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What do you do when you simply can’t forgive someone?

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Member
I don’t want to carry this burden anymore, all the hatred and fury, but there is one person that I simply cannot forgive. And I know being a Christian I should forgive, even pray for those. But I just can’t. What do I do? Thank you
 
Loyal
I don’t want to carry this burden anymore, all the hatred and fury, but there is one person that I simply cannot forgive. And I know being a Christian I should forgive, even pray for those. But I just can’t. What do I do? Thank you
What do you do? You forgive that someone. Forgiveness is not a feeling. It's a choice. You cancel that debt that you feel they owe you. If you do not forgive them, YOU carry the burden and they don't know and probably don't care...You forgive for you. Not for them. On the other hand, If you don't forgive them, you block God from forgiving you.
 
Active
Sometimes other people hurt us so badly, and the wounds run so deep that forgiveness has to be a process rather than an event - it's not something that can be dealt with in one go.

From your opening post, it seems that you want to be able to forgive, but find that you don't have the strength.

Some suggestions from my experience - I hope they are helpful to you in some way
  • + Be completely honest and open about the situation before God. Tell him the whole extent of the pain and hurt you are carrying. Don't spare any details.
  • + Refuse to be owned by the bad things that have happened. When memories of how you've been wronged return, remind yourself that you are committed to living in God's grace and a spirit of forgiveness rather than dwelling in the things that have damaged you
  • + Ask God to transform your mind and to give you the grace to forgive. If the burden is too great, ask him to shoulder it for you
  • + Talk to trusted Christians and ask them to help you pray for forgiveness
  • + Be patient and kind to yourself
  • + Know that grace is always costly. And priceless
  • + Remember the man who said to Jesus: "Lord, I believe! help my unbelief". How about "Lord, I forgive! Help my unforgiveness"?
  • + Don't expect freedom from your burdens to come all at once.

Know that if you hold on to unforgiveness, it will eventually consume you. Better to pass all that to the love and grace of God. It is possible to pray for God to bless a person who has hurt you, even if it is an act of will and obedience rather than a spontaneous thing.
 
Active
Sometimes other people hurt us so badly, and the wounds run so deep that forgiveness has to be a process rather than an event - it's not something that can be dealt with in one go.

From your opening post, it seems that you want to be able to forgive, but find that you don't have the strength.

Some suggestions from my experience - I hope they are helpful to you in some way
  • + Be completely honest and open about the situation before God. Tell him the whole extent of the pain and hurt you are carrying. Don't spare any details.
  • + Refuse to be owned by the bad things that have happened. When memories of how you've been wronged return, remind yourself that you are committed to living in God's grace and a spirit of forgiveness rather than dwelling in the things that have damaged you
  • + Ask God to transform your mind and to give you the grace to forgive. If the burden is too great, ask him to shoulder it for you
  • + Talk to trusted Christians and ask them to help you pray for forgiveness
  • + Be patient and kind to yourself
  • + Know that grace is always costly. And priceless
  • + Remember the man who said to Jesus: "Lord, I believe! help my unbelief". How about "Lord, I forgive! Help my unforgiveness"?
  • + Don't expect freedom from your burdens to come all at once.

Know that if you hold on to unforgiveness, it will eventually consume you. Better to pass all that to the love and grace of God. It is possible to pray for God to bless a person who has hurt you, even if it is an act of will and obedience rather than a spontaneous thing.
Great post. I don't think that we should expect to immediately come to a place where we no longer feel hurt, or even feel anger at times. But during those times of hurt where do we go? We can go to God instead of dwelling in our hurt and allowing the anger to overcome us. Choose, again and again, to forgive and let go.
 
Loyal
I don’t want to carry this burden anymore, all the hatred and fury, but there is one person that I simply cannot forgive. And I know being a Christian I should forgive, even pray for those. But I just can’t. What do I do? Thank you

A few things that help me when I struggle, first and foremost prayer but if you fast with those prayers that helps greatly.

Another thing about forgiveness for me I remember all the bad things I have done and need forgiveness for, for me this makes forgiving others very easy.

God bless you brother for posting this you are in my prayers and on the right path recognizing it.
 
Loyal
Something to Remember is Mark 11:25

When you stand Praying - FORGIVE - if you have ought against ANYONE - So Your Father which is in Heaven - MAY - FORGIVE - YOU - of your trespasses .

