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Wesley's failed marriage

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John Wesley’s Failed Marriage

You can lose your ministry and keep your marriage, but you cannot lose your marriage and keep your ministry


Due to her husband’s constant travels, Molly felt increasingly neglected. She grew jealous of her husband’s time since he was often away. And she became suspicious of the many friendly relationships he maintained with various women who were part of the Methodist movement. Wesley for his part did little to assuage her fears. Consequently, their marriage was a rocky one.

John Wesley (1703–1791) is best known in church history as the founder of Methodism. His commitment to the biblical gospel, passion for evangelistic preaching, and skill at organizing the budding Methodist movement are all notable traits. And God used those qualities to help spark the Evangelical Revival in England in the mid-18th century (a revival that paralleled the Great Awakening in North America). In that respect, there are many helpful things that we can learn from Wesley’s example.

His marriage, however, left a different kind of legacy; one which is also noteworthy, but not for good reasons.

As Methodist author John Singleton explains:

The saga of John Wesley’s marriage is a cautionary tale from the roots of Methodism that ought to resonate today with any couple so involved in church life that they fail to leave enough space for each other.

Wesley and Mary Vazeille, a well-to-do widow and mother of four children, were married in 1751. By 1758 she had left him—unable to cope, it is said, with the competition for his time and devotion presented by the ever-burgeoning Methodist movement. Molly, as she was known, was to return and leave him again on several occasions before their final separation.

Due to her husband’s constant travels, Molly felt increasingly neglected. She grew jealous of her husband’s time since he was often away. And she became suspicious of the many friendly relationships he maintained with various women who were part of the Methodist movement. Wesley for his part did little to assuage her fears.

Consequently, their marriage was a rocky one, as Stephen Tomkins’ blunt biography reveals. Here are just a few brief episodes recounted in his book:

[When Wesley left for a ministry tour in Ireland in 1758, Molly reported that her husband's parting words to her were:] “I hope I shall see your wicked face no more.” (p. 155)
“Reunited in England, they clashed violently—Wesley refusing to change his writing habits [of sending affectionate letters to other women] and Molly accusing him of adultery and calling down on him, in her own words, ‘all the curses from Genesis to Revelation.’” (p. 155)
“Almost the sole surviving record of this marriage from Molly’s side dates from December 1760, when she said Wesley left a meeting early with one Betty Disine and was seen still with her the following morning. She told him ‘in a loving manner to desist from running after strange women for your character is at stake.’” (p. 159)
“In 1771, Molly announced that she was leaving John again. On 23 January, the Journalreports, ‘For what I cause I know not to this day, [my wife] set out for Newcastel, purposing “never to return.” I did not leave her: I did not send her away: I will not call her back.’” (p. 174)
Numerous other anecdotes could be cited. But as that final excerpt reveals, Wesley was not sad to see his wife leave. The trouble in their marriage had started just three months after their wedding, and it ended in a permanent separation. Sadly, John Wesley didn’t even hear about his estranged wife’s passing until four days after she had died.

Commenting on the tragic marriage of Methodism’s founder, Singleton brings the issue home:

The gap between husband and wife widened emotionally and physically until they reached the point of no return. If you have the opportunity to visit Wesley’s Chapel in London, you will see among the artifacts in Wesley’s house his bureau, complete with hidden compartments. It was here, at this very piece of furniture, that Molly read some of her husband’s letters to his “dear sisters” and misinterpreted and misconstrued their often affectionate and florid language. And so the fires of jealousy were fueled.

It is a sad episode, but at least it brings home to us the humanity of Wesley. On this occasion and others, the founder of Methodism reveals some of the inner turmoil taking place behind his relentless regime of travel, pastoral work and preaching. There must be a lesson there for many of us.

Indeed, John Wesley’s failed marriage stands as a sober warning to any would-be pastor or elder. For those tempted to confuse their God-given priorities, Wesley’s negative example in this area ought to be a powerful wake-up call. God’s Word sets the standard high for those who would lead in the church; and those qualifications include an elder’s home-life.


Written by Nathan Busenitz | Friday, May 3, 2013
 
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Eph_5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

Mat_19:5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?
Mat_19:6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
Mar_10:8 And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.
1Co_6:16 What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh.
Eph_5:31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.


1Ti_5:8 But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.
 
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As I read this, looking back a couple hundred years or so, it does not sound like he remarried, did he? By that biblical standard he could not remarry and remain in ministry. He did continue in ministry, this is a black spot for sure. But, no one knows for sure what takes place between a husband and wife, and that perhaps she had some serious faults that added to this failure in their marriage. There is no such thing as a 100% fault for one person in a marriage failure. Just being the other partned counts for at least 10%.

The current day example of a divorced minister that has not remarried, and has a God blessed ministry is Dr. Charles Stanley. That does not mean that there was not issues to over come, but he has lived an solid Christian life by example in his ministry. His church voted to keep him as pastor and his som Andy Stanley has openly stated his parents issues and their divorce, was painful, but Andy supports both parents with love and forgiveness, unconditionally.

Divorce is not God's will. Divorce does not allways mean rejection from ministry. Today very few of us have not known someone close to us that has experienced a divorce. We can not reject people on a blanket staement that if you have been divorced you are not fit for ministry. Divorced christians are not second class christians. All sin is forgiven the same way, and divorce is one example of forginess. Do we say those who have lived with some one should be disqualified from mminisrty? How many deacons haave been gulity of adultry? I would say a good number, but seldom do they expose themselves and resign. Those that do are few and far between.

Divorce always has hardness of heart as the single most cause, at leat Jesus said so. I was sad to read about this Methodost marriage prblems, but it may not be fair to judge him based on this snip it of reporting. Surely this many years from his ministry there has to be more than what was reported. The people back then were much more strict than now. I believe something may be missing here. I have learned there is always more to a story than what is reported, it's most likely better to focus onwhat he did rather than his failngs. Who among us would stand up to a judgement of others a hundred years from now? I doubt I would. Blessings.


farout


farout
 
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Staff Member
As I read this, looking back a couple hundred years or so, it does not sound like he remarried, did he? By that biblical standard he could not remarry and remain in ministry. He did continue in ministry, this is a black spot for sure. But, no one knows for sure what takes place between a husband and wife, and that perhaps she had some serious faults that added to this failure in their marriage. There is no such thing as a 100% fault for one person in a marriage failure. Just being the other partned counts for at least 10%......

.....Surely this many years from his ministry there has to be more than what was reported. The people back then were much more strict than now. I believe something may be missing here. I have learned there is always more to a story than what is reported, it's most likely better to focus onwhat he did rather than his failngs. Who among us would stand up to a judgement of others a hundred years from now? I doubt I would. Blessings.

Yes @farout I agree

I did not know this information about Wesley until someone sent it to me the other day.....and you are right there is of course alot more to the story than in this article.

In general as a 'cautionary tale' I think there are points worth considering regarding marriage, commitment and so forth. I think Wesley has just been sited as an example of how a great ministry does not always reflect the same harmonious Christian homelife.

Thank you for your thought provoking response
 
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