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What happened to me?

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Hey there, my name is Emmy. But I don't even know who that is anymore.

I felt happy with my life when my husband and I got married eight months ago today. We had dated for about 2 1/2 years. We weren't only a couple but we were truly best friends. We still are. We were only married a month before he was shipped off to San Diego, CA to become a United States Marine.
It's all he ever talked about wanting to do, even before we started dating. I hated the mention of it. Every time I heard someone ask what he wanted to do with his life, my heart cringed and I usually had to walk away. He graduated boot camp, MCT, and now he is at his job schooling and my chest still sinks at the mention of it. I am so proud of this incredible man God has given to me. I'm proud of all he's accomplished, of the man he is. Please don't think I'm not. But my gosh, this is not where I ever wanted my life to be. I'm alone. I'm such an emotional wreck 24/7. Though we are so happy together and love each other more and more every day, my anxiety or depression or whatever it is that is drowning me is causing us to argue over the simplest of things.
So I have two jobs in result of this. "Keep busy." "You need to get out more." "You need a job." But honestly? I feel WORSE being around people. I shake when I have to speak. My heart won't stop racing when it comes to anything to do with people. Nothing I do takes my mind off the fact that my husband is thousands of miles away from me, and nothing has ever hurt me so bad in all of my life.
I am such a mess. I feel like I've lost myself, my husband, and my grip on life. I feel like I have no purpose. What kills me is that I KNOW it should not be this hard. I watch tons of women go through this same thing, most of them their husbands are over seas. I feel weak in knowing that I can't even handle him being in a safe environment where I am able to speak to him every day. What is wrong with me?

I know this is probably SO unimportant to plenty of people out there, just another tear in the ocean. I just needed a place to vent my feelings. Should there be a few who care, thank you for hearing my cry. I just ask you pray for me. Please. That's all I need.

Blessings to you all,

Emmy
 
Member
Greetings and God's Peace Emmy. I will indeed pray for You and Your husband. His choice of profession is honorable, and by it's nature will put him in harm's way... so it is quite understandable that you are anxious about it.
If I may make a suggestion, one thing that always helps me in times of stress and depression; I take the time to help another. I simply find it not possible to share the Love of God and be depressed about it... nor to assure another that the Lord is in control without myself getting comforted by that fact as well. We are not alone. The Lord is with us wherever we are, He never leaves or forsakes his Own and His Spirit and Grace are sufficient for all our needs.
I pray that the Lord watches over your husband, that He speaks Peace to You.
 
Member
Greetings and God's Peace Emmy. I will indeed pray for You and Your husband. His choice of profession is honorable, and by it's nature will put him in harm's way... so it is quite understandable that you are anxious about it.
If I may make a suggestion, one thing that always helps me in times of stress and depression; I take the time to help another. I simply find it not possible to share the Love of God and be depressed about it... nor to assure another that the Lord is in control without myself getting comforted by that fact as well. We are not alone. The Lord is with us wherever we are, He never leaves or forsakes his Own and His Spirit and Grace are sufficient for all our needs.
I pray that the Lord watches over your husband, that He speaks Peace to You.
Thank you so much for the advice, and the prayers!
This is honestly something I feel may help me, so I really need to give it a try!
 
Member
((((Emmy))))
So glad that you felt you could vent here. There are many that will lift you up in prayer. You are NOT alone, even though it may feel that way.
You are right in that there are a lot of other women going through similar things with their husbands being shipped off for training or deployment....but do not for one moment think that you are taking this worse than others. Many like to hide behind a smile and a "life is great" look when in reality they are crying themselves to sleep and are just as anxious as you are.

It has to be so difficult on a new marriage! I am not just putting words out here to sound good, I just was reunited with my husband after not seeing him for 1 1/2 yrs.... our situations might be different, but I will tell you from the bottom of my heart that God worked all this for my good! For a while I was a hot mess .....very depressed, very alone...almost bitter. Then some lightbulbs came on for me and I became strong... Jesus became my everything (where He should have been all along) Know that if you have a relationship with Jesus though, He has your back! He wants you to bring this to Him.... to hold you at night and have deep conversations with Him. To learn who you are in Him, something that is so much more difficult when we are relying on our spouse to build us up. I will start praying that God starts showing you things.... that layers of insecurity and fear start getting shed ...and that you grow in your trust in your relationship not only with God but with your beautiful new husband :)

You got this girl! It will be quite a ride, but hold on tight ....you definitely are not alone !!

Sometimes when the stress gets overwhelming ....sit back and breathe in good ...breathe out bad. Realizing this is all going to work out one day at a time :)

Praying for you!
 
Active
Keeping you in prayers Emma, know that God will be with you. I totally feel you with not wanting to be around people
at times. I'm going through something similar, fortunately for you, your husband loves you. My wife is distant from me because she moved out and wants a divorce. It would be nice if she had plans of returning to our marriage but not currently.

My advice, would be that in the time when you are away from people, grow closer to God. Obviously being around believers is
very crucial but I remember taking some months of church when my wife first initially left me, it was so hard. Take this
time alone to get closer to God and allow Him to comfort you. As you grow closer to God and fill up on His love.
You will overflow with love and naturally want to be around people to share that love with others.

Keeping you in prayer Emma. Stay strong, stay close to God.
 
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