Things to note
God said ANYONE....this means what one is going through is not to big to forgive.

Also He did not say try to forgive or you poor thing how dare they do that to you.

No Friends He Simply said Do It!!

Notice He also said when you stand praying.
This also says Right NOW and not one day.
Note we are to be continuously praying. So again this says Now.

Notice He said Praying and forgive you.
Yes unforgivness hinders our prayer life and our faith.

Will you be tempted to get angry or hurt again? You better believe you will be temped.
When this happens it is NOT the time to rehash it or tell God all about it.
It is vital that you forgive right then and pray over them. Not demanding your rights or justice be done to the offender.

No this is simply another avenue of Spiritual Warfare.
Take those thoughts captive right then and make them submit unto the Word of God.
You can not afford to play with this.
Blessings
 
Loyal
Great post. I don't think that we should expect to immediately come to a place where we no longer feel hurt, or even feel anger at times. But during those times of hurt where do we go? We can go to God instead of dwelling in our hurt and allowing the anger to overcome us. Choose, again and again, to forgive and let go.
Of course. Forgiving does not mean all the hurt is gone immediately...Healing cannot come, though, until one forgives. Again....I know by experience.
 
Moderator
Staff Member
I don’t want to carry this burden anymore, all the hatred and fury, but there is one person that I simply cannot forgive. And I know being a Christian I should forgive, even pray for those. But I just can’t. What do I do? Thank you
Greetings @Believer1013

You have lots of sound words here so I wont add much....

One thing stood out from your post

I don’t want to carry this burden anymore

You don't have to.
Commit it to Jesus and ask Him to deal with your heart.
He will not let you down.

When bitter thoughts and hatred come to your head....thats the devil trying to stir things.
Start singing praises and praying to the Lord....give the devil no foothold.

Cast your care on Jesus today,
Leave your worry and fear;
Burdens are lifted at Calvary,
Jesus is very near.

  • Troubled soul, the Saviour can see,
    Ev'ry heartache and tear;
    Burdens are lifted at Calvary
    Jesus is very near.*




From hymn Burdens are lifted at Calvary - John Moore 1952
 
Active
I don’t want to carry this burden anymore, all the hatred and fury, but there is one person that I simply cannot forgive. And I know being a Christian I should forgive, even pray for those. But I just can’t. What do I do? Thank you
You understand, that God understands exactly where you are. Our ability to forgive, as Christ forgives, is based upon our level of maturity, and, based upon whether or not Christ wants to forgive this person. We are to forgive, not blindly, but as led by the Holy Spirit. Are we not?

Christ told the Pharisees that their sin would not be forgiven. (Matt. 12:31) Paul said of Alexander the coppersmith, he "did me much evil: the Lord reward him according to his works:" That doesn't sound like forgiveness.

My point is, just because you are not able to forgive doesn't mean you are at odds with God. But you leave it with Him. You tell him honestly, I cannot forgive. And let Him take care of it. He will do what is necessary in you, or to the one you are unable to forgive.

Quantrill
 
Loyal
I don’t want to carry this burden anymore, all the hatred and fury, but there is one person that I simply cannot forgive. And I know being a Christian I should forgive, even pray for those. But I just can’t. What do I do? Thank you
Do you want to miss out on the kingdom of heaven? Those that refuse to forgive may well not be forgiven themselves. Read about the story of the servant of the king who was unable to pay the king and after begging for forgiveness, the king forgave him, then he went out and demanded payment of someone lower than himself in life, and when that person asked to be forgiven, the man had him thrown into debtors prison. The king heard of it..... well you can read the result.
 
Loyal
Matthew 6:14
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive
 
Administrator
Staff Member
Lots of great responses and wisdom here. Remember that the Christian walk is impossible apart from the Holy Spirit helping us through life’s trials and difficulties. Our model is Jesus and look at the Cross for what He did for you, personally.

While dying on the Cross...

“Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” And they divided up his clothes by casting lots.” Luke‬ ‭23:34‬ ‭
 
Active
Lots of great responses and wisdom here. Remember that the Christian walk is impossible apart from the Holy Spirit helping us through life’s trials and difficulties. Our model is Jesus and look at the Cross for what He did for you, personally.

While dying on the Cross...

“Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” And they divided up his clothes by casting lots.” Luke‬ ‭23:34‬ ‭
Forgiveness is a choice, but forgetting is a mighty chore. I don't find a commandment that when offended we have to forgive and forget. Ridding one's memory of a hurt should actually be one of the most difficult tasks of life, except perhaps upon growing too old to remember. Sometimes a valuable life lesson is retained by remembering a sore event. It can help you avoid repeating whatever led to the hurt, if preventable. Memories can indeed keep on hurting if no remedy is found, but to keep the memory and the unforgiveness can be torment for the offended one all this life, and eternity. Forgiveness sweetens memories by removing your own guilt of keeping the ought alive. It isn't necessary for the offender to know they are forgiven by you, as they have the offense to be remembered, and should ask God to forgive them for their own rest. Let God direct you in that part.

What I have had to do a few times is find a dead branch in a tree, representing a death in the midst of life, cut it up, heap it in a pile. Let it stand for the offense. Say the offense over it, then pray the Lord account your willingness to forgive. Burn the pile. Let the ashes cool. Gather up the ashes and cast them for the wind to carry them, while saying "I forgive ------", thanking God for helping you forgive, and ask He help you forget. You will remember casting it away, doing your part. Let it take time, but when opportunity knocks be open to renewing a relationship healed by your part, aided by the Lord for both parts.

We should strive to live peaceably with folks around us, which is very unlikely to be lived if not forgiving a neighbor. If you can't do something for the neighbor, favor his son who might not know about the offense.
Wisdom:
Romans 12:17-21 (KJV)
17 Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men.
18 If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.
19 Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.
20 Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head.
21 Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.
 
Member
I don’t want to carry this burden anymore, all the hatred and fury, but there is one person that I simply cannot forgive. And I know being a Christian I should forgive, even pray for those. But I just can’t. What do I do? Thank you
The more I go through this daily... The Holy Spirit is teaching me to forgive by faith. Meaning say to the Lord.. I want and am willing to obey Your Word and ways, so I need Your help to truly forgive this person. And His Love and grace for you will help you do the rest. You make the first step to say I forgive them by faith and the Lord will help you reach the goal of total peace and forgiveness towards this person.

Renew your mind to the Scriptures about the Father's Love for you. And the fact that He placed His Love within you (Romans 5:5 says poured out into you heart) when you were first born again. As you make the choice to renew your mind with the Word... Romans 12:2 says that The Word will transform you by changing your thinking (ampc) on o what He desires. Phil 2:13 ampc says that He has (is) given you the power and desire to do what pleases Him... Its not your strength, but His working in you.

Find your peace and tell Him your willing to be willing to be obedient... He will help you with the rest. Trust Him to lead and guide you to green pastures and still waters.

Always remember and trust in God's justice. He will take care of the wrong done to you. Forgiveness gets the poison out of you and cuts the ties that you have to this person right now. It let's or begins to cultivate Love within you, and you'll notice healing (emotionally and physically) begin to manifest also.

Another thing to realize is that the enemy will try to keep bringing you thoughts about the wrong committed to you. So this means that you will at some point need to begin to slap those down.. Refuse to think them. Remind yourself you have forgiven this person by faith, and have cast the care of the wrong over into His (God's) hands to judge and justly deal with.

None of what your dealing with can be done in your own strength. But as you take the first step His power will give you the strength to carry it out. Ask for God's help and be willing to submit to His will. It has taken you a while to get to where you are, and only by taking your thoughts captive and making them obedient to God's Word (meaning find out what God's Word says and then conform your thinking to it) and being willing to be obedient... Can you get through this. Take it one moment or step at a time and in no time you will be past this.

Will keep you in our prayers
Blessings
 
Member
As I was listening to my pastor preach... The Holy Spirit prompted me to give you another verse to meditate on Phil 4:13 ampc...
I have strength for all things in Christ (the anointing of The Anointed One) Who empowers (strengthens) me [I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him Who INFUSES (fills, permeates, penetrates.. To cause a person to be filled with something) inner strength into me: I am self sufficient in Christ's sufficiency].

