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Vice #6 Straight Talk About Lust - February 21, 2007
When I think of the word "lust" I remember then-U.S.-presidential-candidate Jimmy Carter's remarkable confession to Playboy back in 1976. He was talking about sin and said, "I try not to commit a deliberate sin. I recognize that I'm going to do it anyhow, because I'm human and I'm tempted. And Christ set some almost impossible standards for us. Christ said, 'I tell you that anyone who looks on a woman with lust has in his heart already committed adultery.' [Matthew 5:27] I've looked on a lot of women with lust. I've committed adultery in my heart many times. This is something that God recognizes I will doand I have done itand God forgives me for it."
While some conservatives at the time were alarmed that a born-again Christian would confess that he at times had those kinds of feelings for women other than his wife, to many it was a breath of fresh airhere is a Christian who can be honest about his temptations.
Lust doesn't have to refer only to sexual longing. It can be any intense longing, such as the lust for power. Usually we think of it as misplaced desirelusting for someone other than your wife or husband.
And like most vices, a little lust can be a good thing, particularly when it is directed to one's spouse. One could argue that lust is what keeps the human race alive. But lust gone awry is extremely destructive. Just a little "lust" can lead to taking a peek at the e-mail promising outrageous acts just a click away. Oh for the days when one had to get up his nerve to walk or drive to a convenience store or drugstore, and hoping that none of his neighbors were around, surreptitiously purchase a "girly" magazine and hide it in a brown paper bag. The Internet makes the temptation so much easier to succumb to, and therefore even more dangerous.
What's wrong with enjoying a little eye candy? Just like the sugar kind of candy, it is empty calories. It gets you nothing but sexual excitement, remorse and regret. It sets up a false ideal of women (or men) and primes you to make unrealistic comparisons to your own husband or wife. It makes people into objectsdehumanizing them. Which also dehumanizes you. But unlike real candy, porn can do more than rot your teeth and cause diabetes. It can rot your soul, rob you of all that is good and wholesome and pure in your life. It can make you desire an ever more far out sexual fling to satisfy your needs. Soon normal porn is boring. You need something that excites you again. It is addictive.
Last week in this column we celebrated the beauty of long lasting, selfless love in marriage. Not keeping your lust in check (honest confession to your partner is usually one good way to keep it in line) wrecks long lasting love. However, even honest confession can be a way of lying to one's spouse: you admit to a certain level of lust, not confessing the true depths of your secret. It is even a little titillating to talk about such things together.
Gary Schmidt, a pastoral counselor writing in an article "The Intimacy Fix" (on another part of the website which carries Another Way, Media Matters - Third Way Cafe - Mennonite Media ) noted that he was increasingly hearing confessions from pastors about an addiction to pornespecially porn on the Internet. Interestingly, their moments of greatest weakness came after a triumph, such as preaching a particularly good sermon, receiving praise from parishioners. The typical pastor would access it on his day off when he had time on his hands. Pastors were particularly prone to this "intimacy fix," Schmidt said, because while they longed to be close to others, that is sometimes hard in a pastor's role. Who can a pastor relate to as a human beingnot on some pedestal? Perhaps, unfortunately, no oneand he turns to poor substitutes in the form of porn or worse.
A logical help for pastors, and any of the rest of us, is to have someone in whom we can confide our worst secrets. Someone to be accountable to. Perhaps a spiritual director or pastor. Perhaps a spouse. Perhaps a really good friend. Perhaps, even, through a much-quoted, published article, like Jimmy Carter.
No matter how we may try to excuse it or hide it, lust is a very dangerous, negative vice. It can be managed and forgiven, or course. It is not just a "peccadillo," but a very real threat to your marriage and your family.
Contributed by Melodie Davis: [email protected] Melodie is the author of eight books and writes a syndicated newspaper column, Another Way
When I think of the word "lust" I remember then-U.S.-presidential-candidate Jimmy Carter's remarkable confession to Playboy back in 1976. He was talking about sin and said, "I try not to commit a deliberate sin. I recognize that I'm going to do it anyhow, because I'm human and I'm tempted. And Christ set some almost impossible standards for us. Christ said, 'I tell you that anyone who looks on a woman with lust has in his heart already committed adultery.' [Matthew 5:27] I've looked on a lot of women with lust. I've committed adultery in my heart many times. This is something that God recognizes I will doand I have done itand God forgives me for it."
While some conservatives at the time were alarmed that a born-again Christian would confess that he at times had those kinds of feelings for women other than his wife, to many it was a breath of fresh airhere is a Christian who can be honest about his temptations.
Lust doesn't have to refer only to sexual longing. It can be any intense longing, such as the lust for power. Usually we think of it as misplaced desirelusting for someone other than your wife or husband.
And like most vices, a little lust can be a good thing, particularly when it is directed to one's spouse. One could argue that lust is what keeps the human race alive. But lust gone awry is extremely destructive. Just a little "lust" can lead to taking a peek at the e-mail promising outrageous acts just a click away. Oh for the days when one had to get up his nerve to walk or drive to a convenience store or drugstore, and hoping that none of his neighbors were around, surreptitiously purchase a "girly" magazine and hide it in a brown paper bag. The Internet makes the temptation so much easier to succumb to, and therefore even more dangerous.
What's wrong with enjoying a little eye candy? Just like the sugar kind of candy, it is empty calories. It gets you nothing but sexual excitement, remorse and regret. It sets up a false ideal of women (or men) and primes you to make unrealistic comparisons to your own husband or wife. It makes people into objectsdehumanizing them. Which also dehumanizes you. But unlike real candy, porn can do more than rot your teeth and cause diabetes. It can rot your soul, rob you of all that is good and wholesome and pure in your life. It can make you desire an ever more far out sexual fling to satisfy your needs. Soon normal porn is boring. You need something that excites you again. It is addictive.
Last week in this column we celebrated the beauty of long lasting, selfless love in marriage. Not keeping your lust in check (honest confession to your partner is usually one good way to keep it in line) wrecks long lasting love. However, even honest confession can be a way of lying to one's spouse: you admit to a certain level of lust, not confessing the true depths of your secret. It is even a little titillating to talk about such things together.
Gary Schmidt, a pastoral counselor writing in an article "The Intimacy Fix" (on another part of the website which carries Another Way, Media Matters - Third Way Cafe - Mennonite Media ) noted that he was increasingly hearing confessions from pastors about an addiction to pornespecially porn on the Internet. Interestingly, their moments of greatest weakness came after a triumph, such as preaching a particularly good sermon, receiving praise from parishioners. The typical pastor would access it on his day off when he had time on his hands. Pastors were particularly prone to this "intimacy fix," Schmidt said, because while they longed to be close to others, that is sometimes hard in a pastor's role. Who can a pastor relate to as a human beingnot on some pedestal? Perhaps, unfortunately, no oneand he turns to poor substitutes in the form of porn or worse.
A logical help for pastors, and any of the rest of us, is to have someone in whom we can confide our worst secrets. Someone to be accountable to. Perhaps a spiritual director or pastor. Perhaps a spouse. Perhaps a really good friend. Perhaps, even, through a much-quoted, published article, like Jimmy Carter.
No matter how we may try to excuse it or hide it, lust is a very dangerous, negative vice. It can be managed and forgiven, or course. It is not just a "peccadillo," but a very real threat to your marriage and your family.
Contributed by Melodie Davis: [email protected] Melodie is the author of eight books and writes a syndicated newspaper column, Another Way
