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Urgent advice required regarding marrying an unbeliever

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by jesus_abba, Oct 16, 2016.

  1. Hello all,

    Praise & thanks to the Lord for having Christian forums like these.

    This is urgent so I would really appreciate your inputs.

    I was born in a different religion, but the concept of Christianity slowly grew on me since last 10-11 years or so. I am 31 years old now, and started gaining a keen interest in Christianity when I was about 20-21 years old.

    So even though I didn't had any major testimony or experience that transformed my heart, I still believe the Gospel and have accepted Christ as my Lord & Savior.

    I try to live by the word each day, and daily communion with the Holy Spirit throughout the day makes me glad.

    However, I wouldn't say that I am a mature Christian yet, and have a long way to go.

    Now here is the problem - my family highly objected to me going to Church regularly, and I had to stop fellowship as a result. That was about 6 years ago. So I kept my relationship with Christ as a personal secret, reading the word and growing spiritually - but in the secrecy of my heart. To the rest of my family, Christianity is not much a part of my life anymore - when in reality it is the biggest part of my life. I literally rely on it for everything, as I am very un-gifted and weak/immature/unwise in the flesh.

    Now my family started to look for marriage proposals for myself, and after years of being unsuccessfull at finding a suitable match - they have now found a girl. I did talked to her, and she sounds like a very good girl, comes from a modest background, comes from our religion and cultural background (non-christian).

    Everything matched between us, she has also said yes and I have no reason to say no.

    Except that I am really looking forward to a biblical marriage with a believer. I don't want to marry a person from another faith, hoping that someday they will too believe, and risk my spiritual intimacy with Christ as a result.

    So what do I do now?

    -At this stage I can't tell my family that I can't marry because I haven't even told them about my faith in Christ fully.

    -Also, I am not a very good candidate for marriage per se. My educatonal qualifications, current financial status and looks etc. are not that great - and are only now getting better as I sow the word of God as the seed in these areas.

    So If I do say no to this marriage, it is very likely that I may not get another marriage proposal atleast from my religion. (I am almost 32, and in our part of the world - that's too late already)

    Lastly, I do not know how an actual, real body of Christ will recieve me. If I propose a girl from a Christian family - will they reject me stating that my faith is just some story that I made up? (I am not baptized or anything, nor have I shared my faith publicly yet.)

    So if I let this one go, will I remain unmarried after not finding a match in either of the communities?

    I just don't have time as the family are expecting my go-ahead by tomorrow.

    Please help.
  2. Welcome to the forum my friend. Like most real problems in life, there is no easy way out. Your choices that I can see are....

    a) Admit your faith to your parents and let them know you cant join with a non-believer. This will be difficult both during and after this option, and might even mean your being kicked out of your parents home (that's an assumption on my part), or lose a job if closely associated with your family. This option, although the hardest, really is the best, no matter what happens afterword, for you will show that you are not ashamed of the Lord, and likewise He will not be ashamed of you.

    b) Due to possible persecution, and your faith being weak, be content being single, and pretend to have a nervous breakdown, afraid of the marriage, and if need be, act a bit crazy until she (your bride to be) will have nothing to do with you.
    rag4aCrown and jesus_abba like this.
  3. Thank you @Brad Huber for your inputs. I agree that even if I find a way out of this one, eventually I will have to share my faith with my Family. But as of now, the second choice about coming up with a way to get out of this sounds better.

    Although I also feel sorry and ask God to forgive me, as the Girl did nothing to deserve this.
  4. Hi everyone, just thought I should update you all on this situation.

    After that day, I was so overwhelmed with everything that I resigned everything to God.

    I had a honest prayer - wherein I said "Dear God, let your will be done". That's all I could do.

    And thankfully, the girl's family said no a few days later!

    Apparently they had second thoughts on going ahead with this. (her brother did called me up a few days later to ask me about my job, future plans etc.)

    This is amazing and I am so relieved.

    Most importantly, I realized that it is when you are about to lose Christianity and this personal, intimate relationship with God forever - that you realize how much you depend on it, love it and can't do without it.

    The very next Sunday, I attended a church for the first time in over 6 years and it was great.

    I'll make sure I never leave fellowship again, and am looking to go as deep into Christianity as possible to find out for myself where it leads me.

    Thanks again to whoever took the time to read/reply to this thread.
    Christ4Ever and Brad Huber like this.

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