Ephesians 3:16 ampc goes with this also... May He grant you out of the rich treasury of His glory to be strengthened and reinforced with mighty power in the inner man by the Holy Spirit [Himself indwelling your innermost being and personality]

Also read the book of 1 John everyday for a month, And let Him wash you with the Water of the Word.
Repent for holding on to bitterness and submitting to the enemy's ways. It will break the power of the enemy that you have submitted to and release The Lord to cleanse you and work with you in this situation.

Blessings and prayers for grace and peace to come to you in abundance. For where sin abounds.. Grace doth much more abound

Something else The Holy Spirit reminded me of is that the more you focus on what you cannot do, the more difficult it will be for you to forgive and do what you know God wants you to do. Keep your focus on Jesus.. The Author and finisher or perfector of your faith. Fill your mind with His Word constantly
 
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Active
The more I go through this daily... The Holy Spirit is teaching me to forgive by faith. Meaning say to the Lord.. I want and am willing to obey Your Word and ways, so I need Your help to truly forgive this person. And His Love and grace for you will help you do the rest. You make the first step to say I forgive them by faith and the Lord will help you reach the goal of total peace and forgiveness towards this person.

Renew your mind to the Scriptures about the Father's Love for you. And the fact that He placed His Love within you (Romans 5:5 says poured out into you heart) when you were first born again. As you make the choice to renew your mind with the Word... Romans 12:2 says that The Word will transform you by changing your thinking (ampc) on o what He desires. Phil 2:13 ampc says that He has (is) given you the power and desire to do what pleases Him... Its not your strength, but His working in you.

Find your peace and tell Him your willing to be willing to be obedient... He will help you with the rest. Trust Him to lead and guide you to green pastures and still waters.

Always remember and trust in God's justice. He will take care of the wrong done to you. Forgiveness gets the poison out of you and cuts the ties that you have to this person right now. It let's or begins to cultivate Love within you, and you'll notice healing (emotionally and physically) begin to manifest also.

Another thing to realize is that the enemy will try to keep bringing you thoughts about the wrong committed to you. So this means that you will at some point need to begin to slap those down.. Refuse to think them. Remind yourself you have forgiven this person by faith, and have cast the care of the wrong over into His (God's) hands to judge and justly deal with.

None of what your dealing with can be done in your own strength. But as you take the first step His power will give you the strength to carry it out. Ask for God's help and be willing to submit to His will. It has taken you a while to get to where you are, and only by taking your thoughts captive and making them obedient to God's Word (meaning find out what God's Word says and then conform your thinking to it) and being willing to be obedient... Can you get through this. Take it one moment or step at a time and in no time you will be past this.

Will keep you in our prayers
Blessings
Preach on! AMEN.
 
Member
Ask God to help you, once you commit to forgive he will rise up in you. It took a long long time for me to really forgive the man partially responsible for my daughter's death. A long time. Even though he died too.

Corrie Ten Boom forgave a cruel Nazi death camp guard face to face. Several of her family, her father, sister and nephew died at th e hands of their captors.

No matter what their sin or offense you must forgive. Satan will speak as your own thoughts saying "I can't forgive this person".

If you don't forgive then neither will you be forgiven. Pity for the person will actually replace anger after your heart is right. Unforgivness will set you away from fellowship with God and there's nothing worse than that.
 
Loyal
Ask God to help you, once you commit to forgive he will rise up in you. It took a long long time for me to really forgive the man partially responsible for my daughter's death. A long time. Even though he died too.

Corrie Ten Boom forgave a cruel Nazi death camp guard face to face. Several of her family, her father, sister and nephew died at th e hands of their captors.

No matter what their sin or offense you must forgive. Satan will speak as your own thoughts saying "I can't forgive this person".

If you don't forgive then neither will you be forgiven. Pity for the person will actually replace anger after your heart is right. Unforgivness will set you away from fellowship with God and there's nothing worse than that.

thank you for sharing amazing testimony, God bless you
 
Active
I don’t want to carry this burden anymore, all the hatred and fury, but there is one person that I simply cannot forgive. And I know being a Christian I should forgive, even pray for those. But I just can’t. What do I do? Thank you
"Just do it". Do it. It is probably a matter of memories. Don't let adverse memories direct your future. It's amazing the power of forgiving! Once done, God shows the value if that decision, which equals His willingness to forgive our own rebellions. Toss it! Drop it. Walk away from it. Then rise above it. Then stay above it. Then minister love to those still caught up in it.
 

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