4:4),and he effects victory in the believer on the basis of the believers faith in what they are in christ and so do not count on that position do not enjoy automatic protection from demonic despoilment and intrusion.
Recently I spoke with a group of bible believing group of christians who regularly have the word expounded by competent teachers. One of the believer an able musician and bible student. Having serious domestic problems,this believer shied away from a realistic consideration of a subject he declared was negative and depressing. Evidently wearied with the spiritual battle, he wanted to hear no more about war with its ravages and casualties. Peace and victory were what he desired to hear.
But this person overlooked the fact that he was succumbing to one of Satans deceptions: "forget me and my maneuvers, and I'll leave you alone!". It is perilous to ignore the adversary. The apostle Paul realized that. "We are not ignorant of his schemes" (2 Corinthians 2:11), he declared. It is equally hazardous not to stand against the enemy. The apostle realized that fact too, "Therefore take up the full armour of god, that you may be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything,to stand firm. Stand firm therefore" (Ephesians 6:13-14)
Im being ushered off the net so Im going to have to go however, if you need me feel free to email me, any time. You are all welcomed. If you need anything, even if its just to chit chat then Im here. Also,I hope this helps at least a little. God bless.

Ivan
 
Member
hey Reba...
i came on here looking for someone who i could relate to... get some advice for myself... clearly selfish reasoning!!!! and then i read wat u said... and i understood wat u meant. ive been cutting for about 6 months. and desperately trying to stop. i know how it feels to have people threaten to tell ur parents... (im 16 btw) and i know how much thoughts can hurt u.
im finding peace in resting in Jesus tho. wat ive found doesnt help is people threatening to tell others... but it is good to have someone who u can really confide in. i talk to my youth pastor alot. she's been absolutely amazing.
and dont feel like youve done something worse than anyone else. everyone has coping mechanisms... you and i just seem to have a less socially acceptable one... some people overeat... some people exercise constantly...we just need to learn where to direct our energies.
and to everyone else who has posted on this thread thanks... the advice has been really great... and helpful. i really hope things improve for you Reba... keep trustin in Jesus... he will get us through...
 

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